248 – Olivier Bernier of Montclair, NJ, A Filmmaker Tells The Story Of His Son, Emilio, Who Has Down Syndrome

Transcript:

Tom Couch: Special thanks to Horizon Therapeutics for sponsoring the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast, working tirelessly to research, develop, and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics’ mission at HorizonTherapeutics.com.

Olivier Bernier: I had the extremely positive opportunity to go to a school where I had teachers that saw that I learned differently and were able to bolster that. And I hope that the next generation of teachers could see the film and see different methods of teaching in different schools and the way they function and open up the classroom to different types of learners, whether they have a disability or not.

Tom Couch: That’s our guest this week, filmmaker Olivier Bernier, father of two, including Emilio, who has Down syndrome. We’ll hear Olivier’s story, including his lifelong love affair with film, and we’ll also hear about his award-winning documentary, “Forget Me Not: Inclusion In The Classroom”. That’s all on this Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Say hello now to our host, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Hi, and thanks for listening to the Dad to Dad Podcast, fathers mentoring fathers who have children with special needs, presented by the Special Fathers Network.

Please support the 21st Century Dads Foundation by contributing to Dad’s Honor Ride 2023, which is a 3,100-mile seven-day bicycle ride taking place from June 17th to the 24th, starting in Oceanside, California and ending in Annapolis, Maryland. I’m one of the four riders and would really appreciate your support. Please make a tax-deductible contribution by going to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children connect with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support dads. To find out more go to 21stCenturyDads.org. So now let’s listen into this fascinating conversation between Olivier Bernier and David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with Olivier Bernier of Montclair, New Jersey, who is a writer, producer, and who owns Rota6 Film Company and the creator of the documentary, “Forget Me Not: Inclusion In The Classroom”.

Olivier, thank you for doing a podcast interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Olivier Bernier: Thanks for having me.

David Hirsch: You and your wife, Hilda, been married for eight years and are the proud parents of two: Camillia Rose, who’s one and a Emilio, who is six, who has Down syndrome. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Olivier Bernier: Sure. I grew up in a rural part of New Jersey. Back then we called it farm country. Now it’s more suburban country, it’s changed quite a bit. Yeah, and my upbringing was really nice. Back then when you were a kid, you find it a little slow perhaps, but looking back on it, it was really ideal.

David Hirsch: Did you have any siblings when you were growing up?

Olivier Bernier: Yes, I had one older sister. She’s six years older than me and was always a figure I looked up to.

David Hirsch: Excellent. So I’m curious to know what did your dad do for a living?

Olivier Bernier: So my dad is an engineer. He’s from Quebec, he and my mom are both from Quebec. They traveled across Canada together and then eventually ended up in Pasadena, California where my dad got his PhD. Then it was time to either go back to Canada or get a green card and they ended up in New Jersey.

David Hirsch: That doesn’t seem like a typical situation that somebody would move from California to New Jersey. Was it because of work or what was the motivation?

Olivier Bernier: Yeah the story I’ve been told is that at the time it was just hard to find someone to sponsor a green card. So my dad ended up working for a company, Union Carbide, that was based outta New Jersey. He picked up and left Sunny California with my mom and my sister and settled in Hunterdon County, New Jersey.

David Hirsch: Okay. So I’m curious to know, Olivier, how would you describe your relationship with your dad?

Olivier Bernier: Oh boy. My dad is… Let’s say I was lucky to grow up with a role model in my house. I look up to my dad tremendously. He’s just such a wise person and practical person and really has taught me so much over the years and has inspired me throughout the years. Yeah, I’d say I was really lucky to have such a good father figure in my house.

David Hirsch: Yeah. It’s interesting that you would reflect on that because the whole reason we started the 21st Century Dads Foundation is that there’s some estimated 24 million kids growing up in America without their dads. And you just don’t wanna take that for granted. When you think about your dad, I’m wondering if there’s an important takeaway or two that come to mind, a lesson learned or something that you’ve tried to incorporate into your own fathering that comes to mind.

