409 – Nick Massie of Los Angeles, CA A Film Industry Veteran & Father To Son, Cole, An Actor With Cerebral Palsy

Transcript:

Nick Massie and his dad are featured on Special Fathers Network podcast

Nick Massie: This journey of, diagnosis is going to lead you down a path. But if your kid or your child comes up with something, give them every opportunity to do it.

David Hirsch: That’s Nick Massie. He and his dad, Nick Massie, are our guests this week on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Cole is a young actor with cerebral palsy who stars in the feature film the Paper Bag Plan. And Nick, his dad, also works in the film industry. And we’ll hear their story on this Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Dad to the dad. You’re not on your own. We walk this road together, hard and whole.

David Hirsch: Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group Experience is free for first 30 days

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network dad and dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network Math the Mastermind Group Experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books, and sharing heartfelt challenges. The Mastermind Group is free for the first 30 days. Stop trying to figure out things on your own. I invite you to join one of the existing Special Fathers Network Mastermind groups. You’ll meet some extraordinary dads, exchange a lot of best practices, and recharge your fatherhood battery for the journey ahead. It might just transform your life like it’s done for so many others. For more information, please see the show notes or Simply go to 21st centurydads.org.

David Hirsch: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present. 247365.

David Hirsch: Now, let’s listen in to this conversation between Nick and Nick Massieand David Hirsch.

Nick Massieinterviews for Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with Nick Massie of Los Angeles, California, who works in the film industry and who has a son with cerebral palsy who was featured in the movie the Paper Bag Plan. Nick, thank you for doing an interview for the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

Nick Massie: Thank you so much, Dave.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Michelle have been married for 29 years and are the proud parents of son Cole, who is 28 and who has cerebral palsy. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Nick Massie: Thanks, Dave. I was born In Danville, Virginia, 1959. A couple years after that, my family moved to Virginia Beach, Virginia. That’s where I spent the next years TILL I was 27. I have two younger brothers. And Virginia beach was a small town at the time. It’s since grown, expanded. It was a military town originally, and now it’s a large vacation, town tourist destination, right on the Atlantic Ocean.

David Hirsch: I’m sort of curious to know, what did your dad do for a living?

Nick Massie: My father was. He had gotten a law degree. Ah. University of Virginia. But he got into insurance. He was an attorney for State Farm Insurance. He was a good father, I guess. You know, he had a very stressful job and he had a. Unfortunately had a heart attack in his late 40s. He changed, tried to change his habits and he lived for another. Another 10 years. And so by that time I was just out of high school. My brothers were still a little bit young and so I cool. I got a job and tried to help the family sustain. Eventually, a number of years later my mother remarried a wonderful guy and and everything turned out.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear that. Your dad passed away at such an early age. So when you were done with your education, where did you see your career taking you?

Nick Massie: Well, I left Virginia beach on a wild chase to come out to Los Angeles, California to play music. And I met my wife Michelle, my future wife there. Within a couple of years we were married. And a year and A half later Mr. C. Here, Cole came along.

Cole was diagnosed with paraventricular leukomalasia

David Hirsch: What was Cole’s diagnosis and how did it come about?

Nick Massie: His diagnosis was paraventricular.

Nick Massie: Paraventricular leukomalasia.

Nick Massie: Cold nose. Yeah.

Nick Massie: Specifically spastic diplegia. Duperesis with paraventricular leukomalasia. And yes, that is a mouthful.

Nick Massie: Yeah, mouthful. Cerebral palsy. He isn’t able to keep his balance

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Nick Massie: when he stands. He has a, high tone stiffness in his legs. It affects his hands somewhat so that he’s. He has a fairly good hand control. But he is affected there. His eyesight is affected. So he is in a wheelchair. He is in a wheelchair. But we surmise after the fact that he had ah, maybe a small, I guess you could call it a stroke, an oxygen, issue. And so there is a small amount of brain damage affected him?

Nick Massie: Well, it’s not exactly small, but yeah.

Nick Massie: Enough to affect his, some of his motor function. And so but we did weren’t completely aware of all of that at first. That came later after we did some scans. For the first couple years he was a little slow in his development, but we kept working with him. My wife Michelle worked with him tirelessly. Yeah. And then it was After a few years that we sort of came to understand what might have happened, and, we sat upon a course of, you know, like many other parents, of course, of trying to do the most you can with. With what happens.

