Dad To Dad 439 – Rodger Northouse of Summit, WI A Mfg Hardware & Software Consultant, Founder of Let Us Ride, Father To A Son With DS

Transcript:

SFN Dad To Dad 439 – Rodger Northouse of Summit, WI A Mfg Hardware & Software Consultant, Founder of Let Us Ride, Father To A Son With DS

Roger Northouse is a father of two including son with down syndrome

Roger Northouse: That was, I think my wife saying in particular, we gotta revise our expectations of life. And he’s, Reid’s going to go at his own pace and that’s where we need to meet him. And she was just super spot on, 100%.

David Hirsch: That’s our guest this week, Roger Northouse, a manufacturing, software and hardware consultant, founder of Let Us Ride, an adaptive cycling business and a father of two, including his son Reed, 12, who has down syndrome. We’ll hear all about Roger and his life on this special Father’s Network. Dad to dad Podcast.

Dad to the dad. You’re not on your own. We walk this road together, hard and home.

Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the dad to dad podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch hosts the Special Fathers Network dad to dad podcast

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network dad to dad podcast. Two brief messages. First, I’m, thrilled to announce our new book, Dads Raising Children with Special Needs and Disabilities. A Guide for 21st Century Dads is now available on Audible, Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other sites. Second, the special fathers network US tour, a month long 50 state 60 plus stop tour, took place from May 21 to June 21. Mission accomplished. It was quite a journey with hundreds of new connections which will have a ripple effect for months and years to come. Thank you to the following partners, Gigi’s Playhouses, John’s Crazy Socks, Rotary Club of Chicago and Special Olympics. Thanks. Also the 60 plus venue hosts, which included 12 Special Olympic State offices and 15 of the 62 Gigi’s playhouses. Special thanks to the RV crew mentioned here in order of appearance. Zane Kooks, Andrew McDowell, Nelson Raskoon, Charlie Hirsch and Steve Harris. You guys were amazing. And special thanks to all those who offered their prayers and provided financial support. This was clearly a team effort.

David Hirsch: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present. 247365.

David Hirsch: Now let’s listen in to this conversation between Roger Northouse and David Hirsch.

RogerNorthouse is father of two, including a son with down syndrome

David Hirsch: For the record, we’re at Gigi’s Playhouse in Fox Point, Wisconsin and it’s day three of the SFN US tour, a 30 day 50 state 60 plus stop tour to strengthen the Special Fathers Network and distribute complimentary copies of the new book Dads Raising Children with Special Needs and Disabilities, a guide for 21st century dads. I’m thrilled to be talking today with Roger Northouse of Summit, Wisconsin, who is a manufacturing, hardware and software consultant, founder of Let Us Ride, an adaptive cycling business, and perhaps most importantly, father of two, including a son with down syndrome. Roger, thank you for taking the time to do an interview for the special Fathers Network Data podcast.

Roger Northouse: You’re welcome. Thank you.

David Hirsch: David, you and your wife Jennifer have been married for 14 years and are the proud parents of two children, Georgia, 14, and Reed, 12, who has down syndrome. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Roger Northouse Sure. So I’m a native of North Metro Milwaukee, grew up on the North Shore. I’m adopted, actually. I like to say, interestingly, was conceived in Miami, born in Indiana and raised in Milwaukee. My birth parents were 15 and 16 years old, and my parents that raised me were about 30 when I was adopted. My dad was at Purdue and they brought us back here. So grew up loving sports. Played softball, baseball, football, basketball, the whole gamut. Loved Boy Scouts as well. I was really, really into that. My upbringing was one thing that’s kind of interesting was, my dad was in technology, so he was actually a electrical, engineering and computer science professor at uwm. So I like to say he built God’s comp computer. So I actually just last night sold a Macintosh Lisa that I had been saving for many, many years down in my mom’s basement because she just moved out. And so I saw a lot of really neat things growing up. punch cards and on. So I like to say I’m the. The oldest guy you’ll ever meet that’s never used a typewriter, actually. So at 57, never used a typewriter. So.

David Hirsch: So when you were growing up, did you have any siblings?

Roger Northouse: Yes. So I was raised with my sister Nicole, and she, was adopted in Lafayette, Indiana as well. She died in her very early 30s. She was bipolar with anxiety induced schizophrenia.

