251 – Tom Dreesen of Sherman Oaks, CA Legendary Stand-Up Comedian & Life Coach Shares His Inspiring Story – Part 2

Transcript:

Tom Couch: Special thanks to Horizon Therapeutics for sponsoring the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast, working tirelessly to research, develop, and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics’ mission at HorizonTherapeutics.com.

Tom Dreesen: And as we were running to the limo, she started screaming, Mr. Sinatra please! Mr. Sinatra please! And Frank got outta the limo and he went up to her and he said, what is it, ma’am? She said, my husband is home sick. He’s terribly ill. If I could get an autograph from you, it would mean the world to him. And Frank said, sure. As he’s signing the autograph, she said, oh, what beautiful cufflinks. And they were very expensive cufflinks, over a thousand dollars, I remember.

Tom Couch: That’s our special guest, the legendary standup comedian Tom Dreesen. Tom’s appeared on stage with presidents and showbiz royalty, including most famously as the longtime opening act for the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra.

Tom Dreesen: He said, thank you, and she said, what beautiful cufflinks. When he finished the autograph, he took the cufflinks off and he handed them to her and said, give these to your husband. She said no, I don’t want them. I just was admiring them. He said, no, I want your husband to have them.

Tom Couch: Tom’s been a long time friend of our host, David Hirsch. And the two got together recently to talk about Tom’s life work and about the supreme importance that fathers hold in our society. It’s a funny and heartwarming conversation, which we’ll hear in two parts. This is part two on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. And now here’s our host, David Hirsch, to tell you about an important event in his life.

David Hirsch: Hi, and thanks for listening to the Dad to Dad Podcast, fathers mentoring fathers of children with special needs, presented by the Special Fathers Network. Please support the 21st Century Dads Foundation by contributing to Dads Honor Ride 2023, which is a 3,100-mile seven-day bicycle ride taking place from June 17th to the 24th, starting in Oceanside, California and ending in Annapolis, Maryland. I’m one of the four riders and would really appreciate your support. Please make a tax-deductible contribution by going to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: So now let’s hear the rest of the story as Tom Dreesen tells David Hirsch about his first appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

Tom Dreesen: I convinced my wife and kids to come out to the West coast. I got The Tonight Show. I got bumped three times, but I finally got on the fourth time and that night it was the hottest crowd. Johnny Carson called me back through the curtain after I took my last… I got about eight applause, and I was just scoring real big. And I was finished and I said, you’ve been a wonderful audience. This is my first appearance on The Tonight Show. Show business is a tough life. And so if you like me, if you’re Protestant, say a prayer for me. If you’re Catholic, light a candle. If you’re Jewish, somebody in your family owns a nightclub, tell ’em about me, will you? And I walked through the curtain and people have bought it.

I went through the curtain and Johnny called me back out for a second bow and he said, come back out. And I took a second bow and I never stopped working from that night. I did 61 appearances on The Tonight Show. Sammy Davis Jr. saw me and took me on the road for three years. I was working with singers… As you pointed out earlier, singers in those days always wanted a comedian who could work clean in front of them because they had family audiences. So it was Liza Minnelli, and Smokey Robinson, and Natalie Cole, and Gladys Knight and the Pips, and the Dells from Harvey, a singing group, Frankie Avalon and James Darren and I’m leaving people out. And then eventually Frank Sinatra.

David Hirsch: What was it like working for the Chairman of the Board?

Tom Dreesen: As an altar boy it was like serving mass for the Pope. Frank Sinatra was beyond describing what a star he was. You can say this singer’s better than that singer, cuz it’s all subjective. But Frank Sinatra is the greatest pop singer of all time. Even great singers… Steve Lawrence, who’s a great singer. We were having dinner one night and Steve Lawrence said to Frank Sinatra, you ruined it for all the rest of us. Because once they hear you, they know how it’s supposed to be sung. [laughing]

Here’s a guy who sings songs in English, and he sold out in Japan when he was 78 years old, 20,000-seat arenas. He once appeared in Brazil in front of 175,000 people. You can look it up on the internet. Sinatra, in Brazil. 175,000 people came to hear him sing in a foreign land!

