410 – John O’Leary of St. Louis, MO, A Motivational Speaker, Best-Selling Author, Podcast Host & Father of Four – Part 1

Transcript:

John O’Leary: My eyes had been swollen shut, so at that point, I could not see. And because of damage to my lungs, I could not breathe or talk. So I’m dying in darkness as a child. And into this darkness, I hear footsteps. The night I’m burned, I hear a chair get pulled across the floor. And then I hear this voice. Jack Buck, the radio announcer for the St. Louis Cardinals, say, kid, wake up. You are going to live. Keep fighting. John o’ Leary day at the ballpark will make it all worthwhile. Keep fighting.

John Leary is a father, a podcast host and motivational speaker

David Hirsch: That’s our guest this week, John o’, Leary, a father, a podcast host and motivational speaker who has a truly incredible story to tell. When he was nine years old, John had a horrific accident where most of his body was badly burned by a gasoline fire. While in the hospital recovering, he was visited by local celebrity St. Louis Cardinals broadcaster Jack Buck. Jack took an immediate liking to John, and the two developed a fast and deep friendship. A movie has just been released that tells this incredible story, and we’ll hear all about it in this first installment of David Hirsch‘s interview with John o’. Leary. It’s the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

John O’Leary: Dad to the dad, you’re not on your own. We walk this road together, heart and whole.

David Hirsch: Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group is free for the first 30 days

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books, and sharing heartfelt challenges. The Mastermind Group is free for the first 30 days. Stop trying to figure out things on your own. I invite you to join one of the existing Special Fathers Network mastermind groups. You’ll meet some extraordinary dads, exchange a lot of best practices, and recharge your fatherhood battery for the journey ahead. It might just transform your life like it’s done for so many others. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21st centurydads.org.

John O’Leary: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present. 247365.

David Hirsch: Now let’s listen in to part one of, this conversation between John O’ Leary and David Hirsch.

John O’ Leary is a motivational speaker and father of four children

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with John O’ Leary of St. Louis, Missouri, who’s a motivational speaker, bestselling author, host of the live inspired podcast, the subject of the recently released major motion picture, Soul on Fire. And perhaps most importantly, the father of four children. John, thank you for taking the time to do an interview for the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

John O’Leary: Yeah, what a joy to join you guys. So thank you for having me on.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Beth have been married for 22 years and the proud parents of four children ages 14 to 20. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

John O’Leary: Yeah, man. So leave o’, hare, go 55 south for about five hours. Look at the arch, wave at it, keep going for about 20 more minutes and you’ll be just west of St. Louis. That’s where I grew up. I grew up with a mom and a dad who are storybook type figures. Not only in my life, but for those who knew us, whether it’s family, friends, neighbors, incredible, humble, faithful, loving, nurturing parents. And they were the type of parents back in the day who were like tough love, which meant they were there for you when you skinned your knee, but they also quickly patted you on the bottom and pushed you back out the door. So really blessed with a, ah, great background. One of six. So my brother, then two sisters, then I showed up, and then two other sisters. And to kind of lay this family out in context, my mother, she hated dogs, which means, like, that’s a huge strike against her. Like she. And yet growing up, we had three. my dad was allergic to cats, and yet we one time brought in a stray who had kittens. So it was just this really wild family where they were. My dad was a professional. He was an attorney. mom was a school teacher. But primarily she raised six kids. We went through a lot of adversity, as I’m sure we’ll talk about. And yet they were the most joyful, faithful, grateful people I’ve ever met.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for sharing. That sounds a little bit of a beaver cleaver type of situation growing up. But, maybe not so straightforward and getting to know you and following you as I have.

Your dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s at age 46

I know that your dad was, diagnosed at a relatively early age with Parkinson’s. I’m wondering, what influence that had on you.

John O’Leary: Gosh, it shaped my life in, in every single facet. So dad was diagnosed at 46. At that age, I was maybe, 15. Ish. So I. Almost every one of

