353 – Tom Parro Of Grayslake, IL President of MERK Capital, Father of Three Including a Daughter With POTS

Transcript:

Tom Couch: Special thanks to Horizon Therapeutics for sponsoring the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Working tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics mission at horizontherapeutics.com.

Tom Parro: Every day is different with Megan. I mean, there are certain days where she can, you know, you look at her and you’re like, there’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t believe that she doesn’t have what she has. But there’s just certain days, but then there’s other days where it’s like, wow, it’s a struggle to get out of bed.

Tom Couch: That’s our guest this week, Tom Parro, president of MERK Capital in Chicago, Illinois. Tom is married to Janice and has three children, one of whom, Megan, 25, and has POTS syndrome, a condition that has a number of serious symptoms. We’ll hear about POTS, how it’s affected Megan and the entire Parro family on this week’s Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and the host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Hi and thanks for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast presented by the Special Fathers Network. a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and, form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new mastermind groups in 2024 with 10 dads per group. That means we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local mastermind group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: Now let’s listen in to this conversation between Tom Parro and David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: I’m, thrilled to be talking today with Tom Parro of Grayslake, Illinois, president of MERK Capital, a boutique investment private equity firm and father of three, including one with a rare disease. Tom, thank you for taking the time to do an interview for the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

Tom Parro: Thank you for inviting me.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Janice have been married for 30 years and are the proud parents of three children, Erin, 28, Matthew, 23, and Megan, 25, who has POTS, which is an acronym for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, a condition that causes a number of symptoms when you transition from lying down to standing up, such as fast heart rate, dizziness and fatigue, amongst some other things. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Tom Parro: Yeah, I grew up in, the south side of Chicago. South suburbs of Chicago. Dalton had two parents that neither one of them made it through high school. My dad was a laborer. I had two jobs. One was working for the Illinois Central Railroad, doing a lot of work for the railroads in the yards and stuff like that. But he also had a second job as a security guard. And my mom was a full time mom, full time parent and just, you know, grew up in an environment where. Learned how to work, yourself. started working at the age of 12 because my parents could only supply me with, you know, a certain amount of things. And you know, they put me through Catholic grade school and Catholic high school, which financially is a little bit more challenging. At an early age I learned, you know, hard work and started, caddying at the country club in the south suburbs of Chicago at the age of 12. And that was, that was my environment. I learned a lot from my parents. My mom was very supportive parent and had tough love for her kids, but she was always there to protect us and educate us as best as she could from her life. And then my dad, I just learned, God, I learned how to work hard and you know, because nothing comes easy in life. So he was gone at, you know, 6:00′ clock in the morning and get home at 1:00′ clock at night type of stuff when he did the part time job as a security guard. And so I learned early on that you had to work hard. Catholic grade school, went to Mount Carmel High School on the south side. It was, you know, great learning experience. And then, from there I just went to college and went to Illinois State University and in accounting, it was a program that was geared towards weeding out people

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Tom Parro: who weren’t serious about learning. And you know, there were a lot of people who started out in accounting and then ended up in, you know, some other business degree. but it was a very tough program.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, I can relate to that. I was also an accounting major in college and the accounting track was not an easy peasy thing. And I think it was cost accounting that was the make or break class, at least in our program. And, you know, if you could get over cost accounting or get through it. I don’t want to say there was only blue skies ahead, but, you know, you. You realize that you were able to master a certain amount of the material and, you know, it’s not for everybody. Right. I think that’s the test that I heard you talking about.

Tom Parro: Yeah.

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about your dad and I’m wondering, how would you describe your relationship with your dad?

Tom Parro: You know, I had a good relationship with my dad. He was a tough person to, you know, be around at times, but I had my ups and downs with my dad. I have had a better relationship with my mom. But my dad was always very supportive and would go to all of the games that I would play, whether it be baseball or basketball and stuff like that, as much as he could when he wasn’t working type of stuff. And he lived until he was 88 years old. So he died 10 years ago. I always enjoyed taking him to, you know, Mount Carmel football games because he wanted to do that, or my kids, soccer games, softball games. That was enjoyable because I knew he really, really enjoyed those types of stuff. But he was, you know, he was, he was all about sports. It was kind of. I tell this story, my. My group of friends from high school and college, you know, we’d always go to each other’s house, so we all got to know each other’s parents. And when my dad passed away, one of my best friends at, the service was like, you know what your dad was? Because my dad was always knowledgeable about sports, whatever was going on. And m. My friend was like, your dad was ESPN before there was espn. That was just so typical of what my dad was.