Not only was he the greatest pop singer of all time, you forget what a brilliant actor he was. He won the Academy Award. He never took an acting lesson. I was sitting with him one night with Clint Eastwood, Gregory Peck, Jack Lemon and Kirk Douglas at Frank’s house. And they were all talking about film and directing and they were showing such great attention to Frank. And I thought that was unusual. They were all these learned actors. And I said to Frank, did you ever study acting? And Gregory Peck grabbed my arm. He said acting lessons would’ve ruined him. He was a diamond in the rough you didn’t fool with.

So that explains it. When you give Frank Sinatra a song, to him it was a script. What did the writer feel the night the writer took pen in hand? Frank would immerse himself in that lyric and become that lonely guy in the bar whose woman left him and he’s never gonna find love again. And you felt that, and you also felt the joy of a song. He was a brilliant actor.

He danced with Gene Kelly, for God’s sake! This was arguably the greatest career show business has never known. And to me, in the beginning I thought I was only gonna work with him a week or two. And it turned into 14 years and 45, 50 cities a year. And we became… I stayed in his home five, six times a year down in the desert, down in Rancho Mirage. I flew in his private jet all over the world. I stayed up with him till dawn. We’d get in the car and ride around till dawn down in the desert, and he would open up to me about his childhood in Hoboken. And when we were alone in the car, he was a little boy from Hoboken, New Jersey, and I was a little boy from Harvey, Illinois, and that’s how we talked to one another about our childhood.

It’s hard to describe what it was like being in that rarefied air. It’s hard to describe what it was like walking out in front of 20,000 people and not one of them came to see you. They came to see him! [laughing] Your job is to get their attention and then turn that around and get them laughing and setting them up for him.

And it was a challenge. It was a wonderful challenge for me. I like that kind of stuff. If you’re gonna become a fighter, fight with guys who are better than you. If you’re gonna become a pool player, play against guys who are better pool players than you. So if you’re gonna become a good comedian, you got to… The challenge was, can I get them laughing and get them up for the Chairman of the Board? And I did! And not patting myself on the back, but I did. And that’s why he kept me with him all those years.

[Audio of Tom Dreesen in performance]

I’m originally from a suburb on the south side of Chicago called Harvey, Illinois, and I went back there last year for a school union. By the way, folks, if you haven’t been to a school reunion, don’t go. There are old people there who claim they were your classmates. [audience laughing]

And one of my teachers came up to me, it’s the truth. He said, you don’t remember me, but I said, yes I do. Your name is Richard Bruno and you teach algebra. He said, that’s amazing. I said, listen to this: X to the fifth power times X to the fifth power is X to the 10th power cuz in algebra you don’t multiply exponents, you add them. He said, that’s incredible! I said, you know what else is incredible? That’s the first time I’ve ever been able to use that since you taught it to me. [audience laughing]

[End of audio of Tom Dreesen in performance]

By the way, I wanna tell you something else. In the beginning, he was the boss of this tour and that’s how I treated him. And later he became like a buddy. We were hanging around. But at the end of my life, he became like a father to me. He gave me fatherly advice, and I guess I gravitate to people like that because of the absence of a father in my life, of a strong father. You know what I mean? So he would gimme fatherly advice and mistakes he made and would tell me how much… He would encourage me. When I was going through a divorce, he said to me, I can’t give you any advice on marriage, but I can on divorce [chuckles] because he was divorced.

So he became more like a father to me. And because of that, I have tried to mentor young guys my whole life. Young guys who I know were wandering aimlessly and I’ve done that. Jim McMahon from the Chicago Bears calls me dad. Tim Wrightman who was with the Chicago Bears calls me dad, a Korean friend… There’s a young kid who I know, he calls me dad, and I like that. I like that I can give fatherly advice. No one can ever take the place of a father from a boy who had a father or didn’t have one, but you can be there for them like a father would have been.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for sharing And weren’t there some anecdotal stories about his generosity?