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John O’Leary: my memories today is with my dad with Parkinson’s, not without. I don’t remember him while driving or running or working. I remember my sweet dad in a wheelchair and struggling and enduring and Doing all of this with a smile on his face and beautifully, I think, with a wife by his side, my mom. There’s so many heroes as I look at my story. And if my father is the hero, he is nothing without his equal. Who is his wife? My mom. So, like, the two of them, the way they endured that diagnosis and did so together. Because what you know, your podcast, your community, knows this. What affects one person affects all. And in particular for the individual who is the caregiver or the. The parent, the guardian, the caretaker of. Of the other, who, might be struggling. So my dad endured great things, but only was able to do so because of his wife. So we. We witnessed this as kids growing up, and we witnessed it until just May last year, when my father finally passed away. But he passed away after 34 years of Parkinson’s disease. He passed away with his wife, his six kids, their partners, and spouses, and all 22 or 23 grandbabies by his side. So it really is, You know, it’s not. You talked about Leave it to Beaver. Yeah, but that always ends with a, perfect sunset. Man. We had a lot of storms, and yet ultimately it ended with this brilliant sunset and rainbows and butterflies. So it took a while. It was a journey. It still is, but it’s a good one.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. Very sorry to hear that Your dad passed away just this past year. That’s a long time to be, suffering from Parkinson’s. My dad, coincidentally had Parkinson’s the last, eight years of his life. And it, was pretty debilitating. So I can relate just a little bit, but not from such a young age like you were describing. Right. The commitment that the whole family makes. Right. It’s not just the person with the diagnosis, but, ripple effect that it has throughout the family. And, what a great testimony that you just shared, about your parents, the commitment to one another, the strength that your mom has had through all this. Right? Yeah, she’s really had to step up her game. Are there any other important takeaways from your relationship with your dad that come to mind?

John O’Leary: So, two things. Number one is he, after he lost his job, wrote a little book called Overwhelming Odds. So here comes the big promotion period. All right, so o’ Leary had a book years ago written about him and an unauthorized biography called Overwhelming about my life, and they put a picture of me on the front of it. And I’m sure you and I will talk about it in a moment. Like, why write a book about John’s life. We’ll get there. But the thing they wrote about, I had never told anybody about. And I was broken. I was burned, I was scarred. I recovered to the best of my abilities and then left it behind for two decades. And so, because of Parkinson’s disease and because of the struggles that came with it, my dad was unable to work. But he did write this little book. More like, almost a handout. It’s 100 pages. And one of the lives impacted through that book was John, which allowed me to eventually look in the mirror and love the scars and love the brokenness and begin moving forward in a way that in time would allow me to begin public speaking and then start this career path on this work. And now, several books and a movie and all this other stuff. All of that came because of my dad’s diagnosis with Parkinson’s. And second thing is, although he struggled for years and decades, in fact, he was so joyful. And there’s the scene in the movie where my dad and I are talking on the screen, and I ask him how he can stay so grateful in the midst of such struggles. Because my dad’s in a wheelchair. He’s got a broken collarbone, a broken wrist, like he’s in agony. And he gives me, in the movie, three things he’s grateful for because of Parkinson’s disease. So when you watch Soul on Fire, you’ll cry because of how sweet that moment is. But that’s the Hollywood moment. The real moment is after he gave me three, I stood up to give him a hug, and then he said to me through his whisper, he said, john, sit back down. I’m, not finished. I got more. I got so much more.

David Hirsch: Very powerful. Thank you for sharing.

I’m thinking about other father influencers, and I’m wondering what grandfathers have had

I’m thinking about other father influencers, and I’m wondering what, if any, influence your grandfathers have had.

John O’Leary: So my grandpa Leary lived in Florida when I was growing up, so I didn’t get to know him really well. I’m a Missouri kid, but I. I remember just the respect my dad had for his parents. We only saw him once, usually sometimes twice a year, But. But the way he respected them and the way they respected my dad and loved, in a more formal sense, my siblings and me. So it was, it was more of a formal grandparenting kind of like maybe old school. Like old, old school. But I loved it, man. Like, that was my grandfather and my grandmother, Even the way I refer to them, like kind of a formal title.

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John O’Leary: And then there’s the other grandparents. My grandpa, my mom’s dad served in the Navy during World War II. He said the words I do on an altar. They spent the night together. My grandmother and my grandfather took a train together to Galveston the following day. And then my grandpa launched off for the war, disappeared for three years, and then came home and built a family. And all those memories of the war and the Depression before it, like, led this man to be humble and faithful and hugely intentional in his marriage with his kids. He had two girls. They lost a child along the way with his law practice. He was an attorney, like my dad. They actually worked together for decades. He was a great, awesome grandfather. He was a generous tipper. I remember what, anytime we had a really pretty waitress, he would always look at me and wink and say, you think a hundred dollars is too much of a tip, John? Just like that kind of old school, World War II mentality. But he meant it like he loved being generous. He didn’t die with a lot. I remember going through his stuff when he passed away, and his calendar was all focused on where he was going to serve. This was shortly after he retired. And his checkbook was all focused on things, charities that he was giving to. There was an old pastor I read years ago that said you can tell the character of a man by where they spend their time and where they spend their money. My grandpa spent his time serving and spent his money giving. And that’s what I remember about my amazing grandpa.

