339 – Bill Walters of Collinswood, NJ Father of Two, Helps Perfectly Imperfect Families By Providing Financial Guidance

Transcript:

Tom Couch: Special thanks to Horizon Therapeutics for sponsoring the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Working tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics mission at horizontherapeutics.com.

Bill Walters: Yeah, I guess I’m going to plea to all the dads out there to do something different. I want them to view life with an open mind, an open heart and open ears and allow new things to be experienced. No matter what field it’s in. Always be in the learning because when you stop moving forward, you’re moving backwards.

Tom Couch: That’s our guest this week, Bill Walters of PerfectlyImperfectFamilies.com. Bill is the father of two children who are specially abled. He’s a financial advisor who specializes in working with families who have special needs. We’ll hear Bill’s story and more on this Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Hi and thanks for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast presented by the Special Fathers Network, a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new mastermind groups in 2024 with 10 dads per group. That means we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local mastermind group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: Now let’s listen in to this conversation between Bill Walters and David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with Bill Walters of Collinswood, New Jersey, who’s a financial advisor with Transamerica, founder of Perfectly Imperfect Families and father of two who are especially abled. Bill, thank you for taking the time to do a podcast interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Bill Walters: Thank you so much. It’s a pleasure to be here and I appreciate the opportunity to speak.

David Hirsch: You’re the proud father of two children, Jake, 21, and Tammy, 23, who has a variety of challenges including hearing impairment, developmental delays, IBS, ADHD and, endometriosis. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Bill Walters: So, I was born in Philadelphia and grew up in Haddon Heights, New Jersey, a small, quaint town in south jersey. About 7,000 in population. Old school, happy days type of background. You know, you walked in the street, it wasn’t very crowded. Very nice area to grow up in. No wants, needs, or desires.

David Hirsch: So I’m sort of curious to know, what did your dad do for a living?

Bill Walters: So, my dad was a health and physical education teacher in Camden, New Jersey. He also ran a summer program down there and taught all different types of sports.

David Hirsch: And did I remember that he was in the Navy?

Bill Walters: That’s correct. He served on the USS Bennington as well as in the Korean War, and also did some top secret stuff that came out later at his funeral.

David Hirsch: Can you talk about it now?

Bill Walters: I can. He was on an experimental aircraft carrier. What they were experimenting with was the propulsion and the catching of, jets and the linkage and how it would capture the jets taking off and how it fling them so that they could take off for battle. But he wasn’t allowed to report that, and he even didn’t share that with me until he was on his deathbed. The things that he saw that he, you know, where people were reported killed in battle and they really weren’t, they were reported trying to create a safer way to harness both the jet and the people on the Runway.

David Hirsch: Very cool. Thanks for sharing. So how would you characterize your relationship with your dad?

Bill Walters: Old school, tough love. A, drill sergeant when it came to doing sports. Had to be perfect every time, but proud. Never missed a meet or an event. And school first, chores second, fun third.

David Hirsch: Okay, well, it sounds like, his military experience carried over into his parenting.

Bill Walters: Oh, yeah.

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David Hirsch: Any important takeaways, lessons learned from your dad that you maybe have tried to incorporate into your own parenting?

Bill Walters: He was a big fan of, never giving up, whether it was academics or athletics, that whether you’re up by 40 or down by 40, your level of effort should always be the same, and your motor should always be the same.

David Hirsch: That’s an important lesson.

Bill Walters: Yep. He was a big fan of you are what you are from the moment of conception. And he believed that you’re destined, no matter what your upbringing was, that you were destined to succeed. You were chosen. You were placed on the earth to do something and bring special talents in to the world. And that talent, even if it was a rough diamond, could be shined if you put enough effort and attention to it, you had to uncover it.

David Hirsch: I love that. So I’m thinking about other father figures, starting with your grandfathers. What did your, dad’s dad do and how did you know him, if at all?

Bill Walters: I didn’t know my dad’s dad at all. He, had a large, large family, and so he worked up until the day he passed. He dyed his hair red so he can continue to work as a butcher into his 80s. So he always stayed busy.

David Hirsch: How about your mom’s dad, your maternal grandfather?

Bill Walters: So he, has a chemistry background and he worked for the government. And basically all I can say on that end is that he predicted Pearl harbor six months before it happened.