David Hirsch: You know, I’m assuming you’re making reference to physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, etc.

Nick Massie: Yes, all of that.

David Hirsch: Not to focus on the negative. But what have been some of the biggest challenges that, you’ve encountered as a parent, or perhaps, Cole’s encountered separately?

Nick Massie: Just, briefly loving your child, wanting the best for them, and then knowing that it’s constant therapy, and just knowing that they have to be so strong and brave to do all of this. Then taking all of his disabilities together, trying to figure out what will he do in life, how will he get through life. Luckily, he chooses what he likes and what he wants to do. And most of the great things that have happened for him were not because of me, but, because of him.

David Hirsch: So, Cole, from your perspective, what’s been the biggest challenge?

Nick Massie: You know, I think growing up as a person with a disability, you encounter a lot of challenges. My biggest one is just getting people to. Not, quite frankly enough, if I can say this, not be stupid.

Nick Massie: Well, just about your situation.

Nick Massie: Right. And, you know, I. I’ll tell you. I. I was in the mall the other day, and, a person literally stopped me and goes, oh, I’m. I’m sad too, buddy. And I was like. I said, you know, I’m actually not sad. I’m just going about my daily life. But I stopped and I took the time and I said, you know, I’m so sorry you’re upset. Is there something, maybe a question you have that I can answer for you or something? Generally, I find that if you take a situation and turn it into a question and answer session, people are more apt, to speak and speak freely. Now, that does not mean, answer every question about your disability that you do not feel comfortable answering. It just means let them ask the questions they have. Because most of the time it comes from a place of good intent, and most of the time it comes from a place of genuinely not having the knowledge, education, and. Or resources.

Cole’s organization gave him a service dog for free. They’re centered in California

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about supporting organizations. You made reference to, Shane’s inspiration. I’m wondering what other organizations have played an influential role.

Nick Massie: Of course there’s Shane’s inspiration. There is also canine panties for independence. They actually gave me a service dog for free, and it cost between 40 and 60 thousand dollars to raise and train one of these dogs as long as you qualify, as long as you have a qualifying disability, they will give it to you free of charge.

Nick Massie: They’re, one of the many, I guess, service dog organizations, but they’re a really great one. They’re centered in California, so the dog was able to pick things up, get them, and bring them back to Cole. But just a side benefit that turned out to be huge was the social aspect. You have a dog, and people are gonna stop and say, oh, what a nice dog, you know, and. And want to pet your dog. And then that strikes up a conversation. And Cole’s made some friends that way. Yeah.

Nick Massie: now I will tell you that sometimes, as we grew and, developed as a. As a team, because it really is a service dog team, he would pick

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Nick Massie: things up and bring them to me without even being asked.

David Hirsch: I’m assuming this would be like a Labrador retriever type of dog.

Nick Massie: He was a black lab golden retriever mix. Yes.

Nick Massie: And one day, we got a phone call. Hi. This is the aspca.

Nick Massie: This is Emily from the aspca.

Nick Massie: And my wife’s like, well, we’ve already contributed, you know, and she says, no, no, no. We’re calling about Ilya, your dog. He’s won the 2008 ASPC Dog of the Year award. Dog of the year. Can we fly your dog to New York and. And give him an award at the Rockefeller Center? Uh-huh.

David Hirsch: Really uplifting story. Thank you for sharing.

David Hirsch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you. Now back to the conversation.

Cole Hemsworth stars as Billy in the new Paper Bag Plan movie

David Hirsch: So let’s talk about the, Paper Bag Plan, the movie that came, out this past year. And I’m sort of wondering, how is it that you even got involved Cole in the, in the movie?

Nick Massie: Well, I. I am a professional actor, and I was contacted by my agent who directed me to my manager, who sent in this script. And, I read it, and I just absolutely fell head over heels for it. I loved it. I thought it was very well written, very well researched, and a lot of times with movies with characters with disabilities, it’s, you know, the sick, dead or dying, hospital patient or terminally Ill or something. And, you know, what really interested me about this story was that wasn’t the disabled person that was dying. It was the caregiver, which. It was originally written for a mother with, breast cancer. And at the time, my mother had been newly diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. So it was a very triggering set for her to be on. She has been on several sets for over 35 years.