David Hirsch: I love that story. Thanks for sharing. So, when you were talking about your dad earlier, you talked about some important characteristics, that you, took away. Lessons learned, if you will. one obviously was his work ethic. He was present in your life and your sister’s life. And I’m wondering if there’s any lessons learned or things that come to mind when you think about your dad.

Tom Parro: Yeah, like I said, lessons learned was just, you know, work hard and, you know, nothing is ever given to you in life. You have to earn it. And, you know, he lived a tough life, but he never complained about it. He just did it. And I think about the times when, like I said, he’d get up at, you know, 5:30 in the morning to catch the train, which was a mile away. Sometimes he would walk to the train station in order to get to his job. Most of the times he got rides because people would eventually see this person walking to the train station in the dead of winter, and they were like, he’s gotta be, you know, going somewhere where I can give him a ride type of stuff. But, I mean, yeah, and then getting home at one o’ clock in the morning and my mom would. My mom would, you know, pick him up from the train station because he didn’t drive. So my mom was the taxi driver, as she used to call herself, for the family, until we got to the point where my sister and I could drive type of stuff. But yeah, I mean, my dad just working hard and just. And being really, honest and ethical. I mean, my dad never, ever did anything that would be shameful at the end of the day or anything like that. But he always taught us ethics and, you know, and being honest with ourselves and doing the right things for yourself and for other people. He had a heart of gold. He had a heart of gold.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous. Any other men that played an influential role in your life, a father figure when you were a young guy, or maybe young adult, for that matter?

Tom Parro: Oh, wow. you know what? There were a lot. I go back when I was a kid and, you know, coaches who were my basketball coaches to some of my best friends in high school, their fathers were an influence. They were just so many. I mean, and that’s what I really enjoy and what I take away from, you know, being a parent is there were a lot of people who were influences in my life. Like I said, we had a core of high school friends that were half a dozen guys who, you know, we were always going to each other’s house and the parents were always there and they were an influence. I would say probably the most person who had the most influence outside of my dad was one of my best friends. His father, Dylan Hoy was the person’s name. He was an attorney. And, he was just somebody that always was there and you could talk

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Tom Parro: to him. But I would say that would probably be. But there were so many others. There was my next door neighbor, George Vanderburg, who was kind of a grandfather figure to me when I was growing up until the, you know, I was 10 or 12 when they moved away. He was an influence on me. In fact, it’s. I tell the story about. He played semi pro football. Supposedly he played semi pro football with George Ellis, but he would always Tell me stories about, you know, or he’d pull up his. His pants leg and show me scars from playing football. And he would be like, don’t ever play football, Tom, because, you know, I’m paying for these injuries and everything else as an old person that I, you know. So.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, I think, what I hear you saying, there’s countless people that have had an influence on you, and you named a couple of them, like Dylan Hoy and George Vanderbilt. Maybe you look back and say, those are the angels that were in our lives. He didn’t know it at the time, but you can look back and realize the influence that they had.

Tom Parro: Yeah, oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

David Hirsch: You mentioned that you went to Illinois State, you took a degree in accounting, and then I know that, sometime later you went back to DePaul and got your MBA in finance. And I’m wondering if you could give a brief recap on what your career, trajectory has been.

Tom Parro: Yeah, it was kind of one of those things where, you know, obviously starting out in accounting, I worked for a small accounting firm for several months, and I didn’t like it. So I ended up getting a job at GE Capital. That was kind of the trajectory of, you know, wow, this is something that I really enjoy because it was not accounting. It was numbers related, obviously, with being a finance company. But it was much more from the standpoint of you were given a lot of responsibilities and training at a very early age and exposure to a lot of different things besides just reviewing of numbers. So that just propelled me into, you know, doing other things in the business world that wasn’t necessarily accounting related. And, you know, obviously I went back and got my CPA after failing a couple of times. But my trajectory in doing something that was much more broader than just finance was ultimately the route I took and the path I took. And always, always that desire to want to learn new things or learn something different besides, you know, just being satisfied with, you know, understanding what, you know, gap was or, you know, or taxes or something along those lines. But, you know, going beyond that and learning about, you know, certain things from an operational perspective or from a strategic standpoint and how companies were successful in growing and things like that.