You graduated from St. Louis University with a bachelor’s degree in finance

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, some amazing role models that you’ve had in your life. Your dad, both your grandfathers. From a different perspective, what a blessing that is sometimes, you know, when you’re growing up, and sometimes you realize that, you know, with the benefit of hindsight.

John O’Leary: Yeah.

David Hirsch: My recollection was that, you took a bachelor’s degree in finance from St. Louis University after graduation. Where did you see your career taking you?

John O’Leary: Well, you know, it’s funny. As you and I are recording this, it’s snowing out here in St. Louis. And I remember I was working at a firm called A.G. edwards back in 1998. Big financial service firm. I’m sure you’re aware of it. And, I was working Christmas Eve and asked my boss that day if I could get off, and he said no. And here I’m this junior college intern, and I realized, man, that’s not what I want to do for life. I don’t want to be told when it’s lightly snowing and my family’s all together, and it’s so rare, these seasons to be told, I can’t do that. So what I Knew I would do after college is kind of do my own thing. Wasn’t sure exactly what that would look like. But, that day as the snow was falling, I realized I’ll become an entrepreneur. You know, I was starting a family at that point and, started saving for college education. But the work wasn’t, ah, the call. And so I, was blessed to eventually be called into that even.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for sharing.

Please help fathers gather research on families raising children with special needs

you did mention that you had started a family and the importance of providing for your family. And I’m sort of curious to know, how did you and Beth meet?

John O’Leary: So we met at a fraternity party. I know you’re in a fraternity. Which one are you in?

David Hirsch: Theta’s Eye fraternity.

John O’Leary: Theta’s Eye, baby. So I’m a Phi Kappa Theta.

David Hirsch: Okay.

John O’Leary: Was that a Phi Cap party at Saint Louis University as a junior? and then in comes this brunette named Elizabeth Grace. Beth, was her name. And, dude, like, ah, she looked like Jackie Kennedy, but far more attractive. She’s just a beautiful lady. And then I get to know her and she’s even kinder than she looks. You know, she got a better heart than even, exterior.

David Hirsch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you.

John O’ Leary was severely burned in a 1987 garage accident

Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: So your story is really one about overcoming adversity. And the pivotal point in your life was on January 17, 1987, the date, of this accident. And I’m wondering if you can, share from your own perspective what happened that day and where your life has gone.

John O’Leary: What’s cool that you know, here you and I are 20 minutes in and we haven’t talked about this, and so the listeners probably think, like, he’s a financial guy or not. No, he’s a dad. And now he’s just somehow doing a movie. No one knows how or why, and sounds like a boring movie. Well, how did all that happen? And why does it matter Is really the inflection point of this whole conversation. In the work I do today and the work you do today. So for me, we had a, ah, leave it to Beaver life, in your words, brilliantly. Including even the obnoxiously perfect grandparents with Lincoln Town Cars. Like, give me a break, man. It was a perfect life. And then January 17th shows up. And on that day, a nine year old kid named John O’ Leary decides to experiment with fire and gasoline. I witnessed kids in my neighborhood doing

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John O’Leary: a similar experiment and just figured if, if these older kids, these 13 year old kids can do it, I could as well. So I walked into my mom and dad’s garage. They were both gone. I bent over a five gallon can, lifted the can as best I could, but it was filled. That’s 40 pounds of liquid. Set the flame on the ground, Bear hooked the container and David, before I even tilted the thing all the way, the fumes grabbed the flame, created this massive explosion that split the metal can in two, picked up me, and then launched me 20ft against the far side of the garage, setting my world on fire. A relatively long story made far shorter. I found myself that morning with burns on 100% of my body. 87% were third degree in some hospital bed dying. So we had the perfect life and then the perfect life was disrupted. And any of your listeners, I’m sure their perfect life has been disrupted too.

David Hirsch: Wow, quite dramatic. I remember with the research, that I’ve done, the doctors, told your parents that there was a half of 1% chance that you were going to live, which, you know, I’m just trying to put myself in your dad or your mom’s shoes, you know, the odds, you know, were stacked against you. And somehow, some way, you sort of hung in there right through the darkest period. And my recollection was that there was this iconic person in St. Louis that somehow learned about your situation and played a pivotal role as well. What was that? Yeah.

