350 – Dana Lange Of Denver, CO, Co-founder & CFO of Bright Life Connections And Father Of Two Including One With Pitt-Hopkins

Transcript:

Tom Couch: Special thanks to Horizon Therapeutics for sponsoring the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Working tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics mission at horizontherapeutics.com.

Dana Lange: I have, as I’ve gotten older and have realized that I have, some experiences that I can share with others that are going through the journey that I went through that they don’t need to do, do it alone and hopefully something that I, have gone through, they don’t have to go through, at least not go through it knowing that, they’re not alone.

Tom Couch: That’s our guest this week, Dana Lange, a father of two, including daughter Victoria, 26, who has Pitt-Hopkins syndrome, a very rare genetic disorder. We’ll hear Dana’s life story and how he handles the pressure of having a daughter with special needs. We’ll also hear about his venture, Bright Life Connections, serving the disability community. That’s all on this special Father’s Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Hi and thanks for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast presented by the Special Fathers Network, a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new mastermind groups in 2024 with 10 dads per group. That means we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local mastermind group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: Now let’s listen in to this week’s conversation between Dana Lange and David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with Dana Lange of Denver, Colorado, who does business development for Tuff Shed, is co-founder and CFO of Bright Life Connections, a company that serves the disability community and most importantly, father of two, including a daughter with a rare genetic disease. Dana, thank you for taking the time to do a podcast interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Dana Lange: Thank you for having me on.

David Hirsch: You and your Wife Dana, same name. Have been married for 34 years and are the proud parents of two daughters, Sarah, 28, and Victoria, 26, who has Pitt-Hopkins syndrome, a rare genetic disorder characterized by developmental delay, moderate to severe intellectual disability, among other things. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Dana Lange: Sure. I was born in Oak Park, Illinois. My father was a minister, so we moved around a little bit, so went back and forth between Iowa and Illinois. But, I would identify myself mostly as an Iowan, probably. My dad was a strong male figure in my life, and I still am lucky to have him with us. My mom passed a couple years ago during COVID Had great parents that stayed together for almost 60 years before my mother passed. And really great example of sticking through things thick and thin.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, you’re very fortunate to have a loving, intact family like that. And out of curiosity, when you were growing up, did you have any siblings?

Dana Lange: Yes, I had two sisters. I’m the oldest. My middle sister is four years younger than me, and then my youngest is seven years younger than me.

David Hirsch: So you mentioned your dad was a minister, and it sounded like you moved, back and forth between Illinois and Iowa a number of times. How would you characterize your relationship with your dad?

Dana Lange: That’s a great question. We. We have a good relationship. He’s always been kind of the, ah, disciplinarian. And also his generation is also very quiet. Kids are kind of to be in a corner a bit. But we have opened up our relationship as I’ve gotten older. I talk to him every week, though.

David Hirsch: Well, it’s really a blessing, you know, if one or both of your parents are alive, like you mentioned earlier. And, any important takeaways, lessons learned that come to mind when you think about your dad?

Dana Lange: Yes. Some of the things that he taught me. One was hard work. Never give up. Even when he was younger and working hard in his ministry, sometimes he would close churches if they were not, not doing well. And, ah, we would. He’d then go work a secular job, and he’d do whatever it took to make sure that we got fed. And, I took away a lot from that, from watching him. Him work that hard.

David Hirsch: So what were the most important takeaways from your relationship with your dad, or lessons learned, for that matter?

Dana Lange: Several things. One is the, value of

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Dana Lange: hard work. Throughout my youth, my father took little churches that were dying, and he either resurrected them and grew them or he buried them. So a lot of times there was not lot of, not a lot of money to be made in that type of line of work. So, he was very resourceful and made sure that we always had food on the table. But, he was very hardworking and I learned that from him. I think the other thing is I learned how to be both a father and a husband from how he demonstrated with us kids and my mom as well.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, I think I’ve heard it said before that the most important thing a, father can do for his children is love their mother and show that relationship, you know, so they have a good role model, you know, going forward. So it’s always, refreshing to hear somebody say that like you just have. So I’m thinking about other father influencers and, I’m wondering what, if any, relationship you had with your grandfather starting on your dad’s side.