David Hirsch: Wow.

Bill Walters: And then he got investigated by Special Services for the next two years because they wanted to know if he had any inside knowledge and he was for the enemy. And of course he was not. But he wrote him a paper and told him, these are the reasons why, and this is what’s going to happen.

David Hirsch: Well, in today’s day and age, you would be able to get a big book contract if you did something like that.

Bill Walters: Yep. Yep.

David Hirsch: Now, that’s pretty dramatic, right? to have been involved, you know, having those insights. When you said he worked for the government, on the state or federal level.

Bill Walters: Federal.

David Hirsch: Okay. Was it like a Secret Service type of work?

Bill Walters: Wasn’t really. That wasn’t originally around at that point. So it’d be more classified as the department, of defense type of work.

David Hirsch: Okay. Well, I don’t have the classification, so we don’t have to talk further about that.

Bill Walters: No worries.

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about other men that might have played an influential role in your life. And I’m wondering if there’s anybody else that comes to mind.

Bill Walters: So I had two that come to mind immediately. One was I was born as a child with hip dysplasia. And back then the treatment was six weeks of rest, laying up in a bed, and then learning how to walk again and get your balance. And Dr. J. David Hoffman was a major influence and always gave me positive encouragement. And the reason why I’m able to walk today as a person with ability is because of how he took care of me. He treated me like a son. Right. And, his vice was always right.

David Hirsch: Thank God for people like David Hoffman. Dr. David Hoffman. Anybody else?

Bill Walters: Yep. So I had a cross country coach. His name was Don Gillum, and he, instilled a work ethic. He enticed me to come out for cross country, and I’ve never ran a step in my life because of the hip dysplasia. And he said if, you want to be part of a winning team but not be counted on in your first year, so you know what it’s like to be a winner, come in, become part of the group, learn what it’s like to be a champion, and then give your best effort. So I listened and, the end result after a lot of hard work was I was one of the better runners in South Jersey. It was under his tutelage and instructions that I learned a lot about life and application and going beyond trying hard and doing your best.

David Hirsch: That’s pretty remarkable what you just said. You had hip dysplasia. It’s lucky that you even walked right normally, let alone where be able to compete, and then not just like, you know, casually compete, but to compete maybe at the highest level, you know, while you’re in high school. So, if it wasn’t for those two guys, Dr. David Hoffman and Don Gilliman, you know, you might not be the person you are today.

Bill Walters: I agree. I concur. Yeah, they had a profound influence.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thank you for sharing. So my recollection was that you took a master’s degree in Marketing International Business from Drexel University. And I’m wondering, where did you, see your career going or where did it go?

Bill Walters: So I always got involved in helping others and

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Bill Walters: so I got involved in the world of transportation and moving freight all over the United States. Worked in the beverage industry for a number of years and really started to hone in on the financial side in the not so recent past. Although finance was always a minor in school, my family’s background, on my mom’s side, they were all accountants, so, it was never far from the house.

David Hirsch: And what is it that you do now?

Bill Walters: So I am a financial planner. I help families reduce stock market risk when necessary and create tax free designs when possible in retirement planning.

David Hirsch: Well, that’s something that’s near and dear to my heart, having been a financial advisor for now more than 39 years. But we’re going to save that for a different podcast.

Bill Walters: Okay.

David Hirsch: Let’s switch gears and talk about, special needs first on a personal level. Prior to becoming a parent, did you have any connection to the world of disability or special needs?

Bill Walters: Yeah, I got involved with, the Special Olympics. Right. In college at Drexel, did a little coaching and then got involved with coaching. Special buddies is what it’s called. And it’s for street and ice hockey. Where you teach kids how to play street and ice hockey on various ability levels to achieve. It’s a, actually you feel better than the kids do, which is a unique experience. But it’s like Christmas morning when they actually get a concept or do something. Well, you’re more excited than they are because it made sense.

David Hirsch: I love it. Thank you for sharing. So, for purposes of confidentiality, we’re not going to talk about your specific family members by name, but I do want to make sure that, we talk about some of the challenges that they’ve experienced. So I’m wondering what type of diagnoses do, your children have sort of collectively.

