369 – Kirby Rabalais of Glenview, IL Founder of 4TITUDE.com & Father Of Two Including One With Pitt Hopkins Syndrome

Transcript:

Tom Couch: Special thanks to Amgen for sponsoring the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Committed to unlocking the potential of biology for patients suffering from serious illnesses by discovering, developing, manufacturing and delivering innovative human therapeutics. Discover more about Amgen’s mission at Amgen.com.

Kirby Rabalais: If there are parents or fathers listening that have young children in their gut, they feel something’s off, go seek help, right? Even if it’s a small thing or if it’s a big thing, go seek help with early intervention, find the right medical care, get some advice, right? Seek. Go talk to other fathers that have been through it, right? And go for it. Because you never know the pivotal developmental point right in their lives. That could be huge, a game changer for them.

Tom Couch: That’s our guest this week, Kirby Rabalais, Director of Strategic Growth at Truth Software, founder of the website 4TITUDE.com serving a community of dads with special health care needs, and the father of two, including his son Harley, 6, who has Pitt Hopkins Syndrome. Kirby has an interesting story and we’ll hear it on this Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Two short messages, first I’d like to invite you to attend the 6th Annual SFN Dads Virtual Conference taking place via Zoom on Saturday, May 10th at 8am Central Time. We have a great roster of speakers and there will be plenty of time for breakouts to meet like minded dads who are committed to their children and self improvement. Secondly, the Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group Experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in person weekend retreat scheduled this year from September 5th to the 7th. As you think about the year ahead, I invite you to join one of the existing or soon to be formed SFN Mastermind Groups and join a group of like minded dads to become the best version of yourself. It might just transform your life like it’s done for so many others. For more information please go to the Show Notes or Simply go to 21stCenturydads.Org.

Tom Couch: Now let’s listen in to this intriguing conversation between Kirby Rabalais and David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with Kirby Rabalais of Glenview, Illinois who’s the director of Strategic Growth at Truce Software, father of two, including one with Pitt Hopkins, and more recently the founder of 4TITUDE, an online community created to support dads raising children with special healthcare needs. Kirby, thank you for taking the time to do a podcast interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Kirby Rabalais: Excited to be here. Thank you.

David Hirsch: David, you and your wife Chelsea have been married for eight years and are the proud parents of, two boys, Porter, 4, and Harley, 6, who has Pitt Hopkins syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that causes developmental, intellectual and physical changes in children. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, thanks, David. Yeah, so, originally from the New Orleans, Louisiana area. grew up there until I was 25. I have, ah, three older brothers. Quite a different, age disparity, if you will. 13, 11, nine years older than me. So in a, in a way I was kind of a only child, if you will. Even though the fact that I had two full brothers and one stepbrother, all great and successful in their ways and I looked up to them many ways, but also at the same time, always felt alone and isolated at points. And I had somewhat of a distorted view of reality growing up younger ages because my family, I think, felt sorry for me at times and also kind of over indoctrinated and spoiled me at times with gifts and things that weren’t really reality to make sure that was doing okay. Parents were also divorced at a young age. I was five years old. My parents split, so went through the process of that as well. But, fast forward, many years later, got my undergrad degree and I was working first job out of college. Hurricane Katrina comes all the devastation as we remember and had the opportunity to move to either Chicago or Houston quickly after Katrina came. At the time I was single, not tied in whatsoever, and, got my family’s blessing to move to Chicago and relocated quickly after Hurricane Katrina. And I was very fortunate and blessed to make the best out of a horrible situation while my family recovered and rebuilt, if you will. So that kind of brought me to Chicago and you know, 20 years later, here I am in Glenview, Illinois. Never thought I’d be in the suburbs of Chicago, all my life. But now I’ve married my much better half and have our two boys and raising them here and, have a lot going on. So hopefully that answers your initial question, David.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for the background. I’d like to drill down a little bit. I’m sort of curiosity what did Your dad do for a living?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, so my dad was, he worked for All State for 30 plus years. All State agent. Started as an individual rep contributor and then him and a couple of his buddies, owned their own agency for quite some time and he did that and was very successful in the New Orleans area before he retired, several years ago.

David Hirsch: And is your dad still alive?

Kirby Rabalais: No, he recently he passed seven plus years ago. His, his anniversary was actually just last week. Yeah, he was, he was a good man. Taught me some good things and yeah, I definitely, he’s definitely missed by the family.