Dana Lange: Yeah, I have very fond memories of my, my dad’s father. He was a jokester. He passed when I was just out of high school, so we went to visit them a couple times a year. They lived, in Branson, Missouri. So we would trek down there and hang, out with them. And he was just a jolly guy. I remember going to, every morning about 9:30, they’d all gather at the local diner and have a donut or a Danish and a coffee and shoot the bull with the boys. And it was always a lot of fun tagging along with the men, his friends that he would meet up with there.

David Hirsch: Excellent. How about your, maternal grandfather?

Dana Lange: He was an awesome guy. Very, very hard working. He and my uncle painted the inside of a church, Elmhurst First Baptist, I believe it was in, Illinois there. Painted the entire interior. 52 gallons of paint in one week. Just the two of them.

David Hirsch: Wow.

Dana Lange: Yeah. So he built a summer home up in Wisconsin by himself. My uncle helped as well. He built it from scratch. It was a 2,400 square foot, split foyer, right on a lake. And just, an amazing man. And he only graduated from the third grade.

David Hirsch: Wow. Sounds like he’s, one of those MacGyver type of people.

Dana Lange: Yes, right. Very much so.

David Hirsch: Give him an assignment. Maybe the tools, the right tools, maybe not. And he’s going to get the job done.

Dana Lange: Absolutely.

David Hirsch: Yeah. What a great role model. Thanks for sharing. So I’m thinking about education. My recollection was you went to the University of Iowa, took a BA in Political Science and you have a master’s in marketing and Finance. And, where did your career take you from there?

Dana Lange: My career has been interesting, not really focused. And I started off in retail management, did that for about 12 years. Had a young family, ended, up getting into sales in the pharmaceutical space. Fortuitously the timing of that was phenomenal because retail hours require you to be in a certain place at a certain time, all the time. And about two weeks after I started in the pharmaceutical industry, my father in law was diagnosed with cancer. So that allowed me some flexibility to be able to go visit him often. So from the pharmaceutical industry I did that for about 14-15 years and then I ended up selling in the oil and gas industry. And that was a lot of fun, but it was very tumultuous. Lo and behold, I got laid off from my third company in six years because of the oil prices. Just up and down, up and down. I ended up telling my wife that I was going to just go ahead and retire. And she said, you’re only in your 50s, you’re not retiring, you’re not good, left alone on your own, so you need to do something. And my buddy who had worked for me at one point in time was the VP of sales at Tough Shed. And he said, why don’t you come work for us? And I planned on staying there six months and it’s been six and a half years and I’m kind of having fun with it and so that’s how I ended up here. So none of it was really planned and it just fell into place.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, you can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect the dots looking backwards. And like you had mentioned, when you started your pharmaceutical aspect of your career, you know, sadly the timing with your father in law’s diagnosis. But that’s a blessing, right, that you had the flexibility, right, if you know, you were not having to be in a retail location, but you could sort of have the flexibility to get your job done but also attend to family matters or other matters. Probably took some of the pressure off the situation.

Dana Lange: Absolutely. And it’s also fortuitous that I got in the pharmaceutical industry, looking back, made me very comfortable talking to various doctors, specialties, et cetera. At a peer level. That helped a lot having my youngest, Victoria with Pitt-Hopkins. We go face to face with a lot of doctors and it’s good to be able to have that background.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, let’s use that to segue into the world of special

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David Hirsch: needs. Prior to becoming parents, did you or your wife Dana have any connection to the disability community?

Dana Lange: Not much. I have a niece who was born with hydrocephaly and has some needs, but other than that, no. In fact, growing up, I remember people in our church who had special needs kids. And when I was a kid and I would look at the parents and you could see that look in their eye, and I didn’t know how to react. I felt sorry for them. And I also was a little afraid of the child with special needs. So I never had planned on it, but it comes whether you like it or not. And, here we go.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thank you for your, authenticity and transparency. Because if you’re not connected to directly or indirectly, you know, somebody with special needs or disability, you know, it’s unfamiliar. Right. And, you know, it can be awkward and there’s, a lack of understanding or appreciation. And, it’s certainly a very enlightening experience. Right. When you get to know somebody firsthand. Right. They don’t have to be a family member, but firsthand with a disability. And you realize, well, we have a lot more in common than what might separate us or what might differentiate us. And, at the end of the day, I think most people, able bodied or not, just want to be seen and understood. They’re not looking for sympathy or pity. You know, that’s just a realization we hope that everybody, comes to.