Bill Walters: Collectively ADD, ADHD, sight problems, in depth perception, vision problems at nighttime, learning disorders, reading comprehension, dietary constraints such as allergies to glucose, also allergies to wheat, also allergies to certain food dyes, restrictive diets, such as you have. It’s more of a Mediterranean diet, so it hasn’t have adverse reactions. The list goes on and on and on. A liver disorder, a pelvic disorder. It’s like a laundry list of things that are actually there, but they have all been overcome or tolerated.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it sounds like whether it’s a laundry list or a revolving door, there’s been, a number of different, challenges along the way. And I’m wondering, as a younger dad as opposed to more seasoned dad like you are now, as these diagnosis were being made, what were some of the concerns or fears that you had?

Bill Walters: The biggest fear was that my children were not going to be accepted as normal children. That they were going to be ostracized or not played with or, ooh, look at that one. And pointed out, made to feel left out. Which wasn’t the case once the kids turned beyond age six. But in the early years, it was tough to find playmates.

David Hirsch: Okay, was there any meaningful advice you got early on that helped you put the situation or situations in perspective?

Bill Walters: If I had to go back like in that song from Mercy Me and tell my younger self and go back and say that, you know, you’re not supposed to do this all on your own shoulders, that this is not your, your problem, that it’s, it’s something where you can seek advice, I would have gladly accepted that at the time. I thought that I had to put the cape on and be all to everything and solve everything at that time. So I didn’t seek the proper counsel and didn’t know things like this organization exist for the companionship and the like. Minded advice and the strength in numbers. I just to learn from others who have been through it. So that would be the biggest regret, I would say in this is that I just. What I didn’t know is what I didn’t know and so I had to learn the hard way.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, what you’re describing is what I. Some cases, tongue in cheek, referred to as testosterone poisoning. Right. The affliction that most males have, which is that we’re going to try to figure it out on our own. Right. And you know, wherever we get that, whether it’s hereditary

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David Hirsch: or societal, you know, most of us experience that. And what’s an asset in certain aspects of our lives that stick to intuitiveness, the follow through, I’m not going to give up mentality is a liability in other aspects of our lives.

Bill Walters: Yes.

David Hirsch: And I think what we need is the discernment to understand, you know, when you’ve given everything you’ve got and you’re not getting the results that you’re desirous of or that your child, you know, needs, then, you know, what do you do? Right. Where do you go? What type of resources are there? And I, hope that through interviews like this, conversations like we’re having, but it helps the younger guys, the guys that are closer to the beginning of their journey, you know, avoid some of the mistakes that we’ve made. Right. Live vicariously through some of the experiences that we’ve had so that they can chart, you know, a more certain path.

Bill Walters: Yeah, I agree. I agree wholeheartedly. I would also throw in the fact that I was naive and, you know, not embarrassed to say this, that as a saved Christian, now I know that there’s a better way. And so prayer helps. Okay. And helps a lot. And the knowledge that I gained after being saved is life changing.

David Hirsch: Thank you for emphasizing that. So, not to focus on the negative, but what have been some of the biggest challenges that you’ve encountered as a dad when it comes to reading comprehension?

Bill Walters: With one child, the reading level was at first grade, fourth month, in sixth grade. And no matter what was being done, there was, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. And then, I discovered, eye tracking. And eye tracking is the coordination of pupils so that they coordinate together. And once I discovered that, I took a second job to pay for it. My biggest struggle was that it took me six years to find it and didn’t know it existed. And now I mention to everybody all the time the coordination of pupils because it’s so important that they are working in unison with one another.

David Hirsch: You just take that for granted. Right. it’s too bad that that wasn’t discovered, you know, by the medical community a lot sooner than it sounds like. Was there a turning point with one or more of these situations that you can reflect on that said, oh, if it wasn’t for this or it wasn’t for that, you know, we might not be on the better path overcoming like you had made reference to.

