316 – Mastermind Group Monday With Jon Heckert Of Madisonville, LA

Transcript:

Jon Heckert: [00:00:00] So it’s really, it’s a lot of camaraderie and you’ve got a group of guys that if you need some help with something, you can reach out and lean on them. And we’ve been able to do that on multiple occasions.

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast, now with more than 300 weekly episodes. Every Friday since 2018, we’ve been shining a bright light on the positive and uplifting aspects of raising children with disabilities and inspiring dads, stepdads, granddads, and father figures to be more present physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

David Hirsch: Welcome to the new Special Fathers Network MasterMind Group Monday Podcast. I’ll be interviewing MasterMind group dads who will reflect on the positive impact the MasterMind group experience has had on them and the wellbeing of their families. As a reminder, the SFN MasterMind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads Foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships, while sharing weekly wins, discussing books, and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the [00:01:00] highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new SFN MasterMind Groups in 2024 with 10 dads per group. That means we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local SFN MasterMind group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads. org. Happy listening.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with my friend, Jon Heckert of Madisonville, Louisiana, who’s a vice president of human resources at K.L. Breeden & Sons, LLC, a privately held, family-owned and operated trucking and transportation company. Jon is also a father of a son with disabilities and a volunteer with Ainsley’s Angels. Jon, thank you for taking the time to do a podcast interview for the MasterMind Group Monday.

Jon Heckert: My pleasure. Excited to be here.

David Hirsch: You and your wife, Doris, have been married for 18 years and are the proud parents of Jackson, 17, who was diagnosed early on with disabilities. You’ve been [00:02:00] involved with the Special Fathers Network for more than four years. Your Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast, episode number 83, aired in January of 2020. For the past two years, you’ve been involved with the Wednesday night Special Fathers Network MasterMind group. Let’s start with some background. For our listening audience, would you please give a brief background on the Heckert family?

Jon Heckert: Sure. My wife and I met back in 2001. We got married in 2005. And in 2007, actually a little bit before that, our world was a bit turned upside down when we went for our first sonogram. And at that point we found out that Jackson was diagnosed with what’s called Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita. So basically that is a lifelong orthopedic condition that impacts basically every joint in his body. So it’s very similar to club feet, only it affects basically everything except for his jaw and his swallowing, right? It’s a neck, back, shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, knees, ankles. Everything is definitely a little bit more of a challenge [00:03:00] for him from a physical standpoint.

Jon Heckert: And so throughout the years we’ve gone through a number of surgeries and obviously had highs and lows as we’ve gone through that. But have really been able to find a good balance of pushing him to do everything that he can while providing the appropriate accommodations and assistance to get him there. We don’t treat him any different. He has to figure it out. And we just keep pushing and moving forward.

David Hirsch: Yeah, that’s certainly a balancing act to try to have him do as much as he can for himself but not to be too tough on the tough love category.

Jon Heckert: Yeah, it’s a delicate balance.

David Hirsch: So what attracted you to get involved in the Special Fathers Network?

Jon Heckert: Frankly, when I initially met you and talked about the the Special Fathers Network itself, again, it was something that was very intriguing to me. One of the things I know dad’s usually aren’t very good at is sharing our feelings and getting out there and helping each other learn from our mutual experiences.

Jon Heckert: And I’ve had that opportunity with AMCSI. That’s the organization for Jackson’s condition. And so for the last [00:04:00] several years, I’ve actually led the dads group and the dads session for that conference every year. There’s a few of us that we call are like the OG dads that have been around for quite a while.

Jon Heckert: So really being able to learn from folks that are a little bit further on the path than I am, but be able to impart knowledge from my experiences to folks that are earlier on the path is something I’ve always been passionate about. And obviously getting involved in this organization and the the group discussions that we have is something that I get a lot of value out of.

David Hirsch: We’re thrilled to have you as part of the MasterMind group. Do you remember what it was like attending one of those first handful of meetings?

