Dad To Dad 450 – Greg Yawitz of Olivette, MO Owner of KEAT Properties, Disability Advocate, Father of Two Including One With ASD

Transcript:

Greg Yawitz: What I have that most people don’t have is that constant family connection with her and the joy and the happiness of the time we spend together curled up on the couch watching TV, playing board games. I’m 58. Most of my friends kids are gone and they’re empty nesters. I don’t know that I’ll ever know what an empty nest looks like, but I enjoy the ride, so to speak.

David Hirsch: That’s our guest this week, Greg Yawitz, a real estate professional, owner of Keet Properties, and an advocate for the disability community. Greg lives in Olivet, Missouri with his wife Julie, and they have two girls, Allison, 29, and Caitlin, 27, who’s autistic. We’ll hear all about Greg and his life on this special Father’s Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

Greg Yawitz: Dad to the dad, you’re not on your own. We walk this road together, heart and whole.

David Hirsch: Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch. Two brief messages. First, I’m thrilled to announce our new book, Dads Raising Children with Special Needs and Disabilities. A Guide for 21st Century Dads is now available on Audible, Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other sites. Second, the Special Fathers Network US tour, a month long 50 state 60 plus stop tour, took place from May 21 to June 21. Mission accomplished. It was quite a journey with hundreds of new connections which will have a ripple effect for months and years to come. Thank you to the following partners, Gigi’s Playhouses, John’s Crazy Socks, Rotary Club of Chicago and Special Olympics. Thanks also the 60 plus venue hosts, which included 12 Special Olympic State offices and 15 of the 62 Gigi’s playhouses. Special thanks to the RV crew mentioned here in order of appearance, Zane Kooks, Andrew McDowell, Nelson Raskoon, Charlie Hirsch and Steve Harris. You guys were amazing. And special thanks to all those who offered their prayers and provided financial support. This was clearly a team effort.

Greg Yawitz: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present. 247365.

David Hirsch: Now let’s listen into this conversation between Greg Yawitz and David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Greg, I’m thrilled to be talking today with Greg Yawitz of Olivet, Missouri, who’s owner of Keat K E A T Properties, a real estate company and an outspoken advocate for the disability community and father of two girls, including one with autism. Greg, thank you for taking the time to do an interview for the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

Greg Yawitz: Happy to be here.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Julie have been married for 33 years and the proud parents of two daughters, Allison, 29, and Caitlin, 27, who’s autistic. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

David Hirsch: Sure.

Greg Yawitz: So I was born here in St. Louis. So my mom, my dad, my younger brother, parents divorced when I was, I believe, seven. I lived in St. Louis until I was about 10 years old. And then we set about moving around the country as my mom changed careers and so forth. And I think I went to seven or eight schools in five different states between when I was in fifth grade and the time I graduated high school. I graduated college in California at the University of Southern California and moved back to St. Louis about 36 years ago. And after I moved back here, both of my parents moved back. And so one of my parents lives about a mile east of me and one lives about four miles west of me.

David Hirsch: That is a very unusual story, but thank you for sharing. And out of curiosity, what did your dad do for a living?

Greg Yawitz: So my dad, when I was a kid, was in the furniture business with my grandfather, that my grandfather had set up a furniture store before World War II. When my dad married his second wife, he got into the commercial real estate business, which is likely how I ended up in the commercial real estate business.

David Hirsch: Did you actually work with your dad in the real estate business or not?

Greg Yawitz: I did. I worked for my dad and worked for his company for a little over two years after I got out of college.

David Hirsch: So how would you describe your relationship with your dad?

Greg Yawitz: Oh, my dad is. My dad’s great. So now in my company, in my office, I have an office for him so that when he wants to get out of his apartment, he has a place to go. So he has a desk and he has file cabinets. And though he, at 86, does not actually work anymore, he has the outlet of being able to pop in here

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Greg Yawitz: so that I have the ability to seek his counsel on things that I’m getting involved in.

David Hirsch: That’s awesome. So any important takeaways, lessons learned? When you think about your relationship with

Greg Yawitz: your dad, it’s hard to pin anything specific down other than to say I feel like I’m a fairly well adjusted adult with good parenting skills and good people skills and a penchant to give back. And my dad was a big volunteer in a number of different places that he lived in varying organizations. So, you know, likely I may have gotten that sort of buff to help others from him.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, what I hear you saying is that he was a good Role model from that perspective, you know, not just being focused on his family and being supportive, but to give back to the community.