Olivier Bernier: Yeah I think my dad always taught me that just about anything can be fixed. You just have to put your mind to it. And also that you can accomplish whatever you want. As long as there’s a will, there’s a way. So he always instilled that in me, and I think that as a father, you’re constantly problem solving, in our situation. But I think in any father situation, you’re always just trying to figure out how to best tackle certain issues that are in that moment, whether it’s changing diapers or dealing with schooling or whatever it is. So that’s one track that my dad has taught me and really has been implemented throughout my professional career and everywhere.

My dad was a handyman. He does a lot of woodworking and he taught me a lot along those lines. And he always taught me, you can be as precise as you wanna be, but don’t let perfection get in the way of good. I think that’s also another thing I take with me as I’ve become a father.

David Hirsch: Yeah. So those are some really important insights and if I could paraphrase what you’ve said I think it’s important to look at the world in a positive way, the glass is half full, as opposed to, some of the crazy stuff that goes on.

And then your dad sounds a little bit like a MacGyver type of character. Like where there’s a will, there’s a way, I’m gonna figure out how to find the solution. And maybe that’s the engineer in him, right?

Olivier Bernier: Absolutely.

David Hirsch: I’m thinking about other role models now, and I’m wondering what, if any, influence your grandfathers might have played.

Olivier Bernier: I never got to meet my dad’s father, but my mom’s father had a tremendous impact on me. He was a self-made man, grew up very poor in Quebec.

David Hirsch: Who was he? What did he do?

Olivier Bernier: I think he had a number of jobs that I’m not even aware of early on. But eventually he met some partners and they started an insurance company, I think corporate insurance. And I have vague memories of hearing stories about how his business relationship fell apart at some point in the ’80s. And his office was relegated to a car and he just picked himself up and started his business again and was super successful. And those are lessons that I always keep in the back of my mind. So I think I certainly got some entrepreneurship from him and also some, perhaps some gumption from him.

David Hirsch: That’s excellent. What a blessing it is that you got to know one of your grandfathers and it’s not always that way, right? Sometimes there’s short lives, from a generational standpoint. So I’m glad that there’s some continuity there. So I’m thinking of other father figures and I’m wondering if there’s anybody, a coach, a priest, a former teacher, that might’ve played an influential role in your life.

Olivier Bernier: I certainly had some teachers that impacted me. I think early on I wasn’t very successful in school in terms of being book smart perhaps, or, I didn’t have great memorization skills. But I had a couple teachers that did see something in me and they really accentuated the more artistic side that I presented to them. I had one teacher I remember, Mr. Galowich because he was just such an inspirational teacher, and he was my literature teacher. I remember one day we had to pick out a book in class, and for some reason I got attracted to Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. [laughing] He looked at me and he was like, that’s a heavy book. Are you sure you want to dive into that? And I was like yeah, I’ll give it a try. Sounds cool. I was having a little bit of trouble with it. And he said you should ask your mom to take you to Blockbuster and rent Apocalypse Now. Because Apocalypse Now was based on Heart of Darkness, and I was like, okay, not really knowing what I was getting into.

And we pick it up from the video store and three hours later with my eyes bleary, I was like, that’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. [laughing] I got an introduction to cinema in a way that I hadn’t before and that was because of him.

David Hirsch: Yeah. That’s a great anecdotal story. I’m wondering if there’s anybody else.

Olivier Bernier: There’s been a number of people over the years. I had teachers that were really able to play into my strengths, and that’s something I think about today with my own son is that, like I said I wasn’t extremely proficient at writing reports and this kind of thing, but I had professors that let me make video essays instead.

So for example, in high school I did a video essay on Tiananmen Square, and I remember the whole class turning around at the end and like kind of teary. And I was like, wow, that really had an impact on people. I was like maybe there’s something here. Maybe I should keep pursuing filmmaking.

Beyond that, I went to a high school. It was a public school, but they happened to have a local TV station. And I had a teacher there. I took the TV-1 class and just immediately fell in love just with the cameras, the lights and all the mechanics behind it. But I had a professor there that just let me stay after school every day. And at the time I was doing volleyball and I would skip volleyball practice to go in the editing bay. At that time it was computer editing was in its infancy, but I just spent hours and hours just trying to understand it and trying to do better at it. And eventually, he allowed me to do what was called an independent study, which was create my own curriculum for more advanced filmmaking in high school. And that kind of set me off on my career.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous. I’m curious to know was it an easy decision or a hard decision? You decided to go to the School of Fine Arts or Visual Arts, excuse me, in New York.

