408 – Eric Freund of San Diego, CA A HS Teacher, Founder of Hope On The Hard Road, Podcast Host & Father Of Two With ASD

Transcript:

Eric Freund is father of two children on the autism spectrum

Eric Freund: How many special people there have been along the way that when she goes to the doctor’s office, they’ve taken the time to understand her. you know, you can look at a disability and see what’s there, or you can try to really understand the person you know. In particular, my daughter has the more significant needs. When you actually try to figure out this kid, she’s really something special. She’s funny.

David Hirsch: That’s our guest this week, Eric Freund, a teacher, a coach, a co founder of hopeonthehardroad.org, bringing hope to families on the special needs journey and a father of two children on the autism spectrum. And Eric will tell us of his journey on this Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

David Hirsch: Dad to the dad. You’re not on your own. We walk this road together, hard and home.

David Hirsch: Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Data dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books, and sharing heartfelt challenges. The Mastermind group is free for the first 30 days. Stop trying to figure out things on your own. I invite you to join one of the existing Special Fathers Network Mastermind groups. You’ll meet some extraordinary dads, exchange a lot of best practices, and recharge your fatherhood battery for the journey ahead. It might just transform your life like it’s done for so many others. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21st centurydads.org.

David Hirsch: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present. 247365.

David Hirsch: Now let’s listen in to this conversation between Eric Freund and David Hirsch.

Eric Front is the father of two children on the autism spectrum

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with Eric Front of San Diego, California, who is a high school teacher, founder of Hope on the Hard Road, podcast host, and father of two children on, the autism Spectrum. Eric, thank you for taking the time to do a podcast interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Eric Freund: Well, definitely, David, I appreciate being on here today.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Kristen have been married for 27 years and the proud parents of two daughter Abby, 21, and son Caleb, 23, who are both on the autism spectrum. M let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Eric Freund: Well, I grew up in, Valencia, California. Had one Sister. I mean, we kind of grew up in suburban, LA area. Very nice community, pretty much. I mean, storybook childhood. Growing up. Everything kind of went well. And then after high school, I moved, to Flagstaff, Arizona. I got a football scholarship out of high school and went, to Northern Arizona University. You know, after several years, I met my wife there. So that was. That was kind of a cool thing that met, my wife. We’re college sweethearts. So we’ve known each other, you know, you said 27 years, but we, we started dating them, you know, two years prior to that. So we’ve known each other 29 years. And, yeah. So it’s been quite a journey.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for sharing.

Your dad is in a supportive living facility; he talks regularly

I’m sort of curious to know, what does your dad do for a living?

Eric Freund: my dad was in sales. He did, insurance sales for a number of years. He did church directories and some other types of sales, through his later years.

David Hirsch: And he’s still alive?

Eric Freund: He’s still alive, yes. Yeah, he’s in a, supportive living facility. But, you know, his mind’s active and he’s had quite the journey. And we talk regularly. Yes.

David Hirsch: That’s great. I’m sort of curious to know, how would you characterize your relationship with your dad?

Eric Freund: I have a good relationship with my dad. You know, my dad, he didn’t actually have much of a father figure growing up. And so he was always very supportive to me and, in the house. Very loyal person, you know, without having a. Probably his own father figure. He really did a, you know, good job of, doing what he could with our family and being there for us.

David Hirsch: Excellent.

So I’m thinking about other father figures, and I’m wondering what influence your grandfather’s played

So I’m thinking about other father figures, and I’m wondering what, if any, influence your grandfather’s played.

Eric Freund: my grandfather, my mom’s, dad definitely had a role in my life, and probably more now that I look back than when I was consciously thinking about it through the years. my grandmother had multiple sclerosis, so I never saw her walk. She was always in a wheelchair and had a lot of caretaking needs. And, he was very selfless. Always a part of her life, always a part of creating ways to make life better, serving her fullness of life for her. And I think every day he worked. I can’t remember when he was actually the working years of his life, but he always worked. When you’re a caretaker, that is. And so it’s a role model. And now that I have, you know, in particular, my daughter has significant caretaking needs. I’ve referred back and Yeah, I think it was incredibly influential and

00:05:00

Eric Freund: seeds were planted that are now kind of taking harvest.

High school coaches believing in you as a student and as a teacher

David Hirsch: Any other father figures, that might have played an influential role in your life when you were younger, or perhaps as a young adult for that matter?

