351 – Wayne Friedman of Louisville, KY Father of Three Including Reena, Host Of The Better Call Daddy Podcast

Transcript:

Tom Couch: Special thanks to Horizon Therapeutics for sponsoring the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Working tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics mission at horizontherapeutics.com.

Wayne Friedman: I’m still working with different, guys that used to work for us. Maybe open up a few satellite companies. I’m doing a little podcast with my daughter. I’m figuring out a way of staying pretty busy and, I can learn a lot of things now without necessarily being in a formal school because it’s on the Internet, it’s on YouTube.

Tom Couch: Those are our guests this week. Father and daughter Wayne Friedman and Reena Friedman Watts. Reena is a successful TV producer and host of the popular podcast Better Call Daddy and Wayne the daddy is the co-host of said podcast, providing pearls of wisdom for each episode. We’ll hear from and about this father and daughter team on this special Father’s Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Hi and thanks for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast presented by the Special Fathers Network. A dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending an in-person weekend retreat. We’re launching 10 new mastermind groups in 2024 with 10 dads per group. That means we’re only looking for 10 like-minded dads in each community. If you’re a dad raising a child with special needs, we hope you’ll join a local mastermind group and make the investment to become the best version of yourself. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: Now let’s listen to this conversation between Wayne Friedman, Reena Friedman Watts, and David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with my friend Reena Friedman Watts of Houston and her father, Wayne Friedman of Louisville, Kentucky. Reena and Wayne are the dynamic duo behind the Better Call Daddy Podcast. For the record, I was a guest on episode number 377 of the Better Call Daddy Podcast back in June. We’ve also made mutual introductions to one another’s podcasts. Reena and Wayne, thank you for taking the time to do a podcast Interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Wayne Friedman: Thank you.

Reena Friedman Watts: Thank you.

David Hirsch: Reena and her husband will have been married for 17 years and are the proud parents of four children ranging in age from 5 to 16. Reena previously worked for decades as a producer of the Jerry Springer show based here in Chicago. Wayne and his wife Maureen have been married for 45 years and are the proud parents of three daughters, Reena, Jessica and Stephanie, who between them have 13 children. Wayne and Maureen’s grandchildren. A unique factoid is that Jessica and Stephanie live and work in Israel. Wayne, let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your birth family.

Wayne Friedman: Well, I was actually born in a hospital in Brooklyn, New York. Lived in Brooklyn only for a short while with my grandparents and my parents moved out to Bayside and then moved. I lived in Long Island until I was about nine years old. So I went to Johnson Grade School till the third grade and then we had a big move. We moved to Massachusetts. I lived in Fall, river for about two years and then Somerset for like six years or so. Six or seven years if you add all that up, it’s about 11 years in Massachusetts, nine years in New York. And then my dad and with my mom and, and yours truly, backing him up, we had started a little business up there and moved it to Louisville, Kentucky where I’ve been here for ah, let’s see, I GUESS it’s about 48 years now. So most of my life has been in Louisville, Kentucky. We ran a hands on manufacturing of lighting reflectors for the larger lighting companies. We were a service manufacturer for the lighting industry for. And I’ve kept it going with a few former employees. Right now where metal lights now been in business probably, I’d say it’s pretty close to 55 or 56 years.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous. So before we jump into the business end of things, what did your dad do for a living, perhaps before the lighting business?

Wayne Friedman: Well, my dad really started his college career a little bit later in life because

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Wayne Friedman: the war had broken out and My dad at 17 joined the Navy. He actually wanted to be a fighter pilot, but his eyes told him something else. But he was in the navy and he was very good in communication. Of course the story that we thought we found out really post my dad really being alive was that he was really honored for his service. one of the ships that he was on in the Pacific went down where he had to swim for his life. And he actually wrote a letter to the president, United States, which was Harry, Truman at the time, where he wanted to go back with his men to the front line, you know. And, he ended up becoming the communications officer for Admiral Nimitz and his ship. And they were in on the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The irony is that my dad was really a very humble man. He didn’t talk about accolades of being in the service and some of the, stuff that he did. I think a lot of veterans really keep some of their war stories really to themselves because they don’t really look at it as that they were heroes. They really look at it that they were doing the best they could to survive and service their country. And they had a big belief in loyalty, big belief in service their country and fighting for our freedoms, which is, something that my dad gave that example throughout his life where he was really not only a dedicated soldier, but a very big on family and friendships and where loyalty meant a lot more to him than maybe it means today. And, he had some very interesting experiences. This is where the show business comes into it because, my dad always wanted to be in show business. Before we opened up the lighting company, he worked for other lighting companies and he helped design a lot of the lights that went into the 1964, World’s Fair. So when we went to the World’s Fair in 1964, on an opening day, he’s looking at all the lights. Not really paid much attention to me at the time where he got lost and I had to go to the first aid station. There’s a picture, and over.