Tom Dreesen: That’s the one thing he didn’t want anyone to know. I read hundreds of books on the powers of the mind, but there was one book called Magnificent Obsession by Lloyd C. Douglas. It’s predecessor was a book called Doctor Hudson’s Secret Journal. And in it is a secret of success if you want to become successful. And it’s biblical, by the way. It’s biblical. And I’m paraphrasing, but you never stand outside the temple and shout out your great deeds, something like that. That your master knows what you have done for his less fortunate children. In the book, that’s what it was about, and that’s what Frank Sinatra was all about.

If there’s something you wanted in life and it was a noble endeavor you prayed to your father in heaven. This is what I want in life. Then biblically it is said, ask and you shall receive. That once you ask, you have to believe with all your heart and soul that this is going to happen. You’ve asked your father, and this is going to happen.

And so you had to believe that. And then from that moment on, if you ever saw any of his less fortunate children that you were to help them, and especially without them knowing it. If you could help them, his less fortunate children, without them knowing. If you’re an accountant, if you’re a house painter, if you’re a truck driver, if you’re a singer, a comedian, whatever. If you could do something without them knowing it, then within 30 days, your master will reward you towards your endeavor. And Frank Sinatra believed that with every fiber in his body. He did more things that people never knew where it came from and he didn’t want anyone to know where it came from cuz he was already rewarded in this magnificent career that he had.

I’ve told you this story and I’ll tell it real quick here, that… I think I told you this story… that we were coming outta the Waldorf Astoria in New York. We were on our way to do a gig and the security was rushing us out the back door cuz if we went out the front door, he’d have gotten mobbed. So we were going out the back and the security was taking us to the limousine. And a woman jumped out of the doorway and the doorman told me that she had been hiding there for five hours. And as we were running to the limo, she started screaming, Mr. Sinatra please! Mr. Sinatra please! And the security got Frank inside the limo and she’s still yelling, please! And they’re holding her back.

And Frank got out of the limo and he went up to her and he said, what is it, ma’am? She said, my husband is home sick. He’s terribly ill. If I could get an autograph from you, it would mean the world to him. And Frank said, sure. As he’s signing the autograph, she said, oh, what beautiful cufflinks. And they were very expensive cufflinks, over a thousand dollars. I remember where he got them. But he said, thank you. And she said, what beautiful cufflinks. And when he finished the autograph, he took the cufflinks off and he handed them to her and said, give these to your husband. She said no, I don’t want them. I just was admiring them. He said, no, I want your husband to have them. We get in the limo and I said, Frank, that was beautiful, but why did you do that? He said, Tommy, if you possess something that you can’t give away, then you don’t possess it. It possesses you. And he not only talked that talk, he walked that talk.

He said to me in the limo, he said, Tommy, Aristotle Onassis had billions of dollars. He had mansions, he had private jets, private yachts. And the second he died, it all transferred. He was only using it. Nothing we have is ours. We’re only using it. Including the money in your pocket. And he not only talked that talk, he walked that talk.

If you were a friend, you had to be very careful around him. You couldn’t say, gee, what a beautiful watch. He’d take it off and give it to you. You couldn’t say, oh, what a beautiful painting. [laughing] He’d take it off the wall and give it to you. You had to be very careful around him not to say that.

David Hirsch: Thanks for sharing. Amazing insights. So I think about Frank’s generosity, like you were just explaining and I can’t help but to think that it rubbed off on you maybe in different ways. And sadly, your sister Darlene died at a very early age from multiple sclerosis. And I’m wondering what was it that transpired in your life that you decided to dedicate a lot of your time and energy to raising money and awareness for multiple sclerosis?

Tom Dreesen: My sister, Darlene was 18 months older than me. I can’t remember a day in my childhood that she wasn’t holding my hand, helping me across the street or whatever when I was two and three and four and five years old. Darlene was always there for me. When we went to school, she was always watching over me when my mom and dad were both out drinking.

Poor Darlene, when she was growing up, she was the oldest girl, so she would have to stay in that shack sometimes and take care of us when she was a little girl and she should be doing what little girls do, you know? 11 and 12 and 13 years old. She never complained. She never complained. She would go to church six days a week, only day she didn’t go was on Saturday. She’d go to mass in the morning and when I served mass as an altar boy, she’d go there with me.