David Hirsch: When you think about your dad, I’m wondering how you describe your relationship with him.

Kirby Rabalais: You know, it was interesting. My mom had full custody of me, my son, my dad growing up every other weekend. He did the best he could. His dad wasn’t a great father figure to him and mentor so. But he was much better than his father. He instilled in me a couple things that I still talk about today that has really done me well throughout my life. The one thing I could talk about, David, is that he, he baked into me, if you will, like a bear term. Right. Always be open to all nationalities, religions, backgrounds, demographics, whatever. Right. Race, creed, as long as they’re good people. Now they’re good people, you can be friends with them and they can be relatable and you guys can have a good prosperous relationship that has been integrated into my DNA. And I am very grateful for that because that’s kind of one of the ways I look through life and one of the lenses I look through life.

David Hirsch: Yeah, really important. I guess the terms we would use today are those that sort of go along with the special needs community about inclusion and acceptance. Right. Just accepting people for who they are, regardless of what their background is, where they came from, what type of education they have, etc, really important. So I’m thinking about other father influencers and I’m wondering what if any influence your grandfathers had first on your dad’s side.

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, my dad’s dad also named Kirby. that’s where my name comes from. He passed before I was born. But at the time, you know, 1978, my mom was 36. She never thought in her right in mind that she had another child at 37, 38, but she did for me and she promised my dad’s dad she ever did she would name after Kirby. So unfortunately never got to meet him. But he is always, you know, part of our story. Right.

David Hirsch: What did he do for a living?

Kirby Rabalais: He held multiple different jobs. I know he’s a bartender at one point. From my understanding and my knowledge, he wasn’t the best family man.

David Hirsch: Okay, well, we’ll leave it at that then. How about your maternal grandfather? Your mom’s dad?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah. Great man. He passed when I was seven or eight years old. He was war two. He was a veteran, D Day. On D Day in Normandy. Right. Had all the wounds to show for it and so forth. And he had a great personality. He was funny as heck. And he told me jokes that were so inappropriate at my, young age. Right. That’s who he was. That was Perry. And then after the war, he worked, you know, blue collar jobs, my grandma and him, to, to make ends meet and so forth, and have a, and have a nice living in the New Orleans area.

David Hirsch: Great, thank you. So I’m thinking about other father figures, and I’m wondering if there’s anybody that comes to mind who served in that role, maybe when you were growing up as a young guy or maybe even as a young adult.

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, sure. I would say my brother Kenny, we’re very close. He’s the middle brother or son in the family. Just, you know, 11 years older than me, but great family man. Him and his family are very spiritual and religious. My, family and I are very close to his family. He showed me a lot of things as far as being a man, being a family man, being a good father and so forth, and a lot of traits professionally and personally, that has taught me directly or indirectly. So I’m very grateful for, for that in our relationship.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thank God for the Kenny’s of the world. Sometimes you don’t realize it at the time, but you can look back and say, wow, there was a lot going on that maybe, you didn’t appreciate. And, you know, he is a little bit older than you. 11 years is a little bit of a stretch, but, I’m sure he sees you as his kid brother.

Kirby Rabalais: Definitely. Still very young at heart and has a lot of energy and, he’s a great family man.

David Hirsch: So my recollection was you got your undergrad at Southeast Louisiana and then, years later graduate, school at Loyola Chicago. And, I’m sort of curious to know, when you graduated from undergrad, where did you see your career pointing and how did that evolve?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, so going back to my dad being an Allstate agent for 30 years, there was always just a natural inclination to kind of get into sales. I think it was just very natural. I think you know, going to undergrad, I was like, okay, I’m just going to get out of school and go into sales and just kind of figure out my career from there. And that was very much happened. Got into an internship for, for a company the summer before I graduated. And it was very natural that I started working for them after school, going into a sales capacity. My first job, a sales rep managing a territory in New Orleans area. And worked for them for a couple years and

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Kirby Rabalais: luckily, they were a national company and they still are a national company, I should say. And had the opportunity to transfer to Chicago. So it was, it was great.