David Hirsch: You said he got lost.

Wayne Friedman: He got lost. I had to go to the first aid center and have him paged because, he didn’t know where the hell he was going. And it’s really funny because one of the first pictures that’s out there is a big picture of the World’s Fair, and there’s a little boy sitting by the first aid station, and that’s me, having him paged because he got lost. But all of the lights by the big globe there, my dad designed those lights for, for light Lear, back in the day. So, see, he’s got some very interesting stories. He was the chauffeur for Frank Sinatra, and he used to do the lighting for Harry, Belafonte. And I had an interesting story is that my dad wasn’t feeling well. And because, Harry Belafonte liked the lights on him and loved way my dad did the show when he Heard that my dad was sick. He says, hey, I’m not, I’m not doing the show until Marvin gets here. He says, you get him out of bed. And, he went up, came out on the stage and said to the audience, he says, look, Marvin is running late. In order to do the, show, we have to wait for him or I can refund your money. Not one person left. Took my dad about 45 minutes to get there. It was a full house and did the show. And like I said, he was very friendly with, some of these guys. And I think, my daughter Reena, we were hoping that, she would maybe, sing and because she has a talent for it and maybe being show business herself. But, if you gave the mic to my dad or to me, we would, certainly, not refuse it.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for sharing a couple thoughts about Marvin, your dad. I think what I heard you say is that the individuals that were part of the greatest generation, have a higher level of humility on average than maybe people today. And there’s this, allegiance, this comradery, that goes along with that, that is hard to replicate. And I think it had to do with the difficult times that they lived through. Right. Like you said, it was at some level a matter of survival. And the real heroes are the ones that gave their lives to the cause. And we somehow lost the connection with, what it means, what freedom really means.

Wayne Friedman: That was really beautifully said. I might quote you on that.

David Hirsch: Well, you’d be re-quoting yourself. So you talked a little bit about your dad and his characteristics, and I’m wondering, how would you characterize your relationship with him?

Wayne Friedman: Well, the funny part is, is that, this is why I brought up the business, is that my dad worked, for a couple of other people and went out of business a couple of times. And he always wanted to have his own business.

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Wayne Friedman: I think I was 15 years old, so I was just a sophomore in, in high school. I started working and learning how to do the anodizing and helping, out in the shop, the little shop, that he was starting. It was quite a struggle. But, you know, when you work hands on and you, are trying to help your dad make his mark, it ends up becoming your mark too. The funny part is, is that we lived and breathed this business was not only at the factory, but at home on weekends where you just did everything together. So my, My mom and my dad and, and I, we really have a bond that is really hard to duplicate for parents to have with a child because we lived and breathed everything together. You know, now that my dad’s gone, my mom relies on me quite a bit to keep her going because she’s used to having a partner through life where they lived and breathed every activity together. And it’s a very, very special relationship that I had not only with my parents, but with their parents. I really had a tremendous intergenerational relationship with my grandparents and even my wife’s grandparents where you get a better essence of the value of life and the continuum and how important it is. And that’s why we talk about legacy on the Better Call Daddy show is because it’s more than just about us. It’s about carrying on for many generations.

David Hirsch: Well, I’m sort of curious to know starting with your grandfather on your dad’s side, what type of relationship did you have with him? What was his background?

Wayne Friedman: Well he was able to speak just like my mother’s grandfather was able to speak many languages. They didn’t have really that much formal education. Was also mostly hands on. He did painting, he learned how to carve, you know where he worked in a place where he would carve meat and everything. And it wasn’t done with machines, it was done you know, with real knives and things. And he was an all round fella, self taught on a lot of things. Very hard working, a very strong man. But again you know, growing up, coming over here from Russia when he was like 17 or 18 years old, where they were having the Russian Revolution at that time and they weren’t very friendly to Jews at that time where they were forced out of their homes. Almost sounds like the Fiddler on the roof story. Living in the Ukraine. The Russians haven’t been nice to the Ukrainians. Whether you’re Jewish or not. I think they’re still have fought all through the past couple of hundred years. Came over to America. I guess he got here in like 1904. You know, you had World War I then occurred in 1918. You had the Depression and very tough times in the late late 20s, early 30s. Wasn’t, wasn’t easy living in America during these times. So you had to really scratch both sides of the family. Had to really scratch to make a living and to be able to move ahead in this country. The most exciting element was they were free. Everything else was just as tough, as hard as wherever they would live. But they had freedom in this country.

