393 – Mike Rinaldi of Fairfield, CT A Senior Director at Ankura, Father Of Two Including One With Autism

Transcript:

Mike Rinaldi: So I think first and foremost it’s talk. Talk with your spouse, talk with. And again, if you can find other dads that have been in that situation, really talk and be on the same page on how you want to approach it, what resources you want to take advantage of, about how you’re going to, you know, raise your child and how you want to shape them.

Tom Couch: That’s our guest this week, Mike Rinaldi, a senior director at Ankura, a major sports fan and a father of two children, including Harrison, 5, who’s autistic. Mike talks about his life and his family on this Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. One brief message. The Special Fathers Network Mastermind Group experience is the most comprehensive program the 21st Century Dads foundation offers. Dads raising children with special needs, meet virtually on a weekly basis and form meaningful relationships while sharing weekly wins, discussing books, and sharing heartfelt challenges. One of the highlights of the year is attending the in-person weekend retreat scheduled this year from September 5th through the 7th in Chicago. I invite you to attend the Special Fathers Network Mastermind group retreat. You’ll meet some extraordinary dads, exchange a lot of best practices and recharge your fatherhood battery for the journey ahead. It might just transform your life like it has done for so many others. For more information, please see the show notes or simply go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: Now let’s listen into this conversation between Mike Rinaldi and David Hirsch.

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with Mike Rinaldi, of Fairfield, Connecticut, who’s a senior director at Ankura, a litigations and investigations consulting company and father of two young children, including one with autism. Mike, thank you for taking the time to do a podcast interview for the Special Fathers Network.

Mike Rinaldi: No problem, my pleasure. Glad to be here.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Tracey, have been married for nine years. And the proud parents of Vienna, 8, and Harrison, 5, who is on the autism spectrum. Let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

Mike Rinaldi: Of course. so I grew up in a small town in northern Connecticut called Suffield, Connecticut. It was characterized by being almost a farming town. So one unique aspect of, Suffield and growing up there was the. The tobacco farms that existed in the town. So many kids, myself included, our first jobs before we turned 16 were working in these tobacco Fields over the summer, which really ingrained a very unique, at least in my, the rest of my life’s perspective, a very unique work ethic and a very unique understanding of truly living off the land. Growing up, however, in Suffield, some of the big things that I recall early on was. Was just a real love for sports. sports were certainly something that formed a lot of my early experiences, my social experiences, things of that nature, as well as airplanes. So interestingly, we grew up somewhat close to a airport. It was technically the Hartford Regional Airport for Connecticut, but it also featured at least growing up, a Air National Guard base. So I would see military jets flying over our house from an early age. And that was always very, very inspiring. Something that kind of stuck out about growing up in that area.

David Hirsch: So if I could paraphrase, a little bit of farming, little aviation, lots of sports.

Mike Rinaldi: Correct?

David Hirsch: Correct.

Mike Rinaldi: Yes. It was a very rural but kind of traditional, I would suppose American kind of Anytown USA upbringing. But it was an enjoyable one.

David Hirsch: Gotcha. So out of curiosity, is your dad still alive and what does he do or what did he do for a living?

Mike Rinaldi: Yeah, so my dad is still with us. He was a residential developer growing up. His dream from seemingly the moment he was born was to build homes or to build basically. And you know, he went on, became a professional engineer, ended up kind of living out his dream which was opening his own home building company. So Rinaldi Builders was founded back in the 70s. At some point he actually built the, the street we grew up on, the house I grew up in, you know, all of these sorts of things. So. And he still, you know, has almost retired. He now does very, very small kind of engineering type consultancy work on the side but is more or less retired from the home building. But that was his role and he’s luckily still with us and still amusingly in the town next to where I grew up in. So I grew up in this little town called Suffield. He lives in the next town over actually where he was born in a town called Enfield, Connecticut.

David Hirsch: Wow, that’s pretty amazing. Glad to hear that he’s still with us as well. how would you describe your relationship with your dad?