David Hirsch: And how has that letter informed you with the work you’re doing with Truce software today?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, for sure. You know, the combination of going back to grad school and you know, 20 plus years, selling software and different types of services. Right. Has really done me well as far as experience, understanding to be much more consultative and leading with a lens of like, hey, I’m really here to help customers and people. It’s not transactional. Right. And looking to help you guys wherever you try and do your goals, objectives, and also form long term relationships as well.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, you’re using some of the same language that I used. I went from public accounting to sales. And people don’t think of financial advisors as being salespeople, but we are. And most people sell products. Right. They sell stocks and bonds and mutual funds and annuities and insurance and, you know, everything else under the sun. And that’s just how people in the financial services business are compensated for the most part. But I sort of took objection to that and I wanted to take a consultative approach. And it’s just a longer, lead time. Right. Because you’re gathering information, you’re preparing analysis, you’re trying to develop relationships as opposed to just, you know, trying to close. Right. And going for the sale, if you will. And you know, it’s not for everybody, but, I think that’s something else that we also have in common. So thanks for emphasizing that.

Kirby Rabalais: Absolutely.

David Hirsch: So I’m sort of curious to know, how did you and Chelsea meet?

Kirby Rabalais: So, yeah, geez, we’ve been together. It’ll be, 12 years. In March, we actually were introduced via two best friends that used to work together. Lo and behold, in Chicago, they share Facebook pictures of each other. And we had a text message and a phone call and we went to sushi and then that was, that was kind of it. From there, it was a pseudo blind date. We had A great time. We hit it off and then things just unfolded like, most. Most relationships right when they’re getting serious and so forth. And yeah, it was. It’s been great ever since.

David Hirsch: So was Chelsea working at the time or does she work now?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, she was working. She just. Our two best friends used to work at a company called Hub International, Big insurance company downtown Chicago. David, you probably know them. She just left Hub to go work for a company called BCU Risk Advisors, where she’s been there 13 years now and still working. I’m m proud of her. She’s made herself up the partner and doing very well and the company’s growing and they have a lot of. A lot of great things ahead of them. So very excited for her and her career. And, I’m a biggest advocate, but, she’s got a great, great team over there.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous. So let’s switch gears and talk about special needs, first on a personal level and then beyond. So I’m sort of curious to know, prior to Harley’s diagnosis, did you or Chelsea have any connection to the disability or special needs community?

Kirby Rabalais: From Chelsea’s perspective, she was raised learning and learned sign language and she had a little bit of exposure growing up. And then my. A cousin, a very close cousin of mine, has cerebral palsy. She’s just, I think two years younger than I am. And we were close growing up. Our family spent a lot of time together, holidays together. We’re around each other a good amount, so it was a blessing. Now I think about it, her name’s Natalie. To have so much exposure and experience with her and, you know, just relationship with her. We still try to see her when we go down to New Orleans once a year or so, or we go down New Orleans multiple times a year to see my family, but we see her once a year. And it, it kind of just gave me a very sensitive perspective, to be empathetic, to be as sympathetic and understand there’s a lot of people that, you know, are very unique in the world that have differences. Right. And always had a very soft spot for, you know, other children growing up at school. Right. Special needs classrooms and so forth. I just felt, you know, bad and compelled. Wish I could do something better for those people. Right. Because they’re always, you know, in a small room by themselves or shut the way. So. But yeah, I had had that experience. I think it got me ready for really for what we’re dealing with today, honestly.

David Hirsch: So what is Harley’s diagnosis and how did it come about?

Kirby Rabalais: It’s called Pitt Hopkins, which is a very rare genetic mutation. He’s also on the autism spectrum. But Pitt Hopkins is a very rare genetic mutation where it’s either in his 18th chromosome, one of the proteins is either mutated or it is deleted. Fortunate for us, it’s only mutated where he still has all the global developmental delays and everything that comes from it. You know, all the natural faculties that David, you and I take for granted. Right? We do naturally. Has been a challenge since day one for Harley. Walking, feeding, you know, standing, everything right. You name it. And so we learned early on, early milestones. He was just missing. And we’re like, okay, you know, our radar is up. What are we going to do? We started seeing doctors

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Kirby Rabalais: after doctor. That’s when we got him in early intervention. And, our weeks quickly became inundated with doctors appointments, multiple therapy appointments. At one time, I think we had 11 or 12 doctors going cycling in and out. And so between Chelsea and I both working full time and having a relatively newborn at six to nine months, we’re pretty inundated and totally different life. We never expected.