Olivier Bernier: I think that’s where my mom comes into play cuz my mom’s also been a pretty impactful person in my life. As I said earlier, my dad’s a very practical person from an engineering background. And I’ll never forget when I told him I wanted to go to art school and he said how are you gonna, how are you gonna raise a family with that? And of course I’m 16, 17, I’m not thinking about that. [laughing] My dad put it in my head and I think it’s really my mom that had also gone to art school and she was all about me going to art school and made the decision easy, but I never forgot what my dad said in that moment when I was 16. And I thought about it throughout my career that I need to find a practical way of earning a living at what I love doing. Otherwise, I’m gonna be kicked out of the industry like so many other people do.

David Hirsch: Yeah. I probably can relate a little bit more to your dad’s side of that conversation than your mom, but it’s just being objective. You have a lot of respect for your dad and you have to find your own way. You have to meet your own expectations, not other people’s expectations. That’s what I heard you saying.

Olivier Bernier: Once I got there, he was my biggest supporter. And he’d give me real critique, like he was my hardest critic all throughout college. I think this still looks a little amateurish or this… He wasn’t easy on me and [laughing] I love that. And he’s still that way with me. It’s just unfettered honest advice all the time.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous. Where did your career take you from your getting your degree at the School of Visual Arts?

Olivier Bernier: I met a professor while I was at the School of Visual Arts that really became my mentor. And in my second year of college, I think he saw that I had a talent for a certain type of storytelling. But he sat me down one day, and this goes back to having that kind of practical person in your life. And he was a successful filmmaker himself. But he sat down and he said, listen Olivier, you’re gonna get outta college and you’re not gonna get a directing opportunity right away. That’s gonna take a lot of time and effort. But he said, you have to earn a living when you get outta here because I don’t want to see you end up doing something else. You are a filmmaker and you belong in this industry. So he said, find a practical skill.

So that kind of set me on my journey to becoming a lighting technician for many years. Yeah, I got to work on the biggest sets in New York and really see how it operates and learn so much from the people around me and seeing some of the best directors do their work. And I was able to pick up so much from that. So that was one of the best pieces of advice I got from school, which was, don’t expect to be a director right away. And from there I was able to eek out a living in New York, so it wasn’t so bad.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous. Thanks for sharing. I’m curious to know, how did you and Hilda meet?

Olivier Bernier: Oddly enough, being a lighting technician led me to meeting Hilda. I was gaffing at a feature film, and Hilda was a PA on the film set, and maybe it was serendipity, but one day she was what we call fire watching the truck, which is to basically sit by the truck and make sure no one steals equipment in the middle of New York. And at the time I was working off the back of the truck and it was a little bit of a frustrating job and we started talking and then all of a sudden I was going less on set and ending up more on the truck, talking to her.

David Hirsch: Let’s jump to the world of special needs and I’m wondering, before Emilio’s birth, did you or Hilda have any experience or exposure to the world of special needs?

Olivier Bernier: Yeah, so I had zero exposure sadly, but Hilda was a special education teacher for ninth graders in a high need school in the middle of Brooklyn. So she had much more experience than I had at that before we had our son.

David Hirsch: And what is Emilio’s diagnosis and how did it come about?

Olivier Bernier: So Hilda had a wonderful pregnancy. It was the first time she was pregnant, and we were really looking forward to our son and we had really high expectations. But it was very… Anytime you have your first child, I think anybody can relate to the experience as nerve-wracking. You’re trying to make sure everything’s perfect and everything’s set up and you’re thinking way far ahead, like, how’s everything gonna work out in the future?

And then we got to the birth and Emilio was on his way and there was some complications, just low oxygen levels and all that. So there was a fair amount of doctors in the room already just because of the way that the delivery was going. But then we got to meet Emilio for the first time. And the doctor came over and told us that Emilio showed five signs of Down syndrome. And he proceeded to go through the signs of Down syndrome. And at that point I had zero idea what Down syndrome was really. I knew what it was, but I didn’t really understand what it meant. And truthfully I really didn’t know what it meant because I had never spent time with anyone with Down syndrome. So the immediate reaction on my end was just doom and gloom. Which is unfortunate because I feel in some ways, like that moment of meeting my first child got stripped from me because I was thinking too big. I wasn’t just in the moment. But yeah, so that was how we learned Emilio had Down syndrome was about five minutes after he was born.