David Hirsch: Yeah, Absolutely. So we talked a little bit about your dad’s dad, one from Ukraine. How about your mom’s dad? Did you know him at all?

Wayne Friedman: My mom’s dad was also very gifted where he could speak many languages and he was very smart. And he was part of the Democratic Party. And a lot of was able to get through the Depression, because he was part of the local government assignments. But my grandmother and my grandfather opened up a clothing store and a food store. They had at different times, not at the same time. So they were also very business like and were entrepreneurs, of course. My mom’s sister was in a terrible accident where she broke her neck, but she got hit by a taxi. So she was really like paralyzed. She’s really the first girl that really survived that type of injury. Most people when you break your neck like that, there’s no coming back from that. and she also lived through a life where she was able to get married and have a couple of children. And again, I came from families on both sides where you always made the best of things. You didn’t complain about things, you just took the cards you were dealt and tried to always improve your hand and try to make it better for the next generation. I think a story that I might have mentioned before, but I’ll mention again, is that my grandmother, when she had like a mini stroke and came to live with us, all the grandparents ended up living with my mom and dad at some point. And Bessie had the apartment above my grandmother in Florida. She wasn’t even in our place in Louisville. She

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Wayne Friedman: was here maybe not even one day. And I said, my gosh, I overheard that Bessie’s already taken over your apartment. You can’t even come back. You’re gonna have to live with us, Grandma. And she raised her voice just a little bit. I never heard a raiser voice. She ripped her dress a little bit and said, that poor child, what she’s gone through. I would have traded my life if I could have prevented that accident from happening to her. Anything that I have, including my life, is hers. the poor child. So just when I thought that they had done something terrible to my grandmother, she gave it back to me in spades. That she couldn’t do enough to give her daughter an opportunity to have everything in this, in this life.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, you have a very strong family, very tight knit family. And I think that is something to be emulated certainly by today’s standards. You mentioned that you lived together, you were very close, and, you know, that carried on throughout their later lives. You know, I think that’s part of what’s missing in society today. When we talk about the breakdown of the family, it goes well beyond just fathers not being present physically, emotionally and spiritually. And if you’ve experienced that, then it’s a little bit easier to pass it down. But if you haven’t experienced that, it just seems like a foreign concept. So I appreciate you sharing that. So my recollection was that, you went to the University of Louisville, you took a degree in economics and engineering, and you thought about maybe you pursued, going to law school, but didn’t follow through on that. And I’m wondering, did you always know that you’re gonna be in the family business, if you will, or were you contemplating perhaps taking a different path?

Wayne Friedman: Well, you go through, different paths in life and there’s like a fork in the road. With the admiration that I had for wanting to help my father and my mom hitting me over the head with it as well, we decided that I would try to do both if I could go to school, took business and took engineering and did go a year to law school. But the fact is, is that it’s hard to do both. Working 12 hour days trying to go to school and then, meeting, Reena’s mom. We got married and had Reena right away. sometimes you can get overloaded where you just can’t keep all your options open. You have to make a decision of what takes priority. And it came down to where, running this business and the way it was expanding and growing, it started to own us rather than we would own the business. So to run a business that started with only three or four people, and in our peak we got up to 144 people. A 10 million dollar business took a lot of energy, a lot of effort, and it consumed us as well. So did I have really a choice at that point? you know, when something’s running you, you want to take that ride. I’m still working with, different guys that used to work for us. Maybe open up a few satellite companies. I’m doing a little podcast with my daughter. I’m figuring out a way of staying pretty busy. And I can learn a lot of things now without necessarily being in a formal school because it’s, it’s on the Internet, it’s on YouTube, you can learn how to do things, without even leaving your house. It’s just incredible what’s available today. So I got a lot of, I got a lot of action going on. I think I’ll be okay.