David Hirsch: So was it diagnosed with genetic testing or some other way?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, we. We got a genetic test. He was born October 2018. And we went the genetic route early Covid. And we got diagnosis August of 2020, two months after we had our second child, Porter. So everybody’s dealing with COVID We have a brand new baby, and we got a bombshell devastating diagnosis in the middle of the week. I remember clean as day, and I’m about to get on a call with a client, important call. And I’m like, holy Christmas Eve, here we go. Let’s. And then we just. After that was, you know, let’s figure this out. What are we going to do?

David Hirsch: Once you got the diagnosis and you know what it is, maybe Google or, you know, there’s information that you’re being provided with from healthcare professionals. Where were you mentally? Right. What were the fears that you were experiencing early on?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah. So, day one, we get the gin go from the geneticist. I called her back the next day. I was like, we need some more information and so forth. And she’s like, this is what you’re basically going to be up against. And expecting what she told us was so heartbreaking. By the same token, David, I was like, so motivating because I’m like, we’re not going to be beholden and conform to what you’re telling us right now. Going to exhaust all Options, resources, what are we going to do? Modalities, therapies, and so forth, to give Harley and his brother also the best light possible. So it kind of just turned on the jet fuel. Right. If you will, just. So ammunition to the. To the fire and. Yeah, absolutely. All the fears, all the worries, all the victimization. I mean, I dealt with that for one or two years, and I was just like, man, this is. This is hard. Why us? You know, this is bs, you know, the whole. Everything that other fathers that have been on this, on your wonderful podcast have talked about. Right. Yeah, it’s just been. It was really hard at first.

David Hirsch: Was there some meaningful advice you got early on, that helped put things in perspective?

Kirby Rabalais: You know, we. We got a lot of overwhelming support from. From friends, from close, really close friends and caring friends and family. that was very uplifting, and that was very, very helpful. People showed up, family showed up. everyone wanted to help, but I wouldn’t say there was, like, one piece of advice, like, it’s gonna be okay. I spoke to one of the dads that you had in your podcast, you know, early on, Martin, who was very helpful, and that was great. It’s kind of navigating the initial days, right? But it wasn’t like, oh, my gosh, like, you know, do this or do that. It was just kind of understanding and navigating myself and just understanding the. The world we now were welcomed into.

David Hirsch: Well, looking back, which is not that long a time to be looking back, given his young age, were there some important decisions that you can say, oh, I’m glad we did this, or glad we did that?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, definitely. A few. we’re living in the city of Chicago, and we got the diagnosis, and we’re, You know, at the time, we’re like, all right, we bought our dream home. We’re gonna live in the city. We’re gonna send our boys to private school. We’re gonna figure it out. It’s gonna be great. Get the diagnosis. And we’re like, all right, we have to get to a school district with a curriculum that specializes in neurodiversity and special needs and so forth. So, you know, we started calling, we started talking to people, we started researching and so forth. One thing led to another. You know, we found several districts on the North Shore, Chicago, that really specialize in. In that curriculum. Right. And have good infrastructure and resources. we had a great real estate agent, and lo and behold, we found a district and we found a home that was great for Harley, five minutes away. From his now a kindergarten school. He goes to kindergarten. But, those two decisions were humongous. And then we also came across a recommendation with a therapy center called Napa center that we visited twice in Austin, Texas in 2021 for a month at a time that has been monumental and instrumental in his development’s been wonderful. And those therapists are angel and Earth Earth. And, they’re also very fortunate they opened up a location here in Niles locally. So, that’s been fantastic.

Tom Couch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great

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Tom Couch: dad coin. Thank you. Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: Not to focus on the negative, but what are some of the biggest challenges that, you and Chelsea have faced?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, making time for self care your ourselves. You know, like making time to make sure we charge our batteries, have time to do things and hobbies and whatever we want to do, like outside of just the day to day mundane stuff and typical stuff with Harley right in Porter, spending enough time for ourselves together as well, getting enough rest, like typical, typical stuff. Feel like we’re constantly burning the midnight oil. I mean, it’s also part of the phase of life we’re in with young children too. But those have been difficult at times, for sure. Not, getting enough rest, not enough time for ourselves. Yeah, for sure.

David Hirsch: You didn’t use the word respite, but I’m wondering what is it that you do individually or Chelsea does individually or preps that you can do as a couple that sort of allows you to, you know, recharge your battery and, you know, maintain some stability.