Dana Lange: Absolutely. I did have a friend later on as an adult. Before I had kids, we had a friend and neighbor who had CP that we ended up becoming decent friends. And I really enjoyed spending time with them and getting to know them as well. That stigma didn’t stick with me forever, but I just remember that awkwardness. And I know I see other people when my daughter comes in the room. I see the awkwardness on their face as well. Used to bother me, and now I, a lot of times just address them and say, do you want to say hi? And see if you can engage those folks who are not aware of, the disability world? And oftentimes they accept it and, it’s a good bridgeway for them.

David Hirsch: So what is or are Victoria’s diagnoses and how do they come about?

Dana Lange: The primary diagnosis is Pitt-Hopkins. It’s a genetic disorder. It has something to do with either deletion or a mutation in the gene 18. It’s way more complicated than that. But at the end of the day, she has, 100% needs need to be met by us. She walks with a lot of assistance and some AFOs, but she’s in a wheelchair most of the time. We have to. She doesn’t self feed. She doesn’t self bathe, clothe, et cetera. She doesn’t communicate with words or sign language. We’ve learned to communicate through understanding kind of. Some of her moans. 95% of the time, she’s the happiest person on earth, which is a blessing. I actually feel a little bit jealous of her life sometimes because through her day program, she’s running off to Rockies games, and she’s off to the art museum and the botanical gardens, and she’s got season passes to all kinds of different, museums. And, she has a great time doing all that.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, what a blessing. even though she might not be able to do a lot of things for herself, like you said, that she’s still a happy, upbeat person. Right. And I think just being around people like that, you know, remind you that, hey, you know, be thankful or grateful for what you have as opposed to what you don’t have.

Dana Lange: Exactly.

David Hirsch: So was the Pitt-Hopkins syndrome diagnosis, you know, from the very get go, or was it a more circuitous journey to get that?

Dana Lange: It was a long and arduous journey. We ended up getting the diagnosis when she was 15.

David Hirsch: Oh, my.

Dana Lange: We spent, a lot of time initially going all over to universities and trying to figure out what it was. Wanted to make sure that when she was 30, someone didn’t come up and say, hey, if you would have given her extra protein, she’d have been fine. You know, as a parent, you want to make sure you’re doing everything you possibly can. It’s a relatively rare disorder. I think when she was diagnosed when she was 15, there were 500 cases in the world. So, it’s not even to this day, 12 years later, I think there’s 1,300 in the world that have been identified.

David Hirsch: Wow. Very small number.

Dana Lange: Very small number.

David Hirsch: So it sounds like you knew from the get go that there was something that wasn’t just right. Even though you didn’t officially get the Pitt-Hopkins diagnosis until age 15, what were some of the fears that you and Dana faced as parents of a child with these sort of, undiagnosed situations?

Dana Lange: Yeah, there are a couple fears. Not knowing what the progression is. Is it going to get worse? Is it going to get better? Is there something we can do? Not having a reference point, it just leaves everything to the unknown, from physical therapy, occupational therapy, what should we be doing to, you know, is there nutritional things that we can do? All

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Dana Lange: the way to how do we plan financially for a diagnosis we don’t have with a longevity that we have no idea about. I think the biggest fear that all of us as parents with kids with significant disabilities, it’s a dual edged sword. What are they going to do when I pass? Is a huge fear, I think, for all of us. How is my kiddo, going to be taken care of and who’s going to be the steward of their lives to help navigate that? And then on the opposite side of the sword, feeling guilty for hoping that before we pass that our significant needs child passes as well. And feeling guilty for even having that thought.

David Hirsch: Yeah, that’s very reasonable. I think the big question mark, the uncertainty is probably the biggest stressor not knowing. And then maybe the sense of relief that you get once the diagnosis, even if it took 15 years is made. At least you have some certainty. Right. You know what to expect. not a lot of data points if there’s only 1,300 people worldwide that have a, similar diagnosis. But it gives you a point of reference, right? You’ve got something as opposed to like some people go undiagnosed for the rest of their lives.