Mike Rinaldi: So I think it has come a long way. So I would say growing up my memories of my father were that he wasn’t necessarily around a lot. Right. Like he had different odd hours just by the nature

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Mike Rinaldi: of his work. And he I think came up with the upbringing of the father, went out, worked, brought home the money, the mother took care of the kids. And that was the clear divide in the time. So memories of my father that stuck out to me at least was he interestingly also had a big passion for, you know, he was born in the 40s, so kind of not the great generation, but you know, somewhat nearly removed from World War II. So he had a real big passion for the military and for airplanes and all of that. So I would grow up going to air shows with him. That was one of the things me and him shared and uniquely shared that none of my other siblings shared with him as well as playing chess. So those were two things, things me and him shared. So there were memories of that from him. Although the other memory was certainly that he really wasn’t much of a sportsman. So he wasn’t into really sports at all, which was kind of unique. So I think I had my first game of catch with a neighbor’s father, interestingly. And I went to, you know, sporting events either with my mom or other kids fathers. So I would say that we had a very unique relationship in that way. That relationship evolved in that I moved away and again, we weren’t all that close, to be honest. So I moved from Connecticut to California, then to Chicago and we just really weren’t all that close until actually we had our first child. And that child, Vienna, got us a little closer. I was actually impressed when he came and visited us in California and Chicago. Just how great he was with our grandchildren. And I think that. Or his grandchildren. And I think that that really set us off a new path and a path in which has gotten a lot closer today than I ever would have imagined we would have been ten plus years ago.

David Hirsch: Well, as a young grandfather myself with a 6 and 3 year old, there is that chance or that possibility, right. That you get a second bite at the apple. Right. As far as being present in their lives. And I’m just really glad to hear that that sort of brought your family closer together. I’m thinking about important takeaways when you reflect on your relationship with your dad. Any important lessons learned, one or two things that come to mind maybe that you’ve tried to incorporate into your own fathering?

Mike Rinaldi: Yeah. So I think just because. And again, I think a lot of this really rang true in my sports as a child. So I was really big into sports. It always was interesting me and in some ways disappointing that, you know, a lot of other kids, dads were everything. Right. And my father unfortunately, you know, wasn’t able to make it to really much of anything. So I think that I kind of took that as a learning lesson for myself and I’ve made it a big priority to be extremely involved and not just involved in the sense of you know, reviewing homework or doing whatever, but being present in my kids lives, especially being at events. So it actually led me and kind of inspired me to take a large role in our local pta. So I’m actually recently elected to the executive board of our town of our school’s PTA, which they jokingly said I was the first father to take on an executive role in 15 years. So I suppose I have my father to thank for that because I really wanted to pivot and kind of where he was a little less involved, just be extremely involved to the extent I could be. So that was one lesson.

David Hirsch: Do you feel like you’re a minority in the sorority at the PTA exec board level?

Mike Rinaldi: I definitely am. I’ve tried to make the occasional joke at the PTA events that have kind of fallen flat on the dynamics and the typical, you know, cat fighting or whatever you might want to call it of the PTA. But I think that they’re warming up to it. But yes, I definitely feel like the minority for sure.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, the PTA has been around for I think 100 plus years. If I’m not mistaken, it started in Chicago and you know, it’s obviously everywhere and it used to be parents, that’s why they call it the Parent Teacher Association. And yeah, you know, back in the 40s or whenever it was, maybe it was when a lot of the guys were involved in World War II or whatever, you know, it became dominated by women and then it’s been dominated by women for at least a half, a century. That’s not good or bad. Ah, that’s just make an observation. It’s mostly a female led, organization. So thanks for sharing.

Mike Rinaldi: Yeah. And I think if there was anything else I learned from my father, it would probably be kind of a sense for, I guess, pragmatism, I suppose. I mean he, he really made me kind of think about decisions I was going to make as they impacted my life and take kind of the most pragmatic approach to things and really kind of ingrained that into my head. That, and you know, some, I don’t want to call it frugality, but just you know, getting what you pay for, like finishing everything on your plate. Like very much this kind of old school mindset of you know, not letting things go to waste.

David Hirsch: Yeah. I love that. So being present and then, taking responsibility, you know, for your situation. I think those are two really important takeaways. So I’m wondering what of any influence your grandfathers had?

Mike Rinaldi: So, unfortunately, none. So my grandparents. And this is something that I have also tried to take to heart. My grandparents were never ones

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Mike Rinaldi: to monitor, their health really, in any way. And this is on both sides, unfortunately. You know, they just didn’t believe in going to the doctors, getting checkups, doing anything like that. So when I was born, I actually only had one grandparent of the four. And that grandparent I’ve, you know, minimal m. Memories of, but he died when I was five years old. Family in general, I’ve always had kind of a very small family. My mother was actually born in Scotland, and so her family was kind of spread out all over the place. You know, my father only had a couple of siblings and. Yeah. So just no grandparents, unfortunately, with any sort of influence.

David Hirsch: Okay, well, thanks for sharing. Sometimes there’s an influence, sometimes there’s nothing. Any other men that come to mind, that might have played an important role? Father figure of sorts.