David Hirsch: It’s pretty amazing. We’ve had this same sort of career path. I went into public accounting. It took me, three years of actually working at Pricewaterhouse, as an auditor, then a tax accountant, plus the four years that I studied accounting in college, plus the year that I studied high school accounting, to realize I didn’t really like accounting.

Tom Parro: I hate it.

David Hirsch: You’re a little bit faster on the uptake than I was. It took me a while to realize that. But you know, you realize that having a fundamental understanding of balance sheets and income statements and tax returns and all that, you know, this is bedrock information. Right. That’s going to serve you well even if you don’t practice accounting. Right. It’s good to have a fundamental understanding of accounting. So what is MERK Capital? And you’ve been at it for the better part of three decades.

Tom Parro: Yeah. You know what, David? It’s kind of unique. When I put my firm together, I didn’t want it to be about Tom Parro Capital or name it after a street name type of stuff, which a lot of investment firms, that’s where they do it. So it’s actually the first and middle initials of my three kids, Erin Kathleen, Megan Elizabeth and Matthew Robert. So you kind of put all those together and I just came up with capitalizing MERK. That’s what, how I develop that name.

David Hirsch: And what is it that you guys do?

Tom Parro: We, I am a, basically a private equity group fund. So I make investments in middle market business and I’ve been doing this for 15 years and have had some degree of success doing it. Early on I realized that I was not the corporate type, even though I was in corporations until about 20 years ago. But I always wanted to kind of be on my own and take all that skill set and training of different areas of the business world and kind of put that all together with this investment firm. And so

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Tom Parro: I’ve been able to do four transactions. my most recent transaction that I did was in February of this year and it was probably the largest transaction that I’ve ever done in my life. And now that’s part of my portfolio and where I’m spending the majority of my time, m right now is managing this investment along with the co investor group that came in and wrote a $35 million equity check. But yeah, I’m, I’m what’s known as an independent sponsor. So I don’t have my own fund, but I have a network of high net worth individuals and institutional funds and family offices that if it’s the right transaction and I know them well enough or I know what they like, I can generally put together a group of 20 or 30 and reach out to them and hopefully one group will, you know, want to support the transaction. And that’s, that’s my model.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. It sounds like it’s very lean.

Tom Parro: Right.

David Hirsch: Not a lot of overhead. And, it’s very much relationship based. That’s what I heard you saying.

Tom Parro: Absolutely. Absolutely. I don’t want to work with people who are not fun to work with.

David Hirsch: Speaking of relationships, I’m sort of curious to know, how did you and Janice meet?

Tom Parro: We worked together at GE Capital. This would have been back in 1988. I’d been working at GE for a year and a half, and Janice started working in the summer of 87. And we were on the audit team. There was like a 40 person audit team for GE Capital. And you’re always traveling because you’re always visiting all of the portfolio companies that GE owned at the time. So at the time, Janice and I were, you know, we were on the road together and we just kind of, kind of hit it off and, you know, got to know each other as friends and things just kept, you know, expanding and blossoming and, you know, one thing led to the next, and so that’s. That’s how we met. So I was her, in theory, I was her boss, so.

David Hirsch: Well, I can, say accurately that you took more away from your GE Capital experience than most people did.

Tom Parro: Yeah, that’s true. I got three kids to prove that.

David Hirsch: Let’s switch gears and talk about special, needs first, on a personal level and then perhaps beyond. And I’m sort of curious to know, prior to becoming parents, did you or Janice have any connection to the disability or additional needs community?

Tom Parro: Not me. No. And Janice? No, not really. not to this degree. we were. We’ve been around people who obviously needed needs and stuff like that, but not anything that was directly related. Janice, brother and sisters led normal lives, and the same on my side. So we never experienced something like this. No.

David Hirsch: So what is Megan’s diagnosis and how did it come about?

