334 – Mastermind Group Monday With Tom Costello of Frankfort, IL

Transcript:

Tom Costello: This is an opportunity to speak with other like-minded fathers and share thoughts, ideas and be vulnerable. You know, for the whole year that I did it, it was an opportunity for all of us to get together to share, speak our minds and I found that really rewarding.

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now with more than 300 weekly episodes every Friday since 2018, we’ve been shining a bright light on the positive and uplifting aspects of raising children with disabilities and inspiring dads, stepdads, granddads and father figures to be more present physically, emotionally and spiritually. Welcome to the new Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group Monday Podcast. I’ll be interviewing Mastermind Group dads who will reflect on the positive impact the Mastermind Group Experience has had on them and the well-being of their families. As a reminder the SFN mastermind group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dad foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new SFN mastermind groups in 2024 with 10 dads per group. That means we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local SFN Mastermind group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Happy listening.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with my friend Tom Costello of Frankfort, Illinois, who’s an investment professional, father of 22 year old twin boys who are autistic and co-founder of the Twin Autism Foundation. Tom, thank you for taking time to do a Mastermind Group Monday interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Tom Costello: Happy to be here David. Thanks for including me.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Irene have been married for 23 years and are the, proud parents of twin boys Michael and John who are autistic. You’ve been involved with the Special Fathers Network for about five years. You were featured in episode 69 of the Special Fathers Network Data dad Podcast that aired in October 2019. You were involved in the inaugural SFN mastermind group and you’ve served as treasurer for the 21st Century Dads Foundation. Would you please provide an update on the Costello family?

Tom Costello: Yeah, sure. We’ve had a lot that’s transpired since you interviewed me. I believe that was in 2019. So it was a long time ago. But yeah, we’ve had a. We’ve had a wonderful time. So our twins, as you mentioned, are 22 years old now and they have just wrapped up their transition program in the Lincoln Way High School system that we live in down here in Frankfort of the south suburbs of Chicago. And so we are working to get them some day programming now that school has officially ended. And we have a couple of great organizations here where the boys are gonna spend their days this fall and for the foreseeable future. So one is the Lincoln Way Special Rec Association. It’s a great organization where the boys have been able to compete in their Special Olympics events. And they have some day programming that the boys will spend a couple of days with. And then the other is an organization called BU Therapy where the boys are gonna spend probably three days a week, you know, working on life skills and meeting new people and having friends. And our ultimate goal for them is, you know, a placement at Ms. Recordia, on the north side of Chicago at some point in time. And so we are, I’d say in process with Ms. And really excited for, the boys to, you know, hopefully eventually, one day, God willing, have a chance to live there. We’ve been thrilled with the people we’ve met and the staff and the boys, most importantly, have really showed a big interest in going to what we’re calling Misericordia College. It’s their opportunity to go to college. So we’re really excited for that and hopefully in the relatively near future we’ll have that for them.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for sharing. What I love about what you’ve, said is that, you’ve had a plan, you’re executing the plan and everything’s to be on schedule. So from your lips to God’s ears, I’m hoping things work out.

Tom Costello: Yeah.

David Hirsch: Thanks.

Tom Costello: Not always a straight line, as you know, but we’ve got our eye on the prize and you know, Irene mostly more, more so than me, is driving that. And she’s been a terrific partner and just incredible. So I’m fortunate and blessed to have her giving the boys the best life they can have. And me too.

David Hirsch: Excellent. So, looking back, what attracted you to get involved in the Special Fathers Network at the very beginning?

Tom Costello: Yeah, you know, we originally met through our mutual friend David Kim Duchessois and Kim had wonderful things to about you. And when you and I

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Tom Costello: had a chance to meet, you know, it was really Interesting. I felt like, you know, somehow we were long friends even in our first, first interaction. So when you had told me your vision for the organization and how you wanted to provide mentorship for fathers who, you know, maybe found out their child recently had special needs, you know, I thought back in my life and all the mentors I was able to lean on and you know, talk through problems with and you know, in a very small way I was hoping to be able to, you know, give back and hopefully help some of those young dads, you know, get through some of the tougher times. It’s, it’s having a child with special needs or multiple children with special needs is, you know, it’s a unique path and it’s very rewarding but you know, at times comes with challenges and you know, I’ve been super fortunate to have people in my life that have helped guide me through that and, and as I said, a great partner in Irene to help me get through that. And it was really intriguing and attractive to meet others and you know, again, hopefully give back in a small way. And you know, what I found is, as most things go, I’ve probably taken more from the organization and the people that I’ve met than what I’ve given back. And you know, it’s just, it’s a wonderful, wonderful group of men.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, we’re thrilled to have you. Thank you. So do you remember what it was like attending the first mastermind group meeting way back when?