Greg Yawitz: Exactly.

David Hirsch: So did you have much of an interaction with your grandfathers first on your dad’s side?

Greg Yawitz: So I had some limited interaction with him. Again, moving out of St. Louis at a young age put a crimp into that. But I still remember as a kid the dinners at my dad’s parents house on the weekends and on the holidays. Yeah, you know, I have fond memories of being at my grandparents with my cousins and the whole family.

David Hirsch: And how about your mom’s dad?

Greg Yawitz: So my mom’s parents lived in Nashville, which is where my mother’s from, in Tennessee. But I remember traveling and visiting them. And my grandfather had worked in the lumber business and my grandmother was a volunteer in an art museum. So have very fond memories in Nashville as a kid.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it’s a great town. It’s certainly changed a lot since then, for sure, 100%. So I think you mentioned you went to USC in California and what type of career did you take there?

Greg Yawitz: You know, like most 18 year olds, I had no idea what I wanted to do when I grew up. So I, you know, I think I got accepted to USC under the general studies program, you know, for some time through college and until maybe right after I graduated, I had been seriously considering becoming an attorney. So I got a degree in political science after that. I remember having lunch with one of my dad’s attorneys who actually my dad had hired right out of law school and worked for my dad for decades. And he took me to lunch to explain to me what it meant if I really wanted to be an attorney. And that’s pretty much what I said about deciding real estate was a better option.

David Hirsch: I love it. So out of curiosity, how did you and Julie meet?

Greg Yawitz: So Julie and I met through a mutual friend of hers. I had moved back to St. Louis after college. Didn’t really know anybody. This mutual friend of ours was friends with my father and his second wife. Her parents were. And we just started hanging out as friends and spent some time together. And then one night the third person got sick and the two of us said, well, we’ll go out together anyway and go have some fun. It was down at the Vail Prophet fair and the Fourth of July celebration here in St. Louis and a couple drinks later and we’ve been married for 33 years.

David Hirsch: And the rest is history.

Greg Yawitz: And the rest is history. Yes.

David Hirsch: I love it. So let’s talk about special needs on a personal level. Prior to having children. Did you or Julie have any connection to the world with disability or special needs?

Greg Yawitz: I really did not. My wife, Julie, has a master’s degree in social work. And so she had worked in a number of different environments, either with kids in distress or special needs kids. So she had a lot more vision into it. I really, you know, I grew up in a fairly standard. Well, other than moving around all the time, fairly standard environment in the 70s and 80s, and. And just really didn’t have a lot of experience.

David Hirsch: Gotcha. So what is Caitlin’s diagnosis and how did it come about?

Greg Yawitz: So Caitlin is diagnosed with autism. Caitlin has a few other minor diagnoses. She has this thing called Gumby syndrome, where her joints will bend farther than you might believe possible. It’s not painful. It’s just a weird thing. So Caitlin, after she was born, we started noticing something didn’t seem right with her development. And as I mentioned, Julie has a master’s in social work. And we started talking to the doctors, and the doctors were, I won’t say dismissive in a negative way. I just don’t think they understood it. You know, KM will be 28 this year, and it was very new for a lot of people. So we pushed, and we ended up actually traveling to the University of Michigan, had an autism clinic back. This would have been. She was 3, so this would have been about 2001. And we flew to Michigan, where they did a bunch of testing and

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Greg Yawitz: diagnosed her with autism, which was then later confirmed by her other doctors here.

David Hirsch: Okay. The Gumby syndrome is not something I hear a lot about. It brings to mind, like, Cirque du Soleil, somebody who can, like, tie themselves in a pretzel or something.

Greg Yawitz: It is. It. It impacts her fine and gross motor skills. And like I say, it’s. It’s. Her joints will bend 20, 30 degrees farther than most people’s will. You know, what I have learned over these years is that with autism comes a lot of other comorbidities. Caitlin has exceedingly severe food allergies. She has issues with her motor skills. As I mentioned, some of that may be related to Gumby syndrome thing. It is rare that you find someone with full autism that doesn’t have some other type of condition that rides along with it.