She’d help me shovel walks, and we were trying to… She just was the best sister in the whole world. And she worked in a pizza place one time. She worked in a grocery store. Wherever she worked, all of the money… She made a dollar an hour and all that money would go for bologna and bread and stuff that she could bring home. Not on herself. And even when she worked in a pizza place, she would make me a beef sandwich and she would take her tip money. I’d say, Darlene the boss isn’t here. She’d take her tip money and pay. That’s the kind of woman she was and never complained.

When she’s about 25 or 26 years old, she gets stricken with multiple sclerosis. Now we didn’t know what that meant. And she never complained. She went from a cane to a walker to a wheelchair to one day bedridden. It slowly took her down, but she never complained.

But one day I come home, I was in show business at that time. I come home, I’m working in the Chicago Theater in downtown Chicago. I go to the south side where she lived. She was married at that time with her husband. And she was in a wheelchair at that time. Her husband was out in front mowing the lawn. And I said, where’s Darlene? Go inside. I go inside and she had fallen over in her wheelchair and couldn’t right herself and she had a hard time getting out. And she had been that way for 20 minutes, and I got her righted. And she, this is a girl that never complained.

She turned to me and she said, don’t you ever come in here talking to me about positive mental attitude again. Don’t do that. [laughing] And she yelled at me. And she said, and don’t talk to me about God ever. About God. She said, you’ve known me all my life. What did I ever do to God that God would punish me like this? Come on Tommy. You always seem to have all those answers. What did I ever do to God that he would punish me like this? And she started to cry. And I didn’t know what to say to her cuz I never heard her talk negative.

And I just, I said, I don’t know. I don’t know. And moments later, she got her composure back and she apologized to me. She said, I’m sorry, Tommy. I lost my faith for a moment. I lost my faith. And I said, if anybody has a right to lose their faith, you do.

But I went back to California after that and I was jogging one day. I used to run about a mile a day. And I said, I gotta do something for her to show her, not only her, but all those others in this country with multiple sclerosis, that somebody cares about them. So I decided I’m gonna run 26 miles, and I’d never run more than a mile. And I’m gonna call it “26 miles for Darlene” and have people pledge money for every mile I run and the proceeds would go to multiple sclerosis. And I started training for it, and then I started recruiting my celebrity friends. They would come back to Chicago with me and run part of the way with me. A block, two blocks, a mile, something. And I got ahold of the Jayceess and told ’em I want them to sanction this project because I had the background with the Jaycees.

Anyhow, I finally ended up going to Chicago and I did it several years in a row. I ran 26 miles. I brought in Frankie Avalon and Tony Danza and Eddie Marinara and Frankie Valley and Smokey Robinson. I brought in Jamie Farr from M*A*S*H. I brought in Jim McMahon, Tim Wrightman, all the Chicago Bears, Jimbo Covert, and different Chicago Bears and Cubs. Rick Sutcliffe and Mark Grayson, all those guys. Everybody was helping me every time I came back to Chicago. And Smokey Robinson’s the only one who ran all 26 miles with me. What a great friend he is.

Anyhow, and one day I brought Darlene out to Park Forest, Illinois where we culminated the run. The run finished there. And the Illinois Philharmonic Orchestra was on the stage and Frankie Avalon’s conductor, Keith Rosti, wrote a song called Don’t Give Up. And all these stars got on the stage, Connie Stevens and all these stars I mentioned, and the Illinois Philharmonic, and they’re singing the song to Darlene, Don’t Give Up.

The road is lonely. And you keep saying to yourself, if I could only find the courage to win. But don’t go grieving. Where there’s a will there is a way. Start believing today is your day. And the chorus was, Don’t give up. Don’t give up. We got fate on the run. Anyhow they brought a van out and Darlene was in the van, in the wheelchair, and they were singing to her, this whole group of people. There’s 20,000 people. And I told her, I said, do you remember one day you said to me, why you? I still don’t know why you. But I know because of you, 20,000 people are singing today. And she said, no, Tommy. Not because of me, because of you. And I said, no, Darlene, all that love that you gave me, all that we’ve read about in school, that nuns taught us, that cast your bread. What you sew you shall reap. All that love you sent out to me is coming back to you today.