Dana Lange: Yeah. The diagnosis helped a lot in a couple different ways. It brought us into a community. There’s a Pitt-Hopkins community. A chance to go to several different local events that my wife has organized. And my wife, when we lived in California, my, wife got connected with several families out there in California that had Pitt-Hopkins. And then we were able to go to the foundation has a, annual meeting and research, seminar that we went to this year. That was great to see parents going through the same thing that we went through. And then also seeing a lot of young parents and being able to provide some counsel as to what the journey ahead looks like.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for sharing. I think it’s really important to be in community with others, so you don’t feel so isolated or alone. Was there some meaningful advice you got early on that helped put things in perspective, maybe even before the official diagnosis?

Dana Lange: Oh, wow, that’s a great question. One day at a time. Just one thing at a time, one more step forward. I don’t know. I don’t know that anybody gave me any advice. It was oftentimes self taught. I read a lot, so I read a lot of books about mental toughness and mental focus and grit and how to mentally prepare yourself to do whatever it takes to get something done. And I think how I grew up helped prepare me for my journey ahead. I was always a tough little kid that was a hustler I had a paper route starting in fourth grade, and by the time I was in junior high, I think I had six paper routes and I had a bubble gum business at work, at school rather. So I was just always a hustler and hard working and doing whatever it takes to get, get the job done.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it sounds like that, work ethic you made reference to earlier was one that, your dad sort of drilled home. Right. Just with the type of work that he did, setting the role model that he was.

Dana Lange: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Tom Couch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you. Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: So not to focus on the negative, but what have been some of the biggest challenges you’ve encountered related to the situation with Victoria?

Dana Lange: Oh, there’s lots. I would say the most difficult thing is making enough time to be a husband and making enough time to be a father to my other daughter, all simultaneously trying to keep all the other wheels that everybody has to keep going with it, you know, career, your health, et cetera. So I, I think the first thing to go for me is oftentimes my health is the one that gets sacrificed. We don’t have the energy to work out, so we don’t work out, but then we don’t have energy because we don’t work out. And so I go back and forth on, timing for working out. And, that’s been an ongoing struggle. I, think that and just taking care of our own mental health and providing space for myself to just be, be me. Not a special needs father, not a husband, but just to be me with me. And that time is limited. Although I will say to folks with younger kids, it can get better. It doesn’t always get better,

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Dana Lange: but it can get better. And I think more importantly, maybe it doesn’t get better. I think we as fathers can get better and be better prepared as life, brings us the difficulties that it does.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, you touched on a lot of really important issues. One is the, situation as it relates to family and sibling balance. You know, you’re a father to not just one child, the one with the special needs, but, you know, Multiple children. Right. So you don’t want to wake up your decades down the road and say, oh, geez, what was I thinking? Right. Or what wasn’t I thinking? And then, the importance of, self care, taking care of yourself. Right. Because if you’re not healthy, mentally, physically, emotionally healthy, it’s hard to bring your A game to your family or at work or, you know, even for yourself. And I think it is important to compartmentalize if you can, you know, some me time, whatever that means. Right. You know, that might be working out, it might be reading. You mentioned you enjoy reading, you know, and staying, you know, mentally sharp. You know, it takes discipline. Right. And it’s easy to get sidetracked or take your eye off of the building blocks that are going to keep you on a, on a sound path. So thanks for sharing. So I’m sort of curious to know what impact Victoria’s situations had on her older sister, your marriage, or your extended family for that matter.

Dana Lange: I will start first of all, with our marriage. Marriage is difficult. It’s not for the weak of heart. A lot of people get divorced, but the divorce rate in the special needs community is astronomical. That’s probably the most challenging piece of it. Just making sure that we make time for ourselves. I would say that we have grown closer and closer as time has gone on. Part of that’s just maturity and part of that’s also, I think you come to accept the cards you’re dealt and you try and make the best of it. That’s one piece of it. As far as my wife goes, I will mention that she and I started a business, some businesses together. So that also complicates it, but also brings us closer. As far as her sister goes, Sarah is like, she walks in the room and Victoria lights. They both light up and they’ve got a great relationship. But my daughter carries some guilt when we ask her to help out so mom and dad can go out, you know, go out to eat or go to a ball game or something like that. And she doesn’t want to say no, but she has feelings that she’s not fully expressed to us at this point in time. But, I do know that that’s something that she deals with. And then frankly, the rest of my family is completely oblivious as to what the plight of my everyday is. And even when my parents came to stay with us a couple years ago and saw what we did, they still kind of oblivious as to everything that’s involved in my day that they’re not Familiar with.