Kirby Rabalais: You know, we’ve gone through eight caregivers for Harley and anybody that, you know, is a special needs child that’s listening, understands that you need, you know, specialized care, which is difficult. So it’s been challenging. We have gotten support from, Chelsea’s family on helping us out and giving us breaks and so forth and, you know, let us get away at time and time and so forth. So, we are fortunate for that. Hopefully also split time where Chelsea, take four hours. I’ll take four hours. Right. And things of that nature and kind of, you know, on and off type of thing. But, it’s been a struggle. That part has been a struggle. But I will say we’re very close knit family, the four of us. We, do a lot of things together, travel, dinners, everything. So we feel very blessed that we have that going. And that’s kind of the nucleus of our family, is to stay strong and stay together.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, your boys are so young, six and four years old. It’s hard for me to remember way back when, since our kids are 28 to 35, but I’m sort of reliving that as well because we have a two and a five year old grandson and daughter. And, it’s a lot of work. Right. It takes a lot of energy. And, I think it’s better to have kids when you’re younger.

Kirby Rabalais: Yes.

David Hirsch: Just because. But I’m sort of curious to know, what impact Harley’s situations had on his younger brother, Porter, who’s for your marriage or your extended family for that matter.

Kirby Rabalais: I think everybody has a lot more perspective. I think everybody looks the world through a little bit different lens now, which is great. A little more empathy and humility and sympathy for others. And Porter and Harley have a awesome relationship and they’re getting closer and closer. And Porter just adores Harley. And Porter’s gonna grow up with a huge heart. He is, you know, he’s, you know, four and a half years old, full of energy, non stop, very bright. I’m like, all right, let’s focus. All this great energy and he’s got a huge heart. And I’m like, you’re gonna change the world in your own way. And so, I think all of our lives have changed just that we look, I’m so much more just, you know, sympathetic to others in all the small things. David don’t matter. It just rolls off my sleeves. I’m like, whatever. It doesn’t. None of that stuff really matters at the end of the day, you know, and it’s kind of live my life that way.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it’s one of the silver linings when you discover you’re in a situation like you are, you know, I don’t know that your priorities change, but what’s important seems to get reprioritized. And, you know, you have to appreciate that, right. You’re not getting sort of distracted by some of the, small stuff, some of the things that like, other people get irritated by. Right. Whether it’s the weather or politics or, your sports team not doing what it should do. I Mean, all these things that you hear people complaining about, right? It’s like, really, is that. Is that the worst thing that could have happened to you today? And, it’s just one of the silver linings. So I’m thinking about supporting organizations you’ve already made reference to the Napa center in Austin, which now has a location in Niles. The school district. Right. That you were attracted to in Glenview. I’m wondering if there’s any other organizations that, either Harley’s benefited from or your family’s benefited from.

Kirby Rabalais: If there are parents or fathers listening that have young children in their gut, they feel something’s off, go. Go seek help, right? Even if it’s a small thing or if it’s a big thing, go seek help with early intervention. Find the right medical care, get some advice. Right? Seek. Go talk to other fathers. Have been through it, right? And go for it. Because you never know the pivotal developmental point right. In their lives. That could be huge, a game changer for them. So fortunately, we found early intervention and there’s other types of programs across the country in different states. Right. Different name conventions perhaps. But, that’s been. That was wonderful. I’m so glad we found that same time Napa that’s been very instrumental. And there’s another organization that was helpful this past summer called the Iowa Neurological

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Kirby Rabalais: Center. Iowa Innovative Neurological Center. They’re going to be opening two locations in Denver, in Minneapolis. Very concentrated on the brain development. Very interesting organization. They were very helpful. And we got some really good readout from them this past summer on different modalities.

David Hirsch: I remember one we talked about some time ago, maybe four or five years ago when we first met. And it was a pit. Hopkins something or other. What was that?

Kirby Rabalais: Yes, yes. So can I forget? Pitt Hopkins Resource Foundation. They’ve been very helpful. We connected with them, connected with their board, connected with our people. Been so, on. Had a local conference here. They. What they do every two years. We. We’re able to attend the Chicago. Chicago event. And yeah, I. I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about wonderful organization. They provided a lot of guidance and resources. When we first got Harley’s diagnosis, that’s how we found about Napa. And yeah, they do great work. And it’s all volunteer work, of course. and they all have, children with Hopkins. And, they’re phenomenal. Great group. And, you know, we’re very, very fortunate for them.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include information about all these organizations in the show notes. It’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up.

