425 – Jon Gustin of Nashville, TN A Writer, Content Creator, Father Of Two & Author Of The Upcoming Book: The Tired Dad

Transcript:

Father’s Network Dad to Dad Podcast features guest John Guston

John Gustin: You know, we. We want that direct answer of like, okay, just tell me the steps and how do I show up for my kids? And I think it’s just the fact that you care so much already means you’re a good parent. It already means that you are doing the right things because you care.

David Hirsch: That’s our guest this week, John Guston, an author, a dad, and host of the podcast A Tired Dad. John has over 2 million followers across four platforms where he shares real moments of fatherhood and the lessons learned. We’ll hear all about John, his life, and his family on this special Father’s Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

John Gustin: Dad to the dad.

David Hirsch: You’re not on your own.

David Hirsch: We walk this road together, heart and whole.

David Hirsch: Now say hello to the founder of the Special Fathers Network and host of the Dad to Dad Podcast, David Hirsch.

Special Fathers Network launching US tour to promote new book about special needs dads

David Hirsch: Hi, I’m David Hirsch, host of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. Two brief messages. First, I’m thrilled to announce our new book, Dads Raising Children with Special Needs and Disabilities. A Guide for 21st Century Dads is now available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other sites. See the show notes for additional information. Second, the Special Fathers Network US tour, will be taking place from May 21st to June 21st, Father’s Day. The tour will start in Maui, then Anchorage, and then to Milwaukee and all around the US by RV to all 50 states. The purpose of the tour is to strengthen and grow the Special Fathers Network and to promote the new book. We’re still looking at confirmed venues for the tour, and we can use your help for more information and see how you can help. Please see the show notes or simply go to 21stcenturydads.org through every season, in

David Hirsch: every stride, great dads are present. 247365. Now let’s listen in to this conversation between John Gustin and David Hirsch.

John Gustin is a writer and father of two young children

David Hirsch: I’m thrilled to be talking today with John Gustin of Nashville, Tennessee, who’s a writer, content creator, father of two young children, and author of the upcoming book the Tired Dad. John, thank you for taking the time to do an interview for the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

John Gustin: Thank you, David, for having me. I appreciate it.

David Hirsch: You and your wife Jessica have been married for 12 years and are the proud parents of two children, Dakota, 9, and Asher, 6. So let’s start with some background. Where did you grow up? Tell me something about your family.

John Gustin: Yeah, I grew up in, Southern California. Born in 1985. I was born in San Dimas, California. Lived there until I was about five Years old. And then we moved a little north to Orange County.

David Hirsch: And did you have any siblings when you’re growing up?

John Gustin: I did. I have an older sister who is little over eight years older than me and a brother that is seven years older than me.

David Hirsch: So you were the caboose?

John Gustin: I was the surprise that came seven years later.

David Hirsch: So I’m sort of curious. What did your dad do for a living?

John Gustin: My dad worked for a window and door company. It was, Pella Windows and Doors. So he was always in the sales side of, architectural millwork.

David Hirsch: And, he’s a grandfather now. Because you’ve got two kids of your own.

John Gustin: Oh, yeah.

David Hirsch: And maybe your siblings have kids of their own too.

John Gustin: Yeah.

David Hirsch: So maybe you look at your dad a little bit differently than you did when you were a little guy.

John Gustin: Oh, completely differently. You know, my. My parents got divorced when I was, 14 years old. And, it was a rough time for our family. Definitely a rough time for my dad. You know, I was 14. I was just, just entering high school or just before. So the stress. My dad was going. He’s always had a high stress job too, with sales. And it was just always, always stressful. And, you know, I look back and I, I was just concerned with baseball, sports and kind of like, why are you on the phone? Why do you got to take this phone call, dad? You know, why? Like, let’s just do something or whatever. And, looking back now, I, I realized that he showed up in ways that were probably very, very hard for him at the time. But he, he still showed up for me in those ways. And I also understand him so much more about how he deals with things, his past and everything. And those conversations came way later. And I would, I would say even recently that I, I probably know my dad more than I’ve ever known him. Now.

David Hirsch: That’s fabulous. How would you describe your relationship with your dad?