David Hirsch: We’re very sorry to hear about her passing away decades ago now at such an early age. It’s quite tragic, I’m sure, that it impacted your parents, impacted you. How could it not?

Roger Northouse: Right.

David Hirsch: And did I remember you telling me in a prior conversation that your parents divorced?

Roger Northouse: They did. They were separated when I was, I think about 15.

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Roger Northouse: And so that, of course, had quite the ripple through our family.

David Hirsch: Okay, well, that’s something else we have in common. I was the product of a divorce at a much younger age. And it, is a game changer.

David Hirsch: Right.

David Hirsch: It just throws you for a loop. And I can only imagine that if you’re a little bit older, you see the situation from a different perspective as a teenager versus a young guy.

Roger Northouse: Sure, sure, sure, sure.

David Hirsch: Yeah.

Roger Northouse: I mean, at that age, it certainly damaged the relationship. My dad. There were other things There was a lot of alcohol abuse and such as I was growing up. So all those things started kind of coming to a head at that age, truthfully, not having a father in the household, I mean, lucky to be sitting here, got a little crazy out. His absence definitely made it. And that combined with my sister and my poor mother, you know, with what she was dealing with. Between my dad leaving and my sister, I had, a stack of blank checks that I could write any day. And because I was, you know, collegiate oriented and doing great in school, and I could pretty much do whatever I wanted, which wasn’t really such a good thing. Of course, in the end, it’s a benefit.

David Hirsch: Yeah.

Roger Northouse: But, the one thing I will say that I think is really, you know, early on, relative to my dad, I mean, I was. Loved him to death when I was a kid. The father’s huge figure, of course, and I just loved him. And between he and my mom, for all the issues that were there. The overall moral compass that combined, you know, I have the nature, nurture conversation in my head all the time. Where did I get this? Was I born with it? Was I, Did I learn it? What have you? The overall moral compass was. Was something that I’ve drawn upon forever and has helped me to, make really good decisions in life. And I give them a great deal of credit for that.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for sharing.

How did you and Jennifer meet online? The old fashioned way

So I’m sort of curious to know, how did you and Jennifer meet?

Roger Northouse: The old fashioned way. Online, if you can call it old fashioned. But, yeah, we met online. She was in Chicago, and I was in Milwaukee, and we met using, eharmony. The guy had it down, I gotta say that. I forget his name, but his process, worked. I’ll say that.

Reid was diagnosed with down syndrome the morning after he was born

David Hirsch: Let’s switch gears and talk about sports, special needs, first, on a personal level. So what is Reid’s diagnosis and how did it come about?

Roger Northouse: So Reed is diagnosed, with down syndrome. We learned about, I guess, the diagnosis the morning after he was born, when the doctor came in and announced it. And we were like, no, that’s not possible. And the reason for the late, late diagnosis, I suppose you might say, he’s incredibly healthy. There was no sign of anything whatsoever, you know, during the pregnancy that would lead Jen’s, obgyn to say, hey, you know, I’m seeing something. So, which is great. Right. So we were surprised, the next morning. And I remember being in the birthing suite. We were down at, Northwestern Hospital.

David Hirsch: Apprentice Women’s hospital.

Roger Northouse: Yeah, right. Right downtown And I. In hindsight, I remember, like, it was just. Everybody was very quiet. It was very different than when our daughter Georgia was born. And I remember this nurse looking so deep into my eyes, and like, I was like a married lady. Like, I was like, what do you. Why are you looking at me that way? And in hindsight, everybody in the room knew except for us.

David Hirsch: So what were your fears? Those initial thoughts that you had going back to the first six months or year?

Roger Northouse: How are we going to survive this? I guess, you know, it’s more of a. Of a loss, I think, that we experience. Like, this isn’t going to be what we planned, of course. And I. And. And I remember hearing one of your other podcasts again, said his wife was spot on. Like, we need to meet this child, where this child is at.

David Hirsch: Was there some meaningful advice you got early on that helped put the situation in perspective?