Tom Costello: I do. It was exciting, a little nerve wracking in a way in that, you know, we were providing kind of a unique and safe space for people to be vulnerable. And you know, you just never know how people are going to react to that and how open and willing they’re going to be able to share. And you know what I found, even going back to that very first meeting, everyone really bought into that, that one. This is an opportunity to speak with other like minded fathers and share thoughts, ideas and be vulnerable. And you know, for the whole year that I did it, it was an opportunity for all of us to get together to share, speak our minds and, and I found that really rewarding. You know, it really started that first day. We found a great connection, a commonality and you know, I think it allowed us all to really be open with each other. And you know, I certainly got a lot out of it and would hope that the others in our group, you know, felt the same way.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, proof is in the pudding. Many of them, have been meeting for three years now. Three plus years. That one’s in I group. And, when you reflect back on the experience, what would you say was the most important takeaway from those mastermind group meetings?

Tom Costello: Yeah, for me, it was just recognizing that others are going through similar challenges and issues. And I really like the fact that we held each other accountable to the goals we set for each other and used it as a forum, to really, as I stated earlier, kind of keep our eyes on the prize as a group. And, you know, for me, certainly leading up to those meetings, every week, I would reflect back on what I shared, what I promised I was going to accomplish. You know, I took it very seriously that I knew these guys were going to hold me accountable. And so it provided motivation to, stay the course and make sure that I delivered and followed through on the things that, you know, I had promised for myself, my family, my kids, all aspects of life, which was a great support group to be focused on and pushing forward.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. This might be taxing your memory a little bit, but do you recall a favorite book that we read at that time?

Tom Costello: Oh, boy, yes. it was the first one we read. It was really interesting. And I cannot for the life of me remember.

David Hirsch: If I may, there was a book entitled Another Kind of Courage. Yeah, that’s the one by Steve Bundy.

Tom Costello: Yeah, by Steve. Yes. Yeah, I really like that. And, you know, the way he, was personalizing his story. But then you were able to draw parallels to your own life. Even though we, you know, obviously had different and unique experiences, he found a really interesting and unique way to take his own experiences and allow you as the reader to draw parallels in your own life. And that was the other thing I really, really enjoy David, about, you know, getting together is when we finished a book, you know, we would obviously, you know, have our internal dialogue weekly on the chapters we read. But then when we got opportunities to talk and speak with the authors and ask direct questions and be very specific about, hey, you said this at this part of the book. Here’s my interpretation. What did you actually mean? You know, I found that to be really fascinating and interesting. And so the access to these wonderful authors and getting their time and their peace of mind, I

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Tom Costello: think is one of the really unique things that the mastermind group provides.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, thanks for emphasizing the point about the unique aspect of doing a zoom call with the author. We’re on our 19th book.

David Hirsch: No kidding.

Tom Costello: Wow.

David Hirsch: Oh, yeah. So it’s amazing. And, those are definitely the highlights. Some of the highlights, of the year, those six meetings that we have a year with the authors are really special experiences. So at the heart of the mastermind group experience, or what we call dad in the middle, where two dads per meeting share a challenge they’re wrestling with, what have those dad, in the middle segments meant to you and why?

Tom Costello: Yeah, as I stated earlier, I really, really enjoyed presenting a unique challenge in my life. And what I also appreciated the times that I was in the middle. It just happened to coincide with, not necessarily challenges I was facing with our twins or raising our twins. They. One of those, I recall, was a professional challenge I was facing at the time. And, you know, getting others feedback and perspective who come from different careers, different walks of life, different parts of the country. And to be able to, you know, pick the brain of others, I found, you know, really interesting and helpful because in many instances, I got a different point of view, a different perspective out of how to overcome that challenge. And I wouldn’t have otherwise had the opportunity to hear those points of view were it not for the mastermind group. We tend in our lives, obviously, especially in our careers, to surround ourselves with people who have similar careers or similar perspectives or points of view. And, you know, this, I think, really brought to me a, diversity of thought that I wouldn’t have had access to otherwise. And I found that really rewarding and helpful.