David Hirsch: You know, I’m not worried about you, Wayne. that work ethic that you have, that business mind that you have, is going to serve you well no matter where you direct your efforts. And the thought that came to mind, there was another guy from Kentucky that got a little bit later start in life. Do you remember Colonel Sanders with Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Wayne Friedman: I actually met him once at, at Mrs. M. Sanders Restaurant. And the funny part is, is that he was having dinner with, John Y. Brown. But, I was there when he, was making a, an offer, to buy him out. So it’s another one of those, Forrest Gump stories where I actually met the Colonel when he was talking to John Y. Brown. Made himself a hell of a deal because I think he got bought out for $1 million, but a half a percent royalty for 20 years, which was as, you know, multi millions of dollars. That half a percent. You know, when Caesars wanted to open up the casino and we were in the peak in the 1990s at Metalite, my dad wanted the same deal. He says, look, you can have our place. You don’t have to give us any money. Get yourself going. Some of my men will even work in the casino. It’s all yours. And just give us a half a percent of the, of the profits for 20 years, and we’ll be more than satisfied. And the funny

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Wayne Friedman: part is, is that it looked like we had a nice deal and that was at our peak. My dad was willing to give it all up for that. The irony is that the city of New Albany did not want the casino in New Albany, so they moved 1.2 miles outside of the, the line. And the, and the Caesars is down Main Street 1.4 miles from the factory. All that extra revenue goes to the county next to New Albany. Yeah, I can’t tell you how much money that would have, turned out to be, right in the peak of our, and the heights of our careers. my dad says, this would be a good trade. Let’s learn from the chicken man.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, that’s a fascinating story and another small coincidence. Like you said, another Forrest Gump, experience. And I just want to drill down one, one more time on the business because in a prior conversation, I remember coming to the surface that you employed a very wide range of individuals to keep the business going. And, you named one of them Joe Johnson. And I’m wondering if you want to recall that experience.

Wayne Friedman: Yeah, that was really something. Here’s a kid that’s 18 years old. He has one job in his life. He’s working one week at Churchill Downs, which is the. The famous horse track here at Louisville. And he was cleaning, out the barns. He was shoveling shit, basically. And he, comes in for an interview, and he wants to work in the metal shop. And I said, joe, you’ve had one job. You’ve worked one week, and you couldn’t even, keep the job for more than a week just cleaning up the horse manure. He says, why would I want to take the time to teach you and have you work here when you. You couldn’t even make it one week at doing something that’s just a little bit of a smelly job? And he says, well, I just didn’t see a future in it, but if you would teach me the business. He gave me a line that, is just, was, remarkable. I says, I’ll be here longer than you. I’ll learn everything. I’ll do everything, and I won’t go anywhere. I’ll never quit. And I’ll show you that taking that chance on me will be well worth it. And it’s true. I could never get rid of him after that. He learned. He learned the whole business. He was able to work in finishing, the trimming, the buffing, the packing. And he became one of the top spinners in the shop, one of the top metal craftsmen. And even when we were closing the place down, he stayed with me right till the end, until, the building was sold. So you’re talking about a person that not only showed that dedication and loyalty of. In my father’s generation, but someone that you gave a shot to. Was able to go through all the highs and lows with me where he’s been with me for 32 years. It’s, remarkable that there’s still some fish in the sea that are worth catching.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, Joe sounds like a good catch. And, my recollection was that you, had a broader, employment policy than most companies.

Wayne Friedman: Well, we gave people chances, and, we did not, hold a person’s. What they looked like or what their criminal background might have been. we worked with a lot of, agencies. Where there was this one fellow that was able to bring in people from different countries, you know, with proper working papers, where we hired people from the Ukraine, from Romania. One guy Came from Poland. And the funny part is he went back to Poland. He says, oh my gosh, you know, my mom is sick, I’m going to go back to Poland and my brother will get me a really good job. And then he wrote me a letter about six months later. He says, I don’t know how to get back. All my papers have now expired and could I bring my brother too? So he thought he was going home to work with his brother and at the end he wanted to come back to America, come back to his job and see if I could employ his brother with him. But anyway, to make a long story short, to get someone to get through all of the paperwork, to try to get proper immigration by the time we got answers on some of these people, it took seven years of going through the red tape. The nice thing about the people at Metalite is that we also not only gave people an opportunity to work, but we believed in promoting from within the company and giving them aided responsibilities. There’s between six and 12 people that I can probably name M right off to you that now opened their own businesses and have become very successful because they learned hands on how to being part of running the business with us. So I, I take a lot of gratification. That and working with the gentleman for now, 10 years after I’ve closed the shop has been able to make more money in the 10 years with me than the previous 10 years when he was trying to do it on his own. So I, I, that’s who I’m going to Chicago with, right after this interview to try

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Wayne Friedman: to get him some more business.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous. You’ve been a role model to a lot of people and I think that your willingness to look beyond say somebody’s resume and give them an opportunity, you know, people appreciate that.