Roger Northouse: That was, I think, my wife saying in particular, you know, we got to revise our expectations of life. And. And he’s read’s going to go at his own pace, and that’s where we need to meet him. And she. It was just super spot on. 100. And the other thing I really remember was Jennifer was, like, calling everybody. Like, I’m outside the hospital. I’m literally smoking one cigarette after the next. I’m just a rock, and I’m not talking to anybody. And she’s just calling everybody and talking. And I’m like, oh, God, my. And I’m just like. I remember calling my best friend Chris, and, hey, congrats. And, he said, I got Mary here. And I said, Mary’s there? And he said, yep. And I hung up on him because I, like, could not deal with telling anybody anything. And then, interestingly then a month or two later, we’re still trying to

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Roger Northouse: figure all this out. And we were out in a restaurant, I think, out in Madison maybe or something like that. And I saw a family with a child with down syndrome. And I was like, I was just drawn to them. And I went up and I’m like, can he talk? And I knew nothing. And Jennifer didn’t want anything to do with it. She was. It was a. So we, you know, we moved through it a different way. She wanted nothing, didn’t want to meet them. I was all about, oh, my gosh, this is somebody that can give us insight or whatever, you know, that kind of a deal.

David Hirsch: So it sounds like there was a little denial going on.

Roger Northouse: Yeah. Or just. Yeah, I mean, just fog in the head that I had to, you know, move through, that’s for sure.

Zachari says raising a son with disabilities has been challenging

David Hirsch: So not to focus on the negative, but what have been some of the biggest challenges, the tying the shoes.

Roger Northouse: We seem to have problems with tying shoes. so that’s getting a little old.

David Hirsch: But they do make Velcro.

Roger Northouse: Yeah, I think about that every morning. But we go through it and such. But, you know, there were moments. But Reed is so high functioning and such a big part of our family. Like, in my opinion, we got it easy. We really do. It’s really not that bad. And I think one of the biggest things and what’s so exciting about this network, this special fathers network is, you know, so much of building the family comes through the children at school and so on and so forth. And we get that to a fair degree with, you know, Georgia. But from a man’s perspective, like I tried to get, he’s. He’s kind of in no man’s land. Greed is. He’s. We bring him to events at, you know, a, Gigi’s or something like that. He’s born to death because you’re like, I’m far beyond this. Whereas if we go to, you know, a regular, you know, trail life meeting, he’s like, it’s almost too much. So he’s somewhere in between. So finding that niche where he feels comfortable and then as a family we can engage with others and socialize, I think has probably been some of the most challenging things because so much of it’s around school and then he’s just kind of in between these things, if that makes sense.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, everybody’s in a different space, as far as what their capacity or their abilities are. And you just have to know your kid and, make sure it’s a good fit. So I’m sort of curious to know what impact these challenges have had on his older sister, your marriage, or extended family for that matter.

Roger Northouse: Around Georgia. I. I think nothing that I can really, that I identify on a daily basis. I mean, he’s just the annoying kid brother at times. I mean, they have such a normal relationship, really, and they laugh and they don’t fight. I mean, they just have a wonderful relationship. So it’s, you know, there was a time where she was like, reach is way more popular than I am. And she wasn’t real happy about that. But you know, she’s like me. She’s modest and doesn’t like a lot of attention, I guess I would say anyway. But you know, he’s very popular at school, of course, and such. So that changes, you Know, the dynamic of how we go through life. You know, everybody sees Reed, and I read like, how the hell do you know him? So on and so forth. My mother, I would say, has been impacted greatly because that’s. My mother is his best friend. I mean, he loves the hell out of her and they do so much together. And my mom is amazing. For 87, she’s up and down on the ground with him and doing this and taking him places and culvers and what have you. So. But as far as, like, it’s mostly just the social thing, I think, is that, you know, being a dad, you know, I go. We would go to Trail Life, for instance, and all the dads are all hanging out because all the boys are running around together. And Reed’s like, I’m staying right here with you, dad. You know, and so it makes it difficult to then kind of engage with other males, you know, and talk about whatever, you know, that kind of thing.