Nick Massie: She’s okay now? She’s in remission?

Nick Massie: Yes, she’s in remission now, but, yeah. So I read it and I loved it. And I’m like, I want to do this movie.

Speaker G: Billy, there’s gonna come a time in your life when I won’t be here to do things for you. I’m getting older, and you’re getting older, too. All these years, I thought I was doing a pretty good job raising my boy.

David Hirsch: You have.

Speaker G: I kept him sheltered.

Nick Massie: We moving?

Speaker G: No, we’re bagging.

Nick Massie: You want me to be a bagger?

Speaker G: Bagging is three steps. One, sort the items. Two, packing.

Nick Massie: You think he liked me?

Speaker G: If he didn’t, I’ll kick him in the three organizing in the customer’s cart.

David Hirsch: Customers can be mean.

Nick Massie: People have been mean to me my whole life. Tom, I can take it.

Speaker G: This is a good wake up call for both of us. I used to pray if I were to die unexpectedly, the Lord would have mercy and take Billy with me. I don’t pray for that anymore. You start off as a beggar. One day you own the store.

Nick Massie: Whatever it takes, I will do. I will do this movie. And I went in for the audition. It was a zoom audition. And that’s when I met Anthony and our brilliant casting director, Russell Bose, who specializes in people with disabilities. Now, it was important for Anthony to find his Billy, as he calls me. That’s the name of the character. If he didn’t find Billy, he wasn’t gonna make this movie. This was his dream movie to make. It was based on his mother and his sister, both of whom had cared for people with disabilities. His mother, had cared for his brother Eddie. The only thing that Eddie could do was open his mouth when a spoon, came near. Despite that, however, they had a great relationship. They would say,

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Nick Massie: sit and watch movies together. And so even at the age of 70, she was lifting him in and out of the chair, carrying him down the hall to the bathroom, bathing him, dressing him. And the doctors did not give him, much of a chance to live. And Anthony, and now myself, after hearing the story, believe that it was his mother’s love that kept him alive till 47.

David Hirsch: So give our listeners just a very, very brief, synopsis of the story.

Nick Massie: So the story centers around Oscar, a widower living with a terminal illness. And he has to teach his son Billy, AKA me, a, life skill before he passes away. And that is the storyline which I.

Nick Massie: Think is not that uncommon of a. Of a fear.

Nick Massie: Yeah, A, very common fear of parents, children with disabilities, as you well know, is what are they going to do when I’m not here.

David Hirsch: Yeah, my takeaway from watching the movie, and I thought it was well done, and I just love the role that you played as Billy in particular. I. One of the more memorable scenes was, when you, had, too much to drink and you thought you could probably fly in your wheelchair as you’re sitting at the, top of these stairs. And it wasn’t like a huge stairwell, but like two or three steps to go from inside the house to outside. And you know, you end up, you know, obviously crashing. And then one of the next scenes is that you got this, homeless guy sitting in your wheelchair, you know, and you’re like best buddies because you’re both sort of out of it, inebriated or whatever the situation is. And you know, it’s a reminder that you, know, things happen. Right. And not all good or all bad, but things happen. I thought it was, you know, light hearted and somewhat humorous.

Nick Massie: Yes, we did try to bring a lot of humor into this film. You know, the thing with this film is that it was very real.

Nick Massie: Yeah.

Nick Massie: And it showed, you know, which again, I thought was interesting. You had brought up the drunk scene, which everyone asked me, how did they do the whiskey? It was coke and water. I did not get drunk on set. That would have been certainly unethical professionally.

Nick Massie: and you had a couple other cast members that were disabled too.

Nick Massie: Yes, the young woman that played my friend, best friend Ruby, Julia Marcato. She was incredible to work with and just so funny and very, sharp and witty and just a joy to work with.

Cole just booked a role in a play that will be his first professional gig

David Hirsch: So, Cole, any other projects that you’re working on? now that you’ve got this one.

Nick Massie: In your rearview mirror, I just booked a role in a play. I can’t say much more than that.

Nick Massie: So he had done some auditions and I guess they called him back. And then, he. So he got a, role in some local theater, which is a lot of fun. Now that’s going to be challenging, getting to the theater every night.