Wayne Friedman: And the funny part is that’s how you really develop respect and you also develop that loyalty part which is like I said, a commodity from years ago. I have people that if I wanted to open up a new business today, I could probably get guys that I haven’t seen maybe in five, 10 or 15 years. I have experienced people that would love to come back and be part of the, the next show. And that’s that’s also a tribute to the way you treat people.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it’s really important. So you might recall that the focus of our podcast has been working with families, raising children with disabilities and not exclusively, but primarily. And you made reference to the fact that you had an aunt.

Wayne Friedman: Yeah, that’s my mom’s sister, that she.

David Hirsch: Right. Was paralyzed in a taxicab accident. Beyond that, are there any other family members or anybody that come in contact directly or indirectly with that’s experienced disability?

Wayne Friedman: Well, Joe now has lost half of his leg up to the knee. And the truth of the matter is if he can recover and walk again, I’m still looking to hopefully do some further adventures with him. But. But there has been people that have worked in our shop that even had some mental issues and we didn’t hold that against them if they were getting the right help and they could function. We took in even people that ah, had alcoholic problems, that had criminal backgrounds where they wanted to start off a new life. We didn’t hold mental or physical disabilities as necessarily a default to working with. And we believe in giving people second chances too. There’s a few people that worked for us and they would leave and when they found out that the grass wasn’t greener somewhere else, they were right back with us. You know the sad part is, is that if you take someone back more than two or three times, if they don’t follow the rules or they don’t necessarily do the right job fully, it’s very hard to admonish people or let them go when they have a. Just a revolving door where they can get back in. They don’t. They lose a sense of that. They feel like you’re just using them and spitting them out, then it actually can turn against you. So that was a, an important lesson that I had to learn the hard way because sometimes they bleed all over me. And when they would do that I would give them another chance and another chance and another chance. But. But I think there has to be a limit to that. Even though, sometimes my heart would go beyond that exception.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for sharing. You have 13 grandchildren. I’m wondering, are they all typical and healthy or do you have any challenges? do any of them have challenges?

Wayne Friedman: I think, as far as I know, they’re all healthy and they’re all beautiful and they’re all learning. But again with living in Israel right now, some of the children, you know, with bombs going off on top of your head and with certain things that are happening in the world with the COVID and everything it’s been trying on, especially on my two daughters over in Israel. So we have to count our blessings and we got to work very hard and keeping all of us mentally stable when these things happen. And even, my daughter Reena, who’s on the show now, she’s got, big ups and downs in her life, and she also needs a little pep talk now and then as well.

David Hirsch: Well, from a previous conversation, I remember you and Maureen felt very strongly about your daughters marrying within the Jewish faith. And, Reena, do you want to elaborate, before I ask Wayne about his perspective?

Reena Friedman Watts: Yeah, I don’t think that many people could express to their daughters later in life after you’ve lived a, life where we were allowed to date outside of the faith until it was time for marriage. And then when marriage rolls around, they’re like, wait, we don’t want you to do that. I don’t think that would work for most people, and it hasn’t worked for other cousins of ours or other family members of ours. I think for myself personally, if the relationship were strong enough, I probably would have bucked up a little bit more. But I cared more about my relationship with my dad at the time, and it was a rocky relationship that I was in. But it definitely led me on a spiritual journey where, you know, I took, like, a year and a half off from dating anyone. I got super into yoga. I went on a trip to Israel. I was kind of

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Reena Friedman Watts: like, why does this matter? And does it matter to me, or does it just matter to him? And how much does it matter to him if he’s not keeping all of the rules that religious people keep?

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, it certainly, is more challenging today, I think, to follow your faith, practice your faith, and, when you’re raising kids, and we have, five kids, they’re adults, 27 to 35 now, you have to pick your battles. There are certain things that, you know, you feel like are core parts of your being and your character and others that maybe aren’t the first or second level, aspects of your character. And, Wayne, I’m wondering, with regard to the way you raised your three girls, if that was a, challenge or, what type of friction would that create?