Tom Parro: Her diagnosis is, like I said, POTS. She was diagnosed with this starting in freshman year of high school. So that would be 11 years where she developed this. And up until this point in her life, she was a normal kid. She played, you know, travel, soccer, she played softball. She, you know, is still one of the most intelligent individuals I’ve ever come across in my entire life. She would do all these, you know, science Olympian programs in grade school and stuff like that. So she, you know, had a normal life. And then freshman year of high school, she started to develop these symptoms, which we had no idea what they were. And this had developed relatively quickly to the point where in freshman year of high school, you know, she started missing Classes because she couldn’t function, she couldn’t get to class. So we, we spent, I don’t know, tests for all kinds of different things. You know, brain tumors, I can’t remember even, you know, we had so many cat scans and MRIs because we weren’t too sure what was going on. And in November of that, her freshman year, my sister in law, my wife’s sister, brother’s sister, they lived in Rochester and her sister worked in the Mayo Clinic and was familiar with POTS. And when she heard about this, she’s like, you might want to have Megan tested for POTS. And so we found a POTS doctor in Chicago and she diagnosed Megan with POTS. And we were fortunate enough because a lot of times it’s not a diagnosis that is easily identified. And some

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Tom Parro: people can go several years without knowing that their kids have POTS type of stuff. It’s gotten better over the years because people have become more aware of it. But 11 years ago, it wasn’t something like, you know, cancer, which is diagnosed pretty easily and pretty quickly, or some other of these diseases and illnesses type of stuff. It’s gotten progressively worse over the years. You know, we’ve been to I don’t know how many different doctors over the years, and it’s just something that, you know, we just kind of are learning more and more every day, even at this point in time.

David Hirsch: Is it diagnosed with genetic testing or how is it diagnosed?

Tom Parro: It was diagnosed through some testing, but it was really more just the symptoms and what, you know, are traditional symptoms. For people who have POTS, there are varying degrees of POTS. There’s people who are diagnosed with POTS that, you know, have real lives. You know, they can go to college, they can drive type, of stuff. Unfortunately, Megan’s is the most severe case where she needs some support. 24/7.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. If you can think back to the time of diagnosis or the first year, a couple years, as this is becoming more well understood. What type of fears did you have as parents once you learned a little bit more about POTS?

Tom Parro: The unknown, again, just not knowing what it meant to have this illness because there’s just not a lot of research, there’s just not a lot of, you know, doctors out there that, you know, understand what the issue is and how to treat it, how to manage it type of stuff. That was our biggest fear. And as she got progressively worse, it became more acute from our standpoint. And, you know, and then just the fear of just not knowing is she, you know, would ever overcome this to a certain degree or grow out of it. I mean, when we first, you know, started doing research and we got an understanding, you know, there’s a lot of kids that are teenagers that have POTS, but when they become, you know, in their mid-20s, it’s a lot more manageable. And it, not that it cures itself over time, but there’s a lot of patients that, you know, were able to overcome it and grow out of it, I guess, is another way of looking at it. And so, you know, that was our hope. But again, you know, as it progressively got worse, we came to the realization that something that she’s going to have to live with the rest of her life. So now our fear is, you know, the, as. The. As my wife and I get older, you know, what’s going to happen to, to Megan, who’s going to take care of her, those types of stuff. And, you know, so we’ve, we’ve had those discussions with our other two kids with Matthew and, and, and Erin and, and Erin, God love her, she’s basically said, you know, as parents, we can’t take care of Megan. She’s going to take care of Megan.

David Hirsch: Oh, wow.

Tom Parro: So, you know, that’s a huge relief on our part, but it’s also something that I respect Erin wanting to do this, but she has her own life and, you know, so to kind of, you know, take on that responsibility and, you know, raise your hand up to want to do something like that says a lot. So that, that’s. The fear has gone through various stages, but the first initial fear was, you know, what does this mean for Megan? Is she going to be able to go to high school? Is she going to be able to go to college? You know, those types of stuff, which she obviously hasn’t been able to do.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for sharing. Has there been any meaningful advice that you’ve received that’s helped put the situation in perspective?

Tom Parro: Yeah, I mean, we’ve. We’ve received some support from. I mean, we’ve. We’ve gone to various doctors about this and, you know, some doctors have been, you know, very unsupportive. But then we’ve received some support from mostly from. From some doctors that we currently stay with today that have provided us with at least some perspective on the realities of it and how to manage it.

David Hirsch: Stuff like that, not to focus on the negative. But what are some of the biggest challenges that you’ve encountered her, that Megan encounters?

Tom Parro: Every day is different with Megan. I mean, there’s certain days where she can, you know, you look at her and you’re like, there’s nothing wrong with you. You know, I don’t believe that she doesn’t have the. What

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Tom Parro: she has. But there’s just certain days, but then there’s other days where it’s like, wow, it’s a struggle to get out of bed type of stuff. And, you know, and that’s. That’s the biggest challenge as parents, because it’s difficult for us to try to do things for ourselves as individuals, from a. From a selfish standpoint. But then, you know, because you just never know. Is, is she going to be, you know, require a lot of help because she’s got a lot of, you know, spells and dizziness and everything else like that, or is it going to be, you know, she’s functional and she can, you know, cook on her own or she can, you know, you know, do certain things around the house that she doesn’t require assistance on. So that’s always been the biggest, you know, I would say challenge.