I remember at the end of that day, a little boy came up and said to Darlene, he had a program of the day for Darlene. And he said, are you Darlene? And she said, yes. And he said, wow, you’re famous. Would you sign your autograph on this magazine? And she couldn’t because of the MS. And I never forgot that because in our society they tell you this person’s a champion. That person’s a champion. Cuz they hit baseballs far, cuz they score a lot of touchdowns, because they run fast. In my opinion, a champion is someone who does their best when things are at their worst.

My sister Darlene was a champion. And here she couldn’t even sign that autograph. And that’s why I’ve never refused anybody an autograph or a picture, because they are the true champions of our society. Those who are afflicted with multiple sclerosis or something like that, and they get up every day and try to go to work, try to take care of their family.

And those are all the reasons why I believe in charities and that’s what led me to you with the Illinois Fatherhood Initiative. When you first approached me with it, I just thought it was such a terrific idea how important a father is in your life. And we have Happy Mother’s Day every year and that’s great cuz mothers are wonderful, but Fathers, how important.

Barack Obama said, being raised by a woman is wonderful and it’s great, but only a man can teach you to be a man. Mothers can teach us principle and things like that, but… Tupac said that while my mom did a wonderful job, if I’d had a father in that home I might have been a better man. And I believe that. And that’s why I’m proud to be part of your charity, the Illinois Fatherhood Initiative, and all you’ve done, David, the marvelous things you’ve done.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for sharing that very touching story about Darlene. And there’s an overlap with what’s going on in the world of special needs. Darlene didn’t have special needs per se, like autism and Down syndrome and cerebral palsy, but she was afflicted with a very consequential life-taking disease: multiple sclerosis. And I think of the parents that are raising the children with special needs. I think of the young adults that have special needs and the perseverance and the commitment that they need to have to make things happen on a daily basis.

And society celebrates people that, like you said, are the best at whatever they do. And it’s nice that people have certain talents that they can either monetize or get recognition for. But I think the unsung heroes, which is what I heard you saying, are the people like Darlene, the people like the parents who are raising special needs, the young adults with special needs who are the real heroes in society.

And we somehow need to redirect the spotlight, if I can call it that, to the qualities and the skills that they bring to us as family members and us as a society at large. So thanks for emphasizing that.

Tom Couch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents Survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey, will receive a Great Dad Coin. Thank you. Now, back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: I don’t remember how it is that you met Joe Mantegna, but I wanted to thank you publicly here for making that introduction, which led to episode #5 of this Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. So what is it that brought you two together?

Tom Dreesen: Joe is a Chicago boy, and I’m a Chicago boy. Joe’s from Cicero and I’m from Harvey. Chicago guys, when we get out here to the West Coast… I’m not a Hollywood kind of guy, even though I toured with Sinata and Sammy and Dean Martin and I know all that. They were a different breed, that breed. They were so comfortable in their own skin.

The Hollywood group out here now, a lot of ’em never had a… never worked a day in their life. They’re spoiled brats. They do two episodes on a sitcom and then they want the red carpet to be brought out. And Chicago guys are not like that. Chicago actors are not that. So coming out here, we used to have a group, a fun group that we got together. We jokingly called it the IMO, Italian Men Only. But we made Smokey Robinson an honorary Sicilian. [laughing] It would be Joe Pesci, Dennis Farina, Gary Sinise, Joe Mantegna, Frankie Avalon, James Darren… I’m leaving people out. Eddie Marinaro. We would get together once a month in this restaurant and we’d all just hang out like we did back in Chicago. And Joe was part of that.

And we were all fans of one another because we’re all Chicago guys, and girls, there were some Chicago women in there too, Linda Mancuso. And so we just flocked together, and Joe is such a wonderful guy, Joe Mantegna. And his daughter, he has two daughters, but one of ’em has autism. And he’s such a marvelous father. And that’s how we became friends.