Wayne Friedman: Oh, yeah, it was certainly not easy, because being involved, as you know, in the business and then trying to be part of every variable of your girl’s lives, you’re really counting on your. Your wife to do a lot of these things, but she can’t think and do things necessarily the way I want to do them. She wants to think and do them the way she thinks is right. So it’s really. You have to have two parents that are really participating. A lot of times the kid would play us against each other, you know, so there was some difficult moments and I had a little bit of a temper when I was younger too, because I was always tired. So, the only difference is, is that as you get a little older, you don’t let the little things really bother you as much, because, time is so short as it is, that we are better off just being concerned with the big things. And even with the big things, sometimes you just have to roll with the punches with that stuff too. But the way things were passed on to me on how important it was, to continue our, a lot of my grandparents and their grandparents stories and, and, and previous generations that were passed on to me, even with the highs and lows, the sacrifice of previous generations just, stuck with me that, that, that I wanted to be part of that continuum and I wanted my children and children’s children, to be part of their history. But you’d be surprised how history can be lost so easily, if it’s not practiced and not, really done every day. So I don’t know, if that’s the same for other people. But I think if you don’t do it and use it and be part of it, you lose it.

David Hirsch: Absolutely.

Tom Couch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you. Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: So two of your daughters live in Israel, as well as most of your grandchildren because they were born and raised here in the States. What were the motivating factors that, prompted them to, move to Israel, raised their families there?

Wayne Friedman: Well, I wanted them to have an experience of being in Israel. And my youngest daughter, ended up meeting someone from a different country, from Britain. He certainly didn’t want to live in America. So it ended up being where, where they met, is where they ended up, then settling down, that was the neutral court, I guess. I think that’s putting it mildly. My middle daughter ended up meeting a boy in New York that was Israeli. And his parents, his father got sick and he was trying to run a little business. He Kind of bragged about how he was making out. My daughter, went for the story. But to be a full, legitimate business and paying taxes and doing it the right way, he found out that that business of his couldn’t really make it doing it the legitimate way. it was a rude awakening and just getting customers. He. He ended up getting, like, 50, $60,000 in sales from little shops that he was selling his food to, but they didn’t pay him. So part of being in business is also learning the art of how to get paid. So even though his sales were really good that year, it put him out of business because he. He never got paid. And you still got to pay your suppliers whether the other people pay you or not, so. And then when his, dad getting sick, they decided to give Israel a shot living near the parents, and

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Wayne Friedman: they ended up being there. So he’s gone back to school, and he’s, just about finished his, degree. and he’s been working, the whole time. And my daughter is, teaching, English as a foreign language in Israel. And they, also have four children. But they got the bombs over their head, and it’s Covid. And with all of the ups and downs that they’ve experienced, believe me, it hasn’t been an easy path.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, with all the uncertainty in Israel as well as the Middle east, it seems like it would be driving us, as parents, grandparents, crazy, right? that your children and grandchildren are, you know, in that type of an environment. Is there any advice that you can offer?

Wayne Friedman: Well, like you said, you pick your battles. Some of the money that I make, I’m willing to spend without hesitation to bring them all into the country at least once or twice a year and try very hard to be as supportive as I can. I keep offering to steal some of the children, but, they seem to always want to go back to their parents. So, I’ve given it my best.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. And not to focus on the negative, but, you’ve raised three daughters. They’re all married. They all have children of their own. So, you know, check, check, check, mission accomplished. what were some of the biggest challenges that you faced?

Wayne Friedman: Well, I think that certainly the first road of keeping them all Jewish was certainly a challenge living in, Louisville, Kentucky. but, you know, relationships, whether it’s your wife or it’s your children’s spouses, we found out that it. It just doesn’t seem to be an easy job through any generation. So you. We constantly have to be supportive and Try to give good advice to keeping the family together, too. That was, something that turned out to be a bigger task than I ever would have realized.

David Hirsch: Well, let’s switch gears and talk, about your podcast, the Better Call Daddy Podcast.

Reena Friedman Watts: I’m your host, Reena Friedman Watts, and this is the Better Call Daddy Show.

Wayne Friedman: Hey, this is big daddy Wayne Friedman.

Speaker 1: That’s my grandpa.

Speaker 2: Grandpa, you ready for more daddy drama?

Reena Friedman Watts: My dad is my number one hero and number one fan, and I’m a pretty cool dude. All right, season four, baby. Here we go.

Speaker 2: More. More stories you’re not going to believe.

Wayne Friedman: And maybe you will after you listen.

Reena Friedman Watts: Five stars.

Wayne Friedman: Five and a half stars. Two thumbs up.

Reena Friedman Watts: You are a pretty cool dude.

Speaker 1: Love you, Mommy.

Wayne Friedman: Don’t stand on the table and damn the public. You’ll get some words of wisdom to live by.