David Hirsch: Gotcha. So when the diagnosis was made after the testing in Michigan or confirmed when you got back to St. Louis, what were some of the fears that you and Julie had at that time?

Greg Yawitz: You know, when it first hits? And I’ve talked to friends of mine who I’ve Gotten to know or been introduced to who deal with when their kid gets diagnosed with something like this. You know, in the beginning, it’s pretty dark and it’s pretty devastating. And, you know, you start thinking about your child and, you know, what does the future hold? And you can run down a pretty dark, deep rabbit hole, pretty easy of everything that could go wrong, all the negative scenarios. We fortunately, as a couple, decided the better thing to do was ask all the questions we could contact as many people as we could and do whatever it takes and sort of employ that mentality into what are our options and how can we help and what is available and who can we talk to? And so we sought out a lot of people on a very rapid basis.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it sounds like you embraced the diagnosis for what it is. I didn’t hear anything about denial. And you wanted to gather as much information and develop an understanding. Was there any meaningful advice you got early on as a result of that?

Greg Yawitz: I think the greatest advice, and I think it was advice it made sort of our personalities as well, is not settling for anything in particular answer wise and always trying to follow up. What more can we do? What is available? And yes, you know, unfortunately, there are people that think if you ignore it, it might just get better. We never actually believed in that sort of theory. So, you know, we started massive amounts of therapy. I can recall when she was barely three. I think at one point we had 40 hours of therapists in the house every week. We put together a team, again having the benefit, if you will, of Julie being a social worker. She knew who to call, she knew who to ask. And I can remember having. We used to do team dinners with our therapists. Occupational therapy, physical therapy, developmental therapy, music therapy. Music was somewhat different than auditory therapy, speech therapy. I think there were seven therapists. They were. They were in and out of the house every day. They became a part of our family. We fed them and had group dinners at least once every week or two. So, you know, we just kept saying, what else could we do? Within reason, there were, of course, certain experimental medications and things. We’re not big in that realm. We just looked for as many answers as we could find.

David Hirsch: So when you reflect back on that, what I’ll call full engagement with the therapy community. Was there one that was more effective or more impactful than the others?

Greg Yawitz: It’s hard to say. We did a lot of applied behavioral analysis, ABA therapy, and that became, for the most part, the most significant in hours of therapy that we did. And it was hard because she had communication challenges. We all learned sign language to a certain extent to help her communicate at one point because she stopped speaking for a while. But I can remember, you know, A, ABA was a lot and B, as the parent, sometimes we had to go hide in the basement to not have to hear her frustration coming out in the room with the therapist, which we knew was what she needed. But you know, as a parent, you don’t like to hear when your child is in distress. But it was what was good for what I think was very good for her and I think has helped her advance to the level

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Greg Yawitz: she is now.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, you mentioned sort of just in passing that she was non verbal. Was that from the beginning or was that for a period of time in the between?

Greg Yawitz: It was a period of time she actually started talking and then stopped. She started walking and then stopped and we were able to fortunately get those things back happening again. But yeah, it was obviously quite concerning when communication exists and then disappears.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for the transparency and going back to the ABA therapy and the sort of stress or distress that you were making reference to, is that sort of like pushing, right. To have high expectations and making it a little bit uncomfortable? Is that what I heard you say?

Greg Yawitz: 100%.

David Hirsch: Okay.

Greg Yawitz: It was a push and a rewards based system. And so you know, when you’re frustrated or you can’t quite process or understand, I know that that gets really frustrating. And though, you know, screaming can result in talking. So maybe that was what was needed.

David Hirsch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you. Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: So when you look back, what are some of the more important decisions that you’ve made thinking about what’s in Caitlin’s best interest?

Greg Yawitz: You know, one of the things that I think we did that was good both for her and for her sister. We’re fortunate to live in an area with very good public schools. The public school, which is three houses up and across the street from our house, where our older daughter went while we interviewed them for potentially for Caitlyn to go there, what we found is another elementary school a whopping 5, 6 minutes from our house in the same district had much better facilities and capabilities. And I think that that was both good for Caitlin and putting her in the place that had the most resources and good for my older daughter, Allison, so that she wasn’t burdened with having to be responsible as a child in the school setting for her younger sister and gave them both some very nice level of autonomy until they came together again in middle school and high school.