John Gustin: It’s great. Now, you know, there was periods where there was maybe some disconnect. I wasn’t the best. I was not good at all through high school. As a young kid, I got into a lot of trouble,

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John Gustin: and that added the stress to my dad’s already stressful life. But at the time, I wasn’t trying to make it harder on him. I was just trying to avoid the things that I needed to deal with as a, as a growing adolescent that I just was. I was running from. So he didn’t really know how to deal with that. And, it became a very disciplinarian relationship and resentful and just. It was, it was chaotic and he just didn’t know how to deal with it the right way. The communication between me and him were always fell flat. It was. He didn’t understand me and it just. We never communicated correctly. And it wasn’t until later that we started to find common ground there.

David Hirsch: If you think about some of the important takeaways, lessons learned from your dad, what comes to mind?

John Gustin: Definitely character. And my dad is always honesty. Always do what you say. Be a man of your word. If you say you’re gonna do something, then do it. Always do the right thing.

David Hirsch: So, I’m sort of wondering, where did your, education take you?

John Gustin: Oh, she’s barely graduated high school because I never went back to the whole knucklehead. That’s. That’s a nice word to say, by the way.

David Hirsch: This is a PG podcast. Yeah.

John Gustin: Yeah. I went to community college to get my aa. I actually majored in film production. I wanted to be a film producer director. So I, dabbled in that for some years. And then I ended up just leaving community college and going to work in Hollywood, for a little bit.

David Hirsch: And what brought you to Nashville?

John Gustin: I wanted out of California. It was a transitional period in my life. I was 20, about 26, 27. I was living in LA at the time. I had a, personal training business there. And the cost of living was so expensive. And I was ready to settle down in my life and meet my significant other. And I thought maybe let’s just try a different region I’ve never been to before.

Fathers Network Data podcast features dads raising children with special needs and disabilities

We had some family friends here, so I visited here frequently for the holidays. And I just thought it was a different pace of life. It was not so fast paced and it was peaceful. It had seasonal changes, which I wasn’t used to, so I wanted to give it a shot. And, two months after I moved here, I met my wife.

David Hirsch: That’s amazing.

John Gustin: So it was a good decision. And then I ended up staying.

David Hirsch: And is she from Nashville or where’s she from?

John Gustin: She’s from Cleveland, Ohio.

David Hirsch: Okay.

John Gustin: Yeah.

David Hirsch: So, our primary audience with the Special Fathers Network Data podcast, or dads Raising children with special needs and disabilities.

The Tired Dad Podcast was initially about dads, and then expanded to moms

I’d like to talk, a little bit about the, podcast that two of you have. My recollection was it started in 2024, you’ve done about 40 episodes, was initially about dads, and then you’ve expanded it to dads and moms. And I’m wondering what was it that inspired you to create the Tired Dad Podcast? And, what gap did you see in the conversation around fatherhood that you wanted to fill?

John Gustin: Yeah, so I, I would always, obviously, talk about fatherhood from a dad’s perspective. And, my wife and I, we wanted to touch on a lot of the marital issues, and I wanted to bring her in as a mom’s perspective of everything. You know, we, as mentioned, we both come from a line of divorce. Her line goes way back as far as she can see. There was always divorce. And before we had kids, it was a, important topic for us that we needed to figure our relationship out and how we wanted to raise children and our expectations and that we wanted to stay together and be there, in a healthy family environment. And as you know, you just never know until you have kids how that’s going to impact your relationship. And it definitely changes it in ways that you. You couldn’t have predicted. So we had a lot of surprises. My wife’s postpartum after our firstborn, and it was, it was a huge transition, and there was a lot of stuff that, both me and her needed to deal with from our past and who we were as people. And we put in the work and we did that. And we learned so much about marriage and each other and ourselves. So we thought it’s important to kind of tell our story and what we’ve been through

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John Gustin: and, and give authentic, raw advice on marriage. Because, as you know, it’s not just when you first met all the. The newlywed phase, per se. It’s a lot. It changes. It’s not a linear progression. It is a constantly changing. And, if you’re not honest with yourself, it can be damaging there. So.

David Hirsch: Yeah, well, you’re tackling some really, important issues. There was a seminal book written decades ago, Men are from Mars, Women Are From Venus.

John Gustin: Oh, yeah.