Speaker 2: Here we go again. Better Call Daddy.

Wayne Friedman: You know what your problem is? You like me.

Reena Friedman Watts: Yeah, I do. Each week, I interview a guest, share the stories with my dad, and then he weighs in at the end of every episode with his wisdom and wit.

Speaker 1: Hi, Grandpa.

Reena Friedman Watts: Everyone, from influential players to inspirational fathers and, of course, controversial people.

Speaker 2: Grandpa, my mommy’s calling.

Wayne Friedman: Creating that legacy one call at a time. And welcome to the Better Call Daddy Show.

Speaker 2: Stay tuned.

Wayne Friedman: Where’s the music?

David Hirsch: What was the impetus for creating that Reena?

Reena Friedman Watts: The impetus for creating that is. It’s my real life. I turn to my dad all the time, pretty much every day, whether we’re recording or not, looking for advice. And it’s funny because initially I thought, you know, my dad gives me some pretty good advice. Maybe I could share that with others. But it’s turned into other people sharing their advice with us and other people getting vulnerable with us and sharing their life experiences with us. And it’s become something that we both look forward to and have both grown from. So we’re all up in our wisdom ratings together.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, what I love about. There’s a number of things I love about the podcast is that, it’s not just, like, one person’s perspective. Like, if you’re the host, right, you have your own angle or perspective on things. And, you do a fabulous job getting people to open up and just to be authentic about their situation. And it’s a wide range of topics. Now, probably not as wide a range of, interviewees as Jerry Springer had, but you’re doing a pretty good job, of reaching out to people from all different walks of life. And that segment at the end of the podcast. Right? Where did you have a question? You know, you’d like to ask my dad.

Wayne Friedman: Well, Reena, what a wonderful, insightful interview you did with Kurt. You really gave the insight to the Better Call Daddy show and really shared some of your own wisdom of how you got there. All right. It’s good to laugh. We have a good time together. And I think that laughing is just as an important ingredient to the show because if you take yourself too seriously, then unfortunately tears and

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Wayne Friedman: crying can come out instead of a beautiful laughter. I think we draw from that energy as well where, sometimes have to remember not to take ourselves too seriously.

Reena Friedman Watts: And when in doubt and you have.

Wayne Friedman: Any questions, tune in to the Better Call Daddy Show. You’ll get some beautiful answers.

David Hirsch: And Wayne, you seem to always be able to shine a bright light on the positive things that are going on, regardless of the nature of the interview. As we’ve gotten to know each other, I have a better sense for what your perspective is, and I can almost guess at what you’re going to say, but I’m always curious to see, you know, how that all plays out. So I think it’s brilliant. You know, most people, I think, envy others, especially when they see this tight bond between, a father and a daughter. And, you know, it’s like, gosh, there’s no way that I would be able to have that type of relationship with my dad. And I think that, you inadvertently have raised the bar. It’s a very unique situation. And you know, naturally we came in contact, Reena, because we both have this sort of overlap, as it relates to fathers. Right. The role that fathers play in society and in our lives. And I came at it from a little bit different perspective because I didn’t have a relationship, an important or meaningful relationship with my biological dad. I was very close to my maternal grandfather, and when I became a father, that was of paramount importance to me. And along the way I learned that there’s some 24 million kids, US kids growing up in father absent homes, four out of every 10 in America. And it’s not just those poor inner city black kids. It’s two times the number of white versus black kids growing up without their dads. And I thought somebody should do something about it. So I know that we come at it from a little bit different perspective, but it’s, been such a pleasure, right, to sort of make introductions to you for your benefit and then to be on the receiving end of being introduced to some individuals that, you’ve met, not necessarily people that you’ve interviewed on your Podcast, but just people that you’ve met there in Houston or beyond. And I just want to say, publicly, thank you for helping, improve the outcomes of, children through a, focus on greater father involvement, like you’ve demonstrated, through your podcast.

Reena Friedman Watts: Thank you. I was actually thinking what might be interesting is having my dad do a reflection on an episode and then sending you the episode and seeing if you can guess what my dad’s gonna say. And we could do, like, a story that would also pertain to your show, and we could have two reactions to it.

David Hirsch: Would it be, like, good cop, bad cop reaction?

Reena Friedman Watts: I think it would be interesting to see if it could be similar in what you think my dad would say. That could be fun.

David Hirsch: Do you remember, Siskel and Ebert?

Reena Friedman Watts: Yeah.