Bill Walters: The biggest turning point was, self involvement in the schools. Once the eye tracking took place and got involved, I made sure that I visited it with the schools, laminated my daughters and my son’s IEPs, and visited the schools and gave a laminated copy to each of the teachers and made sure that they read it. Now that sounds redundant, but. And told them that we would meet every once a month on a Friday for a progress report and that I would hold them accountable. And at first they thought I was kidding and then they realized that I wasn’t and then they realized that they have to teach. So that was the turning point in high school.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I love that idea about, laminating the IEPs and then sharing them and then the periodic follow up meetings as opposed to waiting for the semiannual annual IEP meeting itself. Right. And just hoping and praying that things improve along the way as if everybody’s on the same page, you know. So, yeah, that’s a brilliant idea. What have these challenges had on your marriage, marriages, or your extended family for that matter.

Bill Walters: Tremendous strain on my initial marriage, and subsequently it did not work. we are better off, as friends. our parenting styles are different. I’m more the, fun daddy and the let’s solve something daddy. You know, it’s a challenge and yet I think we’re both better off because of it.

David Hirsch: Any issues with your extended family? Aunts and uncles to your children and grandparents?

Bill Walters: Yeah. So all I’ll say on the extended family is, I’m an island in a storm. I am on my own as a single only child. My cousins and my extended family are nowhere to be found as far as holidays, as far as helping, they’ve disappeared.

David Hirsch: And have you been a single father or not?

Bill Walters: Yes, I’ve been a single father. Yes.

David Hirsch: For how many years?

Bill Walters: Quite a while. so my oldest is 24. So say 16 out of those years.

David Hirsch: Oh, wow, that’s

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David Hirsch: pretty consequential.

Bill Walters: Yeah.

David Hirsch: Any supporting organizations that your children have benefited from?

Bill Walters: You know, again, I Go back to that testosterone disease that you mentioned. So I didn’t have the help and the guidance, through their schooling years. And so it was whatever help they got, it was through, rolling up your sleeves and doing it yourself.

Tom Couch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you. Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: So I’d like to talk about Perfectly Imperfect Families. What is that? What’s the backstory?

Bill Walters: Well, every family is perfectly imperfect. You know, you have the storybook vision of what it’s supposed to look like, and then you have the life vision where you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And so in between, everyone needs to know that their family is perfect and perfectly imperfect in their own way. And it’s up, to you to appreciate the goodness and the love within it and to share it with your children as well as share it with other children to let them know that they are loved and that they’re important.

David Hirsch: So is this a formal organization like a 501C3 or what is it?

Bill Walters: So it’s not set up as a 513C yet. I will share with you that I have goals for that that will be announced in 2025, but its primary function is to help the parents that are IDD or neurodivergent have a safe harbor to explain their current situation and allow me to help them through the experience of creating a behavioral plan that can be updated in their special needs trust every six months so that there’s an action plan and that, you keep the action plan so you show the growth and the social skill growth and the overall interest level change organized in a calendar sort of way. So that when, if, God forbid, something happens to the parents, that the guardian can just go to that as a reference and be able to provide that. Because the state does not recognize verbal.

David Hirsch: Well, we’ll have to check back, a year or more out and, see where this perfectly imperfect families entity is. Is there anything else you’d like to say about the Perfectly Imperfect Families, though?

Bill Walters: Yes. Truly, what you know versus what you don’t know, there’s a large gap and it’s okay. To go to an expert who has lived in that world and has experienced helping others to lessen your learning curve and give you a shortcut so that you don’t have to go through the trials and tribulations of making mistakes. Because the only thing that’s happening is you’re delaying the growth of your child. And why not give them the best version of their life so they could be happy?

David Hirsch: I love it. So I’m sort of curious to know what role spirituality has played in your journey.

Bill Walters: A major role would be an understatement. Believing in a higher source, the creator of all the. The great teacher, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, as the center and focal point of my life. Without that influence, my heart would not be open and malleable like clay. To help others and to teach them how to live in abundance and try to, to encourage them to be mentors to others. Because if you teach someone how to fish, then you don’t have to give them a fish and the ability, because he has shown love and patience. With me, I want to do the same thing for others, but multiplied 70 times 7. So I want to be able to give them love and encouragement and guidance to be the best parents that they could be, but also be the best providers that they can be.

David Hirsch: So what age was that, Bill?

Bill Walters: Well, December 8, 2010, is when I got saved, and then the growth was done from that point forward.