Eric Freund: probably young adults. I mean, I was blessed, especially in high school and further on in college. Being a high school and college athlete, coaches believing in you as a teacher. Now I reflect on some of that. the belief in an individual, especially a young person, is a very strong thing that, know, they can walk into and, it can carry them a long way in life. You know, having somebody believe that you can take that next step and, you know, go. For me, it was like going on and playing college and believing that was possible and pushing towards that and then seeing that that actually did take place. And then college coaches, you know, just believe in you as a person and who you were, that you actually got seen and valued. So, yeah, those people, they have an influential role in our lives. I think also probably my last year in college, there was a college, I want to call him a college pastor. It was just a college couple that, they weren’t college age, they were older, but they brought all the college kids into their home and fed them every Sunday. And we had some really good times. And they were very, very generous and really built relationships with all these college kids. Me and my wife can remember going over there Sunday evenings, and that was pretty special, especially when you’re away from home. To watch somebody to be that generous and to be that giving and want to pour into other people, especially young people’s life was. Was pretty impactful as well.

You have a bachelor’s degree in math and education from Northern Arizona University

David Hirsch: Excellent. My recollection was you have a bachelor’s degree in math and education from Northern Arizona University, and you have a master’s in education from National University. And did you know you always wanted to teach?

Eric Freund: No, actually, that was not, what I expected to do. I, in high school, if you ask me, I was kind of afraid to speak in front of people. So, you know, we’re not always in charge of our own plan. I think there’s definitely a divine intervention there. But, as I was going through school and I started off as an engineering major thinking that was it, enjoying math and physics and so forth like that. but as I went further along, I kind of switched around. I don’t know if engineering is it. I switched to math, and I think I was fighting all along that teaching, was the route. I took an introduction to education course, and I can remember going to elementary school, junior High campus and connecting with the kids without ever meeting them. I think it was always kind of natural that I would be around kids, but kind of got over, I suppose, that speaking in front of people and realized this is definitely what I’m meant to do and who I am.

David Hirsch: And what do you actually teach?

Eric Freund: So I’m a math teacher. I’ve been teaching about 30 years as a math teacher. So I’ve taught everything from pre algebra in high school to calculus. Did ap, you know, calculus for a couple years. But I really found that, I like teaching kids that don’t necessarily like math and that it’s challenging to them, that that’s kind of where I, I like to reside, especially having children that have had struggles with school and disability. I, I work with a lot of kids with disabilities trying to find different ways to teach them, to help them realize they’re smart, that it doesn’t have to be in the traditional sense. Always they can say it out loud, share with me, try to use different modalities to, help them build confidence. Confidence is a really big thing as you teach. And so many kids are not confident at all, let alone in math. And so trying to build that as part of, what I do is important.

Prior to having children, did you or Kristen have any connection to special needs

David Hirsch: So, let’s talk about special needs, first on a personal level and then beyond. And I’m sort of curious to know, prior to having children, did you or Kristen have any connection directly, indirectly to the world of disability or special needs?

Eric Freund: The closest thing I can think of is I had a high school job, and some of the kids with special needs, down syndrome and so forth. I worked at a hospital and they would volunteer at the hospital and so forth. And I remember connecting to them. And then I would see him back at school and how appreciative they were, for just the smallest little things. Give them a little something. And they were so incredibly appreciative. And you know, in high school, when everybody else seems to be trying to one up each other, they were just genuine. And it kind of stuck out to me. And again, probably this idea that seeds being planted, that, yeah, I had an appreciation for individuals with special needs.

David Hirsch: Got it.

Abby has autism, which is her primary diagnosis

So what is Abby’s diagnosis and how did it come about?

Eric Freund: So she has autism. There’s probably many other additional things that go on, but that’s her primary diagnosis. It was apparent early on, you know, going preschool classes, that, she wasn’t quite meeting up with some of the things that, her peers were doing. she started having some difficulty and challenge and behavior type things. I think one of the big things that

00:10:00

Eric Freund: highlighted, me and my wife is that she has a crossing with her. I kind of a hereditary thing. And we had to go to an, ophthalmologist, and he’s really the first one that boldly said, have you looked into special needs? Have you looked into getting diagnosed? This guy, Even though we weren’t happy about him saying something, it actually ended up becoming a blessing that we started looking into it. And. And then not much longer after that, she was diagnosed and then starts a whole new journey.

David Hirsch: Well, it is, ironic that whether it was an ophthalmologist or an optometrist, I can’t remember which one you said, was the one that brings us to your attention versus your pediatrician, of all people. When you learned about the diagnosis, what were some of the fears that, you or Kristin had? Do you remember way back when, when you first learned about it?