David Hirsch: Wow. It sounds that was a very quick and immediate diagnosis because it wasn’t done in vitro like they do with testing, but at the time of his birth. And you alluded to some of the concerns or maybe anxiety on learning that news, not being familiar with Down syndrome. And I’m wondering, as the weeks and as the months evolved, what were the fears that you and Hilda were concerned about at that time?

Olivier Bernier: The first day was just trying to understand does he actually have Down syndrome? It was just so out of the blue for us that it was hard for us to grasp the reality that he had Down syndrome. And the way we were told is that he shows signs of Down syndrome. It wasn’t like a clear diagnosis. So that was the first day and it wasn’t really until 24 hours later that we met the head geneticist of NYU and he was just a great man and he had been in conferences all day and he came to our room and we’d been up for 50 hours or something at that point. It was just crazy. And he came to our room and he told us, your son definitely has Down syndrome. But he said, don’t look at this as a life sentence because my mother didn’t know if I would grow up as a heroin addict or the head geneticist at NYU and you shouldn’t put any expectations on your son. He said, I leave you with that. And he went off. And then after that, there’s a lot of medical issues we had to deal with. We were in the NICU for a couple weeks and… But everything panned out and after a couple weeks we were home and starting our lives together.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for sharing. What prescient insight to get from that geneticist early on, because I think doctors are getting better and better at handling diagnoses and the delivery of this information. But not everybody is that fortunate to get that advice from somebody you might respect and put you on a path. Put you on a good path, right, as opposed to l leave you floundering or planting all these seeds of doubt and uncertainty. So I’m thrilled that you did get that good advice early on.

So I’m wondering what are some of the more important decisions? Emilio is six. When you look back on his short life now, what are some of the more important decisions that you’ve made as parents?

Olivier Bernier: That’s a great question. I guess top of mind what comes to me is schooling, because that’s something we talk about on a daily basis and was really the genesis for making the film and a very big part of our lives for a long time.

We decided really early on that we wanted Emilio to be part of society. We did not want him to fall away in the shadows. As I mentioned earlier, I’d never met anyone with Down syndrome and I went to a public high school of 3000 students and I just couldn’t wrap my head around why I would’ve never met anyone with Down syndrome or a significant intellectual disability.

And when I reflected on that, I realized that they had been hidden from me and I felt really slighted by that actually. Because when my son did come, I wasn’t ready for him. I didn’t have the tools. I didn’t know how to deal with the news that he had Down syndrome. So I wanted to make sure that Emilio was out in the world and that he would have the opportunity to teach other people who he is and how he is. So very early on we decided that we wanted him included in society and that meant being included in the general education population of schools. So we wanted him fully included and that kind of set us on our path that we’re on today.

Tom Couch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents Survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a Great Dad Coin. Thank you. Now, back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: You wouldn’t know this, but I’ve been advocating for father involvement for the better part of 26 years, mostly in Illinois with an organization by the name of Illinois Father Initiative, and that organization has been myopically focused on fathers in education.

So the way I phrase it is, If dads could do only one thing, and this is in addition to loving the mother of their children, it would be to be actively involved in your child’s education. So it’s important that you as young parents realize the value of education, right? And you’re both leaning in like you have. So I really admire your commitment from that perspective.

At the risk of focusing on the negative, I’m wondering what have been some of the bigger challenges that you’ve faced or encountered with Emilio’s diagnosis with Down syndrome?

Olivier Bernier: I think perhaps it’s a selfish challenge, but communication has always been the biggest issue. Just wanting to understand him in a very deep way has been difficult sometimes because he can’t express himself in the ways that we express ourselves. However we have developed our own language. One, he is able to sign a lot of things. But also we just know Emilio, we know when he is frustrated, we know when something’s bothering him.

