347 – Tony Bombacino of Chesterton, IN Co-Founder Of Real Food Blends, Father Of Two Including One With Multiple Disabilities

Transcript:

Tom Couch: Special thanks to Horizon Therapeutics for sponsoring the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Working tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics mission at horizontherapeutics.com.

Tony Bombacino: They just tried to remind us to slow down and that we didn’t have to figure it all out on day one. They reminded us that we were loving, capable parents, that with the doctors and with our faith that we would figure it out. And we did. Did we mess up along the way? Sure. But, we showered him with love and always looked at it as how do we give AJ the best life possible, the best version of his life that he can.

Tom Couch: That’s our guest this week, Tony Bombacino, who along with his wife Julie, started a company, Real Food Blends, quality meals for people that need feeding tubes. They have two children, Luka, 15, and AJ, 13, who has multiple disabilities. It’s an intriguing, heartfelt story that you’ll hear on this week’s Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Hi and thanks for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast presented by the Special Fathers Network, a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new mastermind groups in 2024 with 10 dads per group. That means we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local mastermind group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: Now let’s listen in to this conversation between Tony Bombacino and David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with Tony Bombacino of Chesterton, Indiana who is the co founder and president of Cino C I N O United LLC, a B2C and B2B advisory firm. Tony is also the father of two, including a son with multiple disabilities. Tony, thank you for taking the time to do a podcast interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Tony Bombacino: David, thanks for having me, glad to be here.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Julie, have been married for 18 years and are the proud parents of two children, daughter Luca, 15, and son AJ, 13, who has multiple disabilities. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Tony Bombacino: Yeah, so I originally grew up on the southwest side of Chicago. Some listeners may know a town called Burbank, Illinois, and grew up there. Most of my years, went to Maddock School and went to Ravis High School over in Burbank. And then later in life, I went on to go to St. Xavier and played basketball there. But very much my upbringing surrounded by the south side of Chicago and Southwest Burbs.

David Hirsch: Did you have any siblings when you were growing up?

Tony Bombacino: Yeah. So that’s a complex one, to start, but let’s dive in. so my parents got divorced, as some do when I was 5, and I lived with my mom and my brother Scott, my older brother, who was very much a mentor and hero to me. my older sister Michelle, who’s also a great example and partner in crime to me. Back in the day, I had another sibling from my mom’s previous marriage, Mary, that, I’d only met a couple times. She was a little bit older, who passed away unfortunately. So, yeah, we always had some interesting stuff going on at the Bombacino house over in Burbank.

David Hirsch: Okay, well, thanks for sharing. What did your dad do for a living?

Tony Bombacino: Yeah, my dad, you know, my dad was a military guy. He was a sergeant in Vietnam and hardworking dude. He was a painter. And he realized early on that he wanted to work for himself, kind of control his own destiny. So he put a, sign in shingle up and created Bombacino painting, decorating, and worked in lots of homes. Did mostly residential, but I remember growing up and just watching him work his tail off every day. He’s the first person that truly taught me the value of hard work and the, value of a dollar, and I never forgot that for sure.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. And is your dad still alive?

Tony Bombacino: He is, yeah. He just turned 77. He lives back here in Illinois now in the west suburbs, and happily engaged, I would add, soon to be married again. And. And so it’s good to see him in a happy place. And he bowls a couple times a week, way better than I will ever in my life. Somehow. He’s. He’s bowling 200, 250, when I don’t ever scare 150, but, yeah, he’s doing well.

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David Hirsch: Excellent. Did I remember that your mom died very prematurely at your young age.

Tony Bombacino: Yeah, that’s ah, when talking with you before this, you think of inflection points in your life and that was certainly one of them for me. My mom unfortunately passed away back in 1990. I was not quite, or maybe I just turned 15. My mom was in a terrible car accident the summer before I went into eighth grade. She and my sister, actually Michelle, were hit head on by a drunk driver on a two lane highway. And it was just a bad, terrible thing. She went into a coma for a long time. Really shouldn’t have lived through it and came out of it about a year later and was unable to speak and didn’t have all of her faculties about her after that and passed away a couple years after that in 1990. So talk about a traumatic start to high school. And that kind of led to a lot of different things. I ended up moving in with my dad and moving schools and all that in eighth grade as well because of that.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, very sorry to hear about your mom’s destiny and the type of accident she was in. The short life that she lived as a result of the accident and how many years ago that was, you know, that, that was a long time ago. Those were some pretty formative years when you were a teenager to have everything shaken up like that, right? You and your brother were living with your mom and all of a sudden I guess it’s back to dad’s house.

Tony Bombacino: You know, it’s like everybody was thrown into the blender together at once. You know, it was certainly disruptive for my father as well, who had been remarried and to my brother who was seven years older at the time. And so we kind of were all trying to figure it out and certainly to my older sister who was a mom already at that point at a young age. And we all just kind of looked at each other with the collective now what? And ended up moving out toward Midway Airport for a year with my dad and brother, but found my way back to Burbank for high school to play basketball and baseball with a lot of people that I knew. But you know, looking back and thinking about this, you know, so many decades have passed now, I don’t get to talk about my mom as much, but we certainly were best friends in less than ideal situation. You know, we were very poor, we didn’t have a vehicle most of the time. Food stamps were a regular thing in our life. But we, man, we always laugh and we would go for long walks together and we’re Just silly. So if my dad taught me hard work and discipline, my mom certainly taught me how to laugh and find the humor in any situation. So I think that’s kind of two important things that shaped who I am.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. I’m wondering if there’s any other important takeaways from your relationship with your dad, lessons learned in addition to his work ethic.