David Hirsch: So it sounds like there’s a lot of physical, things, physiological things with the balance the dizziness, the, fatigue. To what extent is this psychological, Do you have any sense for that?

Tom Parro: Yeah, I mean, her mental capacity is pretty strong. I mean, you know, like I said, she’s an amazingly intelligent individual that under normal circumstances she would be probably in her last year of med school at Stanford University because she’s that level of intellect. But then there’s also the, the mental aspects of. Of just, you know, the frustration of. Of dealing with this, what she can do, what she can’t do, what she wants to do type of stuff. I mean, she would love to, you know, be able to. To drive. She would love to be able to, you know, be, living on her own right now, you know, so the emotional mental aspects of this, that has taken more of a toll on her than sometimes the physical aspects of it, in my estimation.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it seems like that would be the logical way to think about it. You know, she’s watching her siblings go off and do things, Right.

Tom Parro: Yeah.

David Hirsch: And, you know, she feels like, hey, I’m still at home with mom and dad type of thinking. And, that’s just normal. I mean, especially if she’s really bright.

Tom Parro: Yep.

David Hirsch: You know, she’s like, well, what about me?

Tom Parro: Yeah. And she’s gotten. I mean, we’ve. We’ve been fortunate enough. We found a psychologist that she goes to on a regular basis that she really, really, really likes. I mean, we’ve tried psychiatry, other psychologists, and, you know, a lot of them, Megan is so intelligent, even though she’s not, you know, street smarts, because she hasn’t been the outside world. She’s very in tune to, you know, what people can do or say to not manipulate her. But, you know, psychiatrists and psych just can kind of use that, you know, those tools. And so we’ve struggled with trying to find somebody that can relate to her on a intellectual basis. And we’ve been fortunate enough the last couple of years, we found somebody that has helped her with the mental aspects and the mental challenges and the depression and everything else that goes along with this. So knock on wood, you know, this is somebody that she sees every two weeks that’s been more of a blessing than the doctors because the doctors haven’t been able to do anything outside of. Give her medications to manage this, this illness and some of the other chronic aspects of this. Believe me, it’s. It’s helped her emotionally having this opportunity to be able to speak to somebody besides her parents or her sister or stuff like that.

Tom Couch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you. Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: I’m sort of curious to know what impact Megan’s situation’s had on her siblings, your marriage, or your extended family for that matter.

Tom Parro: You know, with my oldest daughter, she initially was very skeptical of the diagnosis. And there was a time early on where, you know, sibling rivalry, sister rivalry kind of kicked in.

David Hirsch: Oh, yeah.

Tom Parro: But over the past four or five years, you know, now that she’s had this

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Tom Parro: that we’re dealing with for 11 years, she has completely done a 180. And now she’s very supportive. In fact, Megan, like I said, Megan is the type of person that, you know, needs someone with her 24 7. And my two daughters, actually Erin and Megan, just got back from a trip. They went to Scotland. Oh, my, again, give my oldest daughter Erin so much credit because doing a trip like that with Megan’s needs and, you know, the challenges of traveling in general, because Megan needs. She can’t walk very far, so she needs a wheelchair. So Just, you know, taking a wheelchair and going to somewhere like in Scotland where there’s not a lot of handicap, access. But she took that challenge on. And fortunately, my oldest daughter, she’s traveled to 43 countries and six continents. So she’s a world traveler and she knows how to travel.

David Hirsch: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Tom Parro: And Megan did really well. So hopefully that’s something that, you know, we can build on and give maybe Megan a little bit more confidence and comfort, that she can do certain things. Because obviously she’s been so beaten up over the last 10 years, 11 years with this illness and not being able to do things. Yeah.

David Hirsch: Ah, maybe it’s the beginning of something. Right. You know, you plan an annual trip or something, whether it’s with Erin or you or your wife or try to do something as a whole family. Sure. That’s fabulous.