We might not know exactly what it is, and quite frankly, he might not know exactly what it is. But as he’s gotten older and as he’s gotten through school, he has developed more language, which has made it a little bit easier. But I think that’s been the biggest challenge is that you always wanna understand your child as much as possible.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for pointing that out, that there’s been some speech delays or lack of ability to communicate in more of a typical way. And I’m curious to know what Emilio’s situations had, what impact his situation has had on your marriage or your extended family for that matter.

Olivier Bernier: I think it’s galvanized my larger family in a way. Me and my sister, even though we’ve always been very close at heart, we haven’t always been as close in proximity, I guess you could say. But I know that in the past years I’ve really leaned on her in different ways and she’s been so supportive. And I think in a way it’s just all, we’re all rooting for Emilio and it all gives us something to root for. So in a way it’s really made our family stronger.

My relationship with Hilda, it’s perhaps a little different. I think that it’s been a challenge at times. Becoming a parent and transitioning into parenthood, I think is challenging for everyone. There’s the moments where you don’t get any sleep and you’re both tired and cranky. But at the end of the day we were able to sit back and look at what we have and we feel so fortunate and I have to say Hilda is just the most supportive person in the world and will just do anything for our children and for me, and I think that kind of tells it.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for sharing. Very insightful. So I’m wondering if there’s some supporting organizations that come to mind that you’ve relied on as a family or for Emilio’s benefit directly?

Olivier Bernier: A lot of the support we’ve received was actually generated just from research when we started making the film. So we started interviewing a lot of people and really experts in the field of inclusive education, and those are people that I stay in touch with to this day.

Sarah Jo, for example, who’s Emilio’s advocate, has just… I met her just because we needed an expert interview on inclusive education, and she was working for the National Down Syndrome Society at the time. Today she helps us every year with our IEP meetings and we talk a lot because she just has such a wide base of knowledge and understanding and empathy for people with Down syndrome and intellectual disabilities.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for sharing. And did I remember in a prior conversation that you were familiar with Gigi’s Playhouse, or not?

Olivier Bernier: Yeah, Gigi’s Playhouse was probably the first organization that we took part in on, I believe it was on Sunday mornings. We’d go to Harlem from Brooklyn and have a playgroup with other families, with infants that had Down syndrome. And that was a really great experience because we just got to see that we weren’t alone in the world. I think when you have a child with Down syndrome, especially in those early years, you just feel really alone.

Our neighbor below us had a child at the same exact time, like a week apart, and over the first year, they’re all the same. Babies are just the same. They need to sleep and eat and have their diapers changed. But as you get into that second year and you start to see the children developing differently, it can be hard and it can be easy to put yourself in a silo. And going to Gigi’s Playhouse was really a good opportunity for us to see that we weren’t alone in the world.

David Hirsch: Yeah they’re amazing. I’ll just brag on my friends and neighbors, Nancy and Paul Gianni, Gigi’s parents for creating the organization a dozen years ago or whatever it was. It’s really evolved into what was just like a peer-to-peer parent get-together to running a facility to owning a facility and then figuring, hey, if it works in our community, why wouldn’t it work in other communities? And I think we’re up to 90 playhouses in North America, including one in Mexico and inquiries or applications for another 200, right? So they’re having a profound impact. And I’m always pleased to hear, if you will, a satisfied customer or another participant in Gigi’s Playhouse, outside the Chicago area for that matter. So thanks for sharing.

So let’s talk about the movie which I was intrigued to watch because you started at a very early point in Emilio’s life with recording, right? Getting footage, raw footage from the time of his birth and then beyond. And I know that the movie only covers the first three years or so of his life, but I’m curious to know what was it that you were thinking maybe before Emilio was born about doing a movie or maybe the thought to create the documentary hadn’t materialized then, but what’s the backstory?

Olivier Bernier: I’m a filmmaker first and foremost. I think I’m more comfortable seeing the world with the camera in my hand. I started filming Hilda with her baby bump, and in these nice silhouetted shots just because I thought she looked so beautiful pregnant, and I just wanted to keep that. So I started filming Hilda while she was pregnant. I filmed Hilda really all throughout our relationship, so it really wasn’t weird in any kind of way, and Hilda was used to being in front of the camera.