David Hirsch: Well, it’s interesting that you should mention that, because it was actually in May of 2010 that I had what might be referred to as this God moment

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David Hirsch: myself. And, was propelled, self propelled, I should say, to go through the RCIA program within our Catholic church. And I did not see that coming, at all. You know, I felt like I’m a good person. You know, I’m very community minded, Married, I have five kids. You know, I knew something was missing. I just didn’t know what was missing. And, it’s interesting that, you know, we came to that realization, you know, in the same calendar year back in 2010. So we’d have to have a longer conversation when we get together.

Bill Walters: Grew up Catholic, raised Catholic, same God, the same, background. Right. It’s just a little bit different. You know, I’d have to remove the log out of my eye before I’d have ever have the ability to judge someone else’s personal choice. But I do love all people. it doesn’t mean that they have to come over my house for dinner, but it does mean that you’re supposed to treat others how you want to be treated back.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Thank you. So I’m thinking about advice now, and I’m wondering what type of advice you can share with parents, specifically dads, who have, a child with, different learning abilities.

Bill Walters: So two things. Patience. Patience. Patience. The ability to remove yourself from the situation and take a deep breath. Center and focus is really key because in the middle of a meltdown or, a period where the de escalation needs to take place, you don’t know the stimulus that’s caused it. and you need to figure out what’s causing that stimulus so that it doesn’t adversely affect the stability of the child that’s being affected. That is one. When you’re on a road and it’s filled with rocks, always look underneath the rocks for a hidden diamond. Right? Because there’s always room to learn and grow more, no matter what phase it’s in. Because there’s no magic pill in this world that works for all children. And so it’s okay to try new things and not worry about it being looked upon as that you should be put into a rubber padded room because you’re doing something for the betterment of your child. Seek, advice from others and counsel. And I guess how I would leave it is this. That you pray in the morning, you pray during the day, and you pray at night, and in the heat of the storm, you double down on prayer and somehow it works out. And it’s not coincidence. It’s because when you focus on him and with the capital H that things really work out to thy will instead of my will.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well stated. Thank you. So, why have you agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

Bill Walters: Because breakthroughs can be made. You’re bettering the life and the result of a child placed on earth. As I described it earlier, you cannot characterize that any better way than. It’s like Christmas morning when the breakthrough comes through. It brings you so much inner joy. You feel like you have the sunshine trapped in your chest and you just want to release it and show everybody else.

David Hirsch: I love that image. Thank you. And we’re thrilled to have you as part of the network. Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Bill Walters: Yeah, I guess I’m going to plea to all the dads out there to do something different. I want them to view life with an open mind and open heart and open ears and allow new things to be experienced. No matter what field it’s in. Always be in the learning. Because when you stop moving forward, you’re moving backwards. You don’t want to do that.

David Hirsch: Yeah, it’s really good advice. If you’re not continuing to grow or move forward. You might not realize it, but, you aren’t making forward progress. No, it’s easier to see from a distance than it is when you’re actually going through something yourself. So maintaining that growth mindset, that open mindset. Like you said, being open minded, being open hearted, keep listening, keep learning. So let’s give a special shout out to Kevin Chern for helping connect us.

Bill Walters: Awesome. Wonderful. Glad to help him in any way we can.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. So if somebody wants to learn more about the work you’re doing or to contact you, what’s the best way to do that?

Bill Walters: They could reach me via phone, 267-278-5062. It’s always on, or they could go to my website, you know, www.perfectlyimperfectfamilies.com. They’re the two best ways. And, the website is

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Bill Walters: being updated and should be perfect in about a day or two. Yes. Because I want it to be more user friendly. And, look out for that little wet red wheelchair because it’s ability enabled. So no matter what the ability of the child or the parent that’s reading has capabilities for people to read it, no matter what’s going on.

David Hirsch: We’ll be sure to include that information in the show notes. It’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to get a hold of you. Bill, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Bill is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, please go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help to keep their content free. To all concern, would you please consider making a tax deductible contribution? I would really appreciate your support. Bill, thanks again.

Bill Walters: Thank you so much.

Tom Couch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21stCenturydads.Org.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to Facebook group facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david@21stcenturydads.org.

Tom Couch: The Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast was produced by me, Tom Couch. Thanks again to Horizon Therapeutics who believe that science and compassion must work together to transform lives. That’s why they work tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics at horizontherapeutics.com.

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