David Hirsch: And, sort of sheds, a bright light on the fact that men and women are different. Right. We have different ways of communicating. You know, you might as well be speaking a foreign language at some times and trying to reconcile. the situation is difficult and you do have to put in the reps or the time. Right. You do have to be willing to subordinate what your own interests are to your spouse’s interests and, not be keeping score. So anyway, I really admire, the conversations, the podcast episodes that, the two of you recorded that I had a chance to listen to. They are very authentic and just speaking from the heart. And I think that’s one of your superpowers. That’s who, what people relate to when they’re listening.

John Gustin: Yeah, it’s, it, it’s very unnatural to put yourself out there like that, but it’s, it’s what we wanted to do. Sometimes when I’m editing back, I’m like, oh, you know, feel a little uncomfortable. But, you know, I think it’s what people need to hear. You know, there’s so much, not authentic things out there, especially around marriage and relationships, that I just want to be as real, as real as we can be. So we put it out there.

David Hirsch: We’ll be back with more of the conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast in just a few moments. But first, this quick message. Please help 21st Century Dads gather research on families raising children with special needs by having them complete the Special Fathers Network Early Intervention Parents survey. A link to the survey can be found in the show notes. As a token of our appreciation, each person, mom or dad, who completes the survey will receive a great dad coin. Thank you.

Your content clearly resonates with a large community of dads

Now back to the conversation.

David Hirsch: Your content clearly resonates with a large community of dads. What do you think fathers are hungry for right now that they’re not getting elsewhere?

John Gustin: My goal has always been to make fathers feel less alone in their struggles. And it’s so natural for us to just kind of brush it off, put it to the side, hold it in, just truck through the mud. And I did that for a long time. I saw a lot of men in my life do that, and I saw how kind of the result of that, that just because it’s hidden for many decades doesn’t mean that it doesn’t do damage later. So I think fathers are. Are hungry to have open conversations to. To feel less alone, to also be involved in the conversation of parenthood more. I think we. We’ve heard the mom’s side, and the moms have been a huge part of the conversation of parenthood for good reason. And that’s important. I just, I think dads need to also be in that conversation more and to shine a light on the importance of a dad and how important it is to the family unit, how important it is to a son’s life, a daughter’s life, and how we need healthy mentally and physically fathers to raise the next generation of good human beings.

David Hirsch: I agree.

The phrase tired dad is both humorous and deeply real

So the phrase tired dad is both humorous and deeply real. How do you define it? What does it represent beyond, like, a lack of sleep?

John Gustin: Yeah, it was developed from just kind of the humor, and it was the first word that I thought of when I became a new dad. And I think it’s a universal term that every parent understands. You don’t need to even explain it. You say, I’m a tired dad. I’m a tired mom. You get it. You just get it. But as I started to think about it, everything that I’ve loved in my life and that I’ve worked really hard at, you do it to a point of exhaustion, and then you keep going because you’re tired from that thing. You’re not tired of that thing. You love that thing. It’s. It’s important to you. So you. You keep practicing. You keep putting the reps in despite being tired. And I think that’s exactly how

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John Gustin: parenting is. And that’s your most important role in your life. Your most important job title is a dad or a mom. And you’re going to be exhausted and tired, but that’s not going to stop you from showing up for your kids.

David Hirsch: I love it.

The Sad Dads Club provides grief support for fathers who have lost children

Thanks. So, I’ve listened to quite a few episodes. The one that really stuck out from the others was one you did last September with a guy by the name of Rob Rider of the Sad Dads Club.

John Gustin: Welcome to the Tired dad and Tired Mom Podcast. I’m your host, John Gustin. And I’m, Jessica Gustin. This is where we get real on all things parenting and marriage foreign. I have a special guest with me today. His name is Rob. He is the executive director of the non profit Sad Dads Club, which provides grief support for fathers who have lost children.

David Hirsch: What was the big takeaway from that episode?

John Gustin: Oh, yeah, that was. That was heavy. he runs a community like yourself, that is for grieving fathers. So for fathers that have experienced child loss of any degree and they do retreats and they just have a community for just dads that are grieving through child loss. It’s amazing that these communities exist because again, dads are, I want to say they can be forgotten pretty easily in their struggles just because they’re not very vocal and they just, oh, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. And they’re not. So when you have other dads that are sharing that similar experience with you, it’s so good for the healing process. It’s so important because we need dads. We. We need them around. A dad can so easily seem like he’s doing all right, and he is far from it. So these communities and, like, what you’re doing are so important for all parents, but especially dads.