David Hirsch: Wow, that is very enlightening. Thank you for sharing. And m again, I appreciate your openness and authenticity. And I think by sharing it’s a reminder to others that, hey, you know, it’s not a bowl of roses and rainbows. Right. And you have to be pretty mentally fit. Right. To, you know, be thinking in each of these areas. You know, what do I need to be doing from a husband or marriage standpoint, you know, what’s going on with my whole family, not just my child with special needs, like with your older daughter Sarah. And then, you know, you just hope that your, you know, family and those around you have some understanding or appreciation of what the day to day is all about. Right. Again, not for sympathy or pity. Right. But just an understanding. So if you’re not able to engage in a, ah, family gathering or you know, things aren’t happening as quickly as some people like that, you, don’t have to explain yourself. Right, right.

Dana Lange: And I think too, I think with family and our friends it’s been a training experience that we continually train them, so to speak. We adopted a long time ago. We do dinner parties or we have holiday parties or holidays, is always at our house. And the reason we did that is it’s so much more difficult. First of all, if we have to go to somebody else’s house, we have to navigate stairs and all the fun stuff and there’s not handicap accessible things or if our friends want to go out. By the time I pay somebody to watch Victoria, if I can find somebody, and then you go somewhere and you go out to eat and come home, by the time you’re all said and done, I could feed 30 people and have a great time at our house. So, we’ve just kind of gotten to the point where for the most part that’s how we entertain at our house. So Victoria, can be part of it, but also so that we’re designing our life and our friendships around us and what we need to do.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I think what I hear you saying is that you’ve been intentional about how things are going to work. Right. And taking the lead, if you will, on creating those experiences on the terms that are going to work best for your family.

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David Hirsch: Right. As opposed to trying to somehow fit a square peg into a round hole, if you will.

Dana Lange: Absolutely. Being intentional is something that will help you survive as a parent and actually it will help you thrive. Because when we were younger we would get very frustrated with friends that would, you know, It’s Friday at 4:00. Hey, you guys want to go out for happy hour? no. You needed to ask that a month ago.

David Hirsch: Yeah, thank you for pointing that out. So I’m thinking about supporting organizations. I’m wondering, what organizations come to mind? either that Victoria’s benefited from directly or perhaps your family’s benefited from.

Dana Lange: We have benefited from different places. From Arc. There was an organization, and I can’t remember, Massachusetts Families for Change. That’s what it was. We went to. They had a seminar once a month for a year, something like that. And they were teaching us about the disability world, but also keeping in mind that they wanted us to help push legislation through or go visit your senator. And so they took everybody down the bus down to Massachusetts capitol, Hill, and had discussions, and we learned a lot about the disability community, the source resources available. And through that, that really kind of helped us significantly as my career moved me throughout the United States, as we set up services in five different states. In addition to that, my wife has since been in front of the Senate here in Colorado and, or a commission several times advocating for different legislation.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, what an important enlightenment that was. No doubt to not only understand a little bit more about the disability community individually. Right. And be better prepared as parents, but to be reminded that the changes that have taken place in our society, the big one was back in 1990 with the ADA, these things didn’t happen because people serving in leadership positions, particularly within government, came to this conclusion on their own. On the contrary, there were outspoken advocates, parents in many cases, healthcare professionals to some extent as well, who were advocating for the importance of acceptance and inclusion. And we take it for granted, right, in the United States that it’s this way everywhere. But you do any amount of traveling outside the US and you realize, you know, there’s countries that are 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years behind where we are. There’s still a lot of room for improvement here in the United States, but holy moly, right? What an eye opening experience it is to look at the world of disability from different perspectives. So thank you again for sharing. Any other organizations that come to mind.

