322 – Mastermind Group Monday Tony Brescia of West Dundee, IL

Transcript:

Tony Brescia: If you’re on the fence, jump in. Jump in the pool with both feet because I think you’ll find that that’ll be something you enjoy.

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now, with more than 300 weekly episodes every Friday since 2018, we’ve been shining a bright light on the positive and uplifting aspects of raising children with disabilities and inspiring dads, stepdads, granddads and father figures to be more present physically, emotionally and spirit. Welcome to the new Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group Monday Podcast. I’ll be interviewing Mastermind Group dads who will reflect on the positive impact the Mastermind Group Experience has had on them and the well-being of their families. As a reminder, the SFN Mastermind Group Experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new SFN mastermind groups in 2024 with 10 dads per group. That means we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local SFN Mastermind Group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Happy listening.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with my friend Tony Brescia of West Dundee, Illinois, who owns a Hallmark store. As the father of two, including a son with tuberous sclerosis, and more recently is raising funds to create Project Alex Communities, a unique residential community for adults with intellectual disabilities. Tony, thank you for taking the time to do a Mastermind Group Monday interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Tony Brescia: No problem, David.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Joelle have been married for 35 years and the proud parents of two boys, Jason, 29 and Alex, 33, who was born with tuberous sclerosis, a rare genetic disease that causes non cancerous or benign tumors to grow in the brain and several areas of the body, including the spinal cord, nerves, eyes, lung, heart, kidneys and skin. You’ve been involved with the Special Fathers Network for more than three years. Your Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast episode number 268 aired in August of 2023 and for the past two years you’ve been involved with the Tuesday night Mastermind Group and have also attended the in person retreats both in Chicago and in St. Louis. For our listening audience, would you please provide an overview of the Brescia family?

Tony Brescia: Sure, David, no problem. Alex was born at the time. We didn’t know he had tuberous sclerosis because it was kind of an unknown disease at the time and they didn’t have a lot of genetic markers. So he was born basically with a major seizure disorder, having about 100 seizures a day. And he’s a hemiplegic. He has no use of his left arm and limited use of his left leg. but as time went on, we did a surgery called a hemispherectomy and took out half his brain, which, cured the seizures for a while. they popped back up again when he was about 15 or so. and that’s when we found out about the tuberous sclerosis because the genetic markers had come up in the, in the blood work. Jason is married for almost five years now. He’s good. And, you know, like you said, Joelle and I have been married 35 years and we just kind of keep going and that’s all we can do, so.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for the brief flyby. I’m sort of curious to know what attracted you to get involved with the Special Fathers Network.

Tony Brescia: For a long time I tried to get groups of dads together, whether it be at therapy or at school or some of the places that Alex was at and had no success. I was usually the only guy in the room of a parents meeting, and the rest were moms. and I take all the grief and the yelling about, where’s my husband? Why isn’t he coming? You know, I’ll things that you get asked that you have no answers to. I’m trying to remember who gave me your name. When you had the first in person conference six or seven years ago out in Northbrook, I signed up for that. It was nice to see a whole room full of guys suffering from similar problems. And I thought, ah, here’s my people and let’s start. You know, we went from there.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, that was a very memorable experience. This was pre-Covid. And I remember Wayne Messmer joined us, if you remember.

Tony Brescia: Yes.

David Hirsch: And, he actually sang the national anthem to just this group of like, dirty something guys. It was pretty cool.

Tony Brescia: Yeah, it was nice. And, you know, met a lot of people that day. And that’s where I first met John Fela and Matt. And I think some of the down syndrome dads were. Had a group table behind me, you know, and sat

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Tony Brescia: with Brian Rubin at the table. So, yeah, met a lot of people that day and it was one of the better things that had happened up to that point, so.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for sharing. So what did you understand about the Mastermind group before you?

Tony Brescia: That it was gonna be this closer group of dads other than, you know, what the conference has, that would get together once a week and share good times, bad times, you know, support stories and help each other along as best we can. You know, a group of guys with kids with multiple disabilities, a group of guys that vary in age and, you know, we learn from each other as time goes on. And I think we’ve accomplished that pretty much for the most part.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. So do you remember what it was like attending those first couple meetings?

Tony Brescia: It was weird, for lack of a better term. We had guys from Colorado and guys from Tennessee and a couple here from Chicago. And then I think there were a couple of guys from California that were there the first couple of nights. It turned out really great. I think we’ve accomplished creating a good core group of five or six of us who can pick up the phone, who can pick up a text and see how each other is. And I think we do.

David Hirsch: So what is attending the Mastermind Group meetings meant to you?

Tony Brescia: It’s kind of weird to say, but when Alex was born, we lost a lot of our close friends. I lost a lot of the people that we knew. Kept a few from back in college because they were out of the whole day to day picture. But I didn’t have a, group of guys that I could call. I didn’t have a group of guys that I could call, talk to it and have a group of guys that understood because they all sort of flitted away because they didn’t know how to support or they didn’t know how to handle. They didn’t know what to say. So it’s created that basic group of people and friends and support.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it certainly has. Thanks for sharing. As part of the Special Fathers Network Mastermind group experience, we read and discuss six books a year and then do a zoom, call with the author, which has been your favorite book and author.

Tony Brescia: Wow. As you know, I’m not a huge book reader, so this part is a little weird. But I think out of all of them, I think I like Wayne Messmer’s book the best. It showed the overcoming, it showed the problems that went through and it was very, it worked into the situation that I was in, you know, fairly easily. So that I think that was my favorite out of any of them so far?