Mike Rinaldi: Yeah. So growing up, we had probably my best friend to this day, a gentleman by the name of Brendan. His father certainly played a big role in my life. They moved into the street that I grew up on when I was, you know, maybe five, seven years old. And their family almost took me in as almost like a member of their family. I would just. Me, I would go on vacations with them. I would go everywhere with them. You know, I think I spent more time with the father, you know, than I did with my own father. So he certainly had kind of an influence on me. And it was an influence from kind of a cultural perspective. So they were also Italian, and they were very invested in their cultural heritage. And they really instilled that in me, certainly particularly of his dad. he was also a very big sports fan. So I would, you know, go over there and watch a lot of games with them and have a lot of back and forth and conversation with father. And he definitely kind of ingrained in me a lot of kind of attitudes I have towards life. I assume kind of opened up my eyes to a lot of things in the world and just really played a big role in my life.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. I don’t know how you would think of this in these terms, but, Brendan’s dad, the guy that you were just describing, is, sort of like one of the angels in our lives, right? If there’s a void, right, that, you know, because your grandparents weren’t there, your dad wasn’t as present, you know, because he was working as much, that it’s nice when you look back and say, you know, who were the influences? Right. Who played that, important positive adult male role model in my life. And it’s clear that Brendan’s dad would have been one of those guys. Yep. So my recollection was that you took a BA in Management Information System from Rochester Institute of Technology. Where did you see your career taking you?

Mike Rinaldi: So I think I. So originally I majored in what I majored in, went to school and what I went to school in. And it was really driven by my love for sports. So I was always the guy that was looking at the back of baseball cards. I just love the stats angle of everything. You know, I was always trying to pour through stats, look at trends, do all this sort of stuff. And my parents and particularly my father certainly guided me that, when, when choosing a major and you know, kind of choosing what you’re gonna do, you better do something that’s gonna have some employable odds, coming out of it. It’s gotta be something with gainful employment where you’re gonna make money. And he warned me, do not go into business for yourself. Since he had had some ups and downs in the residential development world and it just seemed like it was a tough gig for him. So I knew that I wanted to do something at the intersection of kind of business and technology. At the time I wasn’t really quite sure what, but I KN would give me a great foundation for it. In some ways. I think I’m almost still looking for what that might end up being. So my initial roles were very much kind of introverted type roles, doing like programming type roles for an insurance company and things of that nature. And I quickly realized that, you know, kind of curiosity and just my love for people and interacting with as many people as I could just weren’t going to be a fit for that. And I sort of stumbled into the consulting world first through a friend that worked in the big four. We’re doing kind of audit related work and then more true consulting. And I’ve been doing it ever since. And I think the consulting world kind of satisfies my itch for kind of always learning new things, always meeting new people, interacting with new people, always taking on new challenges. And that’s just kind of what I love to do. I mean, I think, if I was in a static company doing the Exact same thing every day, year after year. I think I just might get bored with it. So that’s ultimately what drew me and kind of drew me to the consulting profession. And luckily I’m still able to use my major. So my major kind of had a lot to do with data analytics, databases, analysis, all these sorts of things. And that’s core to what I do to this very day, which has been great.

David Hirsch: Well, thanks for the quick flyby. I know that there was a stint in Chicago that was a little bit different than some of the other, assignments you had.

Mike Rinaldi: Yes, there was. So that was probably my most interesting role.

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Mike Rinaldi: So, one of my partners at, KPMG left to start up kind of a internal analytics that was in the hospitality space. So we were a concessionaire for major, for stadiums, sports venues, all that sort of thing. So it was really, really interesting since I got to truly kind of marry my passion for sports and be involved kind of in that sports landscape, even if it was from the food and beverage space. But it was really fun to my role in it was looking at, kind of labor analytics. So running all of these models, looking at demand scenarios, projections, all of these various numbers to figure out, you know, who you place where and for how long and to respond to what assortment and how the team’s doing, and just all of these various factors that would go into this kind of algorithm to kind of spit out these projections and what we should be doing. So that was quite fun. But as we all know, in 2020, with the pandemic setting in and the sports landscape, what it was, especially the in person aspect of it, that became a bit of an untenable space situation. But that was a fun kind of side venture in the city of Chicago.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. So I’m sort of curious to know, how did you and Tracey meet?

Mike Rinaldi: So you, you’ll find another theme here, that being sports. Me and Tracey met through sports. So Tracey’s from upstate New York, Buffalo, as opposed to Rochester, but they’re about an hour or so apart. A couple of years after college, I was meeting up, one of the places people naturally gravitate towards from Rochester, from kind of the greater Northeast is of course New York City. And so I had friends that lived in New York City that I was visiting for the weekend. And we went to a Buffalo Bills, sports bar to watch the Buffalo Bills versus my team, the New England Patriots. And we had mutual friends, myself and Tracy. She was there that day. We made contact that day. I actually took her to dinner that very evening after the New England Patriots, I think, beat the Buffalo Bills for some whatever it was, 15 times in a row or something like that. And that was the start of our relationship. And it’s been a kind of long and windy relationship. I actually moved to California about a year after meeting her, and she ended up just per chance to be in California a few years after that. It rekindled everything, and here we are.