Tony Bombacino: Yeah. You know, something my dad always taught me is he wanted better for me. You know, he always say, listen, I didn’t go down the education path. He had to go away to Vietnam, like I said. And he went right into the working world, and he worked his butt off, man, up and down ladders, working really hard. And he pushed for all. All he could to. To say, go get an education. Work with your mind, not with your hands and your body. And, that all stuck with me. All these little things, you know, little things that might sound corny, but they’re a very big part of me. Look people in the eye, keep your word. Treat the most junior employee the same way you treat the CEO. these are all echoes from my dad. They’re repeated in business books these days. But it’s something I was taught at a really young age. I was just surrounded by people who were humble enough to realize, like, hey, it doesn’t matter how big your house is or what car you drive, it truly is about how you treat people.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, what I heard you say is that when your parents divorced at your young age, you went to live with your mom, and then a decade later, you went back to live with your dad. And even though it’s been sort of a boomerang type of experience, you are looking at the positive aspect, aspects of the relationship with your dad and the influence that he’s had on you. And I think that’s really healthy. So thanks for sharing. So I’m thinking about other father figures, and I’m wondering what, if any, influence your grandfathers played.

Tony Bombacino: It’s interesting. I have friends that still have both their grandfathers in their lives, and I unfortunately only met one of my grandfathers, and that was on my dad’s side. And again, I come from a big Italian family, last name is Bombacino. Can’t kind of escape that. So food and family and fun were always kind of important to us. And my grandfather was definitely at the center of that. When I was younger, he unfortunately passed away not too long after my mom as well. My mom, my grandma, and my grandpa actually passed away all within a year of each other when we were young, constantly joking. We joke about the show Everybody Loves Raymond, how they were ahead of their time, my grandma and grandpa just teasing. But, again, going back to family and showing up and making memories together, you know, laughter is a very important thing. And I remember that with him is he made us laugh sometimes. Maybe joke jokes weren’t necessarily appropriate for the kids at the time, but, because I remember with him cooking,

00:10:00

Tony Bombacino: laughing, and just enjoying time together, it could be sitting on the front porch or it could have been a Christmas Eve celebration. But, yeah, nothing but positive memories there.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. You’re fortunate to at least have known one of your grandfathers. So I’m thinking about father figures, other men who might have played an influential role in your life. I think you made reference to your older brother, Scott. What type of influence did he have?

Tony Bombacino: Yeah, God, that could be the whole podcast, David. I often joke that if I can be half the man my brother was, he passed away almost 15 years ago, I would be doing well. Scott was one of those rare people that, everybody liked, not because he was fake, but because he was just so genuine. Hard working kid, you know, never got into drinking or drugs. Was a great husband, great father, hard worker, pushed himself in sports. In school, he was an all American athlete. He went on, got, his associate’s degree and got into futures trading and had a very successful career and married his high school sweetheart, Cindy. Two beautiful children, Tyler and Alyssa, twins, now 24. And Alyssa’s actually about to get married this Friday, which is amazing. But Scott was, you know, I was not the best kid. David. you may not have loved me when I was 12 or 15. I’m very different at 48, I think. But Scott was always there for me, always had my back, always pushed me to be a better version of myself. And sports was always there. Even though family unit was, you know, less than stable. A lot of the times I was pretty good at basketball and baseball and so was he, and we bonded over that. So he pushed me to do the right things in the classroom so I was able to go enjoy sports. You know, even though he was seven years older, he always let me tag along. He always took me to the beach in the summer to play sand volleyball. He would always teach me lessons, you know, and he never celebrated the wrong stuff and always, always highlighted the good stuff. Of course I have bias. He was my big brother. But I reflect back on some of the people speaking at his services and, you know, he was like that to everybody, everybody. He worked with everybody that met him. And to the very end, you know, unfortunately, he lost his battle with cancer. But he showed me bravery through all that. He was still worried about how everybody else was doing as he was going through cancer treatments. So, Scott. And he’s also funny. He’s a good looking, in shape kid and had a great sense of humor and loved the bus chops and mix it up. And I love that too. So, yeah, I miss him every day. He was awesome.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. Very sorry again that, you lost somebody that you were very close to, your mom and then your brother 15 years ago. So that was about the same time you were becoming a father. Right. For the first time.

Tony Bombacino: It was the exact time, yeah. My daughter Luca was born at the end of 2008. And, that was right before that I found out he had gotten cancer again. He had. You know, he was only 40 years old when he passed away, David. And he had actually gotten colon cancer when he was 33 and beat it the first time with some surgery and chemo. Came back six years later and, took his life in August of, 2009. And then I became a dad shortly before that. And one of my last memories is he showed up at my daughter’s christening and he was sick. He was sick from the chemo, and he was there. Man, he always showed up. Right. So one of the things he taught me is always show up.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, there’s, the importance of being present. Right. I think that’s the most important thing we can do, not only as dads for our children, husbands to our wives, but, for those that we’re close to. Right. Family and friends, for that matter, is just to be present, even if it’s not convenient to make that extra effort and, demonstrate your level of commitment. So, again, very sorry to hear that your brother Scott passed away. But, you know, you were very fortunate to have another positive adult male role model like that in your life. Anybody else that comes to mind that played an important role in your life?