John O’Leary: So, just to set context on how difficult this thing will be to recover from, let alone maybe one day build a life after. With burn Care in 2025, they take the percentage of the body burned. So for the math majors at home, just do the write it down on a napkin. 100. Add age nine and you’ve got mortality. So in 2025, the same child would have 109% likelihood of dying back in 1987 decades earlier, like when the doctors said less than one half of 1% chance, that was his sweet way of saying, prepare for it. Yeah, it’s not 1 in 200, like 1 in 200 kids are going to pull through. It’s Ms. O’, Leary, I love you enough to not be fully honest with you, but prepare for it. but my mother and My father heard that as there’s hope. And gosh, guys, like, I’m emotional even saying this, because I know who your listeners are and your viewers. And we need hope as we love our life and love our kids forward, as we love our nation forward. Like, where’s the hope? Right now? There’s very little. The Wall Street Journal, twice in the last three weeks, has written stories that the American dream is dead. Well, if that’s true, where’s the hope? And if that’s true on the macro side, what about the individual side? If there’s nothing we can move toward, what can I move toward? Where’s the hope? My mom and dad had hope. And hope is so powerful, it can move mountains, it can move policy, it can move people forward. In our case, it moved the medical team, it moved our church, it moved the community. It moved me, undoubtedly. I felt it again and again as people came into my life. And then you mentioned, John, you had this bigger than life personality. Man, I had a million of them. Billy Graham wrote a letter. Pope John Paul ii, Ronald Reagan, Nancy. Hockey players, football players, the community. The community. But the most iconic part of our community in St. Louis was a guy named Jack Buck. He was the broadcaster for the St. Louis Cardinals. He’s a Hall of Famer. Smith corks one in the right down the line. It may go. Go crazy, folks. Go crazy. It’s a home run, and the Cardinals have won the game. Go crazy. He’s a radio voice that I recognize as a child immediately. So when I was brought into the hospital, they had to tie me down, could not move my arms or my legs. My eyes had been swollen shut, so at that point, I could not see. And because of damage to my lungs, I could not breathe or talk. So I’m dying in darkness as a child. And into this darkness, I hear footsteps. The night I’m burned. I hear a chair get pulled across the floor. And then I hear this voice. Jack Buck, the radio announcer for the St. Louis Cardinals. If you’re a Cub fan, the hated St. Louis Cardinals say, kid, wake up. Wake up. You are going to live. Keep fighting. John o’ Leary Day at the ballpark will make it all worthwhile. Keep fighting. And then he stands, he leaves. He walks out of the doorway. He starts crying. One of the nurses confronts, comforts him and says, Mr. Buck, are you all right? And he says, I’m not sure. That little boy won’t make it, will he?

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John O’Leary: And she says, no, he won’t.

Jack Buck came into the dying child’s life, sits down next to him

And then this man takes it home. Cries. We talked about the word hope a moment ago, prays and asks the question, what more can I do? Then the following day, Jack Buck comes back into the dying child’s life, sits down next to him. I’m not a celebrity. I’m not a motivational speaker and a future movie star. I’m nobody. I’m a dying, disabled, broken, scarred, wounded kid who he shows up for like it’s like full stop. Like I’m not, I’m nobody. And yet this celebrity, this somebody shows up and just loves me and comes back a second day and a third and a fourth and a tenth and a twentieth. And man, that those whispers daily of, John, your life matters. And there will be a John o’ Leary day at the ballpark. You and I talked while we were talking about being an entrepreneur with a vision. Like, man, we need a vision for our lives. We need a vision for our kids. And Jack painted a very real technicolor vision of my future. He said, I will one day have John o’ Leary date the ballpark. And I was foolish, enough to believe him. And we fought for it. We, not I. It took and burn care like it is. It is an army. It is an army of people rowing in one direction, fighting for the same goal. Let’s fight for this child’s life. And so with their help and my parents faith and our community’s involvement, this little boy with no chance goes home from the hospital five months after he shows up in it, goes home after dozens and dozens of surgeries, goes home without his fingers. They’ve been amputated now with scars from his neck to his toes. But he goes home and a month later Jack Buck, picks him up and we have John o’ Leary day at the ballpark.

David Hirsch: What was that like, dude?