Jon Heckert: For me, it’s not a whole lot different than it is now, right? Obviously it was just kind of getting, okay, hey, here’s kind of the swing of things. But even from jump street, it was for me very beneficial. Most of the groups that I’ve participated in, either in the larger group setting or our regular group, again, we’ve got that same dynamic. And we’ve got folks that are earlier on the path, and we’ve got folks that are a little bit further down the path and a few that are way down the path that can really help with a lot of [00:05:00] knowledge and kind of our Yodas of the group that have been around for a little while. I’d say I’m a Jedi. I’m not Yoda though, but I’m not a Padawan. I’m not at the beginning.

David Hirsch: So what has attending the weekly MasterMind group meetings meant to you?

Jon Heckert: For me, it’s a way to connect with dads on a weekly basis, have some accountability, which I think is incredibly important. And again, it gives me something where obviously with my work schedule at times I’ll miss, and then I have this pit in my stomach because it’s like, oh, I’m not going to make it this week because I’m traveling or whatever. And then I still get to share, okay, hey, here’s what’s going on. So it’s really, it’s a lot of camaraderie and you’ve got a group of guys that if you need some help with something, you can reach out and lean on them. And we’ve been able to do that on multiple occasions. Again, I’ve had guys to reach out and text me and talk through stuff and I’ve done the same. So it’s definitely something that provides you with extra resources and an extra network to help figure things out. Because it’s not always easy.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. As part of the Special Fathers Network MasterMind Group experience, we read and discuss six books a year and then do a Zoom call with the author. What’s been your favorite [00:06:00] book and author?

Jon Heckert: Oh man, that’s a tough one. Honestly, I’ve enjoyed all of the ones we’ve done in all the sessions that we’ve had. He’s the guy that is big with Chick-fil-A. That was probably the most impactful for me because I was able to really relate some of those lessons to my work life as well.

David Hirsch: Mark Miller.

Jon Heckert: Yeah. Mark Miller. All right. There you go. Because that was a really interesting session and he was very generous with his time. And that was one where my ADD brain kicks in and it’s like, hey, I can really apply this in my day to day. And that’s really where for me, it becomes something that is more impactful when I’m like, all right, hey, that can really apply in my day to day life.

David Hirsch: Yeah. It was a book on leadership more than on disability or special needs.

Jon Heckert: Yeah.

David Hirsch: And I think that like you said maybe it had a little bit stronger appeal from a work standpoint than a personal perspective. At the heart of the Special Fathers Network MasterMind Group experience are what we call Dad in the Middle, where two dads per meeting share a challenge that they’re wrestling with. What have those Dad in the Middle segments meant to you and why?

Jon Heckert: For me [00:07:00] it’s really a way to do a sanity check. And I’ve done that myself. Hey here’s something I’m dealing with. But then I’ve also had some stuff where, hey, I’ve been through that, here’s how I managed it. And I think that’s really where you get that mentoring support from the team. A lot of times, it’s like the unplanned. We’re like, hey, I wasn’t supposed to be in the middle, but hey, I really got an issue. Let’s chat through it. And having that flexibility in the group to be like, all right, hey, yeah, no, let’s take what’s most important here and really work through a few things.

Jon Heckert: And we’ve had some good conversations there and we’ve had some around doing the special needs trusts and whatnot and navigating that. Most recently, we talked a little bit about IEP sessions and whatnot. So the great thing about those sessions is, even though the medical specificity might be a little bit different, the overall situation is very similar across all the guys in the group. Somebody’s experienced it, right? Or somebody is going to experience it and you can either share or you can at least file it in your Rolodex and, ah, okay, when that comes up, I’m going to have to deal with it this way, right? This might be [00:08:00] a way to go through it. So those sessions have been really impactful. And I think that’s honestly, outside of hearing what everybody’s wins are and celebrating those wins, that’s really the most important thing for me is that ability to bounce some ideas off, do some sanity check, and make sure, hey, you’re not thinking about it the wrong way, or hey, if you are, here’s some other things to think about.