And it’s really interesting, Joe’s wife opened a place called “Taste Chicago,” and it had Chicago beef, Chicago hotdogs, Chicago pizza and all that stuff. So obviously we’d all go over there. Now, if we were sitting out in front, all these Chicago guys… Dennis Franz from NYPD Blue, Gary Sinise, of course, CSI, Joe Mantegna, Criminal Minds, Dennis Farina, Crime Story and a movie star and everything. William Peterson, great actor. If all of us were out in front, sitting out there having a beef sandwich and a couple would come up and say, Oh, we’re from Iowa, Dennis Franz, we’re big fans of NYPD Blue, he would stand up and say, oh, what’s your name? Ida. And this is my friend, Tom Dreesen. We’d all shake hands. Nice to meet you. Are you enjoying your stay? That’s the way Chicago actors are, not like New York actors saying, how dare you? How dare you, I’m trying to have lunch and I can’t even be left alone.

 Los Angeles actors, like I say, one appearance on a sitcom and, I’m just trying to be alone with my family and all that nonsense. None of us are like that. And Joe is classic not like that. Joe Mantegna, he’s a terrific guy.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for the introduction. And one of the guys who was there at the very beginning when we started the 21st Century Dad’s Foundation was your longtime friend, old friend, Lawton Wilkerson. Wilk is the only person that was with me every mile of every one of the three initial Dads Honor Rides: Santa Monica-Chicago, 2300+ miles; Boston-Chicago, 1400 miles; and around Lake Michigan, just a little bit less than 160 miles. And we formed a friendship that I covet. But if it wasn’t for you, Tom, who introduced me to Wilk, I don’t know where I would be. And I’m wondering what was the backstory for you and Wilk connecting?

Tom Dreesen: Lawton Wilkerson is a member of the Tuskegee Airmen and one of the few left of the Tuskegee Airmen, and I never knew that. I came outta the service and I went to work at the bus company in Harvey, Illinois, and I was cleaning buses and Wilk was a… We call him Wilk. He was a mechanic and he worked on buses. How that came about is he was a pilot during World War II for the Tuskegee Airman. And I learned all this later on about this wonderful man. When I first met him, there was nothing but love in his heart and his eyes. I always say Smokey Robinson and Lawton Wilkerson are two of the greatest Christians I’ve ever met. Because if you really, if you’re a Christian, then you try to be as Christ-like as you can be, and Jesus loved everyone. And so did they. And you know it instantly. Smokey Robinson loves everybody and so does Lawton Wilkerson. Everybody gets the benefit of the doubt.

But when I met Wilk, we instantly connected, and I never knew any of this background about this man. But when he came outta the service, I find out later that he wanted to be a pilot, cuz he was a pilot and he went to the airlines and they didn’t hire blacks. And so then he tried to get a job at the airport cuz he wanted to be around aircraft. He loved them so much and he couldn’t get a job at the airport. He couldn’t even get a job as a red cap at that time, and he couldn’t get a job. So the closest he could get to airplanes was working on buses in Harvey, Illinois.

And that’s how I met Lawton Wilkerson. And he went on from there. He left there one day and went to work at a radio station in Harvey called WBEE as a program director, and he worked his way up and eventually went downtown to NBC. And by the way, I never heard this man complain. I never heard him hate people because of the fact that they held him back from being what he wanted to be, a pilot on a commercial airline.

And he should have been. He just spread his love everywhere he went. He’s one of the finest gentlemen that I’ve ever known and him and I remain friends all these years, through the Tim and Tom years and everything. But I always thought, how could I repay this wonderful friend of mine, Lawton Wilkerson, for the service to our country and for all the wonderful things?

But I think about it, and I’m not blowing smoke here. The best thing that I could do for him, I introduced him to you. And what you and your family have done for Lawton Wilkerson… You visit him all the time. You’ve taken him, like you say, on all the journeys and everything. You’ve made him part of your family and I know how much he appreciates that. And I do too. You’re just such a good friend to him. And he’s what, how is old as Wilk? 96?

David Hirsch: 97, yeah. Pretty crazy.

Tom Dreesen: Oh my God. He’s one of the few that are still alive.

David Hirsch: Yeah. He is an amazing human being and we’re all better off because of our relationship with Wilk. And I just want to say again, thank you for the introduction.