Dana Lange: Absolutely. The hospitals that we’ve been to have been big resources for us. Not just health wise, but also connecting us with other resources. The different institutions are too many to name, but University, of Iowa is one that comes to mind. Massachusetts Children’s Hospital, which is affiliated with Harvard, comes to mind. And actually Colorado Children’s Hospital, associated with Colorado University, has been a godsend in just navigating through various different things that have come up over the years. Numerous surgeries and various illnesses.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I can only imagine being on the journey that you’ve been for the better part of 30 years. The dependence on healthcare institutions. And they’re not all the same.

Dana Lange: No. No, they’re not.

David Hirsch: So, I’d like to shift gears and talk a little bit about bright life connections. What was it that motivated you and Dana to create that? How long has it been around? What’s the mission?

Dana Lange: Sure. So back in 2020, we were all working from home and sitting on the back porch doing nothing as the world had shut down with COVID And my wife and I had talked on and off over the years, about a model that we really liked, in Iowa that we hadn’t found in any other state that we lived in. And it was a model of, creating small group homes that had several people with disabilities. And then, it would staff it with five or six different people that would rotate through the house. And so we started talking about what we wanted for Victoria. And my wife was working at a company that was in the process of being bought by another company and she didn’t know what her long term outcome was going to be there. I said, why don’t we just, you know, we’ve been talking about doing this. Let’s just do it. What else are we doing? We’re not traveling, we’re not doing anything else. So we, we started the process. Now the process was long and arduous with the intent of, of helping other

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Dana Lange: parents. And part of it too is my, my wife was on the phone with other parents with disabilities, helping them navigate the system. And I, I told her, I said, you should get paid for that. I mean, so that was the impetus to start. it took us a year, a year and a half. It shouldn’t have taken that long. But we both were working and we have daughter special needs and my wife also got in a nice little ACL tear from skiing Bale. So.

David Hirsch: Oh geez.

Dana Lange: It slowed us down. But we created an agency. So it’s a Medicaid approved agency here in Colorado. You have to. Medicaid won’t pay directly to parents or to caregivers. They pay to an agency that oversees all that. So we’re our, our, our own daughter’s agency. And that’s what, how it started out. And then we had other people start to trickle on a little bit. And so we’ve been really been in Business since July of 2020. But the reality is, it was, I believe, November of 21 when Victoria started becoming our first, client. And as of yesterday, I think we have 13 families that we’re helping.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it’s, encouraging. I think what we’ll have to do, since you’re sort of still at the beginning of this, is to circle back a number of years down the road and see where Bright Life Connections is then.

Dana Lange: Sounds perfect.

David Hirsch: So I’m sort of curious to know what role spirituality has played along your journey.

Dana Lange: Very, important. I am a Christian. I have at times been angry at God. My general rule that I have for myself is no matter what you’re feeling, don’t stop talking, even if you’re yelling at God. I think he understands the anger that comes along with being a parent with disabilities. I would say that I’m way less angry than I was when I was younger, but God’s always been a part of that journey.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thank you for your, transparency about that. I’ve heard it said that some parents, who grew up in whatever, their religious discipline was, whether it’s a Jew or Muslim, a Christian or Hindu, have had a crisis of faith. Right. They want to believe that’s how they were raised. But how could God let these things happen to them or their loved ones?

Dana Lange: Absolutely.

David Hirsch: And, you know, it does take some resolve, I think. I’ve heard it expressed, very poignantly by, one of the dads who’s in the network, a rabbi out in la. He said, you know, I don’t know how those who aren’t believers. Right. Can deal with the challenges. Right. Without being able to lean on their faith. Right. To try to go it alone. And I thought, wow, that is pretty profound. Right. You know, and I think that’s one of the challenges that a lot of guys have is that, you know, we’re going to figure these things out on our own. Right. You know, we’re the gender that doesn’t pull over no more Lost. You know, you’re just making things more difficult when you’re driving now, all you need is GPS, right? You can get from point A to point B. But, what are we doing in our, the rest of our lives? Right. You know, when we’re talking about raising a child, or in this case raising a child with disability. Right. To think that you’re going to figure it out on your own and get to the destination that you want in a timely fashion and, you know, with everybody Meeting their full God given potential. Pretty unlikely, right, that you’re going to figure it out on your own. So I think it gets back to well, why are we even talking, right? You know, there’s this network of dads, right, who have had similar but different experiences, who show up for each other. Right. And I think that that is an important takeaway at least for those that are engaged. And I’m hoping that we can continue to spread that message. So I’m thinking about advice and I’m wondering what advice you can share with parents and specifically dads who find themselves, in an unexpected situation.