John O’Leary: It was awesome man. You know, I’m a, Now I’m a 10 year old kid still in a wheelchair. Today I can walk, but back then I’m in a wheelchair. And, and he. There’s a, there’s a room outside of the dugout called players only clubhouse. And I remember we like rolled toward it and I thought he was going to roll by it, but instead he just kicks. Literally kicks the door open and we roll in and he says, fellas, I want you to meet the kid I’ve been telling you about. Now look around this room. There’s all these ballplayers, all of them in various stages of undress. They just finished batting practice. They’re getting ready for a game. Half of them are completely naked. So he starts on the other half, but it’s already scarred for life. Then he introduces me to the very first guy to the right. His name is Ozzie Smith. And then Willie McGee and then Jack Clark. And one by one, for the baseball fans. You know, this is a team with, like, four hall of Famers. They go to the World Series that year. But more than that, a little boy who belonged to nowhere finds himself belonging somewhere. So, man, what’s. What was that, like? Transformational. Then we go upstairs that night, we broadcast the ball game together. He learns that I can’t use my hands. My fingers have been amputated. So the following day, he sends me a baseball sign by Ozzie Smith, a shortstop for the Cardinals. And below that ball was a note that read, kid, if you want a second baseball, write a thank you letter. And David, I did not by myself. I had two occupational therapists, but with their help, we wrote the note, mailed it off, and a couple days later received another baseball with a note that said, kid, if you want a third, get. If you want a fourth. And if this camera was more mobile, I would m. Walk you around the house. But, like, behind me in that darkened room that’s my home office, there’s about eight baseballs in there upstairs. And Patrick’s room, there’s about 10. In Henry’s room, there’s about 10 dot and then there’s a kid upstairs. His name is Jack. You can imagine where he got that name. In Jack’s room, there’s about 30 baseballs signed by Cubs players and Cardinals players and umpires and managers. More than the value of a signature is the reminder of generosity in action. This man took an interest in a disabled, broken, wheelchair bound, fingerless, scarred, nobody. And that’s not humility. That’s the situation between doctor’s appointments. We made our way down to a ball game, and he. He gave hope.

David Hirsch: Yeah, very powerful. as I wipe the tears from my eyes, as you recall the story, my recollection was that, when Jack Buck was inducted in the hall of Fame, he received this crystal baseball, sort of a token trophy of being inducted in the hall of Fame. And what’s the connection to you there? Right.

John O’Leary: it’s the reason why Joe Buck doesn’t like me, among other reasons.

David Hirsch: Joe Buck being Jack’s son.

John O’Leary: so Joe Buck, the listeners who don’t know, he, like, broadcast the super bowl in the World Series. And Joe, in his own right, has made it larger than his father.

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John O’Leary: His dad was in seven hall of Fames. And Joe, remarkably, is A bigger deal than his dad nationally. and he walks in big footsteps. And Joe’s a generous guy too. But the reason why Joe gives me trouble is, is when his dad was inducted into Cooperstown, he received a priceless crystal baseball with the words Baseball hall of fame. Jack Buck, 1987. And when some 22 year old, nobody named John O’ Leary graduates Saint Louis University. I don’t know what I’m going to do professionally. I just know I can’t work at A.G. edwards because I can’t work on a snow day. I have made really no money in my life. I’ve made no difference in my life. I don’t think I’ll ever find love because I don’t think I’m lovable, because I’m broken. And yet this guy shows up and gives away this priceless heirloom to me. And so you and I, I always record these at my office, my real, real office down the street. Today I’m at home because I had to go to a funeral.

David Hirsch: Jack Buck gave away crystal baseball decades after his death

But over to my right, right over my right shoulder, that’s where it’s like this, this, it’s like a big old credenza and it’s locked. Otherwise I would get it out. But there’s this crystal baseball with the words Jack Buck Baseball hall of fame, 1987. So he gave this away, having no clue at all that one day this thing would make its way back into the light. He had no idea that one day I would become a motivational speaker. It doesn’t happen for 10 more years after his death. He has no idea that one day I’ll write a book about it. That’s about 20 years after his death. One day that there’ll be a movie made about it. That’s about 25 years after his death. He gives this away to the least among us. And again, it just shows you, like, if you give enough hope in your life, if you hold on for the ride, if you have faith and step forward in a meaningful way, not only for yourself, but for others, not only can you change your world, you can change the world. This has always been true of leadership. I think leadership has become far more arrogant. It’s more about me and my following and my top line and what I can do. But I think great leadership was recognizing and utilizing their life well. They can change the world, not just.

David Hirsch: Theirs, but the, yeah, very powerful. The Buck family is one of these amazing families there in St. Louis that, you know, the reputation precedes themselves and the influence or the role that they’ve played in your life is extraordinary.

John O’Leary: Dad to the dead. You’re not on your own. We walk this road together. heart and home.

David Hirsch: And that concludes the first part of David Hirsch conversation with John o’. Leary. Tune in next week when we’ll hear the conclusion of this heartwarming story on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21st.

David Hirsch: Centurydads.Org and if you’re a, dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david2stcenturydads.org the dad.

Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast features great dads discussing football

David Hirsch: To dad Podcast theme was written and performed by Shane Madden. The show was produced by me, Tom Couch. Tune in again next week for another intriguing convers conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

John O’Leary: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present. 247-365-24-7365.

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