Tony Bombacino: Man, I am the ultimate. It takes a village. People who’ve known me a long time will say, hey, you’ve been through some pretty tough stuff, whether it’s losing loved ones or growing up in a less than ideal way in some cases. But then I’ll say, that might be true. But, if you know me now and you look back, you’ll realize that I’ve always had a village around me. And maybe not deserving sometimes, but starting with coaches and teachers and that goes to say a lot for coaches and teachers out there, because I think lots of people can say that. But, when I moved, going back to when my mom got in that car accident, David, I moved about, 25 minutes away. 20 minutes away. But it was a whole nother world. I had gone to the same school from kindergarten to seventh grade, and then all of a sudden I went to eighth grade at a totally different school with kids who had grown up together.

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Tony Bombacino: I joined their basketball team, maybe took somebody’s spot. I was the new kid, knew nothing, had no history with any of them. And it was rough. I was scared and. And all the while my mom was still in a coma and I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be there at that time. And I had a teacher by the name of Mr. Fornatar, Paul Forniter, who unfortunately has passed away recently. But he was an English teacher, but also a basketball coach. He saw something of me, I guess, and put me in gifted classes and started to speak to me after basketball practices and, and just guided me, you know, he guided me through it, had my back and wouldn’t let me fail and wouldn’t let me give up. He taught me to expect more out of myself. You know, some of those moments in life where he wanted to say, quite bluntly, screw it, I don’t want to deal with this. And he, wasn’t having it, you know, so you got my hard working dad, you got my brother, who’s a standup guy showing up, and you got people like him. And that kind of pushed forward into high school, where I had other coaches. You know, names that pop up are guys like Tim Smith and Jim Tracy. Jim was my varsity basketball coach my senior year, who very much was instrumental in helping me get a College scholarship to St. Xavier in Chicago. And Terry Brown, who, God love him, once handed me an envelope my freshman year in high school, a sealed envelope. And he said, don’t open this until you’re ready, Bombacino. And he kind of wrote me a pretty blunt one page note saying, what the heck are you doing? You’re hanging out with the wrong people, you’re doing all the wrong crap. You got all this potential and you’re gonna throw it all away. We believe in you and you need to believe in yourself still. Like, I was 14 years old when he wrote me, you know, just bam, smack in the face in a good way. And, through college, m. You know, my assistant basketball coach was also the head of resident life. He let me stay in the Dorms all year long. Didn’t want to go down there, so I stayed in the dorms all year long. Billy Ehart, he helped with that. And the last one that, you know, that came to mind, I think we talked about this a little bit, was a guy by the name of Father Charles Niblick who was, instrumental in helping me. I had him for a religion class. He saw that I needed to make a little extra money and introduced me to a pal of his who was a bishop who had some special needs later in life, life. And he knew some of my background and we just became pals. My dad got moved to Tennessee a few weeks after I started college and I knew nobody there. And I had a, you know, a crossroads in my life. And so all these were stairs and guard rails, I guess, you know, to keep me going. Because sometimes when it’s just your brother or just your dad, you don’t want to listen, maybe. And I always had people that had my back. And I’m not even yet mentioning my close friends who I’ve got friends now, 30, 40 years. David, my friend Gary, my friend Dominic, my friend Steve. These are people that are equal parts friend, brother, father, mentor to me. I don’t know what my life would be like without them.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, I think of people like the ones that you’ve mentioned, Gary, Steve, Father Charles Niblick, Paul, Forniter, et cetera, as being the angels in our lives. You know, maybe you don’t know it at the time, but you can look back and say if it wasn’t for them, I might not be where I am today. So you’re very fortunate to be able to, count them as the, pillars or guardrails in your own verbiage in your life.

Tony Bombacino: Without a doubt, I 100% lean on them.

David Hirsch: So my recollection was that, you took a marketing degree from St. Xavier and then, a few years later you took a master’s in direct marketing from Mercy University. And, where did your career start? And then how have you gotten to where you are?

Tony Bombacino: Yeah, sure. So that’s, you know, the education part of it always certainly important. But believe it or not, I kind of always had like a techie mindset. And I thought I wanted to be a computer science major. And I realized early on, probably because of my sister in law, Cindy, who was in the marketing world, my brother Scott’s wife, that I was really interested in marketing and business strategy. So it wasn’t about writing the computer programs being the end game. It was what I could do with tech and data. And so I studied business, studied marketing, got fascinated with entrepreneurship, and, my first job out of college was at a marketing consulting firm in Oak Park, Illinois. Very small, but my first customer was Discover Card and worked on some really interesting projects and challenges and parlayed that into working at Anderson Consulting, working on some digital marketing and advertising stuff. So I was very fortunate to get into digital marketing advertising very early on and cut my teeth at some great companies like Anderson and then United Airlines and a chance

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Tony Bombacino: to work in the digital ad department of United and kind of just going from there. But that the important step along the way was when I was at Anderson, I was thinking about, hey, you know what, maybe I’m gonna go back and get my mba. Because, I didn’t. A guy like me didn’t have a lot of people that went to college in his family and didn’t really have a business network yet. And I happened to be reading a magazine called Direct Magazine at the time, you know, before everything was digital. And I found this program in Dobbs Ferry, New York, Mercy College. And they were one of the first to utilize online distance learning again, one of those game changers. And it really rounded out how I thought about business and strategy and parlayed that into the rest of my career.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous. And you had a business that you sold real food brands. What was that all about?