David Hirsch: Yeah.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for sharing. I appreciate the transparency. I’m thinking about supporting organizations now and I’m wondering what organizations either Reed’s benefited from directly or maybe your family’s benefited

Roger Northouse: from, certainly the Gigi’s Playhouse thing. Gigi’s has played an important role, for sure. Zacharias Acres is also another one that is, on the north end of Oconomowoc in Wisconsin. It’s a man who has a, son with disabilities. And he has got a couple hundred acres where he, he has put up a giant greenhouse for kids to come and plant vegetables that then they end up selling. There is a Christmas tree farm on there, so people come and grab cut down Christmas trees. They, have Mother’s Day events, fishing events, all that. And it’s all free for families with, with children with special needs and what have you. So we’ve done, we’ve been quite active in that, I would say is another big.

David Hirsch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the special Fathers Network dad to dad podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st century dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the special Fathers Network early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you.

You’re also involved with Let Us Ride, a bicycle advocacy organization

Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: So let’s, switch gears. We’ll talk about Gigi’s Playhouse. What’s the backstory on helping get this playhouse Started.

Roger Northouse: Well, my wife is. She’s quite the catalyst. we both are in our own regard, but, she is at times, like type A quadruple.

David Hirsch: And so I’ve heard of AAA batteries, but not quadruple.

Roger Northouse: Yeah, she’s a quadruple A. Anyway, so Reed comes out of the womb, and we find out that he has down syndrome. And in within 30 minutes. She’s now planning a golf outing. Anyway, we moved up from Chicago, like, within two or three days after him being born. We were planning on moving back up this way. It made sense for various reasons. Only we got up here, and then, you know, it’s all reach, outreach, researching. And there was, We learned that there was this place called Gigi’s Playhouse, and in fact, there was a. A group of. Of parents that were planting one in Milwaukee area. Oh, my gosh. So jumped on board. Jennifer, joined the board, and we went to all sorts of meetings, had conversations, and we. Probably one of the biggest things was location, and we found one in Fox Point, and. Which is right where I grew up. So we, found this place. It all made sense. And with my background in design, I designed the GG’s playhouse and then oversaw the construction. And it was really. It was a thrill. And it was my. One of our, I think, really first grassroots involvement kind of thing, which this, you know, led us to where we are today. But I’ll say one of the. The greatest accomplishments in my life, I was speaking of earlier today, is that, we got a, residential kitchen installed in a commercial space, which takes, like, an act of Congress, you know, first, and then it’s got to be approved by God. You know, I mean, it was unbelievable. But we did it, I think, has been a big, big, big success. So it’s. It’s functioning well today. Yep.

David Hirsch: So it’s a wonderful facility. Do you have any sense for how many families it serves?

Roger Northouse: 610, to be exact.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous.

Roger Northouse: Yeah.

David Hirsch: So you’re also involved with something called Let Us Ride. What’s the, backstory and mission of that organization?

Roger Northouse: So, picking up on the. On the grassroots efforts, my wife and I, started a bike dealership called Let Us. And we named it Let Us Ride. And that has a bit of a double entendre. it can be Let Us Ride, you know, onward, and the other can be Let Us Ride because of the fact that we were having so many troubles getting these bikes or, you know, the inclusion aspect or what have you. So Reid and I did a lot of Bicycling together. We would ride up and down the Oak Leaf Trail, down around Summerfest and what have you. I found a cargo bike and put him way in the back and then his sister could come in front a little, you know, sit in front of him. It had the Kid Corral, but we would go with my friend Bob and go on these bike rides and have a great time. So as he got bigger, I was running out of gas and I’m like, dude, you got to start helping. You know, this is, this isn’t how it’s going to go forever. So he’s just getting bigger. And I started looking around for options, you know, as to how he and I could continue biking. And there was the tow behind kind of thing and there was another bike here, but there was really nothing that I felt would keep him safe. the training wheels thing wasn’t working out so I was just looking around for options and I just didn’t find much of an offering. Local dealerships didn’t really have much, but I ended up coming across this company called Von Raam and they’re manufactured in the Netherlands. But in the 80s they pivoted from, you know, typical bicycles to adaptive bikes, bicycles. And by definition that means, you know, making a, ah, modification to a bicycle to enable somebody to ride. So it can be as simple as an E assist or it can get as sophisticated as like being able to bicycle with just one leg. You can have a rubber band type return on one side and that’ll do it. So I found this company and was all about this inline tandem. Long, long story. It took five years to get this bicycle. And during that time it became evident that this is our next venture. We’re going to go out and we’re going to become a dealer to facilitate getting bicycles to people in a more expeditious manner.