David Hirsch: I love it. Thanks for sharing.

Mike Rinaldi: Yes.

David Hirsch: So let’s talk about special needs. I’m sort of curious to know. Prior to Harrison’s diagnosis, did you or Tracey have any connection into the world of disability or special needs?

Mike Rinaldi: So, yeah, so I definitely did when we lived in Chicago. So we lived in Chicago for about four years. And Chicago is actually where Harrison was born. And in Chicago, one of my cousins lives there who has a son much older than Harrison. So the son is probably 20 at this point. And her son was severely autistic. So I forgot what the scales are. My apologies. But in essence, the son, you know, was non functioning. He was more or less non verbal. And, you know, it was very, very present. And, you know, very much you, know, obvious anytime you go to visit them. And I remember thinking back, unfortunately, I always thought, in a way felt bad because I was like, okay, you know, here’s my cousin. I really love her, I really like her. But it seems as though, you know, she’s living under this situation where she can not never leave the house. But, you know, as her son got older and older, it was harder and harder to find care for him. He was very present anytime we go over there, anytime we would interact with them. and that was certainly my first window into autism, which I think at that time I assumed, wow, so this is what autism is. Okay, now I definitely have a mental note on what it is.

David Hirsch: Gotcha. Thank you for sharing. So what is Harrison’s diagnosis and how did it come about?

Mike Rinaldi: So Harrison from birth, we started to recognize, you know, after around the age of 18, a year or so, maybe a little later than that. He was kind of much, much slower than we kind of expected to do, really everything. So there were gross motor delays. There were just overall delays in everything from speech to walking to just all of it. And so actually immune. Interestingly, my cousin had seen him and kind of. She was the one that actually recommended that we get involved just, you know, kind of preliminarily in the birth of three program in Illinois. So she made the recommendation. I at first thought it was A little alarmist, a little foolish, but. But we did. And I think in hindsight, we’re glad we did because that kind of started us down the path of seeking out services and sort of at least just becoming aware of, you know, where Harrison likely should be, where he was, all of those sorts of things. And as time progressed and as we of notice some continued delays and some continued issues, that’s where we started to kind of think in a discussion with our pediatrician and other specialists and all that,

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Mike Rinaldi: that, yeah, one of the things we’ll need to test for, likely want to test for at some point is autism. So before that we had done all the various, you know, genetic testing. He had had an MRI. We, you know, we went through the array of causes or potential. What could this be? Right? Like, why are these set of circumstances happening to him? And it was very surprising to me it just how long it took to get on some of these lists to see some of these specialists. So when we moved to Connecticut, you know, I think we got on their, waiting list to be seen by the Connecticut Children’s Medical center, who are the ones that, you know, do the diagnoses and all of this to kind of get on their radar. And, you know, there was, multiple different tests and in person interview, all of these sorts of things. And Harrison was formally diagnosed with high functioning autism, as of, October of 2024.

David Hirsch: So if I can paraphrase what you’ve said, you noticed that there were some delays, but because of the, type of testing that was done and the move, you know, it took a little while to get that formal diagnosis.

Mike Rinaldi: Correct. Correct, exactly.

David Hirsch: So if you can remember back and it wasn’t that many years ago, what were some of the fears that you had thinking about? Oh, okay, now we know what it is.

Mike Rinaldi: Yeah, I know between me and my wife, and this was part of our mindset was around how far do we take this with testing and all of that? Because one of our biggest fears at the time at least was, okay, this is going to completely set Harrison’s life on a different trajectory. He’s immediately now going to be in this bucket and have this label that is going to now inhibit his ability to experience life. And I think that was kind of this immediate fear of ours. And again, I think in retrospect, clearly an unfounded fear, but one that we had. Right. I mean, I think we were still, you know, probably naively thinking that this is just a phase. Right. That this is something that, it’s just temporary it’s something we can quickly work through and by the time he’s, you know, X age, you know, he’ll be just like every other child and all these sorts of things. So I think when we first heard the news, I mean, it was certainly, not an out of body experience, but it was certainly something where I think we knew that there was potential for that to be the outcome. but to see it there in paper and kind of get the phone call and all of that, it still is something that is in some ways tough to take. So the initial reaction was just. That was one of just surprise and nervousness around what now. Right.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for being open and authentic about that. At some level, you’re probably a little bit in denial thinking, well, if there isn’t a diagnosis, maybe things will just take longer. Right. And, you know, it’s not better or worse, but I think on average it’s probably better to know what you’ve got so that you know what type of therapies, might best work in the situation so you’re not wasting any time or going down different paths, waiting and wondering. And, you know, there is a little stigma associated with, you know, the labels, that we use. but I think it’s less so today than it was at least as it relates to autism. It’s so much more prevalent than it was a decade or decades ago. So, you know, I think people are much more inclusive and accepting. But, as you know, autism isn’t one thing. It’s a whole range of things. A spectrum of things?