Nick Massie: And, you know, my parents are Going to be there for every show.

Nick Massie: Yeah. because that’s what we do. You know, that’s what they do.

Nick Massie: But. But really, I actually trained as a theater actor. In fact, most of the stuff on my resume is theater. This will be my first professional theater gig. I’d done a lot of community theater and stuff like that, but this is my first professional theater gig.

Nick Massie: We’re all very, sort of fortunate that, we’re living in a time when, awareness of people with different abilities, different types of abilities is more in the forefront.

Nick Massie: Yeah. It’s wanted. Yeah.

Nick Massie: Yeah.

Nick, Cole has cerebral palsy and you’re mentoring him

David Hirsch: So, Cole, I’m wondering what advice you can share for one of our listeners. Whether they’re the parents or maybe, one of their children who might have cerebral palsy or some other diagnosis. What advice or insights can you provide them from your perspective?

Nick Massie: You know, depending on what the condition is, there may or may not be resources available in. In your location. Right. It depends on your state, your. Your. Your country, your.

Nick Massie: So what? How do you find all your resources?

Nick Massie: You know how I find all my resources is Googling. I know that.

Nick Massie: Googling and YouTube.

Nick Massie: YouTube and Google and whatnot. But this journey of diagnosis is going to lead you down a path. But if your kid or.

David Hirsch: Your,

Nick Massie: Child

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Nick Massie: comes up with something, give them every opportunity to do it. Because unless they have something that would substantially prevent them from doing that thing, give them. Give them every opportunity.

Nick Massie: Like explore.

David Hirsch: Good advice. So, Nick, why have you agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

Nick Massie: Well, I just hope I have that. What I have is, usable, you know, or transferable to others in whatever way I can do it.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, we’re thrilled to have you. Thank you. it’s a very inspiring story. And, for good or bad, society judges us as parents based on how our kids turn out. And, I don’t know your family all that well. I’ve just gotten to know you and Michelle and Cole more recently. But, based on, my, limited understanding, you know, you guys, knocked it out of the park. Cole’s just a very, polished young man who has a lot of talents who are just starting to come to the surface. And I’m hoping that with, the Paper Bag plan, the upcoming role in this, local, theater, that it’s just the beginning of some of the great things to come.

Nick Massie: Yeah, we didn’t push him into this. He.

Nick Massie: Oh, no, I. I wanted this since I was 7 years old. In fact, my second sentence I ever spoke was the name of the. Of a play that my m. Grandfather had written. My grandfather is a writer. He wrote for Bewitched and Smothers Brothers and all and Family and Sunny and Chair and that’s my mother’s father. And he, was actually very influential in my early arts education.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thank God for your maternal, grandfather.

Cole and Nick discuss mentoring for fathers raising children with special needs

So is there anything else you guys like to say before we wrap up?

Nick Massie: Just, thank you so much for, for the opportunity, David.

Nick Massie: Yeah, thank you very much.

Nick Massie: Yeah.

David Hirsch: Let’s give a special shout out to Kia Loui, and Anthony M. Lucero, the, producers of the Paper Bag Plan for helping connect us. If somebody wants to contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

Nick Massie: The website is. Is Coleman C O L e m a s s I-e.com and how about you, Nick?

Nick Massie: N I C K M A S S I E04 Gmail.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that information in the show notes. It’ll make it as easy as possible. Nick and Cole, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Nick is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, Please go to 21st Century Dads.org Thank you for listening.

The Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast features dads raising special needs children

The latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Data dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help to keep our content free to all concerned. Would you please consider making a taxactible contribution? I would really appreciate your support, Cole and Nick. Thanks again.

Nick Massie: You’re welcome.

Nick Massie: Thank you, Dave.

David Hirsch: Dad to the dad. You’re not on your own. We walk this road together, heart and home.

David Hirsch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process. New Fathers Network with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21st.

David Hirsch: Centurydads.Org and if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david@21stCenturyDads.org the dad.

David Hirsch: To dad podcast theme was written and performed by Shane Madden. The show was produced by me, Tom Couch. Tune in again next week for another intriguing conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

David Hirsch: Through every season, great Dads are present 247-365-24-7365.

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