David Hirsch: What’s the difference between a regular tandem and an inline tandem?

Roger Northouse: So I guess I’ll answer that by saying an inline tandem is basically like a regular tandem, but as compared to a side by side tandem. So Von Raum has a really amazing side by side bicycle, called the Fun to Go. And it really is a fun, super duper fun bike. And what’s really neat about it is that Reed goes on that with his typically developing, you know, 14 year old fence, the two of them go cruising around so we can put, you know, another boy on there with him or his grandmother or his mother, his sister or whoever can go riding. And so the fact that the family can continue bicycling and not leave somebody behind or go at a decent pace is everything right. And in a side by side tandem, you know, with the Von Rom, you know, options makes all that possible.

David Hirsch: So, what inspired you to start this?

Roger Northouse: People that have children with special needs, you know, parents and such, they need more help, not less help. it captures a lot of attention. So I still believe there’s a market for it. It’s just a matter of, you know, timing, how do we get to it? And you know, was it 30 years ago, you know, there weren’t hardly any bike lanes, you know, they were just popping up now, biking and I mean scooters and it’s all, there’s all sorts of things.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it’s certainly. You don’t see too many side by side tandems.

Roger Northouse: Not really. Not of this caliber. You know, you can go, you know, 30 miles, no problem.

You’re a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network

David Hirsch: So I’m sort of curious to know what role spirituality has played in your journey.

Roger Northouse: Oh, I’m strong faith in Jesus after having been married for about 10 years, became a kid Catholic, and it’s impacting our kids. For me, nothing more powerful than prayer and, and turning it over to God. And it works for me and it works really well.

David Hirsch: Good to hear. So I’m thinking about advice and I’m wondering what advice you can offer to maybe that younger dad who’s close to the beginning of his journey. Whether it’s down syndrome or something else.

Roger Northouse: I think the biggest thing is just being present. Just be there.

David Hirsch: So, ah, why have you agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

Roger Northouse: I’d say first and foremost, I think people do things like we’re doing here for two reasons. One’s for us, we get something out of this, and one’s for the other person, without a doubt. So the connectivity to other people. One of the things that I’ve, you know, done men’s retreats in the past, and sharing my truth has always been kind of a cornerstone to the person that I am. I’m more than willing to share that which I’ve been through because holding on to it doesn’t serve really anybody, you know, and if I can provide a little something to somebody and it might just be a little something and it impacts their life, I mean, why not?

David Hirsch: Absolutely. Well, we’re thrilled to have you.

Roger Northouse: No, thank you.

The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers

David Hirsch: is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Roger Northouse: It’s been a quick couple, six weeks I think since we’ve met. And I’m really excited. I’m so happy to have you out there doing what you’re doing, and I’m just grateful.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing. So let’s give a special shout out to Lyle Lichty of Indianapolis, Co, founder of Dad’s Dad’s Appreciating Down Syndrome, who was Featured in Episode139 for helping connect us.

Roger Northouse: Yes, thank you, Lyle.

David Hirsch: If somebody wants to contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

Roger Northouse: Rogeretusride.com would be, first and foremost by the easy, easiest.

David Hirsch: Okay.

Roger Northouse: Yes. And that’s Roger with the D R O D G E R. Gotcha at Let Us Ride.

David Hirsch: I’ll put that in the show notes, we’ll add your LinkedIn profile and, maybe the website for Let Us Ride as well.

Roger Northouse: That’d be great. Thank you.

David Hirsch: So, Roger, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Roger is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, Please go to 21st centurydads.org thank you for listening to the latest episode of the special Fathers Network Data dad Podcast. Hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help, to keep our content free to all concerned. Would you please consider making a tax electable contribution? I would really appreciate your support, Roger. Thanks again.

Roger Northouse: Thanks, David.

David Hirsch: Dad to the dad. You’re not on your own. We walk this road together, hard

David Hirsch: and home and m. Thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network dad to dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21st

David Hirsch: centurydads.org and if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david@21stcenturydads.org the dad

David Hirsch: to Dad Podcast theme was written and performed by Shane Madden. The show was produced by me, Tom Couch. Tune in again next week for another intriguing conversation on the special Fathers Network dad to dad Podcast.

David Hirsch: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present to force 736-524-7365.

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