David Hirsch: Oh, yeah, well, it’s, one of the things that keeps me coming back, every week on both Wednesday, and Tuesday nights.

Tom Costello: I believe it.

David Hirsch: So regarding the financial commitment, the SFN mastermind group dads invest anywhere from $50 to $200 per month according to their financial wherewithal. What would you say to that dad who’s interested in the mastermind group but concerned about the financial commitment?

Tom Costello: Yeah, a couple of things. One is it is a commitment. For me personally, that financial commitment was one of the things that kept me motivated because I viewed it as an investment in not only my time, but financially to get the benefit out of it. And in the grand scheme of things, I think it’s, a relatively small investment, you know, versus the reward you get. And I also am such a believer in the. In the program that I have tried to find ways to help other dads who maybe financially need a little bit of support. And so, you know, just encourage those dads to ask about ways to get some support if the financial burden is too much, because there are ways. 21CD has been able to help some folks and give them access to this wonderful program. You know, we don’t want money to be a deterrent from someone who’s interested and motivated and can be a wonderful part of the group. So I think it’s very much worthwhile. I think the return on investment is fantastic. But you know, those dads who are thinking about it or have a challenge should raise that as a concern. And we as a board are, you know, constantly trying to find ways to help those individuals have access to this program.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, we’re very grateful for your continued financial support, specifically of the Mastermind Group program. So I’m thinking about advice now and I’m wondering what advice you can share with a dad who might be on the fence about joining the Mastermind Group.

Tom Costello: I would encourage any individual who feels, you know, at times there are challenges, difficulties in life that are, you know, getting in the way of achieving a goal, having, you know, life, happiness, stress, anything along those lines. This is a really, really wonderful way to recognize and understand that there’s others going through this and you know, even if you’re on the fence, you’re not sure of it. I would just really encourage anyone to come for a week, try it for a week, see if you, you know, if you like it, enjoy it. I really believe that, you know, once you sit through one meeting, you make a connection with these other like minded dads, you’re going to have a strong desire to keep coming back and so, you know, give it a shot, you know, and one hour or two hours on a, on a Wednesday as a commitment to give it a trial is very well worth it. And I think you’ll, you know, you’ll find that this is, you know, something that you’re going to want to commit to and come back more and more.

David Hirsch: Good advice. Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Tom Costello: No, other than, you know, really appreciate all your continued efforts and support here. David. It’s been great, you know, being a partner with you on this and being on the board and

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Tom Costello: you know, really fortunate that, you know, Kim introduced us and we’ve become friends and can’t thank you enough for all the effort here. It’s just a great organization and you know, I hope I could continue to help in a small way and continue to grow this because I think, the organization’s doing great work reaching some wonderful dads and giving them some help.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well stated. And the world is a better place because, because of Kim Duchessois’s.

Tom Costello: Well, sure is.

David Hirsch: If somebody wants to contact you, what’s the best way to do so.

Tom Costello: Yeah, anyone can reach me at tomcostello18@gmail.com. That’s always the best place to reach me.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that in the show notes. Maybe a LinkedIn profile as well. So it’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up.

Tom Costello: Absolutely. Yeah. LinkedIn’s great, too. Yeah, absolutely. You can include, that and yeah, any father. Again, I’m a little further along in our journey if anyone wants advice, wants to chat, has multiple kids with special needs. I know a little bit about that. So happy to chat with anyone who wants to reach out.

David Hirsch: You and Paul Koza are my favorite go-to-dads locally who have,

Tom Costello: Paul’s a good guy.

David Hirsch: Multiple, children in both your cases. Autism, as it turns out.

Tom Costello: Yeah.

David Hirsch: Tom, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Tom is just one of the dads who’s agreed to be a Special Fathers Network mentor father and who’s also been involved with the SFN Mastermind Group. For more information on the Special Fathers Network and the Mastermind group, please go to 21stCenturyDads.org Additional links can be found in the show notes. Tom, thanks again.

Tom Costello: Thanks, David.

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