David Hirsch: Gotcha. Thank you for that insight. Really important. So not to focus on the negative, but what have been some of the biggest challenges you’ve encountered as a result of the ASD or food allergies or the gumpy syndrome?

Greg Yawitz: You know, I think I tell people this is both a challenge and a blessing. Right. So the challenge is, and exists today, you know, and she’s almost 28, is that Caitlin cannot safely be left alone ever, anywhere, anytime. And that certainly impacts how we live our lives and, you know, our activities and our travel and our schedules and so forth. I also am a big, you know, okay, well, there’s a challenge, but what’s the benefit? And what I tell people is that while, yes, I wish Caitlin was independent and could be on her own and make her own decisions, what I have that most people don’t have is that constant family connection with her and the joy and the happiness of the time we spend together curled up on the couch watching TV, playing board games, where, you know, I’m 58, most of my friends, kids are gone, and they’re empty nesters. I don’t know that I’ll ever know what an empty nest looks like, but I enjoy the ride, so to speak.

David Hirsch: Right.

Greg Yawitz: We have, we have family game night, Julie and Caitlin and I, multiple times a week. She loves it. We love playing the games with her. And so it’s making the best out of the hand that you’re dealt.

David Hirsch: And I think it’s just the best way to go through life as opposed to thinking coulda, woulda, shoulda, or woe is us, all our friends are empty nesters. We should be able to do this, this and that. And it sounds like you still are able to travel and do some things as a couple and a family. It’s not like you’re overly restricted in that regard.

Greg Yawitz: Oh, no, not at all. No, it’s, you know, look, would I like to travel more? Sure. Would I like to go somewhere and leave for two weeks instead of four or five days? That’d be great. Is that really a big inconvenience in my life? It’s absolutely

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Greg Yawitz: not. And so, like, I Say we. We make the best of the life that we have. The. The three of us are flying to den for this weekend for a wedding for a friend of ours daughter. So she’s excited, we’re excited. We’re gonna have a great time.

David Hirsch: Awesome. So what impact have these challenges had on her older sister Alison, your marriage or your extended family for that matter?

Greg Yawitz: You know, I’d say the impacts on my older daughter are interesting to think about in sort of the macro sense. You know, I’m sure having a younger sister with a disability was difficult. However, when my daughter was in high school, I think, and my older daughter and I said, what do you want to do when you grow up? And she said, I want to take care of kids like my sister. And as a father. Right, that’s the. There’s the win. Right. Your daughter wants to help people in need, and so that’s why she became an occupational therapist, was to help other people like her sisters.

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about supporting organizations, and I’m wondering what organizations come to mind that Caitlin’s benefited from or your family’s benefited from as a result of her situation.

Greg Yawitz: So we’ve been fortunate. Again, Julie knowing who to ask. So she worked in a. Julie worked in a school. It was an alternative middle school and high school. And was able to connect with the special school district people when Kaitlyn was very young. And we have a very strong special school district here in St. Louis County. And they were exceedingly helpful. The St. Louis ARC has been amazing in the support that they’ve been able to provide, whether it was events, classes, trainings, or things for Caitlin or educational opportunities for Julie and I. Easter seals in St. Louis has been phenomenal as well. Caitlin to this day, she is involved in activities at the St. Louis Ark and at Easter Seals Seals with respite camp and with a. It’s called tgif. It’s a Friday evening activity where she can go and hang out with her peers for a couple of hours. Our Jewish Community center has amazing programs. They have an adult day center where Caitlin goes once a week on Friday for the day. She’s involved at the J in a program they have called Theater Unlimited, which is a play production twice a year for adults on the spectrum or with any sort of physical or mental disability or challenge. And so, yeah, the J. Easter Seals St. Louis ARC. And then I got involved in autism speaks. Before it was autism speaks, it was called the national alliance for Autism Research. When Caitlin was about three, Julie met some women and they said, hey, there’s this walk happening. And so we went to the walk and what was great about nar, and then the successor entity, Autism Speaks, is the community of families and people that we got to meet that became our friends and the kids that became Caitlin’s friends. And they’re all adults now. And so Autism Speaks really provided a connection to a very robust community.