Tom Dreesen: No.

David Hirsch: So I’m curious to know if there’s anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up.

Tom Dreesen: I, again, going back to fatherhood, I’m passionate about this, that all the crimes in Chicago, the murders and all that’s going on, it’s not rocket science. How did this all happen? How did this all happen? When I was growing up in Harvey and when I came outta the service in 1960, 4% of the children being born in Harvey were born without a father in the home. 4%. Today, over 70%. Today three out of every 10 white children born in America have no father in the home. Five out of every 10 Hispanic or 4.5 would have no father in the home. Seven out of every 10 African American, no father in the home.

When I was growing up in Harvey, there was a Polish neighborhood. There was like an Italian section of town. There was the Irish, there was a black area where mostly black all lived. That’s where I grew up in that area. And if there was a young Polish kid roaming the street snatching purses from somebody, the men of that community grabbed him and took him home to his father. If there was a young Italian kid, a young Irish kid or a young black kid, the men policed their own neighborhoods. If there was a young black kid roaming the streets, you know, graffiti and stealing from a person, the black men in that community grabbed him and took him home to his father. We were more afraid of our fathers than we were of the police.

I remember setting pins in a bowling alley with my friend Everett Nichols and Gucci was his nickname, a black guy from my neighborhood that I did a lot of routines about and put him on my album and everything. But we were coming home from setting pins in a bowling alley, and a squad car pulled us over. And said, get in the car. What are you guys doing? It was past curfew. We said we were setting pins in the bowling alley. He said, okay, we’ll give you a ride home. And Gucci said, please, officer, do not take me home. If I pull in front of my house in a squad car, there will be hell to pay. I promise you’ll never see me on the street again. If his father saw him in a squad car, bringing him home…

My point of that is it’s not rocket science. There are no fathers in the home in those neighborhoods. You got a grandmother with a broomstick, she’s got four of her grandchildren, not even the mother of those children sometimes. She’s trying to keep those kids away from the gangs and they got an AK-47 and she’s got a broomstick. Is that rocket science? We need more men in the community.

And I’ll tell you something else while I’m passionate about this and your guy will probably cut this out, but I don’t care. I’m a big Bear fan. And when the football players in that stadium start kneeling against the national anthem for whatever injustice they felt, that angered me in more ways than I can say. If you really feel an injustice in the system, leave Soldier Field in those uniforms that you’re wearing, go down to the south side of Chicago and get in those gangs faces and say, stop murdering our children. You’re murdering five-year-olds and seven-year-olds and an 18 month old baby in her mother’s arms got shot. You’re spraying your bullets all over place. Go down there. If you really believe there’s an injustice, go to the south side of Chicago and go into those neighborhoods and wear that uniform and tell ’em by the way, don’t buy our jerseys cuz you’re not men. A man is someone who takes care of his family. Personal responsibility. And I was angered by that and I still am. All these athletes are making millions of dollars a year and you’re blaming everybody. Personal responsibility. Get down there and tell them you get a girl pregnant… When we were growing up, my mother told me when I was 13 years old, you get a girl pregnant, you’ll stand by her. I was 13 years old! You were responsible for that child that you’re bringing into this world, anyhow. That’s the last thing. That’ll probably be edited out, but I don’t care.

David Hirsch: Thank you for your passion, right? That’s one of the things that I admire most about you is that you’re very committed. Your values and your character stand out and you’ve been a mentor to me. I don’t know if I’d go as far as to say you’re a father or father figure. I know you pushed me back a little bit the few times I’ve said that to you. [laughing] But I also want to give a special shout out to Lou Weisbach, way back when, who introduced the two of us.

Tom Dreesen: Oh, yeah. God I forgot about that. Yeah, Lou Weisbach. What a wonderful guy. Had several businesses and used to hire me to be his emcee, and then one time brought me to his home in Highland Park and I had to follow Bill Clinton, the president of the United States.