Dana Lange: There are a couple things that come to mind. The first is I said it before, but move forward, just keep moving forward is a key mantra of mine, no matter what you have going on. And I think that you just were saying just a minute ago specifically about the dad’s network and being able to interact with others. I would say all men in the United States have become very isolated. I think all humans have become much more isolated than they used to be. You go to any restaurant and you’ll see everybody sitting at tables, all on their phones, which is isolating. So I would say the first thing is to dads in do not isolate. You need other men in your life. And I listen to several men, heavy podcasts. And even if that’s your way of connecting to your masculinity, you have to do it and don’t isolate. The hardest times I have ah in my life is when I isolate. And we all do it, we do it through various different things. people will watch

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Dana Lange: TV, they’ll escape to exercising endlessly, they’ll escape to their jobs, they’ll escape into food and alcohol, call whatever. They’ll just want to escape and isolate. And the more you can interact with other men who are going through the same stuff, the more comfortable you’ll feel with your situation. Because we all have a tendency as men to. I got this, don’t worry about it. I’m good, I’m going to take care of it. And the reality is that sometimes we’re not. Okay.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. Yeah, good point. And that point about keep moving forward. One of the dads in the network, Frank McKinney is his name, eight time best selling author, real estate guy, you know, Badwater 135 competitor built 31 self sustaining villages in Haiti for like 14,000 kids and their families. I mean very accomplished guy. One of his favorite phrases is relentless forward motion. Relentless forward Motion. You just have to keep moving forward one step at a time. And I heard you saying that as well.

Dana Lange: Yes, I know Frank. He is the epitome of that. And, standing still, you’ll get cement shoes before you know it.

David Hirsch: So, why have you agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

Dana Lange: When I was younger, I isolated myself. I would say compartmentalized would be a better, word. I compartmentalized my life, my work life, my home life, and then my disability life. I didn’t share with anybody that I worked with anything about the journey that I was going through. And, part of that is self preservation. And then the last thing I want somebody to do is look at me with pity or tell me, oh, you’re such a good parent. God really blessed you. So I have, as I’ve gotten older and have realized that I have some experiences that I can share with others that are going through the journey that I went through that they don’t need to do it alone. And hopefully something that I, have gone through, they don’t have to go through, at least not go through it knowing that, they’re not alone.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Very important. And we’re so thankful, Grateful to have you as part of the network. Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Dana Lange: I’m thankful for what you’re doing, David. I’m thankful for the network. I’m also thankful for the group of guys that we, get together every Tuesday night. As we grow closer together and again more vulnerable, I see, opportunities for folks to lean on each other and learn from each other. And so I’m just really thankful that you for what you’re doing, for fathers with special needs. It makes us stronger.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well spoken. Let’s give a special shout out to Nathan Werner, podcast ad, number 114, and the local leader of the Denver Special Fathers Network mastermind group for helping connect us.

Dana Lange: Absolutely.

David Hirsch: If somebody wants to learn more about your work or to contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

Dana Lange: Probably, just via email. My name Dana J. Lange. That’s Dana. D A N A J L A N G E.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that information in the show notes that will make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up with you. Dana, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Dana is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, Please go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help to keep our content free to all concern. Would you please consider making a tax deductible contribution? I would really appreciate your support. Dana, thanks again.

Dana Lange: Thank you.

Tom Couch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21stCenturydads.Org.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to Facebook group facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david@21stcenturydads.org.

Tom Couch: The Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast was produced by me, Tom Couch. Thanks again to Horizon Therapeutics who believe that science and compassion must work together to transform lives. That’s why they work tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living

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Tom Couch: with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics at horizontherapeutics.com.

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