Eric Freund: Well, I think there’s just so much unknown, and the unknown by itself can bring fear. The other thing, though, that takes place is and being a couple and working and encouraging other couples, we’re on a different journey. A lot of things that you’re investigating, a lot of research, a lot of therapies you’re trying, some help, some don’t. But it’s a really wearing road that began after the diagnosis.

There’s a grieving process that takes place when you get a diagnosis

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it’s not the first person to say that, mom and dad or husband and wife, you know, are, reacting to the news differently or are pursuing things a little bit differently. So thanks for sharing any meaningful advice that you got early on that helped put things in perspective.

Eric Freund: It’s hard to say, because a lot of the reason for us, you know, creating hope on the hard road is looking at things maybe we didn’t have, and we want to help other people along the way. There’s a grieving that takes place when you get a diagnosis. It’s a very real thing with all us parents. And grief with anything takes time. And so I think, you know, recognizing that mom and dad, me and my wife, were on a different time cycle with going through some of these things and being able to see it, and you revisit it at different stages of your life.

David Hirsch: Oh, yeah.

Eric Freund: Pouring advice into people that, you know, there’s. There’s some challenging time in the marriage during this diagnosis and figuring out what’s next. But it gets better over time because you start learning to figure out how to work together and do some of these things and redefine life. I suppose after the diagnosis.

David Hirsch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments.

Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs

But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents Survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you. now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: not to focus on the negative, but what have been some of the bigger challenges that you’ve encountered relative to Abby’s diagnosis or just helping her reach her full potential?

Eric Freund: You figure out who’s going to stand beside you and walk with you in this. You know, when tough things happen, you figure, okay, you know, say a prayer up and things will get a little better. But this is not one of those things. That’s the case. We just continue to have hard after hard after hard. And it just seems like every time you turn around, you’re having a new conversation, that there’s more hard. There’s not relief. And not everybody wants to walk with you through that, but the people that do are amazing people and amazing friends that have walked through and been a part of that and become blessings. Not everybody needs to understand exactly what’s going on, but just being there, those are the people that were really huge. You know, we were involved in a young married group with kids. We had many people that could bring meals over, you know, you know, as you’re going through and just dealing with all the different challenges, behaviors, therapies, and the exhaustion of everything, having meals that you didn’t have to prepare for and people just reaching out and, you know, especially nowadays with the ability to text people and just say, how are you doing? And, you know, offering up prayers and just being there for them.

David Hirsch: Very invaluable insights. Thank you.

I’m thinking about supporting organizations that help children with disabilities

I’m thinking about supporting organizations, and I’m wondering, what, if any, organizations come to mind that Abby’s benefited directly or perhaps your family has benefited directly from.

Eric Freund: I would say, really the caretakers that really knew and tried to get an opportunity to understand her. Those are the most invaluable place. We’re very lucky in an area where the medical community is fantastic. I’ll give a shout out, you know, to Rady’s Children Hospital in San Diego. We’ve always had such good relationships and good care while she was under 18, what have you. But Abby herself, she actually looks at Going to the doctor’s

00:15:00

Eric Freund: office as a fun outing, but I can contribute a lot of that to how many special people there have been along the way that when she goes to the doctor’s office, they’ve taken the time to understand her. You know, you can look at a disability and see what’s there, or you can try to really understand the person. And, you know, in particular, my daughter has the more significant needs. When you actually try to figure out this kid, she’s really something special. She’s funny and she really wants to connect with other people. But the disability so often can get in the way. You just try to surround yourself with those people. And we’ve been lucky. Those people have really been, ah, good to us and organizations, I suppose, in that way.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for sharing.

Your son was diagnosed with autism at a later age than many others

Let’s switch gears and talk about Caleb just for a moment. he’s older by a couple years. And my, recollection was, his path has been quite a bit different than the one you’ve been describing for Abby. And I’m wondering if you can sort of put that in perspective.