David Hirsch: Yeah. Well, you couldn’t have said it better. I really admired, the interview, the way that you were able to open up and, you know, shine a bright light, on, you know, a difficult aspect of parenting. Yeah. It’s said, I don’t know this firsthand. I hope you don’t ever experience it either. You know, one of the greatest losses in life is losing a child at whatever age, whether it’s, before the birth, after the birth, or even later in life. It’s not meant to be. Right. That’s not the cycle of life, you know, to have to bury a child. And it’s part of life, though. Right. It doesn’t happen very often, but you have to acknowledge that that’s one of our greatest fears, is that something might happen, tragically happen to one of our kids. Yeah. And I think it’s important that, you take a step back every once in a while, maybe appreciate what you do have. Right. Maybe you can learn vicariously through other people’s experiences who maybe haven’t had such a easy situation.

John Gustin: Yeah, for sure. And I always try to keep a perspective of that. I. Not too much of a perspective of that to where I fall into this. A depressed, dark hole, but a. Just a perspective and hearing from other. It’s important. That’s why it’s important to talk to other dads and to talk to other parents that have different situations, different kids, kids with special needs. You know, we don’t all have the same 24 hours. You know, everybody’s 24 hours looks different because of the weight you’re carrying or the dynamic or, or whatever. So it’s important to talk to other parents about their 24 hours and to get a perspective on yours. And sometimes it can just ground you in. Man, I, I really don’t care that my kids are taking a long time to get their shoes on. I’m just going to kind of brush that off today. That, that’s not an emergency. You know, I’m just grateful I have my child and we’re going somewhere today or something. So it’s just kind of, the grounding mentality. Not like this dark perspective of at any moment I can lose this or whatever and get anxiety over it. But it’s good to have a healthy perspective.

David Hirsch: I agree.

Your upcoming book is titled the tired dad. What prompted you to write the book

So the upcoming, book is titled the tired dad. 100 reflections on showing up for what Matters Most. What prompted you to write the book now and how does it expand or differ from your podcast and social media content?

John Gustin: Yeah, it just dives in, in deeper. As we know with social media. It’s very, it’s very random. It’s very algorithm driven and it’s not attention based. So

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John Gustin: it’s about the retention and we, and we know that people aren’t obviously in the healthiest mindset when they’re scrolling social media and consuming media in so it’s always been a dream of mine to write a book and this felt like the right move to basically put my entire message and to put especially my story and my reflections. It’s not a how to book, it’s my story. It’s what I’ve learned this far. ten years into parenting and marriage and I just wanted it easily digestible for busy parents and I wanted to give something thing especially for dads. It’s kind of like the arm around your shoulder that I wanted when I first became a dad. And I felt alone in a lot of these struggles I’m discussing in the book.

David Hirsch: I love it.

Your core message is about the need for dads to show up

Your core message is about the need for dads to show up, which I think is the importance of being present. How do you define being present?

John Gustin: I define it by being both physically and emotionally present. Playing with your son in the backyard, playing catch, playing dolls with your daughter. Those are all very important things. But as we know as our children grow older, they need different things from us. And a lot of that is through emotion and especially communication. So being there presently to communicate with your children as they’re navigating through life and there’s going to be times when they get older. I don’t have teenagers, but I was a teenager and there’s, there’s pushback there. There’s definitely that phase of pushback to where they eh, you know, dad’s not cool. Dad doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand. He’ll never understand. And I think it’s important to continue to pursue your kids through that time always and forever. And they’re always going to need your presence in that way emotionally and to just be in that safe place for them to always come back to. is is what it means to be present.

Who is this book really for? New dads, seasoned fathers

David Hirsch: Well stated. You’ve been a dad for about a decade. Like you’d mentioned, how much of the book is drawn from your own personal experiences versus the lessons learned gathered from the other dads in your community?

John Gustin: It’s pretty much all from my experience, but it comes from my dad’s experience too and just kind of common struggles within fatherhood and parenthood and marriage.

David Hirsch: Who is this book really for? New dads, seasoned fathers, or anyone navigating the challenges of modern parenting.

John Gustin: It’s for every dad through every Phase, there’s gonna be some stuff you may not relate to as a new dad. As a brand new dad, there’s going to be stuff you. You highly relate to as a new dad. But at every phase of parenting, there’s. There’s something to relate to. So that’s. That’s why I wrote it the way I did. You can always reference back to it, or you may not understand a, reflection now, but you will later.