Tony Bombacino: Yes. So Real Food Blends is another one of those things that, if you would have met me when I was younger and said that I was going to be running a specialized food company with my wife for people with feeding tubes. You don’t see that into the future. So, you know, after my early career, my wife and I actually both became heads of marketing. I met my wife Julie at United Airlines while we were both working there back in 2003, believe it or not. And when my son was born, we thought everything was typical. he was a breastfed kid, he came from the hospital in two days. And then when he was six months old, he had a 45 minute seizure out of the clear blue. And, we didn’t know what the heck was going on. That led us to a, brain mri, misdiagnoses, scary diagnoses. And all of a sudden we were being told, your son is never going to talk or walk and all these scary things. And we said, okay, wow, our life’s just changed all the while. While we had our daughter Luca already, who was about a couple years old, and we weren’t sure what to expect. He was in the hospital for about a week. He kept having seizures every couple days. And then all of a sudden, about four weeks later, we realized he was kind of like eating slowly. And we went and had a swallow study on a Friday in Chicago at one of the great hospitals. And he failed it miserably. And they said he needs a feeding tube immediately. He’s aspirated into his lungs. So that was the beginning. That moment in time was the beginning of Real Food Blends. My son started to need a G tube and feeding tube for all of his nutrition right after that moment when he was about 9 months old and AJ is now 13 years old and still completely tube fed. but the steps that led us to that were he went through about 15 different formulas. He was throwing up 10 times a day, having seizures, not growing. And when you have a feeding tube, whether you’re a kid or an adult, you’re put on a diet of formula. We’ll leave the two big brands out of the conversation. I won’t pick on, anybody today. But it’s more corn syrup and sugar and preservatives than real food. And after we got upset enough and my son wasn’t growing, we said, why the heck can’t he have some food? Why can’t we just blend up food? And doctors and dietitians would say to us, well, you don’t know what you’re doing. He’s not going to get enough protein or fat. And we finally said, well, it can’t be any worse than this. And we just started. We took a little bit of applesauce and put it into his tummy and he was fine. And then we moved on to the next thing. And next thing, you know, all of a sudden he’s getting all of his nutrition being real food, just a bunch of different blended up food. It was one of those stories where people were like, well, then how did you take it from that to a business? Well, we decided to take our daughter to Disney World and we’re going to take the whole family. And we said, well, what the heck, we’re going to have to bring the blender. Go shopping, blend. I wonder if there’s any prepackaged all natural food for people with feeding tubes. And there really wasn’t. And, one of those middle of the night crying conversations where we said, well, we should do that. We had no idea what we were doing, David. And that was like, 2013, 2012, 2013. Spent half our life savings about two and a half years trying to figure it out, you know, the science behind it. Hired a food scientist, did a ton of research. We started going to conferences in that, in that space before we even had a product to, to listen to what the other people were telling people. Then we put our marketing hats, on. We, we said, this is real. And that word stuck with us, you know, and so we, we decided to call a company, Real Food Blends. And we decided that we would only have five to seven ingredients and we would create meals instead of a formula. Chicken and, and vegetables and salmon and beef and turkey. Good stuff. And that was February of 2014. When we launched that business on our website, we had no idea, hey, is anybody going to buy this stuff? And we thought it was going to be direct to consumer through our website and Amazon. And it turns out we begged our co packer to the people who sourced our ingredients

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Tony Bombacino: and packaged it and made it to make 15,000 meals for us to start. Keep in mind, those meals were probably being charged anywhere from four to five bucks a meal at that point. And we had to pay all up front. No idea if they were going to sell at all. Our co packer was working with some of the biggest consumer packaged goods companies in the world. We begged them for nine months and they finally said, sure, but it’s going to cost you a lot of money. Okay, great. So we decided on 15,000. We had three meals at the time, chicken, veggie and salmon. And, we sold out in like 10 days. The word of mouth got out. It was all over social media. And we said, holy crap. That was pretty amazing. We had no idea that was going to happen. And one other thing happened, David. We didn’t realize this was going to happen so quickly. Our meals start to get covered by medical insurance. Wow. And so that opened up a whole new world of, B2B sales where companies like Medline and Cardinal Health and McKesson could start ordering our meals and become big customers of ours. That took years to scale, but it started. And so we need to order more meals. Well, we got to pay for them. Are we going to do 2050? We decide 90,000. So now you’re talking hundreds of thousands and now you’re talking, what are we doing? We just got through saving money in our career for the previous 15 years. Thankfully we’re able to do that, but now we’re talking about credit cards and this and that. And at that point is where we decided to raise a little money. And so we raised, a Friends and family angel round. Oh, about $600,000.