David Hirsch: Yeah, the point you made that we have a lot more in common, even though the diagnoses might be substantially different, that’s a really good one. So regarding the financial commitment, the Special Fathers Network MasterMind group dads invest anywhere from $50 to $200 per month, according to their financial wherewithal. What would you say to that dad who’s interested in the MasterMind group, but concerned about the financial commitment?

Jon Heckert: For me I’ve gone from not having a job at all to obviously getting back on my feet and in a little bit different financial situation than it was before. It’s worth it. The value that you get and the camaraderie and networking and whatnot, and again, it pays for the book. It pays for all the other stuff. It’s a value add, right? You’re gonna get a lot more out of it. Just having somebody that you know and having a [00:09:00] group you can reach out to and helping this organization continue to grow and impact more dads, to me is something that’s very important.

Jon Heckert: When you think about it, obviously a lot of the folks in the group are definitely very much a faithful group of folks, right? And so you think about, hey, you know what? A cup of coffee a day or whatever that pays for it. So it’s definitely worth investing in for sure.

David Hirsch: So what advice can you share with the dad who is on the fence about joining the MasterMind group?

Jon Heckert: For me, you can’t do it by yourself. Trying to do it by yourself, it’s going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. Having the ability to lean on folks and help bring folks along. Honestly, I feel like I am at a point now where I’m able to get a lot from the group, but also give a lot at the same time. I’m in the middle. But for me, the emotional impact of being able to help somebody not deal with some of the challenges or more easily get through some of the things that I really struggled with means a lot. Having that ability to get the perspective of, hey, [00:10:00] you know what? I could be dealing with this, right? Or, hey, you know what? I helped somebody else because of my experience. And now they didn’t have to go through that, right? That means a ton.

Jon Heckert: And that’s something that I get a lot more out of it than I give to it just because I know I’m able to have those kind of impacts. And that’s something that I think makes the challenges that I face on a regular basis a little bit easier knowing that, hey, if I really need help, I’ve got some folks to go to as well.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Jon Heckert: Honestly, I think the program is an excellent program. It’s an opportunity to really get guys together. And frankly, we are probably the most underserviced group, right? We don’t usually look for advice, right? We don’t usually take it either. And so having an environment to even to push you a little bit to do that, I think is incredibly important.

Jon Heckert: When you look at the special needs community specifically and the number of kiddos that don’t have a father figure in their life, it’s something [00:11:00] that I think is incredibly important. And you look at the divorce rate just in general, and then you look at the divorce rate within the special needs community. Anything we can do to keep dads in the picture and keep families together, I think is incredibly important.

Jon Heckert: Obviously not every situation works out the way you want it to, but especially for our kiddos that really have some additional challenges, right? Being differently abled presents a whole new set of challenges and they need as much support as possible. And so anything we can do to help provide support to those families, I think is incredibly important and something that you should be a part of.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thanks for emphasizing that. And you didn’t mention it, but it really takes a lot of pressure off the moms. There’s way too many single moms out there doing it all, trying to do it all.

Jon Heckert: Yeah. Look, my work with Ainsley’s Angels, I run into it all the time. You see so many kiddos that mom’s the one there and dad’s not in the picture. And again, we’re not good at processing our emotions. We’re not good at going through those kind of things. And so having [00:12:00] some accountability around you and having some guys to pour into your life is something that I think is definitely going to have a huge impact. And if we can change one family, it’s all worth it.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. If somebody wants to contact you, what’s the best way to do that?

Jon Heckert: So they can reach me via cell. My cell number is 225-328-9537. Obviously I’m on Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, whatever, but email and text are probably the best. So email is jdheckert@ gmail.com. And again, I’m an open book, so anybody that needs anything, anybody that has questions, I’m always open to answer.

David Hirsch: Jon, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Jon is just one of the dads who’s agreed to be a Special Fathers Network mentor father, and who is a Special Fathers Network MasterMind Group Dad. For further information on the Special Fathers Network and the Special Fathers Network MasterMind Group, please go to 21stCenturyDads. org. Additional links can also be found in the show notes. Thanks again, Jon.

Jon Heckert: Not a problem, Dave. My pleasure. Have a good one.