308 – Mastermind Group Monday with Dr. Rich Gathro of Largo, FL

Transcript:

David Hirsch: [00:00:00] Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast, now with more than 300 weekly episodes. Every Friday since 2018, we’ve been shining a bright light on the positive and uplifting aspects of raising children with disabilities and inspiring dads, stepdads, granddads, and father figures to be more present physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

David Hirsch: Welcome to the new Special Fathers Network MasterMind Group Monday Podcast. I’ll be interviewing MasterMind group dads who will reflect on the positive impact the MasterMind group experience has had on them and the well-being of their families.

David Hirsch: As a reminder, the SFN MasterMind Group Experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads Foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships, while sharing weekly wins, discussing books, and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new SFN MasterMind Groups in 2024, with 10 dads per group. That means [00:01:00] we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local SFN MasterMind group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Happy listening.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with my friend Rich Gathro of Largo, Florida, a retired career education professional and father of two adult children with disabilities. Rich, thank you for taking the time to do a podcast interview for the MasterMind Group Monday.

Rich Gathro: You’re more than welcome.

David Hirsch: You and your wife, Kathy, have been married for 46 years and are the proud parents of two adult children: Kat, 35, who, as a result of complications from a brain tumor at 10 and a stroke at age 21, has some complications; and Will, 39, who has schizencephaly, a rare genetic disease.

David Hirsch: Let’s start with some background. You’ve been involved with the Special Fathers Network for more than five years. Your SFN Dad to Dad Podcast, episode number 54, aired [00:02:00] back in April of 2019. For the past three years, you’ve been involved with the inaugural Wednesday Night SFN MasterMind Group and have attended all three in-person SFN MasterMind Group retreats. And very gratefully, you serve on the 21st Century Dads Foundation board as the secretary. Would you please give a brief background for our listening audience on what’s going on with the Gathro family?

Rich Gathro: We live in Largo, Florida and enjoy the ocean and the sunshine. Life is full of surprises. We adopted these two children, not because we were heroes thinking we were adopting special needs children, but because we wanted children. And both of them surprised us in terms of their health conditions, but it’s been a great journey. Challenges really develop hopefully character and hopefully Kathy and I have, are better characters because of the challenges.

Rich Gathro: I’m a career educator. I’ve worked for three universities and a higher education association. My fields of study in [00:03:00] undergrad and graduate school have been history and psychology and education with a little theology thrown in in graduate school. And it’s been my greatest joy to help young adults get a sense of mission in their lives. That really would have been one of the greatest blessings of my career was helping young adults develop a sense of mission.

David Hirsch: I think that’s going to be one of your best legacies. So I’m curious to know what attracted you to get involved with the Special Fathers Network early on?

Rich Gathro: You started it. You called me.

David Hirsch: Oh, that’s right! I read about you in Another Kind of Courage, Steve Bundy’s book. That’s right. I forgot all about that.

Rich Gathro: And so you, we had fun having a conversation. And when you invited me, I didn’t hesitate. I really believe that part of my mission is the special needs world. It’s been my joy to engage and advocate with my partner, Kathy. I served for years on the County Commission Addressing Special Needs. I had the [00:04:00] joy before moving to Florida of being on the Commonwealth Virginia Board of People with Disabilities. I also served on the White House Commission for People with Disabilities. And I just, I simply believe that this is, it’s intended. And I have no looking back attitude about it. Just it’s been a joy to advocate for special needs people.

David Hirsch: We’re thrilled to have you as part of the network. Thinking back to prior to joining the SFN MasterMind Group, what was your thought about it? What did that look like before you got involved?

Rich Gathro: Community. It’s critical to our own mental health, if you ask me. So to be invited to be part of a community of special needs fathers, that was just so attractive to me because none of us want to be alone and because of the Special Fathers MasterMind Group, I don’t feel alone. And it’s been a place for me to let out some of my emotion and some of my fears and some of my [00:05:00] doubts and some of my regrets. I’m so grateful. And so I just am a strong advocate for finding community with other men. That’s what it’s about for me.

David Hirsch: Do you remember what it was like attending those first handful of meetings?

Rich Gathro: Yes, I do. And once again, for me, it was a delight to engage some young men. It led to conversations on the side with them, them asking me all kinds of questions since I’m the old coot who’s been at it a long time. And I’ve so enjoyed the fact that several of them have contacted me privately just to chat because I can share with them my scars and wounds and experiences.

Rich Gathro: It’s been a joy. I just think it’s so valuable and I’ve got friends who are special needs fathers that it saddens me that they’re afraid to join. They’re hesitant to join. You and I joke about my comment about testosterone poisoning, that we males tend to say, I can do this all by myself. And we can’t do it all by ourself. [00:06:00] And I think it’s so important to join a MasterMind group. So valuable. I love the guys in our group.

David Hirsch: So what has attending these weekly meetings meant to you?

Rich Gathro: I don’t ever want to miss, frankly. It’s an outlet for me because I need it. And I find it a great joy. We can talk to each other and understand each other.