Mike Rinaldi: Yes. Yes.

David Hirsch: Only God knows we know where Harrison’s going to end up on that spectrum.

Mike Rinaldi: Yes.

David Hirsch: Any meaningful advice you got early on that has helped you and Tracey sort of chart a path?

Mike Rinaldi: Some of the advice we got, was that autism, again, for one, is a spectrum. Right. And it is a spectrum with very, very different outcomes and very, very different ranges.

David Hirsch: Right.

Mike Rinaldi: In that being autistic or having autism, it really does not limit the potential for a child to succeed. And I think that was the biggest one. Right. I think it was just knowing that this isn’t a situation where, okay, Harrison’s going to college now to the picture or having a successful career is out of the picture or anything like that. And I think it was just knowing that, you know, we’re going to have to play to his strengths and he’s going to have some amazing strength strengths and just to focus on those. So again, maybe he’s not going to be the star athlete, but maybe he will be incredible at math or, you know, a great reader, or all of these different skill sets that he could potentially have. There’s going to be some he’s going to stand out in, and there’s other. There’s going to be others that he’s not going to be stand out in. And that really is the same for all kids. But I think with Harrison now, it will be much more apparent

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Mike Rinaldi: to us what those strengths and weaknesses are. So I think that was very, very comforting for one. and then I think for two, just looking out there and again, just seeing the wealth of resources there are out there now, and just the level of awareness there is now has just been extremely comforting and extremely helpful. It’s not something where I think in the past there was. I remember when I was growing up, there were a lot of. For someone similar to Harrison, there would have been a lot of derogatory terms that were used and just a lot of, And I don’t call it bullying or just misunderstanding. That just isn’t around nowadays, which I think was also very comforting.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, I know that other guys have talked about that, you know, when they were younger, you know, they would be making reference to the short bus.

Mike Rinaldi: Yes.

David Hirsch: The kids that ride the short bus, that’s a symbol. Right. And it wasn’t used in a friendly way. You was usually used in sort of like a judgmental way. And, there were even parents, you know, that if they were honest, used to say, if you don’t study and you don’t get good grades, you know, you might have to take the short bus. Yeah. You know, so it was just part of the way that people communicated. And we’re a little bit more sensitive today. Empathetic, compassionate about that. And, you know, that’s just not politically correct, if you will.

Mike Rinaldi: Yeah.

David Hirsch: And, I think that’s a good thing. Right. That means that people are being included in accepting that have differences. That’s. That’s okay. Right. That’s what makes the world go around.

Tom Couch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the special Father’s Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on family raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you. Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: So not to focus on the Negative. But what have been some of the biggest challenges you’ve encountered? to date, Harrison still relatively young.

Mike Rinaldi: So I think it’s been, There’s been a few things, right. I think, first off, having that relatively limited family support system has been difficult in the sense of care. Right. So for myself, my wife, to do things, to take a break, to take a vacation, to do things like that, we’ve certainly found it very, very difficult to, you know, find somebody to help out, even if it’s just on a standard weeknight or whatever for a few hours. It’s not like we have somebody right next door that can jump in, that sort of thing. And when choosing care with babysitters and all the rest of that, we do find it a little. It’s a little more difficult, right? I mean, we have to be a little more selective. We have to screen them better. We have to make sure they know kind of the specific routines that Harrison in particular needs to, you know, abide by. That’s been one thing, a couple of other, probably, honestly, bigger challenges of one, it has truly caused, you know, some strain on me and my wife’s relationship, on me and Tracey’s relationship. And it goes beyond simply, you know, when Harrison’s having an issue or having an episode or, you know, having a tantrum or whatever it might be, those are the kind of the easier ones, right? Those are. Be in the moment. Okay? There might be some voices raised, that sort of thing, but eventually we’ll all calm down, everything will be fine. But it has forced us to really discuss and really try to get on the same page around what are our attitudes towards how we tackle this challenge? Like, how much are we going to pursue the various types of care options that are out there? I mean, do we want it with the school holding back a grade? Like, all of these conversations that you never would have thought you would, you know, when you first have kids, you’d be having, but something where it really kind of forces you both to be close to or ideally on the same page about. And I would say the final one, too. So we’ve got my wife, we’ve got kind of that aspect, but it’s with my daughter, so Vienna. So it has really put that relationship with Vienna kind of at times on the back burner, unfortunately, since a lot of times Harrison’s needs trump hers, since they just, you know, force themselves into the forefront. But it has given her, on the positive side, at least, the opportunity to develop a sense of maturity that I think very few people, very few Kids at her age have. It has really given her the opportunity to kind of step in and act like that bigger, sister than she is and really be a lot more of a helper than I think we would have ever imagined. But we do realize now, and I think one of the conversations me and Chase lately is, are we forcing her to be not a kid right now? Are we forced to be an adult and not have the joy of being a child? Which I think that’s