Eric Freund: Yeah. Thanks. I mean, with my son and probably a lot of individuals, and you see more and more, you know, they go through the school system and parents that are involved can support them. You know, you could be able to, support them along the journey where they can be successful in terms of that. And then it’s. It becomes some point where the needs become more apparent that there, there just needs to be a little bit more support here towards independence. My son, he went through, I mean, unfortunately, you know, it’s the 2020. He graduated high school in 2020. So you spend the last months, of your high school in lockdown, and then he spent two years in college in lockdown. And then he’s, you know, finally lockdowns are being lifted and he’s, he’s adventuring out there and it’s just. It became evident, I think, for a number of years that he thought differently and he wanted to get diagnosed because he saw that he thought differently than his peers. And so often you think that thinking differently means you’re wrong or you’re not as smart or not adding up or so forth. And the reality that’s none of that’s true. So him getting a diagnosis of autism at a later in life had a freeing ability to say, this is how I’m wired. This is who I am, this is how I think. And now it’s a matter of, like, understanding how he thinks and being able to navigate it with, with that reality in mind, as opposed to trying to put him in a box, that that’s not how he’s designed. That’s not how his brain thinks.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for sharing. I know that there’s something hereditary, at least, apparently hereditary, about autism. Not entirely. And, this is just another example of somebody being diagnosed later in life, sometimes as parents. A parent will have a child, you know, with autism, and then, you know, they’ll be in their 30s or 40s, and they’re like, oh, my gosh, I can relate so much to what my son or daughter is going through. And then they’re realizing, you know, much later in life, it’s not like they’re not, able to function, but, they’re getting some answers to questions that maybe they didn’t even know they had. So, anyway, I appreciate your transparency, about that.

Hope on the Hard Road is a podcast about hope on the hard road

Let’s, switch gears again and talk about hope on the hard road. where did the concept for that come from? What was the impetus behind creating this not for profit?

Eric Freund: Well, I think, you know, we, me and Kristen had gone through so much challenging experiences. All the things we learned, all the things we had to change, all the things we had to do as a family to, make this work and to commit to and to learn and to work together in our marriage and work together in our entire household. Going through all that, you realize that there’s got to be some good out, of this. And the good of this is trying to reach out to other people and. And to come alongside them. Not tell them what to do, but come alongside them, let them know that, hey, I’ve been on this journey. If you want to talk, let me encourage you. Find the ways to encourage, not discourage, find the ways to help people along the way. Because whatever you go through, if you can go and help other people, you know, it really becomes redemptive in terms of what you’re working on. So for me and Kristen, we were looking at each other, want to do more, and the idea of doing a nonprofit came about. I think my wife was the first. She has more of an entrepreneurial spirit. We looked and said, okay, we’re supposed to do this. We’re supposed to go and create, something where we can wrap around families, we can encourage families, we can help navigate them, and we can build community. In 2019, we just started a nonprofit, and then pretty soon after that, we started doing zoom events. Our families. That became an incredibly valuable thing. The zoom feature of, just jumping on and checking out of the screen and coming back on the screen was fantastic for our families. We were able to bond even without being in person during those times. and we still continue to do it long past Pandemic.

David Hirsch: Yeah.

00:20:00

David Hirsch: Well, I think what I heard you say is that, you’ve identified an unmet need in your community and you and Kristen somehow found the bandwidth to go beyond the typical, work, family, balance and what a blessing it is for your community. And I also heard you talk about the impact that Covid had from doing things in person to being forced to do things virtually. So, I’m just thrilled to learn how quickly your program has grown and services or programs have been adopted. How’s the podcast tie into hope on the hard road?

David Hirsch: Welcome to the Hope on the Hard Road podcast where you and your family can find community, find encouragement, and find hope for the road ahead.

Dawrie Gavin’s two sons were diagnosed with non speaking autism

Today we have Dawn Marie Gavin, co founder of Speller’s Method and executive director of the Speller’s Freedom Foundation. When she became a mother in 2003, her life took an unexpected turn. By 2006, both of her children had been diagnosed with non speaking autism.

Eric Freund: Driven by an unwavering commitment to help her boys find their voices, Dawrie transformed her career. Yeah, so the podcast is great because, you know, as you know we’ve met through this podcast. Basically, you know, you meet wonderful people walking very parallel lives, similar journey throughout the, throughout the country and the world for that matter. The podcast started with the idea of bringing on people who have walked the journey, telling their stories and then they also have wisdom to share with other family. They’re experts in the community, so they may know how to navigate a certain government, system, IEP system, you know, some kind of funding system for your children. They know how to do that. they can be experts in therapy or brain techniques and different ideas that can take place. So we, our idea, it’s educational in mind of being able to bring these families on, but also the story, the human aspect of it, that it’s not just, you know, not everything’s not just a therapy there, there’s people behind these stories and hearing where they came from and some of the beauty that comes out of these difficult situations.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, I love what you’re doing with the organization and with the podcast. You’re pushing 90, episodes from what I understand. It’s fabulous.