Rich Gathro: I spent 40 years in Washington, DC. It’s a city where people take themselves so seriously, too seriously. I always told my students if you want to really enjoy this city, don’t take yourself too seriously because everyone does. Everyone’s training their children to be future members of Congress or captains of industry or whatever. And Kathy and I found ourselves in an environment where our children wouldn’t potentially be part of that track. The high school that my kids went to, the competition was enormous. That’s where I grabbed ahold of the phrase that comparison is the thief of joy.

David Hirsch: As part of the [00:07:00] SFN MasterMind Group experience, we read and discuss six books a year. Which has been your favorite book and author?

Rich Gathro: I have to say it’s been a tie between two books. Warren Rustand’s book, The Leader Within Us. That man, he just is so alive. He’s older than me. You call me Ancient Rich. He’s older than me and he’s so alive. He’s an inspiration for me. And I just love that book. But I loved equally Mark Miller’s book, Smart Leadership. And I’ve now given that book to several young leaders because he puts a lot of practical experience in one place. It’s a great book to give to emerging leaders in their 20s and 30s. But I loved it as well. I wish I’d been given the book when I was 30. So it’s a tie between those two.

David Hirsch: Those are two good ones. And both of them are extraordinary communicators and leaders amongst leaders. And I guess that coincides with your MO, right? About mentoring and helping young people reach their full [00:08:00] potential.

David Hirsch: So at the heart of the SFN MasterMind Group experience is what we call the Dad in the Middle, where two dads per meeting share a challenge that they’re wrestling with. What have those Dad in the Middle segments meant to you, and why are they important?

Rich Gathro: It goes back full circle to we can’t go it alone. And the Dad in the Middle experience allows us to raise questions to other dads whom we trust and have come to love. That’s been valuable for me to raise my life questions with them, but it’s also been, because we fall in love with each other as brothers. There’s an old proverb somewhere that says, there are friends that are closer than your brother. It’s been so valuable to just empathize and walk with these other guys in their middle experiences as well.

David Hirsch: Well spoken. So each fall, the 21st Century Dads Foundation hosts its annual SFN MasterMind Group weekend retreat. What’s been your favorite MasterMind Group retreat experience and why?

Rich Gathro: My favorite experience took place as we were sitting around a table. And one [00:09:00] of the guys began to weep and I thought I was being some sort of hero and coming around the table and kneeling and putting my arm around him and weep with him. And suddenly I became conscious that for the first time I was weeping over my sorrow and my pain. I’d never done that. So I’m immensely grateful to Jeff that he was vulnerable enough to weep, which compelled me to get my arm around him and then suddenly discover I was letting it out. After all these years, I was letting it out.

David Hirsch: Yeah, I remember it well. We were in St. Louis. I remember it well.

Rich Gathro: Yeah, exactly.

David Hirsch: It was palpable. So regarding the financial commitment, the SFN MasterMind Group dads invest anywhere from $50 to $200 per month, according to their financial wherewithal. What would you say to the dad who’s interested in the MasterMind Group concept but concerned about the financial commitment?

Rich Gathro: It’s worth it. No question about it. It’s not a major burden in any way, particularly because you allow the person to choose how much they contribute based on their own [00:10:00] wherewithal, whether it’s $50 or $200. It’s a whole lot cheaper than going to see a therapist.

David Hirsch: Some guys have equated it to a health club membership. People wouldn’t think twice about spending $100 a month on their physical health, right? What we’re talking about is really your emotional and psychological health.

Rich Gathro: Emotional, mental, spiritual health. Yeah.

David Hirsch: I’m thinking about advice now, and I’m wondering if there’s a dad sitting on the fence contemplating joining the SFN MasterMind group. What would your advice be to him?

Rich Gathro: Don’t go it alone. It’s so tempting. Don’t go it alone. I know I keep circling back to community and brotherhood, but I’m just such a better man for being part of a MasterMind group.

David Hirsch: Anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Rich Gathro: It’s worth it. Absent fathers are a huge issue in our culture. And in my experience through all these years, whether coaching challenger division of Little League, or being part of this group, or part of a gym where my son goes for special needs adults, Kathy teases me that [00:11:00] I’m in too many mothers groups. The fathers often don’t show up. They don’t know what they’re missing. It’s worth it. It transforms you. You’re a better man for it. You’re not a weaker man for it. You’re a better man for it.

David Hirsch: If somebody wants to contact you, what’s the best way to do that?

Rich Gathro: Probably the simplest way to contact me is my email. It’s real simple. It’s rgathro@gmail.com.Happy to chat with anyone.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that in the show notes so it’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to reach you. Rich, thanks for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Rich is just one of the dads who’s agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network and who’s also part of the SFN MasterMind Group.

David Hirsch: For more information on the Special Fathers Network and the MasterMind Group, please go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Additional links can be found in the show notes as well. Rich, thanks again.

Rich Gathro: David, thank you for making the world a better place.

David Hirsch: Very nice of you. Thanks.