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Mike Rinaldi: just another thing to navigate, which is because she’s so easy, because she’s so good, how do we ensure that she’s still able to be a child as opposed to having to be, you know, a teenager at age eight?

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. You hit on two of the major issues that are pretty common in the world of disability or special needs. The importance for respite, individual respite as well as couples respite. Right. So that you can recharge your battery and, you know, not feel like you’re just getting worn down day after day 24/7 vigilance type of mentality. And then the second is the issue of siblings and family balance. Right. Because it’s very common that the child with a, disability, the atypical child, is going to require a disproportionate amount of time and resources. And just the fact that you’re aware of that issue, Right. And you can articulate it, means that you’re probably going to identify opportunities, that you would be one on one with Vienna or Tracey would be one on one with Vienna. Right. With more intentionality than just, you know, on occasion or whenever it happens. So anyway, thank you for, sharing that.

Mike Rinaldi: Thank you. Actually, I think listening to the podcast and you know, conversation with yourself, that was one of the light bulb moments for me was realizing that and sort of taking a more critical look at, ah, my relationship with her and how she’s developing and realizing, wait a minute, we do need to focus on her and make sure that she has those experiences and that were able to give her her time away from her brother to be herself and act like an 8 year old.

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about supporting organizations. Are there any organizations that come to mind, Mike, that Harrison’s benefited from, your family’s benefited from that have tried to improve situation?

Mike Rinaldi: Yeah. So I mean, we’ve gotten involved around here with a group called, or kind of an ABA type therapy group around here where they have some kind of group kind of hangout sessions, if you call it that, to develop social Skills with, like, individuals. And I think that’s truly been a nice thing for us to seek out now. Not necessarily an organization, but more a kind of a style of therapy. I suppose that we’ve found that’s worked well aside from that too. I, mean, I think just looking into, you know, and you kind of mentioned this previously, we’ve been looking into and seeking out programs through Special Olympics. So I know that we in the past have done that. So we’ve been really trying to make that a, priority for the coming months here since, you know, we have tried to go some of the more traditional sports pads with Harrison and just found him, you know, to be not as. I don’t want to say not as interested, but just, you know, you could see that he wants to be a part of the group. But some of his limitations just certainly are preventing him, from truly getting the most out of it and ends up becoming more of a frustrating than an enjoyable experience. And since sports were so central for me growing up, you know, I want him to have those experience and have that enjoyment from it, even if it’s in a different setting than I did.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing. Obviously, you have a passion for sports. Sports. Special Olympics is an extraordinary organization. Right. That really appeals to, individuals with, more intellectual disabilities as opposed to physical disabilities. Right. There’s a world of adaptive sports for people that have a physical disability. And, you know, it’s not really just about the sports and the sporting events, but it’s more about the socialization. Right. Getting together with other families, other individuals. Yeah. That you can relate to. And, you know, they. They do offer a dozen, dozen and a half different sports, most of the Special Olympic organizations. So maybe it’s just a matter of finding the right sport or sports. And, you know, it’s like when we were young. Right. You just wanted, you know, to try out a lot of different things, not knowing if you’re going to be good at baseball or football or basketball or soccer or whatever it might be. And, you know, it’s part of the journey.

Mike Rinaldi: Exactly. But it’s, it’s. It’s always good to know, though, that again, there are all these organizations out there and it’s, you know, now it’s on us to sample them, find out which ones truly are a home for us, and go from there.

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about spirituality, and I’m wondering what role spirituality has played in your journey.