David Hirsch: They would, like, review movies, and they’d say, oh, thumbs up or thumbs down? Sometimes they would disagree, and sometimes they’d be like, both thumbs up or both thumb down.

Reena Friedman Watts: Yes. It’s like watching a movie and two different reviewers. Yes, we should do that.

David Hirsch: Yeah, that would be fun to contemplate. And, Chaz Ebert is actually a very close friend. Roger’s widow.

Reena Friedman Watts: Oh, wow.

David Hirsch: Yeah. She would get a chuckle out of listening to this interview.

Reena Friedman Watts: That’s cool.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I’m wondering if there’s anything else you’d, like to say before we wrap up. Ah, Reena, we’ll go to you first, since we’re chauvinists.

Reena Friedman Watts: Oh. You know, my favorite saying that my dad has been saying lately is, have a couple kids of your own. See how easy it is? Yeah, I’m living that. Right. Letting, your kids find their own path without being this micromanager and trying to relive your life through them is very challenging. You know, your kids have to want your heritage. Your kids have to internalize it, but at the same time, you have to live it in a way which they choose it. And there’s one of two paths, Right. Like, you can be a positive influence, or you can be the parent that your kid doesn’t want to be. So you pick.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. Yeah. I think the, important takeaway from all the experience that I’ve had, and particularly the last seven years working with families with disabilities, is that, you know, you have these dreams and expectations for your kids, and, you know, in some cases, you know, you’re living vicariously through their experiences for things that, you know, maybe you didn’t have yourself. And, you know, it’s really important to let kids be themselves. Don’t ever do for one of your children, what they can do for themselves. And then I think the point you were making earlier is to meet kids where they’re at. Right. Embrace who they are and try to identify what their strengths are and their gifts. And, they might not be consistent with what your original expectations were. And I think that pivoting or making that adjustment. And,

00:45:00

David Hirsch: most of us have a parenting style. You have four children, Wayne. You’ve raised three girls. We have three girls and two boys. And, you know, each of the kids is different. Right. And if you have a my way or the highway or, you know, one size fits all parenting strategy, you know, hopefully it covers most of your kids or more than one of them, and, you know, the others aren’t going to be resentful. Right. Of, the, style, parenting style that you had. So, you know, there’s a lot of learning, and I think that’s what I heard Wayne say earlier, is that, you know, we’re never too old to learn. It might not be a formal education, you know, going to school and getting a degree or a certificate, but all the information at our fingertips today. It’s great to be a lifelong learner. Right. I mean, it’s like a kid in a candy store. There’s so much information, so little time. So, Wayne, I’m thinking about advice, and I’m wondering if there’s any thoughts, or reflections you’d like to share before we wrap up.

Wayne Friedman: Well, just like, that’s come out probably in this interview is that we want our children to be the best that they can be. But we have to remember that we have to still be a shining light and an example of not only support, but being the best that we can be as well.

David Hirsch: Yeah, 100% for sure. I think that, you know, like you said, Reena, if we live our lives, and we’re role models, hopefully our kids will want to emulate that. Right. They see the positive things. Right. That you’re joyful and you’re engaged and you’re enthusiastic and, you know, it’s not just a matter of survival, but, you know, you want to, you know, thrive.

Wayne Friedman: And we have to do it in a manner where we show compassion for other people, not just ourselves.

David Hirsch: Absolutely. So if somebody wants to learn more about your work or contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

Reena Friedman Watts: BetterCallDaddy.com or you can find me on LinkedIn, Instagram, Twitter. Reena Friedman Watts.

David Hirsch: Okay. How about you, Wayne?

Wayne Friedman: I’m with, Reena contact her and I’ll jump aboard.

David Hirsch: Okay. Reena and Wayne, thank you for your time and many insights. As a reminder, Reena and Wayne are just two of the individuals who part of the Special Fathers Network mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, Please go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Data dad Podcast. Ah, I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help to keep our content free to all concerned. Would you please consider making a tax actable contribution? I would really appreciate your support.

Reena Friedman Watts: Thank you so much for having us.

Wayne Friedman: Thank you.

David Hirsch: Thanks again.

Tom Couch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21stCenturydads.Org.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to Facebook group facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david@21stcenturydads.org.

Tom Couch: The Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast was produced by me, Tom Couch. Thanks again to Horizon Therapeutics who believe that science and compassion must work together to transform lives. That’s why they work tirelessly to research, develop and bring forward medicines for people living with rare and rheumatic diseases. Discover more about Horizon Therapeutics at horizontherapeutics.com.

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