All these people spoke and all of the politicians. And all of a sudden… I’m never, I don’t get real nervous for a show, but I’m thinking. Whoa, man. I’m from Harvey, Illinois from the South side, and I’m following the president of the United States? This is a little bit really over… Talk about opening for Frank Sinatra. This is… And I walked on stage and he gave a great speech, 45 minutes, he got a standing ovation. And I walked on stage and I said, I always thought opening for Frank Sinatra was a big deal. But having the President of the United States open for me, that’s a big deal. [laughing]

David Hirsch: As long as you brought that story up, you have to tell the backstory about what President Clinton did for you.

Tom Dreesen: Oh the backstory is that his aid was driving me crazy a month before I had to do the show. He kept saying, Mr. Dreesen it’s the White House calling. What kind of material are you gonna do? I said, I don’t know. You don’t know what kinda…? I said, I don’t know what I’m gonna do until I get there. Can you give us some idea of the content? And I said, look, I’ve performed for five presidents. This isn’t my first rodeo. I performed at different functions, but I never had to follow a president, like I was gonna do that night.

When I get there, he came up to me and that’s when he told me, the president of the Democratic Society is gonna go first. And then Senator Durbin’s gonna go. And then Senator Carol Mosley Braun, and then he’s naming all these people that are gonna go before. And then the President, and then you’ll speak.

I said, you think this is my first rodeo? I’m telling you, when that President speaks, the room’s gonna empty. Who am I gonna talk to? The wall? He said, I’m sorry. That’s the way the White House wants it. Now I’m thinking, I’m not gonna do this and embarrass myself. But Lou Weisbach introduces me to President Clinton.

And President Clinton is a master politician. When you are in front of him, you are the only person in his universe. I don’t care if you’re the janitor, whatever you are, whoever’s in front of us. And so he focused on the personal. Now when I get there, he focused on me. Lou introduced me. He said, I’m looking forward to your performance.

I said, I’d like to make a deal with you. He said, you would? I said, yeah, I won’t walk out on your performance if you don’t walk out on mine. He started laughing and then I realized he didn’t know what this aide was putting me through. Now when he finished, and I’m telling you, he gave a magnificent speech off the top of his head for 40 minutes.

Standing ovation, they’re all cheering him and I’m trying to get around behind him to get on stage in case everybody’s gonna leave. And he put his hands up and he said to the audience, folks, please be seated. Please be seated. And they sat down. He said, now let’s see what the comedian has to say. And he sat down right up front, and I happen to have a picture on my cell phone right here of him that Lou Weisbach sent me two days ago of him laughing at my material.

And he was wonderful, and he applauded. And the other thing that he knew, whenever you work, whenever an entertainer’s working an audience, if there’s a star in that audience, the audience always looks to see if the star is laughing before they laugh at you. I’ve had Bob Hope in my audience. I’ve had Frank Sinatra in my audience, I’ve had Lucille Ball, all these big stars. And no doubt, if there’s another comedian, the audience always looks to see if that person is laughing at you. And President Clinton knew that. So when he laughed during the whole show, he pounded the table and all that. God bless, him.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for sharing. I love that story. If somebody wants to learn more about your work or contact you, what’s the best way to do that?

Tom Dreesen: TomDreesen.com. It’s real simple and it has everything about my life and where I’m going and where I’ve been and all that, and you can leave comments there.

David Hirsch: Okay. We’ll be sure to include that in the show notes so it’ll make it as easy as possible for people to follow up with you. Tom, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Tom is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father, or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, please go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads Foundation is a 501c3 not-for-profit organization, which means we need your help to keep our content free to all concerned. Would you please consider making a tax-deductible contribution? I would really appreciate your support. Tom, thanks again.

Tom Dreesen: Thank you, David. It’s good to be with you. My love to your family. Please do me a favor, tell ’em all I said hi. Your kids are just wonderful and you, of course, you’ve got that wonderful wife who should get the Academy Award or the Congressional Medal of Honor for above and beyond the call of duty being with you all these years, but give them my best.

David Hirsch: Okay, thanks.

Tom Couch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to Facebook.com, groups, and search “dad to dad.” Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to David@21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: The special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast was produced by me, Tom Couch.

Thanks again to Horizon Therapeutics who believe that science and compassion must work together to transform lives. That’s why they work tirelessly to research, develop, and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics at HorizonTherapeutics.com.