Mike Rinaldi: Oh, that’s a good question. So both myself and my wife grew up as, you know, devout Catholics. You know, I was that. Actually, I guess I didn’t mention that with my father, but that was, interestingly, one of the aspects of growing up. My father was Catholic, my mother was Protestant, and my father would take me to church every Sunday, and I was the only one that had. My brother and sister just never wanted to, and, you know, we weren’t going to force them to. So that was me. And my father would go to church every Sunday. I was an altar boy. I was, you know, everything, you know, I. We did events at the church. I mean, the church for me, my father, at

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Mike Rinaldi: least, was certainly something that we had, you know, passion for. And that’s something where myself, my wife, have certainly tried to instill that to a degree in our kids. You know, they’ve both been baptized, et cetera, tried to kind of lightly bring that into their lives, knowing that it’s. It’s not necessarily the same as it necessarily would have been when I grew up, where, you know, everybody in the neighborhood was went and it was, you know, this kind of cultural touchstone. But it’s something that I think me and my wife still very much find value in and very much believe in and very much at least want to lightly instill in our kids and kind of at least guide them in that set of principles going forward.

David Hirsch: I think that’s great. Thanks for sharing. So I’m thinking about advice, and I’m wondering what advice comes to mind that you might be able to share with parents or specifically dads, you know, who find themselves in this sort of new environment, this unanticipated environment.

Mike Rinaldi: So I think first and foremost, it’s talk, right? Talk with your spouse, talk with. And again, if you can find other dads that have been in that situation, really talk and be on the same page on how you want to approach it, what resources you want to take advantage of, about how you’re going to, you know, raise your child and how you want to shape them. So I think first and foremost, it’s talk, right? Talk with your spouse, talk with. And again, if you can find other dads that have been in that situation, really talk amongst with you and your wife and be on the same page on how you want to approach it, right? On, what resources you want to take advantage of, on, how you both want to be on the same page about how you’re going to, you know, raise your child and how you want to shape them, knowing that this is, you know, the situation. Right. I think that is certainly force and for first and foremost, and I think secondly, and this in particular for dads, I think it’s clearly being involved, you know, if one parent has a job schedule, that makes it more difficult for them to, you know, go to certain appointments or do certain things. Things, you know, if you’re the father and you have that, where it’s more difficult, at least make it a priority to have some level of, participation there. You know, you don’t have to be at all the appointments, you don’t have to be at every group meet, whatever it might be, but at least seeing in person and showing your son or daughter, you know, your special needs child, that you are there for them and that you want to be involved in their life. And not just the easy and the fun parts, but the things where it’s really them, going to work finally. Two, I think it’s. It’s the dads having hobbies that are uniquely theirs and that are constructive. And what I mean by that is, you know, certainly, you know, I’ve in the past been one where, okay, in order to calm down, relax or whatever it might be, have a cocktail or do something like that. But I think that something like that is a little more, you know, not as to close constructive, not as fruitful as another hobby. So I think having a hobby, that you can have that can be just yours, that can kind of tap into something that you have a passion for that can be constructive and give you that kind of thing that’s uniquely yours, I think, has also been very, very helpful for me personally. Yes. So I’ve actually gotten into, and it was always a side hobby, but it’s something that I’ve taken a lot more of an interest in over the past six months to a year has been photography. So looping in the sports and the airplanes and all of that. I was always somebody that loved to take pictures, you know, at every sporting event, I went and of airplanes, all this kind of stuff. And I always had a decent camera, but never really knew the ins and outs of how to use it or any of that. So I was just kind of burying myself over the past year and getting a little bit of a nicer camera, the better lenses, learning how to actually really take photographs, which is just pointing and clicking and saying, oh, that came out good, or that didn’t. So that’s been really fun. And it’s been fun to kind of see my journey. And some of the shots I’ve taken kind of from really early on when I really didn’t Know what I was doing to more so recently. So that’s been a fun passion mind.

David Hirsch: I love it. my grandfather on my dad’s side, was quite a photographer. And I know that, that’s one of the reasons I have an interest in photography.

Mike Rinaldi: There we go.

David Hirsch: He was a little snooty about, his, hobby. He only used Leica equipment. Now, I’m going to date this back to the, you know, 60s, 70s and 80s. And he traveled the world on these photo safaris. And, he was an amateur photographer, but, like a charter member of the Chicago Camera Club. And they would come home, he would have, like, 5,000 color slides, no exaggeration. He’d winnow them down to, like, 500. And then he put a show together, with multiple projectors, choreographed, ah, to music. Right. There was a story that he was going to tell.

