344 – Mastermind Group Monday With Todd Evans of Brentwood, TN

Transcript:

Todd Evans: I think if you see it as an investment in other dads, I think that’s the way to look at it. Seeing it as an opportunity to help the organization and to help set these things up for other dads. for me, that’s what I find the value in it. Yes, there’s benefits like assistance with the retreat and paying for the retreat and things like that that are tangible that come back to me, but that really helps. My mindset was to think of it as, investment in other dads.

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Dad a dad Podcast. Now with more than 300 weekly episodes every Friday since 2018, we’ve been shining a bright light on the positive and uplifting aspects of raising children with disabilities and inspiring dads, stepdads, granddads and father figures to be more present physically, emotionally and spiritually. Welcome to the new Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group Monday Podcast. I’ll be interviewing Mastermind Group dads who will reflect on the positive impact the Mastermind Group experience has had on them and the well-being of their families. As a reminder, the SFN Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new SFN mastermind groups in 2024 with 10 dads per group. That means we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local SFN Mastermind group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Happy listening.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with Todd Evans of Brentwood, Tennessee who owns multiple businesses. He and his wife Kristin are co-authors of the book entitled How to Build a Thriving Marriage as you Care for Children with Special Needs. And Todd is also the father of two children with different abilities. Todd, thank you for taking the time to do a, Mastermind Group Monday interview with the Special Fathers Network.

Todd Evans: Yeah, looking forward to it.

David Hirsch: David, you and your wife Kristin have been married for 23 years and are the proud parents of two children. An 18 year old who was born with, metabolic disorder and a 14 year old who has Cri du chat syndrome, a genetic disorder caused by a deletion in the short arm of the chromosome number five. You’ve been involved with the Special Fathers Network this past year. Your SFN Dad to Dad Podcast is scheduled to air in November. You’re one of the first members of the Nashville Special Fathers Network Mastermind group and you had an opportunity to attend the 2024 Mastermind Group Weekend retreat in Chicago. Would you please provide a brief overview of the Evans family?

Todd Evans: Sure. My wife and I, as you said, have been married 23 years. We’re at a place now that we have a lot of joy and satisfaction in life and spend time together, with our 14 year old daughter Beth, and just took our son off to college and dropped him off a few weeks ago. So that’s new space for us. When we got married, we decided to go into full time ministry and went to get our master’s degrees and ministry and spiritual formation and did that for about 12 years. During that time, that’s when we had our children and kind of had to reevaluate life and look at things that put us on a journey as we figured out kind of how to live in this life. And our marriage was struggling and just had a hard time kind of figuring out how to be married and really on the brink of divorce sometimes during that, and really just kind of had to rediscover marriage and love and what it was to live life when it doesn’t turn out like you expected.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thank you for your openness and transparency. So I’m sort of curious to know what attracted you to get involved with the Special Fathers Network initially.

Todd Evans: It was really just another dad reached out to me. I was at a conference and he came up and just said, you know, I’ve seen you around and I think this is something that you might be interested in. I found good things in it. You ought to try it. There’s one that’s kind of going on in your area, so why don’t you try it for me? I was at the point where I just fill in a void in my life of other males and companionship and friendship. So it was just a welcome kind of answer to prayer. I felt like to get that invitation. So I was very excited to jump in and get involved right off the bat.

David Hirsch: Well, we’re thrilled to have you. What was your understanding of the Mastermind group concept before you joined?

Todd Evans: Nothing. I did not know anything or what I was getting into. I was just presented as this is a group for dads show up. So I showed up for my first meeting. And this kind of learned firsthand kind of what the rules were. And I’d never heard of this thing called Mastermind groups. And so, you know, me being somebody that wants to find out about stuff, went on and researched, you know, what Mastermind

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Todd Evans: groups were and their origin and like, what. What’s this? Sounds a little cultish almost, but. But you absolutely discovered that it’s not that way and. And, able to look at some of those values and excited about trying to live them out on a weekly basis.

David Hirsch: Excellent. So what was it like attending that first, handful of meetings?

Todd Evans: It was good. You know, it was a little awkward ours, over zoom, most of the nights. So just getting connected to zoom setting takes a little bit of getting used to, but there’s a lot of great things about that. One of the biggest ones is I can go out on the front porch or upstairs to a guest bedroom or something and be able to get back into the life of my family, in and out, without missing too much time and being able to help with the caregiving. People were pretty open and sharing their frustrations in our group. I’ve been around some guys that have been willing to share, and for me, that authenticity is an important thing. I don’t have time for a group that just does surface stuff. So that’s one of the things I like about the idea of the Mastermind group is it just challenges to go deeper and makes a safe place to kind of share those things.