David Hirsch: Oh, my God.

Tony Bombacino: So grateful to our early investors that were crazy enough to believe in us. And we sold out of those meals in like a couple weeks. But it, we were profitable the first year of the business and it just resonated with people. You know, we never considered ourselves entrepreneurs. We were traumatized, upset parents that wanted a better solution for our son. And it just turns out it was a multi billion dollar industry with a lot of people who are struggling with ALS, oral cancer, various brain injuries, different things that cause you to need a feeding tube. We had an unbelievable team and just created what I think is something special and still is. And we scaled it for about eight years and, prior to Covid, we’re starting to look at each other. Julie and I were living on an airplane and often traveling separately while our kids were getting older and AJ’s knees were getting more. And we decided that the best route for our family was going to be to, to find a buyer for real food blend. Somebody who could truly operate it, scale it to the next level. And we sold it to Danone In October of 2020, the parent company of Dannon, via their specialty food company Nutritia. And we stayed on for a little while. Although we’re not part of it anymore, AJ still eats real food blends every day. And if you go to the website, you’ll still see our story and it’s still the same formulations and the same real food. So we went from this digital marketing career to creating a specialty food company to serve people with feeding tubes. So really an unexpected but unbelievably rewarding chapter in my life.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for sharing. That’s an amazing story. And it’s sort of like backwards from what you hear other, you know, successful people marketing. I was a customer and then I ended up buying the business. Right. Because I was so impressed with the business. And, you built the business and, sold it and you’re still a customer.

Tom Couch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you. Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: Going back to those early years, that first year of AJ’s life, you know, with the seizures, with the feeding tube, the high level of uncertainty with the prognosis that he’ll never walk or talk or be able to do anything. What were some of the fears that you and Julie had at that point in time?

Tony Bombacino: Holy cow. Yeah. Well, first you just, you know, you’re so emotional, and you’re overwhelmed by it all, and you’re like, is this real? Is this accurate? It happened while my wife was visiting her mom in Toledo, Ohio. So he was at Toledo Children’s Hospital. And not to say anything bad about them, but we were like, hey, do we need to get back to his doctors in Chicago? Is this. Is it that? And the diagnosis changed early. You know, he has this. He doesn’t have this. The main question was, how are we going to do this? What does this mean from a career perspective to raising our daughter to just life? We didn’t know what to expect. We were sent home with a feeding pump. it was horrible. He just continued to

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Tony Bombacino: throw up and have seizures. Keep in mind, he’s young, he’s not speaking yet, so he can’t tell us what’s wrong, what’s happening, not sleeping. And so we really were in a whirlwind. We were just afraid we’re going to mess up. You know, we were giving him seizure meds. We had ambulances at our house a few times because he would have seizures that wouldn’t stop. We were testing different rescue meds for his seizures. You know, I’ve been through some stuff, as we’ve covered already, but that was a tough moment in my life, and I think my and my wife’s life where we just didn’t know what the heck was going to happen next?

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for reflecting. Was there some meaningful advice that you got that, helped put things in perspective, to put you on a better path?

Tony Bombacino: You know, what we’re talking about showing, up. People showed up then, too. Random people. Co workers, friends, family, different doctors. And they just tried to remind us to slow down and that we didn’t have to figure it all out on day one. You know, they reminded us that we were loving, capable parents. And, that with the doctors and with our faith that we would figure it out, you know, now all of a sudden, here I am talking to you. AJ’s 13 years old, and we did. Did we mess up along the way? Sure. But, we showered him with love and always looked at it as, how do we give AJ the best life possible, the best version of his life that he can Certainly not the same as a quote, unquote, typical child, not the same as my daughters. You know, he’s still 100% non verbal. He is in a wheelchair, has a feeding tube, is cognitively probably six to nine months old in some ways because he, he can’t communicate via an iPad or anything like that. But if I were to look back, it was just like I was so scared. We were so scared not to mess up, you know, and, I’m so grateful for people that, you know, let us cry, that listened and that reminded us that, hey, you’re going to figure this out. It’s going to be ok.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for sharing. I’m sort of curious to know what impact AJ’s situation’s had on your marriage, his older sister, and your extended family, for that matter.

Tony Bombacino: None at all.

David Hirsch: What are you talking about? Right. Yeah.