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David Hirsch: And many of the other members, you know, would go on their trips and, like, almost once a month, somebody was, you know, sharing their experience so the rest of the club, their friends, could live vicariously through their trip. Right. Because, you know, not everybody’s going to have a chance to travel to Africa or South America or to Scandinavia or to China, that type of thing. So, anyway, I know that that’s where the bug bit me. I’m not as snooty as my grandfather was. ironically, I inherited all of his Leica camera equipment. This is these really heavy, you know, camera bodies and big lenses. And, you know, it’s 35 millimeter film. It’s not digital. Right. Equipment. So totally different world. But I guess you get the, digital camera bodies and just use the same lenses. Right? Because that’s what Leica is known for, is the high quality of their lenses. So we’re gonna have to circle back on that hobby of yours.

Mike Rinaldi: Yeah, no, amusingly, that. That was my first nicer camera. One of the things that drew me m to it was that had a Leica lens. So it was a digital camera with a Leica lens. So I felt as though I had arrived because I could be one of the camera stops.

David Hirsch: I love it. So, why is it that you’ve agreed to be a mentor father as part of the Special Fathers Network?

Mike Rinaldi: So I think it’s something where I have certainly learned just so much in my journey and something where I have just really thrown myself into it. And I’ve come from a place of, just being truly clueless on this, right to the point where, you know, we were really in. And I was particularly Just kind of in denial saying, oh, there’s nothing wrong here. You know, just. And I just look back on that person and say, wow, if only I could have had someone else in that situation to talk to that could have kind of not necessarily knocked some sense into me, but kind of said, look, here’s what you really should be doing. And not only that, but kind of here are some steps you can take now to get mentally comfortable around what’s to come. I think that would have been great for me to have. And not only that, but for somebody with kids that were on the younger side. Right. That was still going through it. I mean, I think it’s great to have mentors and folks who kind of have been through it all and been out the other side so since they have that perspective of the entire journey. But I think, at times somebody who’s been through the entire journey might not be as appreciative of, the day to day struggle of being kind of in the thick of it. And I think that it’s good to have both those people to rely on. Right. Somebody who’s been through the end, to kind of tell you it’s all going to be okay in the end and there’s, you know, everything’s achievable. But I think it’s also good to have those mentors who are still going through the, the thick of it and can kind of be that sounding board kind of for the day to day.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, we’re thrilled to have you. And it’s not lost on me that you have enough experience to be a, mentor father to an even younger dad or a dad with an even younger child than Harrison. But there’s so many more milestones ahead of you like you’re referring to, right. That you would benefit from some of the more seasoned dads in the group as well. So is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Mike Rinaldi: No, I don’t think so. I mean, I think this group is fantastic and motivating and I think if I was to just say anything to any of the dads out there, it’s a journey, right. And the journey is going to take multiple different paths. But as long as you’re committed to that journey and you’re committed to being involved in your child’s life and making sure that they feel the love that you give them, I think that’s just a massive step that, a lot of dads, not just of special needs kids, but kids overall just don’t do and I think it’s something where it’s a fantastic step that you yourself are taking as a dad and, you know, don’t take that for granted and, you know, appreciate the journey.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well stated. Thank you. So let’s give a special shout out to Yoav, one of your best friends, for helping connect us.

Mike Rinaldi: Yes, amusingly, I was just with Yoav this morning. He was traveling through this part of the country and him and his child then slept over. And so we had a great couple of days together. So it was the first time I’d seen Yoav in a couple of years, and it was fantastic. So I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.

David Hirsch: So if somebody wants to learn more about your journey or to contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

Mike Rinaldi: Yeah, I mean, I think email or LinkedIn are probably the top two. I mean, I think email is probably the best starting point since I’m still one of those old school people who really likes that kind of a little longer narrative up front for an introduction at least before you get right into the texting and all of that. But, you know, I promise anybody who’s listening, you know, I’m certainly responsive over email or LinkedIn and I certainly welcome the conversation. I think it’s a, mutually beneficial one and one that I certainly welcome and would love to take on.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, be sure to include that information in the show notes. It’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up with you.

Mike Rinaldi: Perfect.

David Hirsch: Mike, thank you for your time and many insights.

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David Hirsch: As a reminder, Mike is just one of the dads who’s part of the Special Fathers Network, a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, please go to 21stCenturyDads.org. Thank you for listening to the latest episode episode of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st Century Dads foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help to, keep our content free to all concerned. Would you please consider making a tax equal contribution? I would really appreciate your support. Mike, thanks again.

Mike Rinaldi: Thank you, Dave. This is great.

Tom Couch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21stCenturyDads.org.

David Hirsch: And if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to facebook.com groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david@21stCenturyDads.org.

Tom Couch: The Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast was produced by me, Tom Couch. Tune in again next week for another intriguing conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

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