And then when Emilio was born, it was just like anything else. I was filming the birth, like a lot of fathers do, probably with their first child. I thought I had stopped recording and the doctor came over and told us about Emilio’s diagnosis that he has Down syndrome. And soon after that I looked down and I saw that the camera was still recording on my chest. I knew I had probably captured the audio from that, so it took about a year for me to just even check if it was recorded.

And after a year I gained enough courage to see if it was there and it was there, but I couldn’t get myself to watch that moment. And then it wasn’t for another year when I sat down and actually watched it. I was by myself at the time and that was a difficult thing to watch and to relive. But I knew that I had never seen anything like that and that it was a powerful moment. And I knew that I also wanted to use my tools as a filmmaker to maybe make the world a little better for Emilio and the children that come after him. So I didn’t know what shape that would take at the time. And eventually that led us though to making “Forget Me Not”.

But all the footage of Emilio growing up and that was just us having fun. That was me filming him. I thought he was the cutest baby in the world and I just couldn’t stop filming.

Hilda’s voice: It wasn’t until like I saw him [baby gurgling] smile and like cuddle with me that, that it registered. This is my baby. We’re gonna push, and we’re gonna move forward and this is our life.

David Hirsch: Yeah. It’s a very impactful story. And you started out in a little bit more of a dramatic way, like with the sort of painting a little bit of a dark picture for the history of special needs and how people with disability have been treated. And I’m wondering if you can reflect on that a little bit.

Olivier Bernier: Yeah. So when we were putting the film together, I think one of the points I wanted to make with the film is that we’ve come so far already in quite a short amount of time, if you really think about it. So the film starts with footage from the 1970s of the institutions. There was an expose by Geraldo Rivera that went into some of the New York institutions and exposed them for what they were, which were just horrible places. There’s not even words that can describe it really. And at that time, from what I’ve heard anecdotally, is that children would be stripped from their mothers at birth essentially, and told that your child will not amount to anything and it’s better that they are put in an institution.

And for me that was just so hard to fathom. And then I started thinking about it and I was like, wow, Emilio is growing up in a really opportune moment because the world has really changed and he can really be himself in today’s world. Of course I was a little naive at that time still. We had started putting the film together and I just wanted to show that we had come so far and we have so much further left to go. So that was the point of it.

[Excerpt from the film “Forget Me Not”]

Emilio say hi.

Hi.

It should not be okay that almost 60,000 students in New York City are in segregated settings.

I want him to be exposed. I want him to take advantage of every opportunity every other kid has.

I didn’t know he was different, but the world knew he was different. And at that moment, I learned that my child needed to be included like every other child.

You have to be your child’s foremost advocate because no one is going to do it to a greater extent than you.

By opening the door for someone like Emilio, we’re opening the door for someone like me, a queer student, or for a transgender student, for the black student. It’s a fight worth fighting for.

I am arguing for passion. We must have passion if we’re going to change the world.

You don’t know Emilio. You’ve seen him once? You don’t know what’s appropriate for him.

I know deep inside of me that he’s going to do everything. He just needs to be given the opportunity.

[End of film excerpt]

David Hirsch: When you’re thinking about the film, why is it that you decided to end it at his age, three. Why don’t you just keep going? I mean recording more and then postpone the actual production of the film.

Olivier Bernier: So we had filmed for quite a while at that point, and we were almost done editing the film. The pandemic hit and me and the editor are working remotely. And Emilio had been so successful in his first year of preschool, and I had the thought of, we should record this IEP meeting. I don’t think we can even put it in the film because it’s, we’re locked in already with our story structure, but I was like, this could be a really happy ending.

I wanna give people something, a high note to leave on. And as the meeting went on, it started to look more and more gloomy and we decided to put it in the film because it was just, I don’t wanna give away the ending of the film, but it was really a moment that I don’t think, another moment that I don’t think I’d ever seen on film, which was really the act of segregation of a human.

The moment when it happens, we captured that and I just felt like it’s really gonna change the mood that I wanted for the ending of the film. But I felt like it had to go in. And the hope was that people would see that and be activated and wanna do something about it.

David Hirsch: Yeah very powerful and I can strongly encourage our listeners to take a look. “Forget Me Not” is the title of the documentary. And where would people be able to find it if they wanted to watch it?