David Hirsch: Well, it was a good one. The title of which is the Voice of Victory. Yeah. Which recounts his, violent action. Right. He got shot in the throat and didn’t know if he was going to live, let alone be able to talk, let alone be able to perform. And that was better part of 25 years ago now. So. Yeah, it is a remarkable story. And, he is a remarkable friend.

Tony Brescia: Yeah. And people telling him he shouldn’t be able to do this, but he overcomes it to do it. You know, it has a lot of what Alex had. You know, people told us he shouldn’t be here till he was, you know, after three years old, he wouldn’t be able to walk. And he’s overcome a lot of that stuff, so.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. So at the heart of the Mastermind Group experience are what we call dad in the middle, where two dads per meeting share a challenging situation that they’re wrestling with. And what have those dad in the Middle segments meant to you and why?

Tony Brescia: It’s a great way, to get feedback. It’s a great way to get stuff off your chest, even if it’s. If you’re not looking for an answer to something, it’s just a great way to spew and just go and not have to think about what you’re saying. You know, seeing the guys heads nod, seeing the support that you get, the ability that somebody’s like, oh, yeah, you know, have you tried this? Have you tried that? And it really helps. And it’s. It’s probably one of the best parts of the meeting.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it’s the most, authentic part of the meeting. Right?

Tony Brescia: Yeah. Yeah.

David Hirsch: Because, you know, we’re asking guys to take, their mask off, basically. And, I think what I hear you saying also is that we’ve created a safe environment for people to open up and be themselves as opposed to guarded, like you might be in most aspects of our lives.

Tony Brescia: Yeah, it is. And it’s become, as time’s gone on, it’s been come easier to share. Even things that are hard and things you don’t want to talk about. But you realize that the guys there. I’ll give you the support and the nonjudgment that you need.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. So, each fall, the 21st Century Dads foundation hosts its annual Mastermind Group weekend retreat. What’s been your favorite Mastermind Group retreat experience and why?

Tony Brescia: I think if I go back and look at the two retreats, the meeting, the guys from the other group for the first Time, I think, was the most telling for me. We were all just sitting down there on the couch talking about our families and our things. And Alex is a different situation where he’s both mentally and physically challenged. And, you know, I’m around a lot of people who are one or the other. So to see some of the guys that were there that have

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Tony Brescia: similar situations and see them nodding their head and seeing them, you know, smile and realize, oh, good, we’re not alone. There’s more people like us. I think that was really the most moving for me, you know, and I think because of that, it was easy to talk to some of them as the weekend progressed, whether we met downstairs at breakfast or in the room or wherever it was. And some of them, we still go back and forth today, so.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. I think that, whenever you have a chance to meet new people, you know, beyond your own weekly group, I think there’s another facet or element, a dimension to what we’re doing as well.

Tony Brescia: Yeah, it just makes it easy. More people to talk to, more people to reach out to. And, you know, a lot of the guys in our group just have the intellectual disabilities. But having those other people to reach out to when you’ve got physical problems, too, is nice because, you know, they’ll be there too and kind of understand.

David Hirsch: So regarding the financial commitment, the mastermind, group dads invest anywhere from $50 to $200 per month according to their financial wherewithal. What would you say to that dad who’s interested in the mastermind but concerned about the financial commitment?

Tony Brescia: I think I tell them, if you can do it, it’s an easy commitment. It gives the group the support, and everybody’s got a little bit of, time and investment in there. But if it’s holding you back for some reason, I think it’s worth a phone call to somebody and saying, listen, I want to join, and maybe I can’t do 50, maybe I can do 10, maybe I can do 25, and see if there’s something, that’ll click with that. Because maybe in six months you can do the 50, or in a year you can do, you know, 75 or something. And I think that that’s the way it should be, you know, is we’re here to help each other and try.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Ah, well, I would just emphasize that, if that’s the only hurdle that somebody has, I’d love to talk with them and make sure that, you know, we’re meeting dads where they are, and if they’re Sincere, you know, we’ll figure it out.

Tony Brescia: Yeah, great. I think it’s great.

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about advice, and I’m wondering, what advice can you share with a dad who might be on the fence about joining the Mastermind Group?

Tony Brescia: I would tell him, give it a try. You got to give it more than one night. I mean, the one night is great. You kind of see who’s there. But it takes two or three or four weeks to get to see the groove and to see who’s there and to see the talk how people talk and be comfortable sharing with people. But if you’re on the fence, jump in. Jump in the pool with both feet, because I think you’ll find that that’ll be something you enjoy.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I would just add, what do you have to lose? Right? An hour, A couple hours worth of your time? Right.

Tony Brescia: Yeah, that too.

David Hirsch: Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Tony Brescia: No. I’d like to thank you, David, for doing the Masterminds and creating these groups. It has helped the last couple years, and we’ve all gone through some craziness, and, I think I speak for most of the guys when I say thank you because it has helped us.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, we’re thrilled to have you. Thank you for your complimentary remarks. If somebody wants to contact you, what’s the best way to do so.

Tony Brescia: Calling me, I guess, or emailing me. Those are usually the best ways to do, you know, can either call my cell phone or give me a call at the store, you know, or email me. And we’ll. We can always talk. Always make time to talk.

David Hirsch: I’ll put that information in the show notes so it’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up. Tony, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Tony is just one of the dads who’s agreed to be a Special Fathers Network mentor father and who is also a Special Fathers Network mastermind group dad. For more information on the Special Fathers Network and the Mastermind group, please go to 21stCenturyDads.org Additional links can also be found in the show notes. Tony, thanks again.

Tony Brescia: Thanks, David.

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