Tom Parro: Yeah. And then as far as my son, you know, he struggles with it because he obviously needs the support of myself and my wife. And sometimes he hasn’t been able to get it because the attention has been towards Megan, so. And then as far as our. My relationship with my wife, both of us have become, I hate to use this word, grown up, but taken on, you know, a lot more maturity and things that might have bothered us 15 years ago. you know, what somebody did or somebody said, it’s not that important at the end of the day, just because of things that we’ve had to go through with Megan. So it’s made our relationship, you know, we’re much more supportive of each other. And I try to be supportive with Janice because she’s the one who’s, you know, dealing with, you know, this on a 24/7 basis.

David Hirsch: And how about your extended family? Has that, been an issue at all or not?

Tom Parro: You know what? They were skeptical at first, but, given the fact that it’s, you know, been 11 years, they’re much more supportive. But, you know, they recognize that this is not a normal household as far as what we’re, you know, all dealing with. But they’re. They’re supportive as much as they can be. You know, like, if Janice and I decided we wanted to go away and do something together, somebody would come by. And in fact, it happened earlier in the year where Janice’s sister came into town because Janice and Erin went, on a trip that Erin’s been wanting to do with, with her mother for a very long time. And I was, you know, with. Between business travel and, you know, everything else, we needed somebody. So Janice’s sister came in town and was, was there for a few days to kind of help me if need be, type of stuff.

David Hirsch: So that’s fabulous. I’m thinking about advice now and I’m wondering what type of advice you can share with parents and specifically dads. when you realize you’ve got a situation that you’re totally unprepared for.

Tom Parro: The only advice I can give is, you know, obviously it’s something that nobody expects. There’s always some degree of frustration at times. Knowing that your kids are the most important aspect of your life, having that level of support for your kids is paramount. It can be frustrating, it can be, you know, depressing. It can be all those things. But you’re not going through it the way your children are going through it. You’re dealing with it in a different manner. But they’re dealing with it, you know, every day, every minute. And whatever pain they’re going through or whatever physical or mental issues they’re going through is a heck of a lot worse than whatever I’m dealing with, both for my own personal issues or family issues or whatever. It doesn’t compare to what she’s going through. So keeping that in perspective is somewhat, difficult because every day can be

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Tom Parro: challenging or it can be frustrating or, geez, I’m not, you know, my wife and I can’t go to a movie together or go out to dinner because one of us has to be home because my daughter’s having a bad day type of stuff. So things like that, just, that’s, that’s probably the best advice. And then trying to find an outlet, I mean, it’s very difficult maybe, but, you know, like, my outlet is I go biking so I can get away for a few hours and just think about other things in life or de stress or whatever at the end of the day. And that’s very difficult sometimes if you’re a single parent to do that. But finding some outlet to kind of help you manage through it, if that can be done, then that’s, something that should be looked at. If it can, you know, and then just having, if you can get that support from other people, lean on that support, you know, because that’s a very important, aspect of having to manage it, deal with it.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I like the idea about biking. not only does it give you something to sort of put your mind in a different place, but it’s a healthy thing to do. Right. And yeah, you know, self care, as we get a little bit older, is really important to stay in shape and, you know, Be as healthy as you can. So, you know, you can not just be a healthy person, but to be there for your wife, for your children, and for anybody else that might rely on you. And, I think the other thing that you touched on, Tom, is the willingness to accept support. Right. Most of us guys want to figure out. We want to figure it out on our own. Right. And we’re not inclined to open up or to talk about things. And, you know, it’s like a. It’s like a sign of weakness. I think most of us think it’s a sign of weakness if you can’t do something yourself. And then you realize at some point, you know, that’s okay.

Tom Parro: Yeah. Oh, I believe you. I struggled with that early on when this was going on. But over the last 10 years, in a business meeting or whatever, I can sit here and talk about that. And that’s very difficult because you’re. If you’re in a business situation or you’re trying to get to know somebody and stuff like that, you try to keep it to, you know, a certain level. But I’ve found that it can be. And that’s another. Maybe another piece of advice is, you know, talk to other people about what you’re doing. You know, people may not, you know, understand it. They may not care. But I found it be very therapeutic on my part to be able to open up to people that I don’t know or people that I know that, you know, hey, this is what I’m, you know, been dealing with for the last 11 years. And it’s helped me to deal with it as opposed to keeping it secretive. Talking about it, I think also helps me mentally deal with what, what we’re dealing with as a. As a family.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, what. I think I heard you say it so therapeutic, right. To be able to talk about things.