Olivier Bernier: So the documentary is available on Vimeo. It’s available on Amazon Prime for rental and purchase, and it’s also now available on Tubi for free. I think they just play some advertisement at the beginning of it. So that’s great that the film’s out in the world and anyone can see it.

We’re also hosting a lot of community screenings, so if anybody sees the film and decides that they want to host a screening, there’s a place on the webpage where they can sign up and we can help organize that for them. And then there’s educational DVDs available. So a big part of the activation for the film is that we wanna get it in universities and so that the next generation of teachers can see it and hopefully be inspired by it.

And then beyond that, the DVD is available for home use as well.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for sharing. We’ll be able to include some of that information in the show notes. And I’m thinking it would be great if they could show it at each one of the 90+ Gigi’s Playhouses. Use it as a reason to get the community together. But just a thought.

So I’m thinking about advice now and I’m wondering what advice you can share with parents, specifically dads, who might be closer to the beginning of their journey, raising a child with Down syndrome or beyond for that matter.

Olivier Bernier: I think that the most important lesson I learned as a dad was from my dad. This goes back to the conversation of him allowing me to go to art school, I guess, you know, which is find what your child’s great at and then help foster it. That’s something I do with Emilio every day is try to encourage him. And I think that’s what I see all great parents do is try to encourage their child to explore themselves, explore their opportunities and try to be their best selves.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous advice and my way of paraphrasing it is not only find what your child’s passionate about, but meet them where they’re at. I think the rest of it takes care of itself to a great extent. So I’m wondering if there’s anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up.

Olivier Bernier: I think there’s a real opportunity to look at the way we educate our children and to look at the way a classroom functions and to make it work better for everyone.

And I think often the conversation of education falls by the wayside in today’s world. Not enough importance put on it. But when you really think about it, you’re looking at the future of our country. Teachers are one of the most important professions and we don’t have enough of them. We don’t have enough highly qualified teachers.

And the truth is that there’s a real opportunity to change the way classes are taught so that they incorporate different kinds of learners. I had the extremely positive opportunity to go to a school where I had teachers that saw that I learned differently and were able to bolster that. And I hope that the next generation of teachers could see the film and see different methods of teaching in different schools and the way they function and open up the classroom to different types of learners, like whether they have a disability or not.

David Hirsch: Yeah very profound and from your lips to God’s ears is what comes to mind. I’m hoping that actually takes place. So let’s give a special shout out to Jamie Robertson for helping connect us.

Olivier Bernier: Absolutely. Jamie connected us. She’s been really great getting the word out about the film. And I also wanna thank Cinema Libre for doing such a great job at distributing the film.

And then I have to shout out to all the people that worked on the film. That’s something I always have to do because even though when you watch the film, it looks like I made it with Hilda and that was it. But there was a huge crew that helped make the film. A lot of professionals, and we had a lot of funding that came from Alana and Brazil, and they were so helpful and guided us through the process. So I just wanna thank everyone who’s supported and helped make the film.

David Hirsch: So if somebody wants to learn more about your work or to contact you, what’s the best way to do that?

Olivier Bernier: They can go to our website, which is ForgetMeNotDocumentary.com or fmndoc.com. We’re also on Twitter @fmndoc and Instagram, Forget Me Not Documentary, and Facebook which is the same, Forget Me Not Documentary. So we’re constantly communicating through those channels. And my production company is Rota6 Films. We have a website, Rota6Films.com and you get to see a different side of the work I do there.

David Hirsch: We’ll be sure to include that in the show notes as well. Olivier, thank you for taking the time and many insights. As a reminder, Olivier is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father, or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, please go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads Foundation is a 501c3 not-for-profit organization, which means we need your help to keep our content free to all concerned. Would you please consider making a tax-deductible contribution? I would really appreciate your support. Olivier, thanks again.

Olivier Bernier: Thank you.

Tom Couch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to Facebook.com, groups, and search “dad to dad”. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to David@21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: The Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast was produced by me, Tom Couch.

Thanks again to Horizon Therapeutics who believe that science and compassion must work together to transform lives. That’s why they work tirelessly to research, develop, and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics at HorizonTherapeutics.com.