Kirby Rabalais: Thank you.

David Hirsch: Let’s switch gears and talk about 4TITUDE, which, I understand is an online community to support dads raising children with special health care needs. Started in November of 2024. And, I love your website and I understand that one of the primary things that 4TITUDE is offering or does is to do some coaching. And I’m wondering if you could provide a little backstory on why you started the group or the organization and what your vision is.

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, absolutely, David. So a, couple things here. So one, watching my brothers be very successful entrepreneurs, I always, always had the yearning in the one to be an entrepreneur in some form or fashion. Just didn’t know the right path to take, honestly, number one. Number two, you know, as going through the cycle of life, seasonal life with Harley. Right. There’s just so many resources for mothers, and mothers are so great at just naturally coming together, informing tribes around, supporting each other. I just felt like there was a lack in the marketplace for, an inclusive community for dads, you know, like ourselves. Right. They could come to come vent to confirm resources for content to express themselves in different ways that might not be available today through content frameworks, newsletters. We have a inter forum, if you will, where you can post questions, get questions answered and so forth. And not to say anything I do is gospel and things I’ve done kind of a paradigm shift to live my, life in a very optimistic way. However, I want fathers to be the best expression of themselves and hopefully I can help contribute to that a little bit so they have the best experience they can with their families, their children, et cetera.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, I love, your commitment to, not only supporting your own family, but to helping other dads and, talk a little bit about the coaching. My understanding was that there’s like three different categories. Catalyst, foundation and momentum.

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, thanks, David. Yeah. So, yeah, the opportunity for coaching is, a few different ways. And the way I look at it is I want to help fathers find clarity. I don’t want to give them the answers, but what is their clarity? What are their things they want to do in our lives, Right. That could provide them a better life and so forth. And again, what I’ve done doesn’t have to be gospel, but, you know, I want to provide them clarity. I want to show them different ways that I’ve done things that could be helpful and so forth and give them the opportunity to express themselves one on one or in a group fashion. So they can find whatever it might be, sense of calm, sense of peace, sense of purpose, sense of life that might be right to live their best life possible.

David Hirsch: Yeah, I love it. And, is there a membership aspect to 4TITUDE as well or not?

Kirby Rabalais: No, as of right now, it’s, with a brand new platform, it’s wide open, so there’s no charge whatsoever to join the inner circle and the newsletter and all the content, it’s all free. But to launch a resource library where you can find a lot of the resources and folks that we talked about today on there as well. The coaching is a nominal fee at this point and eventually once 4TITUDE starts to scale, there’ll be a lot more opportunities to monetize. But I want to make it open and very accessible and easy for people to find and, get help.

David Hirsch: Excellent. Well, we’ll have to check back in a couple years down the road and, see how this has all evolved.

Kirby Rabalais: Thank you.

David Hirsch: I’m sort of curious to know what role spirituality has played in your journey.

Kirby Rabalais: It has a lot. Raised Catholic, got married in Catholic church. I would say we’re more just non denominator Christians now. But I’ve done a lot of spirituality through healing that has helped me get through a lot of this stuff. That’s through prayer, that’s through meditation. Looking to alternative types

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Kirby Rabalais: of modality that has helped Harley and I get through, get through things that have, you know, been very difficult. Right. Over the last few years. So it has become a big part of it. I feel like the reason why 4TITUDE is where it is today, where it’s going, is because of a calling from God. This, you know, the universe, spirituality, whatever we want to call it. Right. So I think it’s very connected and it’s all intertwined. And I think a lot of these children, Right. I think one of your former guests was like, oh, they’re all angels. Right. All these children are. And they are angels. Right. And I feel like he’s connected and he sees things differently and so forth. And I always feel like sometimes he’s talking to angels, even though he doesn’t talk yet, but I feel like sometimes he looks and there’s angels talking to him. So, definitely it’s a big part of our lives.