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about advice now, and I’m wondering, what advice would you share with parents or more specifically dads, who are closer to the beginning of their journey, not necessarily with an autism diagnosis, but just any type of diagnosis?

Greg Yawitz: Well, I think it’s key and it’s hard, right? Owning the challenge, being in the challenge and accepting it is important. I think it’s also important to constantly ask yourself the question, what else could I be doing? Who else could I talk to? And even when it gets really frustrating, I just don’t think giving up is an option. And so I’ve met even the last year or so dads who have. You have young kids who have been diagnosed with a variety of issues. And I just say to them, look, it’s hard. Communicate with your spouse. Talk it through. I talk about the teeter totter theory. Like, don’t, don’t say, hey, I work, therefore, the kids are your problem. You need to be a partner in this because it’s going to take effort, but it’s worth it. And so just keep trying and it’ll get better. To the ability to get better. It will be what it is going to be. But if you don’t try, you are guaranteed in all likelihood to fail.

David Hirsch: Yeah, great advice. Words of wisdom, not giving up, accepting the situation for what it

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David Hirsch: is. Recognize that it’s hard. It’s going to take a pretty consistent effort. And then maintaining that curiosity, what, what else could I be doing? Should I be doing right? Always sort of like thinking a little bit beyond the situation. So thank you for sharing. So why is it that you’ve agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

Greg Yawitz: Well, I think one of the key reasons is, one, it’s sort of in my DNA to help people. The other part of it is that when Caitlin was diagnosed, there was almost no one to talk to. Had Julie not had the expertise that she had and the connection she had, I don’t know what we would have done. I think the outcome might have been quite different. And so it’s incumbent upon me when someone is in need to help them, because in a sense, it’s so simple. It’s really just talking. It’s sharing information, it’s helping provide ideas. Well, that’s about the easiest thing a person can do is to just talk to somebody and give them some advice and say if this might work for you, it worked for me. And so, you know, to be that person that it would have been great if I could have talked to 24 years ago when the, when we first got the diagnosis, it just didn’t exist back then. The prevalence rates were so much lower. Yeah.

David Hirsch: Well, we’re thrilled to have you. Thank you for being so matter of fact about the situation. So is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Greg Yawitz: You know, I think the message I would give me 24 or so years

David Hirsch: ago, your younger self.

Greg Yawitz: My younger self. Those are the words I was looking for. I give my younger self is essentially you did it right? You kept trying, you pushed, you worked hard, you gave of yourself for your child and it was worth it. Regardless of what the outcome is. The fact that she still can’t be left alone is what it is. And it’s okay. Right? Different is not bad. Different is just different. Yeah. I think if I could give my, my younger self the advice, I’d say you had a good inclination to just keep trying and that’s what you should do.

David Hirsch: I love it. So let’s give a special shout out to my long term friend and your cousin Nancy Owitz for helping connect us.

Greg Yawitz: It was very great of her to do that.

David Hirsch: Yes, she’s great. I love her. So if somebody wants to contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

Greg Yawitz: Email is always easy. I am a pretty online person with my communication again running my own business. So my email, which is gregietproperties.com and then can take it from there to phone conversations, teams, calls or zooms, whatever works.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that in the show notes and maybe your LinkedIn profile so it’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to connect with you.

Greg Yawitz: Absolutely.

David Hirsch: Greg. Thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Greg is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, Please go to 21st centurydads.org thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Data dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization which means we need your help to keep our content free to all concerned. Would you please consider making a tax acceptable contribution? I would really appreciate your support.

Greg Yawitz: Greg.

David Hirsch: Thanks again.

Greg Yawitz: David. Thank you for asking. I’m very happy to have been able to do this. Dad to the dad.

David Hirsch: You’re not on your own.

Greg Yawitz: We walk this road together, hard and home.

David Hirsch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21st

David Hirsch: centurydads.org and if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david2stcenturydads.org 

Tom Couch: The Dad to Dad Podcast theme was written and performed by Shane Madden. The show was produced by me, Tom Couch.

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David Hirsch: Tune in again next week for another intriguing conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

Greg Yawitz: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present. 247-365-247365.

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