Tony Bombacino: Oh, my goodness. The answer is in all ways, all the time. At the beginning it’s, you know, you want to bond together as a parent and as a spouse. But keep in mind, I still had an active career going, which I ended up leaving a job, not too long after AJ started going through all this stuff. And we tried to focus at home, so it impacted our marriage, our parenting style, our careers, everything. But, you know, once you get through the shock of it all and the fear of it all, you realize that you become a stronger family unit if you let yourself. My daughter, at 15 years old, is a better person than maybe I’ll ever be. She’s just seen a lot, heard a lot. she’s seen mom and dad as entrepreneurs, mom and dad as caring parents. In the middle of the night, she watched us give her little brother rescue meds as he was having a seizure on our living room floor. She rubbed his head while it’s happening, you know, so all these good things happen. But, it also. There was moments, David, where you also can become your worst enemy when you’re in the same house with each other. How could this be happening? And you don’t understand. And everyone processes grief differently too, right? Including spouses. As you know, I lost my brother at, you know, just a little time before that. And, we were navigating life in general just as younger people in our careers and parents, and. And then all of a sudden, you throw this in. And yeah, many sleepless nights, many times we quit. What are we doing? Is this the right thing? And. And then all of a sudden we said, you know, why don’t we start a company together? And so AJ’s challenges in our business, bound us together. You know, it gave us an extra layer of purpose that I didn’t know I needed, but I did. And it’s changed. I think it’s changed us all forever. You know, I think myself, my wife and my daughter would be very, maybe not very different, but we’d certainly be different people if we didn’t go down this path.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. And you know, it is remarkable that you could take the tragedy, if you want to call it that, the challenges that AJ’s health has not only provided him, but your family and see the positive. Right. The silver lining that’s occurred. I have this image in my mind of you as a hurdler and you keep jumping over these hurdles, these life hurdles. Losing your mom, losing your brother, your son’s diagnosis, you know, the

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David Hirsch: craziness that, you know, goes along with starting a business, which is usually not a straight line. And it’s like a high wire act. Right. There’s leverage involved, you’re betting the farm and, you know, you know, you’ve got to thrive on the uncertainty. Right. I think to put it all in perspective. So thanks for sharing.

Tony Bombacino: Thank you.

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about supporting organizations and I’m wondering what organization or organizations come to mind that have played an influential role in either AJ’s life and. Or your family’s life.

Tony Bombacino: Yeah, I appreciate that. Again, going back to, all the people you depended on along the way, there’s two that certainly come to mind and I’m sure there’s more, but, there’s an organization called Jacob’s Ladder here local, out near Chesterton, Indiana, where I live now, and we’re about an hour from Chicago, founded by great parents who had children with special needs. And they saw the great need that, parents with special needs that don’t necessarily have the financial support or stability need have for care of their kids when they go to work or after school or anytime, both in the home and at their facility. It could be speech, it could be fine motor skills, all these things that, you take for granted with your typical children. And, the support they have given to thousands and thousands of families is unbelievable. And my son benefited from that for many years. The therapist would come in and treat AJ like one of their kids. And we would work on little milestones. It might be better eye contact, it might be sitting up better, it might be giving a meaningful high five. The smallest things that mean the world to parents like us. And Jacob’s letter continues to be there. I Joined the board many years ago and got a chance firsthand, to help them grow and raise money, serve more people. And so I’m super proud of them and that Marianne Frigo and her family and the people started that are just an unbelievable organization. I’m not as active with them as before. That’s nothing to do with my love or gratitude for them. I’m just way more involved with something called a Rosie Place now. And a Rosie Place for Children, is in South Bend, Indiana, about an hour from me. And it’s a respite house, basically. We call it like camp for kids like AJ and kids that are much more complex than my son. A place for kids that don’t have a lot of places to go. You know, our kids aren’t getting invited to birthday parties, aren’t playing youth sports, and, it could be lonely. And the parents of kids like this often don’t get a break. You know, they have other kids that maybe they can’t spend one on one time with, they can’t travel with, or just go out to dinner. And we came across a rosy place seven or eight years ago, and I went and met Teal, Bishop, who’s a founder and CEO, and I walked through a rosy place, and, I knew I was in a special place from the moment I walked in there. You walk in and there’s a big fish tank and there’s a media room, and all the rooms have beautiful murals on them, and they’re all themed differently. And I said, what is this all about? She said, well, our parents spend a lot of time at hospitals and doctor’s appointments, and we didn’t want to have another place in a strip mall that people were afraid to go to or just felt stale. We wanted the parents and families and the kids to be excited to come here. And it’s staffed like a hospital by amazing people and nurses. It’s just unbelievable. My son was just there for a few days, not, a couple weeks back. It’s. It’s hard to put words to it. You know, we just had our annual golf outing this past Monday, and you meet people and you. You hear, why are you here? How are you connected to a rosy place? And sure, some of them have, ah, kids with special needs, but some of them are just pillars in their community that want to help and people that care. So Rosy Place is super special to me. I’ve been on the board there for about a year and a half, and, I would say if anybody knows anybody that has a loved One or a friend with special needs that falls into the under 18 category. They should reach out. And, or they could check out aroziplace.org and you’ll see all the good stuff they’re doing. It’s just. It’s just a special, special place.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I’ll be sure to include information on both those programs in the show notes, so it’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to educate themselves. So I also remember you sharing with me that, you did a blog for a number of years. this is under the banner of Real Food Blends. And I’m wondering if you could just reflect on why you did that and what impact that it had.