David Hirsch: Excellent.

Todd Evans: I definitely saw that in that first meeting.

David Hirsch: As part of the Mastermind group experience, we read and discuss six books throughout the year and then do a zoom call with the author. Which has been your favorite book so far?

Todd Evans: We’ve just kind of looked at a couple books, you know, going through the one by Sam Farmer right now. It was in the middle of a book when I first started, so I guess I had to pick that one for now. The journey down a winding road or something like that.

David Hirsch: At the heart of the Mastermind Group experience is what we call dad in the middle, where two dads per meeting share a challenge they’re wrestling with. What have those dad in the Middle segments meant to you and why?

Todd Evans: Well, that’s kind of what I was hearing and referring to earlier is that authenticity of being able just to share kind of what’s on your heart and for other people to either ask questions to help prompt you to think more about it, that obviously the goal is not to give advice, but to, you know, let you kind of get that out. So that’s been good. I’ve been able to, you know, be in the middle once or twice and then also been, blessed to be someone that can listen and give someone else a chance to do that too. So both sides of it, I think you’re encouraging and validating and fulfilling.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. So each fall, the 21st Century Dads foundation hosts its annual SFN Mastermind Group Weekend retreat. You had a chance to attend that, earlier this year. What was your favorite Mastermind Group retreat experience and why?

Todd Evans: I think just some of the time that we spent together just sharing. I think one of the most interesting sessions we had was on respite. And I’ve looked a lot at respite and things, but with 25 guys in the room, there were 21 different perspectives and ideas and contributions. I never expected that, variety. So that was just neat to see other people’s, experiences and ideas and, that was a neat time.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I would agree that one person’s idea for respite isn’t the same as another person’s idea for respite. And some of them are really large and really, like, involved. And others are just like little bits and pieces day to day, which is really important too.

Todd Evans: Yeah, I love the guys that go jump in the cold ocean. That’s their respite and getting away. That was a unique one.

David Hirsch: Regarding the financial commitment, the, SFN mastermind group dads invest anywhere from $50 to $200 per month according to their financial wherewithal. What would you say to that dad who’s interested in the Mastermind group but concerned about the, financial commitment?

Todd Evans: I think it’s a hard choice. Like I said, I didn’t know much about the group, and I wasn’t told there’s a financial component. When I started, it was only about five weeks in that I researched and was like, I think there’s a financial piece. So I tried to ask the leaders, like, am I supposed to be paying something? And so, like, yeah, that’s part of it. They’re like, oh, okay. So talked with you about that, and you were very forthcoming about what the purpose was for that and the help that it is. And I think if you see it as an investment in other dads, I think that’s the way to look at it. For me, it’s one of our biggest expenses of the month that we have. So it was a tough decision to do that. But seeing it as an opportunity to help the organization and to help set these things up for other dads. for me, that’s what I find the value in. And yes, there’s benefits like, you know, assistance with the retreat and paying for the retreat and things like that that are tangible that come back to me. But that really helped my mindset was to think of it as investment in other dad.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, I think that’s a really important, angle as well. It’s not just what’s in it for me, like what’s my return on my investment, but looking at the bigger picture. So I really appreciate that. So under the banner of advice, I’m wondering what advice you can share with a dad who’s on the fence about joining the mastermind group.

Todd Evans: I think if you jump in and try it, you’ll see the authenticity and the openness and willingness to do. And when you see that, I think that’s something that we crave inside of our souls.

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Todd Evans: May not know it, may not be able to state it, but once you experience it and see it, you know that that was something that was needed and missing before and that this is a place that could fulfill that. So, jump in and try.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well spoken. You don’t know what you don’t know, I think is what I heard you say.

Todd Evans: Yep.

David Hirsch: Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Todd Evans: Just been fun to be a part of the group so far, and I’m still pretty new probably three, four months into the group and, just excited to see where it’s going to go and to be involved in it in different capacities coming up.

David Hirsch: Yep. Like I said earlier, we’re thrilled to have you. If somebody wants to contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

Todd Evans: Probably I’m kind of old school. I do email or cell phone, so.

David Hirsch: I can include that in the show notes so it’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up. Okay, Todd, thank you for taking the time and the many insights. As a reminder, Todd is just one of the dads who’s agreed to be a Special Fathers Network mentor father and has been involved with the Special Fathers Network mastermind group. For more information on the Special Fathers Network and the Mastermind group, please go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Additional links can also be found in the show notes. Todd, thanks again.

Todd Evans: Thanks.

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