I’m wondering what advice you can share specifically with dads about special needs

So I’m thinking about advice now and I’m wondering what advice you can share specifically with dads who might be listening about, finding themselves in a situation that maybe they didn’t ask for.

Eric Freund: Yeah, I mean, our organization is called Hope on the Hard Road. So to try to sugarcoat it and say it’s all going to be okay, no, there’s a lot of challenge. There’s a lot of things that are going to refine you as a person. You know, caretaking really causes you to have to be a selfless individual. So it’s going to change who you are. But on the other side of it, I think that it’s a better version of the people, the dads and I would just, you know, stay the course, find other people. I appreciate what you’re doing. You know, find other dads, whether it’s in your neighborhood that you can meet to personally or online or find other. Other people that are doing this that, are trying to make, build community because you need to walk together. You need other guys that are walking it and encouraging it, and they’re also prioritizing their marriage. I think that’s a big deal. And I see a lot of these dads, you could take difficult circumstances and it either can destroy you or it can really make you stronger and make your marriage stronger and your family stronger. And my hope, I know that’s your hope too, is to walk beside dads like this and have the former, that it’s, we’re going to build stronger relationships, stronger dads, stronger, you know, husbands and stronger families because, you know, we walk together in this.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, well said. I know that most of the parents that I come in contact with, moms and dads say that I would not have asked for a child with special needs. But in many cases, a, decade or decades down the road, they are reflecting and say, well, I wouldn’t have asked for it. I wouldn’t change anything. You know, it was hard. It was challenging. You know, it’s not like every day is rainbows and sunshine. but, you know, you’re a better version of yourself for the. Some of the experiences. And I think that’s what I heard you saying.

You’ve agreed to be a mentor father for the Special Fathers Network

I’m sort of curious to know why have you agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

Eric Freund: Well, you know, I’m a coach. I’m a coach at heart, I’m a teacher at heart, and so forth like that. And, you know, part of my journey is no longer coaching and pouring into kids on a football field and a track field and so forth like that. That’s because it just got switched. The coach never died for me. And I realized that I still have that in me, but it’s a different calling now. It’s walking alongside other dads, finding where they’re at, encouraging them to next steps and coaching in life, which is what I always tried to do with the sports, but now it just happens to be other special needs dads. And

00:25:00

Eric Freund: I’m embracing this. This is, this is what I’ve been called to do and excited to help other people, as many as I can.

David Hirsch: Well, we’re thrilled to have you. Thank you for being part of the network.

Eric is part of the Special Fathers Network mentoring program for fathers

Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Eric Freund: No. I appreciate you having me on and, you know, definitely walking through this and seeing it. One thing you did say, I think the individuals themselves having a special needs child, they show the world unconditional love. It’s really just a beautiful thing. They’re just real people in a world that is driven sometimes by fakeness in social media. They’re just real people that you see the bad, the good, but they’re not faking anything and they definitely love people and we can learn a lot from that.

David Hirsch: So let’s give a special shout out to our mutual friend Steve Bundy, Johnny and friends whose Special Fathers Network mentor father, as well as featured in episode number 34 of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast for helping connect us.

Eric Freund: Absolutely. We’re very thankful and thank you.

David Hirsch: Steve. If somebody wants to contact you, learn more about, Hope on the hard road, what’s the best way to do that?

Eric Freund: We’re online, you know, having a website, hopeonthehardroad.org so literally, just as you see it, we’re also on, you know, Facebook and Instagram and also a lot of stuff on YouTube because we have videos of, a lot of our podcasts are now on video there and we also have, you know, you can see some of the stuff we’ve done with our events and yeah.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that information. Maybe your, email address, a LinkedIn profile. So make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up. Eric, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Eric is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your, own, Please go to 21st centurydads.org thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Data dad podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help to keep our content free to all concerned. Would you please consider making a taxectable contribution? I would really appreciate your support Eric. Thanks again.

Eric Freund: Thank you so much.

David Hirsch: David dad to the dad. You’re not on your own. We walk this road together, heart and home.

David Hirsch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21st Century Dads.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you.

David Hirsch: Join our closed Facebook group. Please go to facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david01dads.org the dad.

Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast features great conversations with great dads

David Hirsch: To dad Podcast theme was written and performed by Shane Madden. The show was produced by me, Tom Couch. Tune in again next week for another intriguing conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

David Hirsch: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present. 247-36524, 7365.

00:28:45