Tony Bombacino: Yeah, it was selfish at first. I’m just going to be honest. I was drowning a bit at the beginning. I didn’t know how to do it all. I didn’t know how to be a special needs dad or whatever that meant. How am I supposed to be a dad to Luca, a, husband to Julie,

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Tony Bombacino: a businessman, a friend, a son? And then this new title. Everyone kept saying to me, oh, you’re a special needs dad. And, you know, just trying to figure it out. but then when I realized my son would be going to horse therapy or I’d be at other places with dads with kids like my son, and I would quickly realize, David, that they were struggling. Guys, historically, don’t talk about their emotions as much. I told you before, I grew up in a big Italian family kind of guys guys. Thankfully, I had a lot of family members that hugged and kissed and said, I love you, and were comfortable sharing their emotions, but a lot of men don’t. And I, love writing, and I’ve always been pretty comfortable expressing myself. And I said, you know what? I need this. And I’m sure some other guys out there do. And I just started writing. I opened up my computer, and I didn’t know what the heck I was going to write about first. And, the first one I wrote it, it kind of was like this title of Special Needs Dad. I didn’t have a script. You know, I just wrote what I was feeling. And then the next one might have been about Father’s Day. And then, you know, we had pitfalls along the way, was AJ Was growing up, and we were growing a business. And, you know, you want to quit sometimes. Everybody does if they’re being honest. You know, people face tough stuff. Life is hard. Life is glorious, but it’s also hard. And so this mindset of keep going is Always in my head, just keep going, you know, and finding, a way to communicate that to other guys and dads that maybe don’t have a mentor or don’t have support network or maybe don’t have faith the way that I do to say, you know what? You’re gonna get through this tough stuff. Life is hard. Life is glorious, but it’s also hard. And so this mindset of keep going is always in my head. Just keep going, you know, and finding, a way to communicate that to other guys and dads that maybe don’t have a mentor or don’t have support network or maybe don’t have faith the way that I do to say, you know what, you’re gonna get through this. You know, you don’t think you will sometimes, but we, all need that. You know, we all need to know that we’re gonna figure this out and that we’re not alone. And any. Sometimes you need a hug and sometimes need a, a crack in the back and. And to push you forward. And that’s what that was all about, you know, just to. I was sharing from what I was feeling and what I was going through and. And, my pen, if you will, or the writing, was very much me healing myself out loud.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, it’s pretty obvious to me that, you. And you were transparent about this. You said you did it for selfish reasons at first, right? And you, were struggling because you recognized that other dads were struggling as well. And then once you start to bare your soul or to, you know, put some of these, thoughts or ideas, the things that are overwhelming you on the paper, you know, now they look different, right? You can put them in perspective. You can look back, you know, now, years later, right? And, you know, you timestamp some of the experiences and the feelings that you were having. And I hope, you know, with the benefit of hindsight, at least, a few years of hindsight now, you know, you can look back and say, hey, I’m a better person today. We’re in a better place today than I was then. And, you know, gain some confidence. Right. From those experiences. Right. And, put it all in perspective. So, again, thanks for sharing.

Tony Bombacino: I really appreciate it, and thank you for allowing me to talk about it, David, because I don’t get, a lot of chances to reflect and talk about some of this stuff, but it truly is a timestamp. And what I also remember is that it’s somebody else’s day one. And so as much as I have the benefit of being 13 years into this, somebody else is living day one right now. Whether it’s a young kid in their career or it’s a special needs father. That’s what, ah, what drives me is it’s, it’s pretty, it feels pretty great to be able to, to help somebody else find their way.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. So I’m sort of curious to know what role spirituality has played on your journey.

Tony Bombacino: A big one. And I would say it’s played a bigger one at different phases in my life. At the beginning of my life and right now the most, growing up, you know, I didn’t have faith in a lot of things. some people in my life kind of let me down and I had some tough stuff going. But I, I was that kid that ah, for some reason I grew up Catholic, first of all, and I was a kid that went to, went to church by myself. I went to Bible study in the summer and go play kickball and, and learn about God and faith. And I got away from it a little bit for various reasons that don’t need to get into. But I always kept my internal faith even when I wasn’t going to mass. I’m a guy that prays multiple times per day, not just in bad times, but in good. And you know,

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Tony Bombacino: none of us really know. And I’ve always had the mindset of, I lean on that all the time. And I have one good friend by the name of Dominic Longo who is a little bit older than me, but, we’ve been pals for 25 years. We met at United Airlines as well. And he is a walking example of living a faith life. Great dad, great husband, great person. He’s the guy that was praying by my brother’s bedside and during his last days. And he’s a guy that’s been patient with me as he’s tried to, you know, get me to connect with my faith more for two decades. But he’s been very instrumental in me in finding that. And that’s where I find myself today. I very much lean on my faith daily and it centers me, you know, and I, close my eyes and center myself. I have a familiar prayer that I say a few times a day and I try to walk the walk.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for sharing and I, appreciate your being outspoken about your faith. I’m thinking about advice now and I’m wondering what advice you can share with parents, maybe specifically dads, you know, who find themselves at the beginning of that journey, the journey that you were describing about Being somebody’s first day or first month, first year for that matter.