David Hirsch: Yeah, very insightful.

John Gustin: there’s, my favorite quote. I just turned 40 this year. Who is it, Carl Jung that said, Life begins at 40? Everything else before that is just practice. That’s my quote. Like, that is what is summing up my life right now is I. I truly feel like there’s been a rebirth of. Sounds cliche, but like a rebirth, A, reformation of who I am and who I’m becoming. It’s like I’m starting the second half and starting brand new, and my old life is another person.

John Madden offers advice to dads who feel overwhelmed or isolated

David Hirsch: So I’m thinking about advice, and based on everything you’ve learned from your podcast and the community, what are the top two or three pieces of advice you can offer a dad who feels overwhelmed or isolated?

John Gustin: I definitely know that your intentionality with what you want to do is important, so I don’t know exactly how you will do it. I don’t know your dynamic. You know, we. We want that direct answer of like, okay, just tell me the steps and, and how do I show up for my kids? And I think it’s just the fact that you care so much already means you’re a good parent. It already means that you are doing the right things because you care. So you will figure it out to just know that. That because you care, because your intentions are you want to raise good human beings, you want to be there, you want to better yourself, that it starts there.

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John Gustin: And I think that’s where the real magic is, is not just being a financial provider, but to, really. Because honestly, the stuff they’re going to remember is how you were there, right? Emotionally. The other piece of advice that at least I had to reflect on a lot is your ego as a dad, as a father, and especially in marriage, that the ego serves really no purpose in that, and it’s not going to help you that it truly, ego is the enemy. You need to be honest with how much you’re using that for your decisions and how much of your resentment and what you feel like you deserve is just your ego. And once you kind of kill that and diminish that part of yourself. You really learn so much and your relationships get a lot better.

David Hirsch: Yeah, really important point. not one that guys talk a lot about, but we do let our egos get in the way. It’s a human characteristic, it’s not just a male characteristic.

John Gustin: Sure.

David Hirsch: If somebody wants to contact you, what’s the best way to do so?

John Gustin: Direct contact, supportiredad.com and then everything. All my socials and everything. If you Google the Tired dad, everything comes up Instagram the Tired dad. That’s short form video, YouTube the Tired dad, Facebook the Tired dad. And I’ve really been enjoying substack lately because I can write more on there and it seems to be a positive platform over there where, where people can dive in to a little deeper and it’s better than the short attention span of other platforms. It’s reflections, of modern parenthood over there.

David Hirsch: I’ll be sure to include that in the show notes so I’ll make it as easy as possible for somebody to follow up.

John Gustin: Perfect.

David Hirsch: John, thank you for taking the time and many insights. As a reminder, the Special Fathers Network is a mentoring program for fathers raising a child with special needs. If you’d like to be a mentor father or are seeking advice from a mentor father with a similar situation to your own, Please go to 21st centurydads.org thank you for listening to the latest episode of the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. As you probably know, the 21st century dad’s foundation is a 501c3 not for profit organization, which means we need your help. to keep our content free to all concerned, would you please consider making a tax electable contribution? I would really appreciate your support, John. Thanks again.

John Gustin: Thank you. David. Dad to the dad.

David Hirsch: You’re not on your own.

David Hirsch: We walk this road together hard and home.

David Hirsch: And thank you for listening to the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast. The Special Fathers Network is a dad to dad mentoring program for fathers raising children with special needs. Through our personalized matching process, new fathers with special needs children match up with mentor fathers in a similar situation. It’s a great way for dads to support other dads. To find out more, go to 21st

David Hirsch: centurydads.org and if you’re a dad looking for help or would like to offer help, we would be honored to have you join our closed Facebook group. Please go to Facebook and groups and search dad to dad. Lastly, we’re always looking to share interesting stories. If you’d like to share your story or know of a compelling story, please send an email to david2stcenturydads.org the dad

David Hirsch: to dad Podcast theme was written and performed by Shane Madden. The show was produced by me, Tom Couch. Tune in again next week for another intriguing conversation on the Special Fathers Network Dad to Dad Podcast.

John Gustin: Through every season, in every stride, great dads are present.

David Hirsch: 247-365-24-7365.

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