David Hirsch: Well, there’s actually one of the dads in the network. I don’t think this is who you’re referring to. He named the organization that he created, Ainsley’s Angels. His daughter’s name was Ainsley. She sadly died, of a rare degenerative disease at age 12. And he created the organization maybe when she was 4 or 5. So he had this vision from a very early time. And ah, you know, her spirit lives on through the organization. And the angels, and there’s thousands and thousands of them are the individuals that push in these like racing wheelchairs, individuals that can’t participate, participate in like running events, 5Ks, 10Ks, half marathons, marathons, in some cases triathlons for that matter. And you know, it’s, it’s very inspiring. So I’m hoping that some of that pixie dust will rub off on you and 4TITUDE and a decade or more down the road you’ll be able to say, yeah, there’s thousands of, I don’t know, you call them angels, but people that will benefited from, you know, what you’re going to be, be doing in the name of 4TITUDE.

Kirby Rabalais: Love it. That’d be fantastic.

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about advice now and I’m wondering what advice you can share with parents, specifically dads, you know, who find themselves in a similar situation, you know, with a diagnosis they certainly wouldn’t have asked for or weren’t expecting.

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, sometimes advice is given and sometimes it’s not solicited. Sometimes it is. Right. I like to have like mantras. I’ve actually developed my own M mantras to really kind of get over all the circumstances of Harley and so forth. The situation versus really the vice. I always tell myself like, pain is temporary. Pain is temporary. It’s, you know, we’re going to get through this. Pain is temporary. Irrespective of situations. Some people might be going through way worse stuff than we are. Right. And I get that. And I always tell myself, everything we want is on the other side of fear. So like, get on with it irrespective of how hard it’s going to be or how situation might be. So, I would tell other dads, right. Be yourself. Be the best expression of yourself. Go find help if you need it because your family and your kids need you. And don’t think you’re not worthy because you’re very worthy and you’re, you’re meant for great things and you’re, whatever the situation is, if you were selected or you’re picked to have these children, right. Wherever it might be, you know, go out there and give them your best. Right. because you’re, you’re worth it.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing pearls of wisdom. And I agree, pain, is temporary. Sometimes it can be extended. I don’t know that everything is on the other side of fear, but you need to push through, work through your fears, get over your fears, somehow, some way. And, I think you didn’t use the word authentic, but I think that’s what I heard you saying is about being yourself. And, you know, you don’t want to look back and have too many regrets like coulda, woulda, shoulda. Right. So you want to be as intentional and fully engaged as you possibly can be. So thanks again for sharing. I’m curious to know, why is that you’ve agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

Kirby Rabalais: Absolutely. Happy to give back, happy to support, happy to contribute any way I possibly can. Again, I’ve done a lot of things to have a paradigm shift mentally and physically to get through some of the difficult times. Right. And happy to help any type of dad out there that needs support and that might be having going through a difficult time.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, we’re thrilled to have you. Thank you for being part of the network. Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Kirby Rabalais: I would just say, hey, Dave, look, this has been great. Thank you for everything you do for. For the fathers out there. It’s amazing. If anybody needs help or seeks help or wants to have a conversation. Right. Please feel free to reach out through 4TITUDE. I know David will have all the content in the show notes and so forth, but happy to. Happy to serve and happy to contribute and, you know, alone out there.

David Hirsch: Fathers, let’s give a special shout out to our mutual friend Martin Cuez, a fellow Pitt Hopkins dad who was featured in episode number 60. That’s like 300 plus episodes ago of the Special Fathers Network Data dad podcast for helping connect us about five years ago.

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, thank you, Martin.

David Hirsch: If somebody wants to learn more about 4TITUDE or contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

Kirby Rabalais: Yeah, Please reach out either via email at hello@got4titude.com or please

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Kirby Rabalais: go to the website www.got4titude.com. I’d love to hear from you.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that and the other information in the show notes, so make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up. Kirby, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Kirby is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own? Please go to 21centurydads.org thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably probably know, the 21st Century Dad’s foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help to keep our content free to all concern. Would you please consider making a tech sectoral contribution? I would really appreciate your support. Kirby. Thanks again.

Kirby Rabalais: Thanks so much David.

Tom Couch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david@21stcenturydads.org

Tom Couch: The Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast was produced by me, Tom Couch. Thanks again to Amgen. Committed to unlocking the potential of biology for patients suffering from serious illnesses by discovering, developing, manufacturing and delivering innovative human therapeutics. Discover more about Amgen’s mission at Amgen.com.

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