Tony Bombacino: Yeah. A couple things come to mind. The word advice is always tricky to me, you know, but I, I try to share. Not necessarily advice, but what’s worked for me, or maybe some things to reflect on that might work for somebody else. And the first thing is to realize that you’re more prepared than you think you are. And what I mean by that is we’re all trying to figure it out, whether you’re a dad of a typical child, dad of a special needs child, and no matter what your financial status is or your background. I think I wrote one of my blogs. You got to find a way to cut yourself some slack and not just be your worst enemy. Another thing is find somebody. People say, find your tribe, find a friend, find a mentor. Whoever it is for you. Doesn’t have to be somebody in the church. It could be anybody at work or, or an old friend. You gotta find somebody to connect with and talk about this stuff. Because I see so many of my friends suffer in silence. And, it’s heartbreaking really. And I think shame goes into it, fear goes into it. It’s the same things we see with people who struggle with addiction or losing their jobs or other things. It’s a very similar feeling, I think, having lived it myself. When you’re the parent of a kid with special needs, especially as they get older, because all of a sudden there’s people are staring at you and you’re, like, what the hell’s going on here? You know, how this is my life now? I’m the, there’s a lot wrapped up in it. So we all need somebody. And I, think the, the third thing is, is to try really hard to not compare your kids to other kids and compare your lives to other people’s lives. You know, I struggled with this for a long time at the beginning, and I still do a little bit here and there now. You know, I have friends that have 12, 13, 14 year old boys that are in baseball and soccer and basketball. And, you know, it’s a tough dose of reality to realize I’m not at those games. AJ is not gonna be that. And, if you sit there and focus on that, you’re gonna just hurt yourself. You gotta find a way to realize and be happy for your friends and, find a way to be happy helping your child live your child’s best life, you know, and it’s easier said than done, but that is what I think about now. I don’t think about, hey, AJ can’t play bas basketball. I think, holy crap. When I came home yesterday, AJ heard my voice and he butt scooted across the house and gave me the biggest hug and gave me like 20 high fives. Right. And I, don’t take that for granted because that wasn’t guaranteed with him, you know, so you gotta find. Sounds cliche. You have to find the joy, even in the crappiest situations.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I think what I heard you saying there at the end was you have to celebrate the small victories. Right. As opposed to, like, people might typically think about celebrating victories. I heard you also say that don’t, compare yourself to others. There’s this phrase that, you’ve probably heard often, which is comparison is the thief of joy.

Tony Bombacino: That’s right.

David Hirsch: You can have a perfectly happy life and, you know, don’t get distracted by what others might be doing or saying or thinking for that matter. And I think your point earlier about finding at least someone, if not a group of like minded dads. Right. So that you realize that you’re not doing this alone. And you said not to suffer in silence, which is, you know, really, really, really important. And then, you know, the, the reality is, you don’t know what you don’t know. But, you know, most of us have what it takes to

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David Hirsch: be parents. You might not realize it at the time because you haven’t been through the experience, but hopefully you look back and say, hey, we might not have made 100% of the right decisions, but, you know, we got most of the decisions. Right. And if, like you were saying earlier, you know, if you love your child. Right. If you’re present. Right. That’s 90% of the battle.

Tony Bombacino: Yep.

David Hirsch: I don’t want to say the rest of it is just details, but, you know, that’s something you just need to, you know, stay focused about. So I’m, sort of curious to know why have you agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

Tony Bombacino: A lot of different reasons. We just met recently, David, but the call we had last week really resonated with me. And, sometimes you meet somebody and they, remind you that there’s no reason why you’re not doing something already or making a bigger impact. And, we talk about things, all of us talk about, I should do this more, I should do that more. And I’m at a place in my life and phase in my life where I can do more and I want to do more. And I was just really moved with everything you’ve done and your. Your example of being humble enough and empathetic enough to look at people that need an extra hand, maybe. And, I’m the same way. You know, I can’t possibly remember and count all the people that have been there for me along the way. And I’m a firm believer in being a mentor and being a guide for other people that just need a little bit of help. And like I said, going back to the blog, in many selfish ways, it’s just helping me as well.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, we’re thrilled to have you. Thank you for being part of the network. Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Tony Bombacino: I’m excited. I’m excited to get involved in what you’re doing and having a bigger impact. It’s pretty, pretty awesome when people get together for the right reasons and a big mission, what you can accomplish. I’ve seen it in a number of occasions in my life, and I appreciate you giving me the platform to talk about, my somewhat crazy life story and business and family. I’m a pretty blessed, lucky guy. I love being a dad, love being a husband most days. and I’ve got a great family and set of friends, and, listening to myself talk to you makes me realize I’m pretty lucky, dude. And, I’m excited to keep going and keep writing the story.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. So let’s give a special shout out to my longtime friend Jim Mullen, a disabled Chicago police officer and podcast dad, episode number 215 for helping connect us.

Tony Bombacino: Amen. Jim’s the best and so grateful he made this connection.

David Hirsch: If somebody wants to learn more about your work or to contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

Tony Bombacino: Yeah, they can find me on LinkedIn. And, that’s probably the easiest place these days. And I’d be happy to share my email as well. David, when you follow up.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that information in the show notes so it’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up with you. Tony, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Tony is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, please go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Data dad podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help to keep our content free to all concerned. Would you please consider making a tax actable contribution? I would really appreciate your support. Tony, thanks again.

Tony Bombacino: David. Thank you. Take care.

Tom Couch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21stCenturydads.Org.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to Facebook group facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david@21stcenturydads.org.

Tom Couch: The Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast was produced by me, Tom Couch. Thanks again to Horizon Therapeutics who believe that science and compassion must work together to transform lives. That’s why they work tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics at horizontherapeutics.com.

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