Tom Parro: Yeah.

David Hirsch: And then it’s also. It’s a relief, Right. Because you’re able to be more authentic. Right. You’re, not sort of, you know, thinking, well, do I share or don’t I share? Right. And, you know, I think that, at the end of the day, you know, we want to surround ourselves with people that are real and more authentic. And the only way you can do that is by opening up and sharing things that, you know, maybe on the surface, you. You might have some uncertainty about. So I applaud you for that and would encourage you to continue to, you know, exercise that, ah, authenticity, muscle as. As much as you can.

Tom Parro: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve gotten very, very open when it comes to, you know, in. In a social or business environment and, and talking about it, because it’s. It’s a part of my life, and it’s the most important part of my life. You know, business is second, you know, making money is third, you know, whatever. So, you know, people just have to recognize and realize that. And for the most part, people do, you know, and I’m not fearful if, I don’t fear. If they don’t respect that or they don’t, you know, they don’t want to work with you because of that. I’m like, that’s fine. Because it’s like, I’m comfortable in my own skin to be able to want to talk about it. And, you know, if other people don’t, you know, aren’t of the same mindset or whatever, that’s fine, you know, but, you know, to me, that’s a way for me to find out who’s really genuine.

David Hirsch: Absolutely.

Tom Parro: Because those are the people that, you know, if something were to come up and I can’t make a meeting because whatever, they. They understand that, so.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. So I’m wondering if there’s anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up.

Tom Parro: Well, this has been very therapeutic. Yeah, no, I mean, it’s

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Tom Parro: a part of life, whatever the illness is, that you have to deal with. You just have to understand that you’re going to have ups and downs and levels of frustration and whatever, to deal with. Whether it be, you know, dealing with a child who has this or financially or whatever. It’s just keep being persistent and consistent in what you’re trying to do. And like I said, find outlets if you can, because you need that.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. There’s a dad in the network. He talks about relentless forward motion. Right. you just have to keep moving forward. Right. Don’t get bogged down. If you can avoid getting bogged down by things. Let’s give a special shout out to Larry Kaufman, who was featured in episode number 146 of the Special Fathers Network dad to dad podcast for helping connect us.

Tom Parro: Yes, absolutely. I haven’t talked to Larry in a few months, but, Larry’s a good guy.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I think of him as Mr. LinkedIn.

Tom Parro: Yes, he is. He is the ultimate networker.

David Hirsch: Yeah.

Tom Parro: That is for sure.

David Hirsch: And when I say that, I do. I say that with respect, not, you know, it’s not a dig. I remember for about a decade, he was actually early. Early on. This is going back 15-20 years ago, he would actually call on C suite executives to help them better understand what LinkedIn was all about. Right. Not only developing a good LinkedIn profile individually for themselves, but how to use LinkedIn to grow their business. Right. To find employees and to build, you know, their sales teams. And, you know, it was an invaluable service. Right. You know, he would just do that. Right. Just to get his foot in the door. Right. For Blackman. Calic, I think, was the company that he was working for at the time. And, you know, I know that he really enlightened me, a lot about this. And that’s like you said, that’s just part of who he is. He is the ultimate networker in a positive way.

Tom Parro: Oh, absolutely, absolutely. I wish I was a tenth of what he does from a networking standpoint. But, yeah, he’s pretty amazing. Which, that reminds me, now I got to put a note to go reach out to him because I hadn’t talked to him in a while, so.

David Hirsch: Good deal. So if somebody wants to learn more about your work or to contact you, what’s the best way to do that tomorrow?

Tom Parro: My website is probably the best way or LinkedIn. I mean, I, I don’t use LinkedIn as much as I should, but, that’s always a great way to kind of, you know, figure out, who you know and who other people that you might know and get that connection and stuff like that. So that would be the best way.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that information in the show notes so it’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up. Tom, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Tom is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, Please go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501 not for profit organization, which means we need your help to keep our content free. To all concern. Would you please consider making a tax deductible contribution? I would really appreciate your support. Tom, thanks again.

Tom Parro: Thank you, sir. Good to catch up again. Take care.

Tom Couch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21stCenturydads.Org.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to Facebook group facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david@21stcenturydads.org.

Tom Couch: The Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast was produced by me, Tom Couch. Thanks again to Horizon Therapeutics who believe that science and compassion must work together to transform lives. That’s why they work tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics at horizontherapeutics.com.

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